Masked Indulgence

by Michelle Love

  I began reading from page thirty-six. The main character, Arthur, had just awakened from a long, steamy night with his lover. It was like Arsen described his character’s feelings almost as if they were his own.

  Have you ever looked at someone? Like really looked at them. Did you take a minute to admire the beauty that lays upon them?

  I have. I do it every day.

  Looking at Sarah is a pleasant moment I experience every day. Taking even the slightest second of the day to admire her inspires me so much. She's so deep-rooted into my poetry that I could write about my love for anything in the world and still find a way to reference my feelings for her.

  She and I are meant for each other. I know this because our souls vibrate on a higher level together. Without her, I would probably be an old man down in the dumps every day because I haven’t found my true love.

  My favorite part of the day is watching her. She’s my favorite movie. I like the way she lotions her legs, mimicking rich and fancy women. I love the way she laughs at the littlest things I do. I love the crinkle in her nose when she giggles, and most of all I love the way she loves me.

  Despite the age difference, she and I truly love each other. And, no, we aren’t accepted in society, but we are going to continue to let our love grow strong. We’re both grown and consenting adults and we should be able to love each other without any judgment. Sadly, this isn’t how the world works.

  Fuck what the world thinks. I am in love with Sarah Hughes and nothing’s going to change that. The way she moves when she dances, the look on her face when I tell her she’s beautiful, and how she’s so carefree with whatever she’s doing. And that’s why I’m writing this right now, because the feelings I have for her are too strong for just a short, simple poem.

  She changed my life so much that there has to be another way to show that I really care for her. I love her and I’ll love her until the day that I die.

  I sighed and smiled to myself. What if Arsen thinks of me the same way Arthur thinks of Sarah. I must’ve said that aloud, because Anabella let out a loud laugh as walked past my room.

  “Yeah, right.” She snickered as she walked down the hall.

  I quickly stood from my bed, tired of her attitude, and walked down the hall into her room where she’d just entered.

  “And what exactly is your problem, Ana? You’ve had an attitude since I met Arsen. Why can’t you just be happy that I actually like someone?”

  She turned her back to me and sat on her bed. “You dumb, silly, little girl. You’re sleeping with the enemy.”

  “The enemy?! What are you even talking about, Anabella?” I asked, genuinely confused about what exactly she meant by Arsen being the enemy. “And I’m not sleeping with Arsen. Let’s make that clear.”

  “Wow,” she scoffed. “Some best friend you are.”

  “What, are you jealous?”

  “Of what?” she laughed harshly.

  “The fact that I’m out having fun without you? Or maybe even the fact that you can’t hold on to a man, but now that I have one it’s rubbing you the wrong way? Is that it?!”

  “You’re trash, Lola! How could you say that to me? Are you really going to let some random man come between us?” she screamed. We were now standing face to face and she was on a verge of tears.

  “I should ask you the same thing, since you’ve been acting as if I'm nothing to you since Arsen and I met!!”

  “If you don’t remember one of the biggest things I’ve ever told you, things would be better off if we didn’t talk anymore.”

  “But Ana! I’m so confused. What are you talking—“

  “Just go, Lola!!” She cut me off and I threw my hands up in defeat.

  “Whatever, Anabella. I guess I’ll see you around.” I had no choice but to go back to my room, disappointed and confused. There I was trying to resolve the issues between us and she couldn’t even tell me what was going on so I could fix it. Why did she believe Arsen was ‘the enemy’ and what was the big thing that she mentioned?

  A couple of days passed slowly but surely. Class after class, final after final, and I had to do it all on my own, without Anabella there to tell me that I’d do fine or to let me know that she’d be there for me. I felt empty. I tried making small talk with the other students and even the professors, but it just didn’t feel right. I hadn’t been alone like that in a long time.

  On the bright side, I had been working on my novel. It’s based on a teenage girl who has not a care in the world. She goes by herself on an adventure through different states and learns a lot of life lessons along the way. Being who she is, the trip through various cities and areas full of nature help heal her. It gives her closure from past struggles and a sense of relief from the issues she faces in the present, making her outlook for the future positive.

  There was a spin on the story, though, to keep it interesting. The reason this girl went on an ‘adventure’ was to escape from the weird guy who had been stalking her for months. I finished up the remainder of the draft for my story intro.

  "It's like boys are manifested with trouble," I sighed as I laid back onto my bed. I could feel the cool breeze from the air vents cause goosebumps to swell all over my arms and legs. My silk gown wasn't doing much to cover my body.

  "Oh, girl, I'm sure it's just someone playing a joke on you," Shandy said, smiling.

  "No! This is serious, Shandy!" I half-yelled angrily. "Do you know what it's like to be stalked? I'm always being watched. It's scary and it's getting in the way of my job, new relationships, and just everything in general!!"

  Shandy bit the inside of her cheek gently and her eyes widened slightly. "What are we going to do about this?"

  "I don't know." I closed my eyes tightly and took a deep breath. "I really don't know. I just need to get away."

  It’s all a big representation of who I am, who I used to be, and who I’m becoming. It’s my life experience dramatized through a life I wish I lived—a life that I will live after my dreams of becoming a best-selling author comes true. The way that Arsen’s favorite book made him feel was exactly how my own novel made me feel. As though, even if the character was fictional, there was still someone out there who I could connect to. I was often guilty of getting lost in my own writings.

  I would usually have had Anabella critique my writing, but after the situation between us, it was like living with a stranger. We didn’t acknowledge each other anymore. The worst part about it all was that I was starting to see her hang out with a new group of friends. I just wanted to know where we went wrong.

  I let my English professor look over my work instead. She gave me a couple pointers on how to go about writing certain things and just scanned through a few of the pages that I had already written, but overall, she said it was a pretty cool story. The words ‘pretty cool’ made me uncomfortable. I didn’t want my story to be seen as ‘pretty cool,’ but rather spontaneous, refreshing, or life changing.

  Random thoughts of how my work could possibly not make it far in the writing business flooded my head. I knew that I was a great writer, but the weight of everything happening plus the “compliment” I had just received from my teacher made me think otherwise. I knew there had to be a way to get myself back on track.

  I shook the negative thoughts from my head and started to walk back to my room from class. As I approached the building, I spotted the lady who had attacked Arsen at the restaurant. She was leaving the building that I lived in and seeing her in broad daylight, she looked strangely familiar. I walked with my head down until she was out of sight so she wouldn’t see me and assumed it had something to do with Arsen murdering her husband.

  I started to think about how messed up that situation actually was and I felt horrible. I couldn’t imagine that happening to me or my family, if I had one. I finally made it past her without her noticing and caught the elevator up to my room. When I made it inside of my suite, there were about four or five other people sitting on the couch watching T
V. Ana was sitting in the middle of them.

  Seeing her doing something that we always did together with some random people made me feel less important—like this entire relationship actually ended over something that I wasn’t completely aware of. I stormed into my room and lay out on my bed, burying my face into the pillow. I let out a muffled scream of frustration, then sat up straight. I just wanted everything to be back to normal.

  It had officially been an entire week since the kiss with Arsen and the argument with Anabella, and I hadn’t talked to either of them since. I didn’t talk to many other people on campus, so when it came time for me to rant about anything, I could only talk to myself. It felt like I was going crazy. It was definitely not fun being the only person I could talk to.

  I had just finished my last final of the school year and decided to get a cup of coffee to wake myself up. Everyone must have really been in a hurry to get home because the line for coffee wasn’t as long or as slow as usual. The campus was almost empty. It was finally summer.

  I got a cup of coffee and a danish. This was the only thing that had been able to put a real smile on my face for the last couple of days.

  The walk to and from the coffee shop, and the actual coffee itself, was what I needed to clear my mind from everything that had been going on lately. Though I felt pretty bored and alone, these were the moments that I needed to keep myself sane. It was always good to take the time to reassure yourself that everything was going to be all right and that you could always move forward in any problem as long as you worked hard enough.

  I took a seat on a bench next to a girl with sandy brown hair. I wanted to see if my attempt to make small talk would work because, quite frankly, I was tired of talking to myself.

  “Hi.” I looked over at her. “I’m Lola. What’s your name?”

  “Daisy.” She smiled and looked over at me. “I know who you are, Lola. I’ve always wanted to hang out with you.” She laughed nervously.

  “Why didn’t you say anything?” She just looked at me and I caught on. “Let me guess. The email that I sent to the entire school claiming I didn’t need distractions from my work?”

  “You’re right,” she laughed. “What made you want to talk to me?”

  “Just decided to be social for once.” I smiled slightly. “I thought it’d be cool to actually have fun once in a while.”

  “I understand,” she spoke.

  “So, do you have any plans for the summer?” I asked.

  “Well, yeah. There are tons of flyers going around for some upcoming parties and bonfires.” She began pulling out pieces of folded paper from her bag. “You can have these. I already have the information on my phone.

  “Thanks, Daisy!” I smiled big and put the flyers inside of my bag.

  “A couple of friends and I are hosting a big ‘end of the semester’ party event tomorrow. You should come out.” She mimicked my smile.

  “I’ll definitely keep that in mind.” I stood up and waved. “See you around!”

  Did I just make a friend? The end of my junior year of college and I was finally making a friend other than Anabella. Why did this feel so great? Was it because I had found someone who could fill this empty part of me or because I just missed the feeling of having multiple friends when I was younger? Who knows. I was just glad that I didn’t have to be alone anymore.

  As soon as I got back into my room, my phone rang. It was Arsen. After this long period of not speaking, I thought I would be the one to call first. I answered and put the phone up to my ear slowly.

  "Come over tonight." Those were the only words that he spoke. His voice was deeper and darker than usual. It sent chills up my spine.

  "What time? I thought I was meeting you at the coffee shop."

  "You know what ...just come over now."

  "I—is there anything that you need in particular, Arsen?"

  "Stop talking and come over now," he demanded. I'd never been more attracted to him than I was that very moment. He hung up the phone and I sat there speechless. I decided to slip into something more appealing. I took a quick shower and threw on a dress similar to the one I wore when we first went out, with fishnets and a pair of nude heels. Little did anyone know, I was hiding a beautiful set of red lace lingerie underneath. I put loose curls in my hair and wore no makeup, except for my favorite burgundy lipstick and a little mascara. I was sure I knew what he wanted, but if things went a different way I wasn’t so sure how I’d feel.

  The drive to his house felt like I was on top of the world. I was in my own car, blasting my favorite music, with the wind blowing in my hair. Once again, I was feeling like the nineteen-year-old me. I had a feeling that my life was about to take a turn that I never expected. This could be the start of something new.

  I pulled up to his house and parked off to the side. A couple of seconds after ringing the doorbell, I was greeted by the nice lady who helped me last time.

  “Well, hello, beautiful. It’s a pleasure to see you back here.” She smiled and stood off to the side so that I could go in. “Mr. Lockhart is waiting for you in the master bedroom.”

  I thanked her and took my time walking up the stairs. With every step I took toward that room, I felt the anticipation rise. I knew that there was going to be something interesting behind those doors, but I couldn’t imagine what it could be. I got closer to the door and placed my hand on the doorknob.

  Arsen

  As soon as I heard her hand on the other side of the door, I knew it was 'go time.' I quickly opened the door and she jumped slightly. I grabbed her wrist, pulling her inside, shutting the door behind us, and pressing her up against it. She groaned quietly and I placed a few kisses on her neck. I felt her body become tense, so it was time for me to lay out some ground rules.

  “Now you listen to me, and you listen closely.” I spoke in a stern voice, asserting my dominance.

  Her eyes widened as she nodded slowly. “O—Okay.”

  “Nah-uh.” I pulled her hands over her head and gripped both of her wrists with one of my hands. “From now on, you answer with ‘yes sir.’ Do I make myself clear?”

  “Yes sir.” She bit down on her lip and I smirked. I loved seeing her under my control. I wanted her to submit to me. I wanted to have complete dominance over her.

  “Whatever I say, you do.” I chuckled. “You didn’t really think that tough girl act was going to cut it around me, did you?”

  She opened her mouth to speak, but I cut her off. “Think before you answer, Lola.”

  “No, sir,” she said quietly.

  “Louder, Lola.” I pushed myself closer to her.

  “No, sir!!” she squealed and I felt the pace of her breathing increase.

  “That’s a really beautiful dress you’re wearing, Lola.” I spoke in a low tone, but loud enough for her to hear me. “Take it off.”

  I let go of her wrists and took a step back so that she could get undressed. She turned her back to me and slowly let down the zipper of her dress. She let the straps fall down her arms slowly and proceeded to pull it off of her chest. From where I was standing, it looked like a simple red bra, but then she turned around and the lace took me by surprise. I could see her beautiful breast through the thin material she had on.

  She slid the rest of her dress down to her ankles and kicked it across the room. She had on a matching pair of lace panties underneath her fishnet stockings. They looked so beautiful laid across her long legs. I sat on the bed and just admired her beauty. Everything was happening in my favor and I couldn't be happier.

  "Take off the stockings and bring them to me. When you make it over here, lay across my lap and do not make a sound."

  And that's just what she did. Without hesitation, she complied with each demand, and I loved every moment of it.

  When she made it over to the bed she stood in front of me. She placed the stockings in my hand and laid across my lap. Laughing slightly under my breath, I pulled both of her hands behind her back and tied them togeth
er,

  “Good girl,” I said, and she moaned slightly under her breath. I gave her a spank right on her ass and she squirmed in discomfort. “I thought I told you specifically to not make a sound, Lola. Don’t make me punish you.”

  “Yes, sir,” she whined, and I gave her another spank.

  “Don’t say another word,” I instructed. I lifted her body and tossed her on the bed. I brushed her hair back out of her face to admire her beauty. Her skin was perfect and the color of lipstick she had chosen really made her eyes glow. I looked her directly in the eyes and said, “You’re never going home.”

  Her face went from seductive to panicked. It made me chuckle to see how frightened she’d gotten. She was about to open her mouth, but I warned her that, if she screamed, although no one would hear her, she’d be in serious trouble.

  Lola

  “You’re never going home.” Arsen spoke as he looked me directly in the eyes. It was like the words rolled off his tongue as slowly as possible.

  Just when I thought life was going great, everything went to shambles. I watched as he laughed right in my face, as if I was nothing. Maybe this was all a part of the roleplay, I thought to myself, but there I went again, making up silly excuses in my head to make light of the situation. I guess it was a way to make myself calm and comfortable.

  I thought back to Anabella calling me a dumb, stupid, little girl. That’s exactly how I felt right now, because that’s exactly what I was for trusting a man who I barely knew. There was just something about Arsen’s aura that just pulled me in. His charm and witty sense of humor really captured my heart. Even with everything going on, I could feel myself falling harder for him.

  I somewhat understand why he would keep me here ‘forever.’ I knew his biggest secret and he didn’t want anyone to find out. He was just protecting himself—maybe even the both of us. Maybe someone else found out that I knew the secret and was out to get me and this was Arsen’s way of protecting me? Why else would he wait an entire week to do something about the situation?