I Love You, Always

by Natalie Ward

  Laughing, I grab my boots and a t-shirt as I pull out my cell. Just before I open the door to our room, I hold up my phone and snap a quick picture of her and say, “Coffee’s coming right up.”

  Ash laughs as she shakes her head at me. “Perv.”

  “Only for you, beautiful girl, only for you,” I say as I walk out the door and down the stairs to join the rest of the guys. Pete’s also coming with us today, he’s sort of become our go-to for legal stuff and seeing as we’re meeting with the record label people again and signing some more contracts, it’s handy to have him here.

  “Ready?” Jared asks as I head downstairs and into the kitchen. Mia is sitting on the counter drinking coffee.

  “Yep, I am. Ash will be ready in ten,” I say. “Any chance of some coffee first?” Mia pours me a cup and after I quickly drink it, I pour another cup for Ash and then the seven of us are out the door and into the van.

  The ride over to the studio is filled with all of us talking about ideas for what songs we’d like to use. Jared has great ideas about the order we should record them in, all of us knowing that an album is as much of a story as a book. Any playlist, either from a CD, or one you make yourself, needs to tell a story. It takes the listener on a journey that teaches them what the music is really about, the message the musicians are trying to convey. And the songs on this album are no different. Each of the songs represents a point in our lives and together, they tell a story that is all about the journey the four of us have taken to reach this point. It hasn’t always been easy and it hasn’t always been fun, but we’ve gotten here and that’s the story we want to tell.

  The meeting with the record label goes smoothly and they’re very open to our ideas about songs and the playlist order. Then, two hours after we get to the studio, and we are finally walking into the sound booth to record for the first time. My heart is pounding in my chest as I look around at the set-up we are already so used to from rehearsals. Microphones for each of us, all of our instruments set up and ready to go. Only this time the sound guys sit on the other side of a glass window that takes up one wall of the studio, a bank of dials and buttons in front of them. Behind them, Ash, Mia, and Pete are sitting on the couches; cameras and laptops laid out on the coffee table in front of them, waiting for our first recording session to begin. I watch as Ash smiles at me before she stands up and snaps a quick shot of us all in the recording booth.

  I smile back and then turn to face the rest of the guys, slinging my guitar over my shoulder. “Shit,” I say, my voice practically a whisper.

  I hear Ben laugh as Jared says, “It’s pretty fucking cool, huh?” while Steve, shakes his head in amazement.

  I run my hand over my head, at a loss for words. This is so much more than pretty fucking cool. It’s fucking surreal. It feels like a dream, like an unbelievable dream that we all getting to live for real.

  “So, we gonna do this, or we gonna stand around like a bunch of idiots,” Ben says laughing, as Ash walks into the studio to start taking pictures of us looking like a bunch of idiots.

  “Let’s do this,” Jared says.

  “Just give me one shot of the four of you together, looking serious,” Ash asks, as she snaps away. After she takes a couple more, she leaves and we find our spot in the studio. I close my eyes as I take a deep breath. Ben times us in with his sticks and as soon as my fingers play the first note, I know this is exactly where I’m supposed to be.

  This really is dreaming out loud.

  “What are you doing?” I ask as we walk out of the studio four hours later and I collapse onto the couch beside Ash, my arm around her shoulder. She leans against me and I press a kiss to the top of her head.

  “We’re making something for you,” she says, turning to face me so she can kiss my lips.

  “Yes, and we need pictures, lots of pictures,” Mia says, pulling Ash away from me.

  “What for?” I ask, as Jared sits down next to Mia. I lean back and look at him while the girls hunch over their computers. He shrugs, as though he has no idea, so we both turn to look at the two laptops in front of them. Ash has a bunch of photos on hers. Mostly of me, or me and her, occasionally some of the others, while Mia has some program I’ve never seen before on hers.

  “What’s going on, baby?” Jared asks, his arm around Mia’s shoulders now as he leans over and starts kissing her neck.

  “We’re making you guys a website and we need stuff. Pictures, bios, all that cheesy shit the fans love,” she says, turning to look at him. “Ash is gonna do the pictures, so we need some of the four of you, with instruments and stuff, like the ones from this morning. And maybe we could get some with a shirt off or something, to get the fans really gagging for it,” she says, laughing as she points at something on the screen now, showing it to Ash and making her laugh too.

  “Um, what the fuck?” Jared says, turning to look at me again. I just shrug, having no idea.

  “Think Rolling Stone’s style,” Mia says, turning and looking at Jared again. “The magazine, I mean.”

  “Mia, baby, what the fuck are you talking about?” Jared asks, playing with her hair as he leans in and kisses her neck again.

  “I’m talking about an Infinity website,” she says, poking him in the stomach. Jared laughs as he grabs her around the waist and pulls her into his lap.

  “You’re making us a website?” I ask, glancing between my sister and Ash.

  “Yeah,” Mia says. “I’ll do the content and shit, and Ash will do the photos, so you guys need to make it happen.”

  I look down at Ash who is smiling up at me. “Seriously?” I ask her.

  “Yep, we figured you’ll need all this stuff when the album comes out. Fans love this shit, so we’re going to make you one.” She leans in to kiss me again and I’m not really sure what to say. “So, photos, can we work something out?” she asks, pulling back.

  “You think that’s what people want?” I ask, glancing at Jared.

  I feel Ash’s hand grab my cheeks and turn me back to face her. “Yes, it is,” she says, smiling. “All bands have this, you need it too, and it will be good for you. Especially when the album comes out, fans expect it, you know.”

  I watch her as she looks up at me. There’s so much fire and life and passion in her eyes now. This is what it’s been like ever since the night she got shot. It’s an amazing transformation and she really does mean it when she says she fights now. She knows it, I know it, and everyone can see it. I love it, really love this new side of her, there’s just so much more life in her now.

  “Okay,” I say, laughing as I lean in and kiss her again. “Fuck it, let’s do it.”

  “Let’s do what?” Ben says, walking over, with Pete and Steve. Beers are passed around for everyone, now that we are done for the day.

  “Get a website,” I say, gesturing to the laptop. “Apparently, we need one, fans love this sort of shit.”

  “Hey,” Mia says, reaching behind Ash and clipping me over the back of the head. “Stop your bitching, big brother. When you’re rich and famous and all the girls are fighting for your attention, you’ll thank me for this.” Jared and I both start laughing as Mia continues. “And don’t think for one minute that either of us,” she says, gesturing to Ash, “are gonna stand for any of that groupie shit, okay? I don’t care how hot those girls are, it’s not happening.”

  I glance down at Ash, who’s shaking her head at me, an almost serious look on her face. “No?” I ask, pulling her closer. She laughs as she leans in to kiss me, not saying anything because she knows she has absolutely nothing to worry about.

  “So what are these bios gonna say then, I’m not sure I need people knowing all my shit, baby,” Jared says, wrapping his arms around Mia.

  “We’re not getting personal here, just random stuff to keep people happy,” Mia answers, smiling.

  Ben laughs as he says, “How about, Lukie likes long walks on the beach and watching sunsets…”

  “Um, what the fuck,” I say, my l
eg connecting with Ben’s, as he stands next to me. “Where do you pull this shit from?”

  Ben smiles at me as he takes a sip of his beer. I watch as he looks at Jared, then me and then down at the computer in front of Mia. Instinctively I know he’s up to something. “No hang on, I know,” he says, a big fucking grin on his face as he takes another sip of his beer. “Lukie and Jared…no, Jay Jay, enjoy long walks on the beach together and…”

  “Fuck off!” Jared and I say at the same time as Ben starts laughing and is joined by both Ash and Mia.

  “Oh yeah, I’m totally putting that up,” my sister eventually says when she stops laughing her ass off.

  “Baby, do I need to remind you of something?” Jared says, tightening his arms around her as he starts kissing her neck again.

  Fuck, I so do not need to be thinking about that. At all.

  I have no problem with Jared and my sister together. In fact, I couldn’t think of anyone better to not only look after her, but also put up with her stubborn ass ways. But fuck me; I so do not need to think about them in that way.

  “Dude, seriously…” I say, looking over at Jared now.

  Jared turns to face me, laughing as he raises his eyebrows and grins like a moron. “What,” he says, pulling Mia closer. “You don’t want to hear about me and your sister and all the…”

  “J, fuck, seriously!”

  “Okay, you two,” Ash suddenly says, throwing a cushion at Mia and Jared, who are both laughing now. “Get a room. And you,” she says, gripping the front of my shirt and pulling my attention away from them. “Have a drink.”

  I smile as I pull her into my lap now, one arm wrapped around her shoulders, the other around her ass. “Oh I can think of something better than that,” I say as I lower my mouth to her neck.

  “Luke, geez, what the fuck did I do?” she asks, laughing as I press kisses up and down her neck.

  “Nothing,” I say, smacking her on the ass. “But I so need to get that other image out of my brain. Right now.”

  Ash’s laugh is like music to my ears as I start to forget about everyone else in the room, all of my attention on her now. Somewhere I hear someone groan, and then Ben, as he mumbles something about needing to get laid.

  “Hey,” she eventually says, grabbing my t-shirt. “We do have company.”

  “Mmmm,” I murmur, kissing my way up to her ear now, not really caring about anyone else.

  “Luke,” she says, gently pushing me back.

  I stare up at her smiling face, at the room we are in, surrounded by our friends, this dream and all the amazing shit that’s about to happen for us. I feel almost overwhelmed by it all, at having all of the things that matter to me, together, in this one room.

  “This really could happen, couldn’t it?” I say, still not quite believing it, as I stare at Ash’s smiling face.

  “No,” she says, shaking her head. “It will happen, Luke. I know it will.”

  I smile as I close the distance between us and kiss her again, unable to believe this is real.

  This is not just a dream anymore.

  Track 19 (A side) – Crashing Down

  Stuck in this cycle

  This endless momentum

  Repeated forever

  Okay, you’ve got my fucking attention

  ∞

  The music kicks in, waking me up as I realise I forgot to switch the alarm off last night. It’s early and we don’t even need to get up because it’s a much needed day off. We’ve been recording for weeks now, almost constantly, and today I really have no desire to get out of bed at all. And if I don’t want to get up, then there’s no way Ash is going to want to get up. My girl is beautiful, gorgeous, and I love her more than anything else in the world, but she is definitely not a morning person. And today this is a very good thing, because there’s nothing I love more than spending all morning lying in bed with her.

  I lean over and turn the music off as I shift my head slightly, burying my nose in her hair, as she lies curled in beside me. Wrapping my arm around her waist, I pull her against me, my hand resting on the now fading scar that saved my life. I should go back to sleep, but curled around her like this, I’m suddenly anything but tired. Right now, I’m wide awake.

  I slide my hand up her arm, down her side and over her hip as I pull her even closer. Ash pushes herself against me, her fingers sliding over mine as they pull my arm back around her and rest our joined hands on her stomach. I feel my heart skip a full beat as the whole length of her warm, naked body presses itself hard against me and her feet slide between mine as she tangles our legs together. I should really let her sleep, but I can’t. I want her so bad right now. I lean up on my elbow, press my lips to her cheek and kiss her soft skin before leaning in to gently kiss her lips.

  Ash doesn’t kiss me back and I laugh as she huffs and rolls over, burying her face against my chest. I wrap my arms around her, pulling her body against mine again as I start to kiss a slow path up her neck to her ear. Ash’s eyes are still closed but she lifts her head, angling her neck so I can get better access. I kiss my way back to her lips, stopping to kiss them some more, and this time Ash lazily moves her mouth against mine too. Smiling I make my way across to her ear again where I gently bite the lobe before whispering, “Go back to sleep, beautiful, we don’t need to wake up.”

  “Hmmm,” she murmurs and I can’t help but laugh a little as I kiss my way down her neck, ignoring my own words. Ash’s head rolls slowly to the side as I trail my lips all the way down to her shoulder. My teeth graze over her collarbone and when I reach the dip at the base of her throat, I can’t stop my tongue as it reaches out and gently caresses her amazingly soft skin.

  The groan I get in response is a lot louder now, so I gently push her onto her back as I continue trailing my tongue down her chest and between her breasts, pulling the covers off as I go. From the corner of my eye, I see her hand grip the sheet as her groan becomes a low rumble in her throat. Smiling, I drag my tongue further down her body, stopping to kiss her scar, before skimming over her stomach, circling around her belly button and slowly dipping in. My eyes drift to her hip and the words she has there, the words I wrote for her; you are forever a part of me; i am forever a part of you. It turns me on every fucking time I look at them, every time I think about them.

  I kiss my lips over the ink and this time, both of her hands grip the sheet, so I just keep pulling the top one away from her body, kissing my way down as I do. When I move across her hipbone, I can’t resist gently biting it before kissing a slow path down the outside of her right thigh, her knee, her calf, and all the way to her foot. Softly biting her big toe, I flick my eyes back up to her now completely uncovered body and drink in the sight of her.

  Naked, eyes closed, lips parted, breathing deeper, and hands gripping the sheet like she never wants to let go.

  I run my tongue up the arch of her foot before kissing my way back up her leg, on the inside this time. When I reach her inner thigh, I pause for a second, gently nibbling on her skin.

  “Oh God, Luke....” are her first words, which come out sounding more like a low growl.

  Smiling, I suck gently on her skin before kissing all the way to the top and slowly moving my mouth inwards as I climb back onto the bed. Lying between her legs, I wrap my arms around both of her thighs, kissing her in the exact spot I know, from so much past experience, will bring even more moans, louder this time, from her throat.

  And it does.

  And like I’ve done so many times before, I just keep going, taking my time, tasting her, touching her, teasing her. One of my hands slides out, reaching for hers and I feel her fingers lock with mine, squeezing hard. I unwrap my other arm and run my hand slowly up her thigh, over her hip, her stomach and gently stroke the side of her breast. She groans my name again, a deep rumble that turns me on so fucking badly.

  I keep tasting her, slowly, gently, and the low moans that come from deep within her body, start to get faster and longer. I stop for a s
econd and feel her thighs clench in frustration. Smiling again, I squeeze her hand before giving her what I know she wants. I stop teasing her now and she presses down on me, arching her back and I push into her one more time and pull the last of it from her body.

  The sound she makes is incredible. I open my eyes and catch the look on her face. The want and desire that moves through her. Her final groan and the whispered mumblings of my name get me so fucking hard, I think for second I will lose it without ever being inside her.

  As her body starts to slow down, I kiss my way back up over her hips, between her breasts, over her now racing heart, and up her neck to her ear, where I whisper, “Go back to sleep, beautiful girl.”

  Ash groans as she turns her head, putting her lips to my ear. “No chance,” she whispers back, breathless as her fingers reach down and grab my hip. As she pulls me to her, wrapping her legs around me, it’s my turn to groan in response as I lose myself in her. And it feels unbelievable, indescribable, and completely fucking amazing.

  “Mmm,” I say, rolling over on to my back and taking Ash with me. “I’m so glad we have today off, I’m exhausted.”

  I smile as Ash pokes me in the ribs. “You’re exhausted because you woke up too early.”

  I grab her hand, bringing it to my mouth, where I gently bite her thumb. “I can’t help it,” I say, kissing all along her arm. “How am I supposed to sleep with you lying beside me?”

  “Um, try,” she says, smoothing her other hand over the tattoo running down my side and making my stomach flip.

  “I can’t help it, Asha,” I tell her, threading my fingers through hers. “I don’t stand a chance in hell of sleeping when all this,” I say, running my other hand down her back and over her ass. “Is lying beside me.”

  “Okay, mister, whatever you say,” she says smiling. “Although it sounds like excuses to me.”

  “Oh, does it now?” I ask, pulling her up my chest so I can see her face. “Because I’ll prove it to you, you know.”

  Ash leans in to kiss me. “Really,” she says laughing and I know she’s teasing me now. “Well, I mean if you think you can, Luke, go for it.”