Beyond Shame

by Kit Rocha

"Give it time," Rachel advised. "You'll figure it out soon enough."

  As if it mattered either way. The Broken Circle held a seductive promise, with its dark corners and smoky scent. Sometimes she thought she was a little high just from being here, like she could close her eyes and float.

  Or she could open them and make choices, the first of her pampered, silly life. "Will you show me how to make that other drink again?"

  "Anything you want to see." Rachel began to gather the ingredients. "You going to the fights tonight? I was thinking about it, but I have a side job to get on. Maybe later?"

  Fights. Violence was almost as taboo as sex in Eden. "Jasper mentioned that, but why are they fighting? Did something happen?"

  "Yeah, they're breathing." The blonde rolled her eyes. "Why don't they fight? To settle scores, win respect, blow off steam. Make the chicks' panties fall off, that's a big one."

  "I've never seen a fight. Is it really that compelling?"

  "Depends. I'll admit, there's something to be said for sweaty, half-naked guys beating the shit out of each other. A certain..." Rachel's lips curved in a tiny smile. "Animal appeal?"

  Noelle tried to imagine it. Jas, stripped to the waist, fighting. Raw, unchecked violence. Fists against flesh, all of that power realized. "I guess I can see that."

  "I guess you can. Tonight, after closing. Main warehouse over on Sixth."

  "If you want, I could cover the bar for a while so you can do your other job." She'd probably fumble half the orders, but no one seemed to care once the girls started dancing. "Then we could go over to the warehouse together."

  "Thanks, but it shouldn't take long." Rachel finished pouring the liquor and added a dash of bitters. "The generator over at the parlor's been acting wonky, so I told Ace I'd fix it up."

  The name was naggingly familiar. "Ace... The one with all the tattoos?"

  "That's him. He does good work." Rachel held up her wrist, where you could barely tell the cuff of ink obscured a city bar code. Then she turned and lifted her shirt, revealing two lotus flowers, one at the small of her back and the other between her shoulder blades, both connected by a tangle of vines.

  As tempting as it was to reach out and trace one of the lifelike vines, Noelle kept her hands to herself. "That's gorgeous. But didn't it hurt?"

  "At first. After a while, I don't even think I was conscious anymore."

  "It hurt that much?"

  Rachel laughed and took another drag from her cigarette. "No wonder Lex has taken to calling you baby girl."

  Heat rose in Noelle's cheeks, bringing the first rush of humiliation with it. She didn't know which stung worse—knowing everyone thought she was stupid, or knowing they were right. "I must seem ridiculous to you."

  "No." The woman slid an arm around her shoulders and squeezed. "You've got a lot of living to do, that's all. You want to come to the parlor with me? I'll be finished before you know it, and we can go watch Jas kick the shit out of someone. He never loses, you know."

  Living. Most emphatically not what she'd been doing in Eden. Noelle reached for the remaining glass and knocked it back. It still burned its way down her throat and kicked in her stomach, but she liked the tingles that followed. She was warm. Loose.

  She was living. "I'd like that."

  Ace

  "Here's your problem." Rachel wiped her cheek with the back of her hand, leaving behind a black smudge. "Your voltage regulator's shot."

  Ace knew he should be listening to the words coming out of her mouth, but damned if he'd ever been able to. Rachel Riley was a golden angel begging to be debauched, even in a pair of cheap overalls with grease on her face.

  Fuck Jasper for sending her over here, anyway. And fuck Jasper for not fucking the new princess already. Noelle had come trailing in behind Rachel like a lost little duckling, and oh, she and Rachel made a picture. He'd carve out a kidney to see all that blonde and brunette hair tangled together—preferably while they fought over who got to suck his dick first.

  For a man who'd had a hooker on him less than an hour ago, he was damn hard up for some blighted satisfaction.

  Rachel waved a wrench at him. "Are you even listening to me?"

  Ace blinked away the image of hot, clumsy blowjobs with a sigh. "Yeah, sweet thing. Something with a regulator is shot. Can you fix it?"

  "Probably. I'll adjust the phase compensation, see if that clears it up." She grinned. "What's it worth to you?"

  "The whole ten inches?"

  "Charming, but I prefer cash. Though I'm not above bartering." She turned to Noelle and handed her the wrench. "What do you think? Could I use another tattoo?"

  Ace's dick went rock hard, and it had nothing to do with how Jasper's princess pursed her lush lips as she considered the question. Having Rachel in his chair was torture. She didn't just get off on the adrenaline of the needles—she went beyond herself. He'd seen women flogged into that blissful state before, but she'd been the first one to drift there while he laid ink.

  It was the closest he'd ever come to fucking her. "Princess doesn't know about tattoos, sweetheart. Jas is bringing her back tomorrow to get her bar code filled."

  "I know that, but she can still help me with aesthetics."

  Noelle was watching him like she was afraid he'd eat her if he opened his mouth, which was pretty damn shy for a girl who'd ridden Jasper's finger to ear-splitting orgasm only a few feet away from him the previous night.

  Maybe Jas was right. Maybe the girl was another Rachel, not another Lex. Bottled up and repressed. Didn't mean he wouldn't tease them both the same way. "You saw her flowers, Noelle?"

  The brunette nodded. "They're beautiful."

  "Damn right they are." A woman lost in a sensual haze in his chair always inspired him to impressive feats of artistry. "I could always extend them. Vines around her waist or down her arms. Flowers just above her cuffs."

  "Around my hips, maybe." Rachel slid her hands from the small of her back all the way around to her upper thighs.

  Christ, he'd have his face practically in her pussy. "What do you think, princess?"

  "I think it sounds beautiful." Noelle narrowed her eyes, her tone stiff and prim. "And I'm not a princess."

  "Oooh, feisty." Ace poked Rachel in the side. "You teaching her to use her teeth, Rae? And after Lex spent all that time teaching her not to use them."

  "An angel and a devil," Rachel murmured. "One on each shoulder, huh?"

  If he didn't know better, he'd think Rachel was sneaking a peek at his dick. Let her see how hard he got when he reached out to tangle a lock of her blonde hair around his finger. He tugged, not looking away from her face even as he addressed Noelle. "Rachel here is our good girl. But she'd be wasting her time whispering in your ear, princess. I think you already know you want to be very, very bad."

  Rachel licked her lips. "Maybe every woman does if you can figure out what turns her on."

  Even angels. Even her. "Fix my generator, Rachel, and you can have any tattoo you want."

  She arched an eyebrow and held out her hand. "Deal."

  Ace folded his hand around hers with an easy smile. Jasper and the other lumbering hulks could chase after the baby deer in the woods. There was no challenge in that hunt. No satisfaction.

  He knew how to take his time.

  Chapter Seven

  Dom went down with the second blow, and Jasper supposed it was too much to ask for him to stay there.

  He didn't really want it anyway. His whole body was tight, jittery, and even the run out to Sector Three had provided no satisfaction. Quiet, uneventful, and now he had to sate his appetites on nothing more rewarding than Dom's face.

  Jas had been in worse spots.

  Dom spit blood as he staggered back to his feet, uglier for taking the hit. His insults hadn't gotten any more original, either. "You punch like a pussy."

  "Hard enough to put you on the mat." Jas stretched his neck and circled, not bothering to guard with his fists and arms as he faced the other man. A ma

tter of time, that was all, and he'd lunge in, desperate to land a punch on an unprotected area.

  "Gave you that one," Dom lied, feinting left with a quick jab. "Figured I'd let you hit something, since you can't get it up for that that sweet city ass."

  "Christ, is that your game? Bore me to death because you punch like a little boy?"

  Dom rose to the bait, charging toward him with a bellow. His hook came slow, so slow the man wasn't just telegraphing his moves, he was sitting down to write them fucking love letters. Jas took the hit, using the distraction to drive a fist into Dom's midsection.

  When he doubled over, wheezing, Jas grabbed Dom's hair and kneed him in the face. Bone cracked, and he hit the ground again, blood gushing from his broken nose.

  Jas kicked him for good measure, a light tap to the ribs. "You're not even trying, man. Get up."

  That brought the man to his feet again, snarling and rabid. He lunged forward and rammed Jasper against the side of the cage, and the watching crowd roared.

  Still no match for straight-up brute strength. They grappled, and Jas lifted Dom off his feet and slammed him to the mat with a growl. Dom drove his knee into Jas's hip and tried to roll them, but he couldn't get the leverage.

  Neither of them wore shirts, so Jas grabbed at Dom's hair again instead of sweat-slick skin. "You better tap out before I pound your fucking face in, shithead. I'm in a mood."

  Dom tried to twist and then slapped his open palm on the mat with a snarl. "You fucking fucker."

  Jas considered pressing a foot to the man's throat, just to teach him a lesson, but backed off. "You're welcome."

  "Fuck off, Jas." Dom pressed a hand to his bleeding face and rolled to his knees. "Next time, I'm smearing you all over this mat."

  "You're gonna try." A redhead—one of the dancers, maybe—opened the cage door and offered Jas a towel and a smile as he walked out. Noelle, on the other hand, stood at the fringes of the cheering crowd, a beer in one hand and a bewildered look on her face.

  If that had been all, Jas would have kept walking. But a fire burned in those big eyes—admiration and even pride, but not fear.

  He took the beer from her hand and drained it. "Like the show?"

  "It was..." Her fingers hovered over his chest before brushing the spot where Dom's fist had abraded his skin. Worry creased her brow, along with something darker. An edge, possessive and angry. "You must have let him hit you. I saw how fast you can move."

  He caught her hand, pressed it to his skin. "It doesn't hurt for long." Unlike the rest of him, which was throbbing thanks to her simple touch.

  As if the words gave her permission, she smoothed her other palm up his side, fingers slicking over his bare chest, past his new tattoo and up to his shoulder. "You're so strong," she whispered, tracing his biceps with something damn close to reverence. "Powerful. Raw."

  "Hungry." He didn't even look at the throngs of people milling around them. "You keep touching, and I'm bound to think you want to do more."

  Her touch drifted lower. Over the curve of his elbow and along his forearm. "Like what?"

  He slipped his hand into her hair. "Like try out some of the stuff Lex showed you."

  She licked her lips like she could already taste him, and her sharp breath made it clear she wanted to. "Right here? In front of everyone?"

  If he said no, she'd pout. If he said no, his own body would murder him in his sleep. Jas untied the top of the new leather corset she'd bought from Stuart and dropped to the nearest free couch. "Show me."

  A few people turned to stare, but that didn't stop Noelle from kneeling between his legs, breathing so hard her tits were damn close to spilling out of her top entirely. She smoothed her palms up his thighs and rested her fingers on his belt. "Rachel said you never lose a fight."

  "I never have." He caught her chin. "Is this my reward?"

  She inhaled sharply. "Would it be a reward?"

  "To come in your mouth?" Jas eased the top of her corset down a fraction of an inch, but it was far enough for one luscious pink nipple to spill out. "Hell yeah. Unless you want me to come somewhere else instead?"

  "Where?" She fumbled with his belt buckle, her expression an endearing mixture of frustrated impatience and anticipation.

  He tweaked her nipple with just a hint of pressure. "Your tits?" He moved his hand to her mouth, a lingering brush of his thumb over her lower lip. "All over this pretty face?"

  Her movements stilled as she whispered against the pad of his thumb. "You'd like that?"

  It was like the ink—no one would wonder who she belonged to, or what would happen if they tried to touch her. "It's sexy when a woman lets you come on her. Sexier when she likes it."

  Without looking away from him, she wrapped her lips around his thumb and slipped his belt free from the buckle. Her fingertips ghosted lovingly over the leather strip, and she raised her head. "Do you know what the show was last night?"

  "At the Broken Circle?" With the way she was fondling his belt, he didn't even have to ask. "Ace likes spanking before fucking. He takes it further than I would."

  Her blush spread to her neck as she ducked her head and tugged at his fly. "I wouldn't think being struck with a belt would be pleasurable."

  "Me neither. But plenty of people get off on it." He lifted her face to his again. "Are you one of them? You liked it when I slapped your ass."

  She swallowed hard and stared at his chin. "What would you do if I said yes?"

  "Depends. Do you want it...or need it?"

  "I don't even know if I like it," she said quickly, dragging down the zipper on his pants. "It's not important. I can't need something I've never had."

  Those were the things people needed the hardest. "Noelle."

  "I don't know." She left his pants hanging open and met his eyes. "I know I want to do this. I want to..." her voice faded to a husky whisper, "…suck your cock. I want to do things you like. Not things you don't."

  Her hair was soft under his hand, and he twisted the strands in his fist. She seemed to enjoy that more than the pain—the force behind it. The domination. "Do it."

  She was awkward at first. Her fingers trembled as she eased his cock free and stroked them up his shaft. She wet her lips first, then dragged her tongue around the crown with a humming noise of satisfaction.

  Heat. Jas gritted his teeth and used the hand on her head to guide her. "Bold, honey. Don't think about it so much. Do what feels good."

  Her licks got longer. She worked her way along his shaft until it glistened before taking him into her mouth. She gripped his belt and bobbed her head, eyes closed and face slack with a blissful sort of peace.

  Because she liked it, or because she wanted to be his? The question ripped at him even as her touch tightened his skin and made his balls ache. It wasn't something he could answer, not here or now.

  So he gave in.

  "Deeper." He wanted to be inside her. Wanted her to take him.

  She tried. She surged down, took him deeper with every moan until she was damn near choking herself because she didn't know how to deep throat.

  It would have been scorching hot—if she'd meant to do it. Jas pulled her head up and wrapped her hand around his cock. "Look around, honey. What do you see?"

  Her gaze drifted over the crowd as she stroked him. "Fighting. Fucking. No shame."

  What she wanted to see. "It's a bunch of people who've never seen anything like you before. Not because you're from the city, or because you're damn near a virgin. Because you're you."

  She turned back to him, confusion creasing her brow. "How can they know what that even means? I'm still trying to figure it out."

  "Because they're not trying as hard as you are."

  Her hand stilled on his cock. "What do you see?"

  A woman who needed to let go. A woman who didn't know how. A woman he couldn't claim until she learned. "I don't know yet either, honey, because I'm trying just as hard as you."

  She tested his grip in her hair by straining toward his lap again, but her eyes never left his. "We're not going to find out what I really am by being gentle."

  "Or by making you do what I want." He released her and spread his arms wide on the back of the couch.

  No mistaking the disappointment in her eyes—she tried to hide it, but every damn thing she felt played across her face. She worried her lower lip with her teeth and lifted her hands to finish unlacing her corset. "I'm in control?"

  He was riveted to those hands, that soft, pale flesh, like a kid who'd never seen a woman naked before. "Complete, total control."

  It took her forever to pull the last lace free. Her corset fell to the ground, and she returned both hands to his cock. "I want you to come on me."

  There it was, the same lust that had gripped him as he'd watched her blow Dallas. She wasn't skilled or experienced, but when she set herself free, even just a little...

  She wanted it. Hungered for it, and Jas would crawl across the floor to taste that hunger.

  This time, she closed her lips around his cock without hesitation. She drew him into the heat of her mouth and sucked, tongue working in time with her hand.

  A groan fought its way out of him, and he let his head fall against the sofa. A bit of control could be a heady thing, and something told him Noelle would get off on it, if only because the inevitable would come, that moment when she'd hand it back to him.

  "Fuck, that's good." His voice had dropped to little more than a rasp.

  She hummed as she pushed lower, pushed until his cock bumped the back of her throat, then retreated with a frustrated noise.

  Jas checked the command that rose automatically. Instead, he let himself feel it, every press of her fingers and flutter of her tongue, even the hesitation when she tried to take him into her throat.

  After another attempt, her head popped up. She slicked her tongue around the crown again before exhaling softly. "I'm going to ask Lex to teach me. I want to be able to do what the girl with Ace is doing."

  The woman wasn't part of the gang, but she came to watch the fights all the time—and she'd do any goddamn thing Ace told her to do. He had her on her knees, his hands gripping her head as he fucked her face, hard and deep. "Honey, there are seasoned pros who can't do that."

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