Beyond Shame

by Kit Rocha

  And hurting Lex would be a prime way to kick him in the gut. Judging from the look on her face, she knew it. She crossed her arms over her chest, her gaze darting back and forth as they walked. Watching, assessing the potential danger.

  Noelle seemed to realize it, too. Her worried gaze followed Lex as they rounded a corner, and her hand snuck out from under his jacket to find his. "I'm all for smart."

  So was he. The few people going about their business in the alley seemed interested in their movements, but most were faces Jasper recognized. Faces that bore no hint of deception or guilt. Still, by the time they cleared the end of the alley, he was ready to call off the trip. Anything that left him feeling this uneasy wasn't worth it.

  The problem was the marketplace. Though it was early in the day, the place would be throbbing with people, crowded and loud, and any asshole with a sharp knife would only need a second of distraction to do his job. In and out in the confusion, gone before Jasper ever realized someone was bleeding.

  He rounded on Lex. "This is a bad—"

  A loud crack. The dirty brick in front of him chipped, drawing his gaze even as tiny shards flew back to bite into his cheek. Shots. He reacted on instinct, drawing Noelle and Lex in front of him as he hustled them around the side of the building, into the alley.

  "Stay down." Jasper whirled, already drawing his pistol. No one on the street, which meant eyes up high. He scanned the broken windows on the opposite building, looking for the telltale flash in the morning sunlight. Come on, where are you, you bastard—

  Another shot.

  A cry of pain. Noelle's voice, shocked and cut off as she clamped her teeth together. He turned in time to see her slap a hand to her arm.

  Jasper's gut clenched. "Lex."

  "I got it." She shielded Noelle's body with her own and tugged at the jacket. "Let me see, honey."

  "I don't think it's bad," she whispered, sliding her hand away. Pain bracketed her eyes, but she held it together as Lex ripped away the hem of her faded T-shirt and wrapped it around Noelle's arm.

  Jasper locked down his panic, shut it away behind the cold wall that would allow him to function, and kept looking for the sniper. "Get her back inside before he takes another shot. Hurry."

  She dragged Noelle up, her uninjured arm draped over Lex's shoulders. "Let's go, baby girl."

  A third sharp crack almost drowned out the last word, and Jasper felt a surge of satisfaction as he finally spotted the rifle barrel in a fourth-story window, along with the vague outline of the shooter behind it. He fired off three shots in quick succession, and the rifle slid out of the window and tumbled to the ground as the shooter vanished.

  "Jasper!" Noelle's voice again, but not pained this time. Panicked. He whirled to find her kneeling next to Lex, both hands pressed to Lex's side as blood welled between her fingers. "I don't know what to do!"

  Fuck. He holstered his gun and glared at the handful of people clustered at the other end of the alley. "Go get help. Now."

  One man rushed off, and Jasper dropped to the cracked asphalt beside Noelle. "How bad does it look? Can we move her?"

  "I don't know." Her hands trembled. "I've never dealt with anything you couldn't fix with med-gel. Should I move my hands? What if the bullet went through—?" Her voice broke. "Lex, can you hear me?"

  She didn't stir, so Jasper smacked her on the cheek. "Lex." She struck out, swinging one fist, but only clipped him on the shoulder. "I'm going to pick you up, get you inside where it's safe."

  Boots pounded on the concrete behind him, followed by Ace's swift, vicious curse. "Jesus Christ," he muttered, dropping to the opposite side of Lex's body. "Someone flagged me down and—fuck, it doesn't matter. Should I carry or cover?"

  "Cover." Jasper's self-control was starting to fray around the edges, and he avoided looking at Noelle as he gathered Lex in his arms and rose. "I think I hit the bastard, and he dropped his rifle. Might be able to trace it."

  "I'll send Bren." Ace drew his gun and pulled Noelle to her feet. "Stay close, sweetheart. Between me and Jas, okay? You with me?"

  Noelle said something that was lost under the scuffle of Ace's boots, but it must have reassured him because he lifted his voice. "Got your back, brother, and hers. Let's roll."

  It took an eternity to reach the door. Rachel had it open and waiting, her face peaked and worried. "I heard the shots, but I didn't know they were so close." She turned to Trix. "Fetch Dallas."

  There wasn't a good place to put Lex, so Jasper laid her out on the edge of the stage and shoved her already-torn shirt higher. "Left side. Probably missed her liver."

  "Still plenty of things it could have hit. Spleen, for one." Rachel helped him ease her up onto her right side to check her back. "Exit wound. We need that doc—the surgeon."

  "I'll get him," Ace said from behind them. "And then I'll find Bren and take him back to the alley."

  The front door slammed shut behind him, and Noelle appeared at Jasper's side with the Broken Circle's heavy med kit in one hand. "What does she need? What can I do? Clean towels or bandages..."

  All they could do was try to staunch the flow of blood and wait, hope the wound was superficial and she wasn't bleeding even worse on the inside. "Towels. Rachel—"

  But she was already on it. She unfolded and refolded the terrycloth, pressed it tight to the holes on either side of Lex's body.

  Jasper was left with nothing to occupy his shaking hands, and he found himself reaching for Noelle. "Your arm."

  "I'm all right." But the words trembled, and she shivered uncontrollably as she stared at Lex with huge, terrified eyes.

  "Hey." He caught her chin and forced her to meet his eyes. "Don't lose it. Quick help—that's all we can do."

  After an endless moment, she blinked and focused on him. She drew in a deep breath, another, and nodded. "I think my arm needs some gel."

  He shook his head and peeled the makeshift bandage away just enough to catch a glimpse of ravaged, bleeding skin. "Looks like a flesh wound," he muttered through the rage. "It'll hold until we take care of Lex."

  "Okay." She grabbed his hand. "Are you okay? Did you get—?"

  "What the hell is going on?" Dallas's roar made Noelle start, her fingers clenching convulsively around Jasper's. Dallas shoved through the door from the back hallway, a frantic Trix half-running to keep up with him.

  He took two steps into the room and caught sight of Lex. The rage and worry slipped from his face, leaving behind the blank, cold mask that scared the living hell out of Jasper.

  He stepped between Dallas and the stage. "Sniper. Ace went for the doctor."

  Dallas's head turned toward him first, followed belatedly by his impassive gaze. The effect was chilling. "Who's going after the sniper?"

  "If he hasn't bugged out already, Bren will round him up."

  "Good. Now get the fuck out of my way."

  "I'm sorry," Jasper rasped. "We were headed back—"

  Dallas punched him, snapping his head to one side, then strode past him without another word. Noelle pressed close to his side and lifted her good arm to touch his jaw. "Are you all right?"

  A sniper, and Lex bleeding on the Broken Circle stage. Jasper swallowed a mirthless laugh. All things considered, he was damn lucky to only get smacked in the face. "I'm fine."

  Dallas spoke from the stage, where he was bent over Lex, stroking her hair. "If you're fine, go meet up with Bren. Find the bastard who did this."

  Noelle's fingers tightened at the words, but Jasper peeled them away from his arm. "You'll be all right." he murmured. "Doc can take a look at your arm too, okay?"

  She opened her mouth, but Dallas cut off any chance of a reply. "Now, Jas. I'll take care of your woman."

  The way you should have taken care of mine. He didn't say it, but he didn't have to. The words echoed in Jasper's head, followed him all the way out into the sunlight.

  He skirted the spot where Lex had bled on the dirty asphalt. Bren was standing at the end of the alle
y, the offending rifle in one hand, his gaze riveted to the building that had served as the sniper's perch.

  He turned at the sound of Jasper's footsteps. "Fourth floor?"

  "Yeah—that window right there." He pointed. Already, his hands were steadier. The immediate danger was past, Noelle was fine, and Lex would be too—she would be, damn it. For now…he could occupy himself with work.

  Bren hefted the rifle. "Top of the line. I've never seen one outside of Eden before."

  That drew Jasper up short. "You think this was a city hit?"

  "Not just. Military police. They use these Mark 30s on the guard towers out at the wind farms. They're fast, they're accurate—" He met Jasper's gaze, cold and calculating. "They're traceable."

  "To users?"

  "Uh-huh." He tilted the rifle and slid his thumb over a shiny square panel at the base of the stock. The panel flashed red, and some mechanism inside the rifle clicked. "Modified at issue for maximum ergonomic efficiency and encoded with biometrics. I've already got Cruz tracking down the serial number on this one. As long as we have a thumb, we'll know we found our guy."

  "We need answers." An MP sniper on a hit in the sectors was certainly something one of Eden's powerful councilmen could have ordered. "We need him alive."

  Bren snorted. "Fuck answers. Do you know anyone stupid enough to end the guy before Dallas gets his pound of flesh?"

  No. Jasper knew he was one of Dallas's most trusted men, but he was still lucky to walk away from the whole clusterfuck with no broken bones—and he hadn't even been the one shooting the place up. "I think I winged him when I fired back, but it could have been a more solid shot. We should do a sweep."

  "Nah." Bren pointed to the broken window. "We can check that room, see if you killed him. If not, he's in the wind. But we'll get him back."

  He seemed so damn sure of both points that Jasper didn't argue. "You know Eden politics. Do you think Noelle's father is cleaning up loose ends?"

  "Couldn't tell you." Bren shrugged and started backing away. "I'm out here because I was particularly bad at Eden politics, remember?"

  Chapter Eighteen

  When Dallas got angry, Dallas spent money.

  Braced against the bed's massive headboard, Noelle ran her fingertips over the smooth new flesh on her upper arm. Regen technology was ridiculously expensive in Eden, and supposedly impossible to obtain in the sectors.

  Apparently nothing was impossible to obtain when Lex had been shot in the gut. Within an hour of the doctor's arrival, Ace had returned with a thin, silent woman shadowed by two bodyguards who made Flash look tiny. Her black case had contained all the equipment necessary for accelerated regeneration, and Dallas hadn't stopped with healing Lex, though that alone must have cost a fortune. He'd stampeded over Noelle's protests and paid to patch up her wound, as well, though the doctor had declared it would heal on its own in a few weeks.

  Lex was stretched out beside her, sleeping off the sedative she'd been given for the procedure. From time to time, Noelle stroked her hair, sifting her fingers through the smooth strands. Her panic had been quieted by a sedative—a much smaller dose than Lex had received, though enough to fuzz out the world for a few hours—but the ensuing sleepiness faded as afternoon stretched toward evening, and worry took its place.

  She wanted Jasper to come back. She wanted Lex to wake up.

  She wanted to believe that the bullet that had torn through her friend's body hadn't been meant for her.

  Lex stirred. "You and Dallas both have a thing for my hair, don't you?"

  Dallas had seemed so intent on stroking it that Noelle assumed Lex found it soothing, but maybe he'd been soothing himself. "It's pretty hair. Welcome back."

  After slowly blinking, Lex carefully shifted upright. "How's your arm?"

  "Like new." Noelle reached out to steady Lex and twisted so she could see the pink, slightly puckered skin. "I tried to tell Dallas it would heal fine on its own, but he told me to shut the fuck up. He's not as charming when he's worried."

  "I'm shocked as hell that you think he's ever charming." Lex pressed a testing hand to her side and bent a little. "Regeneration, huh? I'm glad he sprung for yours too. I would've pinched his dick off if he made you suffer."

  The mental image was enough to make Noelle wince. "No, he wasn't really in a listening mood. More like a killing mood."

  "He gets that way when shit goes down."

  "He was worried about you. Really worried."

  "Of course he was." Lex closed her eyes, the dark circles beneath them standing out in stark relief against her pale skin. "He'll get over it."

  Noelle tried to coax her back to the mattress. "Rest for a bit. You're not supposed to move much tonight."

  Lex shook her off. "I'm not moving. I'm sitting. Still, as a matter of fact."

  And if she wanted to move, Noelle didn't have the will to stop her, not with guilt churning in her gut. "Sorry. I was worried too."

  "Don't." The corner of Lex's mouth curved up. "I'm tough. They have to work a lot harder if they want to kill me."

  Relieved by the ghost of a smile, Noelle wrapped her arms carefully around Lex. Maybe she had been the intended target. Lex was the one who mattered to Dallas, the one who was a danger in her own right. The only person in the world who could be angry with Noelle, personally, was her father, and even he couldn't want her dead.

  Probably.

  Lex coaxed Noelle's head down to her shoulder and patted her back. "Did they catch the guy yet? Was it one of Trent's men?"

  "I don't know," she admitted. "Dallas sent Jasper and Bren after him and then parked me in here with you and told me not to move. One of the men is guarding the door—Maddox, I think."

  "Sounds serious."

  She was making fun of Dallas, and Noelle felt a disloyal stab of sympathy for him. "You were bleeding all over us. It seemed pretty damn serious."

  Lex sobered immediately. "I know. I'm sorry."

  "Just don't get shot again, okay?" Noelle dragged in a breath and lifted her head to offer Lex a lopsided smile. "If you don't act like that part doesn't matter, I'll gladly get mad with you over the rest of it. Because I'm going a little crazy being stuck here with no idea what's going on."

  "Yeah? Welcome to my life," Lex muttered.

  Noelle laughed. "I haven't met Maddox. Can we talk him into letting us out?"

  "Mad? Hell, no. We'd be better off crawling out a window or blasting through the wall."

  "Well, I should at least tell him you're awake. Dallas will want to know." She hesitated. "Unless you don't want me to just yet?"

  Lex shook her head. "It's okay. I had my reprieve. Though if I know Mad..."

  Noelle didn't have time to ask. Footsteps sounded in the hallway, and she realized Mad must have heard them talking. A moment later, Dallas proved her right by shouldering through the door and slamming it behind him.

  This was bound to be an intense, personal moment, so Noelle inched toward the edge of the bed only to freeze when Dallas pointed at her. "Stay put. The doc told you to sleep off that shit he gave you."

  The doctor had told her she could be up and about when she felt able, but with Dallas's eyes blazing, Noelle didn't dare argue with him.

  "Don't yell at her." Lex snorted in disgust. "You can't stand it, can you? Sometimes shit happens, and it's not anyone's fault, and you can't stop it."

  Dallas glared at her. "Glad to see you're perking up, love."

  "Why wouldn't I be? Seems like someone blew a shit ton of money putting me back together."

  "Gee, honey. Don't sound so happy about it."

  "Oh, I'm ecstatic." Lex shrugged. "You maintain what's yours, right? Have to keep it all in working order."

  Noelle was starting to wish she'd slipped off the bed anyway, anything to get away from the anger filling the space between Dallas and Lex.

  Especially when he took a menacing step forward. "You think it's bad now? You just wait, Alexa Parrino. You don't know what it's like to belong to
me, but mark my words, girl—"

  "You insufferable—"

  He continued as if she hadn't broken in. "You are going to find out."

  "Asshole." Lex threw a pillow at him, then another. She was reaching for a third when she had to stop and clutch her side with a grimace. "Ow, fuck."

  "Lex—" Noelle wrapped her arms around Lex and glared at Dallas, any hint of fear lost in a growing surge of rage. "What's wrong with you?" she snapped at him. "Is this how you take care of people? I'm not allowed to move but you'll drive her into the ground?"

  Lex touched Noelle's arm, the fight already melting out of her. "He's just being Dallas. This is my own stupid fault for throwing shit."

  Dallas glared at Noelle. She flinched under the weight of his blazing stare, but refused to buckle, and he shoved a hand through his hair with a growl. "Don't practice sharpening your claws on me, kitten." No affection curled around the nickname this time—just a cool warning. "You're not ready to hunt big game."

  "Dallas." Lex's voice was hard, chiding, but after an interminably tense moment, she held out a hand to him.

  Dallas approached the bed, his expression still blank, but some of the tension around his eyes softened as he eased down beside her and pulled her close. "No more throwing shit. You hear me?"

  "Can you knock off the bossy act for five minutes?"

  "Maybe." He tucked her head under his chin, settled against the headboard with her curled against his left side, and lifted his right arm. "Come here, Noelle. I won't bite."

  Noelle hesitated, even less willing to interject herself into a tender moment than she had been an angry one. "If you need a minute, I could go check with Mad. Lex should eat..."

  "I can't think of anything I would less rather do." Lex beckoned. "Come. Sit with us."

  In the end she did, sliding across the mattress until Dallas hooked his forearm around her waist and dragged her the rest of the way. He smoothed a hand down her arm to her hip as he kissed the top of her head. "I promised Jas I'd take care of you until he got back."