Beyond Shame

by Kit Rocha

  She drew in a ragged breath, tensing in spite of herself as his gaze drifted over her. That first thrill still hit her, the vulnerability of being bared to him, the illicitness and the pleasure. "I don't mind."

  Her thighs trembled under his touch, even more when he bent his head, his beard tickling as he dropped openmouthed kisses to her skin. Slow, hot, the heat of his tongue and the scratch of his beard. She tried to press her thighs together and growled when the short chains snapped tight. "Jas..."

  He ignored the plea as he licked his way to the top of her thigh. "You're wet."

  "Of course I am." His breath ghosted over her, and she choked on another moan. Maybe if she begged with all the dirty words, he'd forget whatever torment he had planned and touch her already. "I'm so wet. Please, can I have your—your tongue in my pussy?"

  "No." He spread her wide and circled the tip of his tongue lightly around her clit instead. Pleasure jolted up her spine, lifting her hips even as she cried out.

  "That's a start," he whispered, then began to explore her pussy, tracing every fold, slow and firm. She was panting in minutes, tugging restlessly against the leather cuffs as he coaxed her body to painful, trembling arousal.

  But not over the edge. Noelle raised her head and lost herself in the sight of him, bent over her, so intense, his fingers parting her, opening her for the lash of his tongue.

  Erotic overload. Groaning, she dug her head back against the bed. "I'm never going to get to pay the price if you won't let me be bad."

  Jasper laughed and turned his head. Bit her thigh. "This is the price. On the edge, Noelle, for as long as I damn well please."

  She tried to close her legs and only managed to crush her knees against his shoulders. "Oh, God."

  Again, deeper this time, his tongue thrusting inside her before dipping back out to flick her clit. She might have come then, if he'd kept up the pressure, but he retreated as she started to tense, easing back only to begin the slow exploration again.

  And again.

  The third time his tongue darted away from her clit just before release broke over her, she lost control of her tongue. With pleasure a throbbing, frustrating ache, the words barely registered as they tripped from her lips, begging and hoarse. "Let me come, please... I'll do anything, anything if you just—just—"

  He flipped her onto her stomach, her cheek pressed against the blanket as the click of a buckle and the slither of leather broke through the fevered haze of blood pounding in her ears. One breath, two, and then his belt cracked against her skin, drowning pleasure in a momentary sting of pain.

  Her body reeled at the sudden shock. It hurt more than his hand or the crop had, and Noelle sucked in a confused breath only to lose it in a groan as the belt hit her again, burning a stripe of fire across her ass. It was like the tattoos, sharp pain that built into something else, something hotter that left her squirming.

  The third stroke drew everything tight. The fourth made her cry out. One more agonizing slap of leather and the throbbing of her blood in her ears expanded. She was throbbing everywhere, pulsing and tensing, clenching, and it had built so inexorably that she could do nothing but groan as heat burst through her, the sweet relief of an orgasm so intense she tried to muffle her screams against the blankets.

  The sting faded into a warmth that unfurled slowly, an afterburn both soothed and urged on by Jasper's hands rubbing over her back and ass. He bent low, his now-naked chest pressed against her skin as he nudged her hair aside with his nose and murmured into her ear. "Beautiful."

  She shivered and rubbed her cheek against his, still floating. "You like me like this?"

  His teeth scraped her earlobe. "I love you like this."

  Love.

  Drunk on the word, she laughed. "Would you love me with my lips around your cock?"

  "Yes." Jasper rose and pulled her upright to sit on the edge of the bed. He shed his jeans and gripped his cock. "Want it? Take it."

  She started to reach for him and laughed again when her wrists snapped to a halt, tethered by chains she'd almost forgotten. He watched her, one large hand wrapped around his shaft, and at another time it might be beautiful to watch him stroke himself to release.

  Today—today it was her turn to torment.

  Flicking her gaze up to his, she leaned forward and extended her tongue, touching only the tip of it to the flared crown. A slow lick brought the taste of him into her, salty and musky and intense. "Like this?"

  He urged her mouth wide with his thumb on her jaw. "Open up, sweetheart."

  She obeyed—but not without a teasing retort. "You love to tell me that."

  "Hell yeah." Gripping her hair, he teased the head of his cock past her lips, over her tongue...then deeper. Over and over, pausing to let her lick his cock as he groaned.

  His next advance drove him against the back of her throat, and his fingers tightened on her skull, gentle but unyielding steel holding her in place as she struggled to relax, to ignore her body's instinctive response and savor the darker one, the should-be-shameful pleasure to be had in submitting to his whims.

  She choked—gagged—and he eased back with a shudder. "Again," he commanded, but he didn't thrust forward. He waited for her to come to him, cupping her head as she took him as deep as she could.

  Not all the way, not this time. And as if she'd proved her willingness by coming to him, his fingers tightened. She only had the chance to make an encouraging noise before he was pushing forward once more, choking her with his cock as her pussy clenched around aching emptiness.

  Two heartbeats. Three. Jasper drew back, gliding his fist over his slick shaft. "Do you want me to fuck you?"

  She wanted so much. She wanted everything, and for the first time she truly believed that was exactly what she'd get. Everything she craved, everything she needed. Heart pounding, she watched him stroke his cock with his broad fingers and gave him raw truth. "I want you inside me, any way I can have you."

  He lifted her against him and spun, pressing her to the wall. "When I mark you—" The shaking words cut off as he drove into her with one long, hard thrust. "I want more than your throat. I want the ink all the way across your shoulders." With his hips pinning her in place, he lifted one hand to trace a meandering line across her collarbone and down to her upper arm.

  With her legs wrapped around his body, the chains had just enough give to allow her to touch his sides. She scraped her nails along his skin, marking him in her own way as her body pulsed around the unforgiving steel of his erection. "You might need to get Ace another painting."

  Jasper's eyes went dark, his pupils dilating as he ground deeper. "I'll think of something." His fingers slipped around to tease at the back of her neck. "Down your spine?"

  The thought made her groan. "Only if you want to fuck me right there in Ace's chair."

  He cupped her ass and lifted her higher. "Maybe we'll take turns."

  She wanted to reply, but the new angle was too sharp, driving his cock up into her with an intensity that scrambled her thoughts. Pleasure was building again, the kind that would wipe everything else away but the driving need to shatter that tension, and she was utterly helpless. Pinned between him and the wall, caught in his grip, her hands trapped. She couldn't even get the leverage to move, only to squirm.

  "That's right." He rocked his hips in a short thrust, then backed away from the wall, kept moving until his legs hit the bed. He sat down and then lay back with Noelle on top of him. "This is what you were trying to do—ride my cock."

  Still gasping for breath, she dug her fingernails into her own thighs and shifted experimentally. It might have been easier if she could have braced her hands against his chest, but there was something more intoxicating about having control—almost. The velvet and leather shackled her, a constant reminder of his power even as she claimed her own, lifting her hips only to drive down, taking him deep and hard, just how she wanted him.

  Jasper met the next desperate rock with a rough noise. Instead of gui
ding her hips, urging her on, he slipped his fingers up her thigh, past the leather, to center on her clit. "Come on me."

  Her hips jerked. Her rhythm faltered. It shouldn't have been so easy to haul her back up to that edge, but he had a way of touching her, the calloused tips of his fingers circling rough and fast, building up friction that rocketed through her in jolts that came closer and closer together.

  In moments she'd lost her thrusts entirely, settling into a grinding rock that did more to rub her clit against his fingers. "Jas," fell from her lips, again and again, each time more breathless, but as the tension twisted tighter his name twisted, turned to yes, yes, yes—

  When her body seized, throwing her into the bliss of release, even that word was beyond her. She cried out—groaned, moaned, screamed—coming so hard the blood throbbed in her ears and she could barely hear her own voice.

  He took over then, gripping her hips and pounding into her. It kept her up when she might have floated down, twisted her straight into another orgasm so fierce and powerful it ached. His short fingernails dug into her skin, quick flashes of pain that traveled to her lower back, higher, his hands scrabbling as if he could draw her closer.

  "Noelle." A curse and a prayer. Jasper arched, his muscles rigid as he shuddered beneath her, pumping his release.

  She slumped forward when he stilled, and he caught her and lowered her to his chest with more gentleness than she would have managed. With her ear pressed to his skin she could hear the racing of his heart, as quick and frantic as her own, and she closed her eyes and drifted on the peace of being his.

  After long moments of silence broken by nothing but their ragged breathing, Jasper's chest heaved under her cheek in a sigh. "I meant it, you know."

  Her thoughts were so scattered that it took a moment to understand. But only a moment. It had been there all along, seething underneath her skin, the truth that had made everything that much more intense, that much brighter.

  I love you like this.

  I love you...

  Turning her head, she pressed an openmouthed kiss to the skin above his heart. "I don't know anything about love. But I've never felt..." She trailed off and lifted her head. "I've never felt. Not until you."

  "Then I have a lot to show you, don't I?"

  She tried to lean up to reach his lips, but her arms were still trapped, and she found herself oddly reluctant to do anything that might change that. Instead she nuzzled his throat. "If love is trust and need and always feeling better when I'm with you...I love you."

  "Good," he said gruffly. Then he kissed her, soft and lingering. "How long do you want to wait to get your marks?"

  "Until my knees aren't so wobbly?"

  Jasper laughed. "It takes a little longer than that, sweetheart. First, we have to ask Dallas."

  That made her frown, though she doubted he would protest. "He gets a say?"

  "This is Sector Four," Jasper reminded her gently.

  Of course. Apparently Dallas got a say in everything that happened, from sweeping political grandstanding to the quiet moments between two people. Though maybe she shouldn't begrudge him that, when he clearly took the responsibility seriously. "All right. So we ask Dallas. And then what?"

  "Then we go see Ace, get your marks. And when they're all done and healed up, we show them off to the rest of the gang."

  "A party?"

  "Mmm. Let everyone know we belong to each other." Jasper tilted her head up and studied her. "Do you want me marked too?"

  Her ink on his skin. Her mark, as permanent and undeniable as the one he'd place on her. "Yes. Even if I have to pay Ace for it myself."

  A grin. "Nah. In this case, I think he'll kick it in for free."

  "Maybe, if he's hoping for another show. Or a chance to play." She rested her chin on his chest and watched his face. "I don't care either way, you know. Whether you let other people touch me, or don't, it was never about them. Ace, Dallas... It doesn't matter who's touching me. It's hot because of you."

  "I know." He stroked the delicate skin at the base of her throat. "I always knew."

  She couldn't help but smile. "That doesn't mean I don't still like how...illicit it feels. Maybe I should be ashamed of that, but I don't think I am. You like me this way."

  He arched an eyebrow and tightened his hand ever so slightly around her neck.

  Blood singing, Noelle closed her eyes and savored the gentle steel grip, savored its warning and its promise. A lifetime without shame, because of the words that tripped from her lips, the truth he'd demanded.

  The only truth that mattered now. "You love me this way."

  Sneak Peek of Beyond Control

  Read on for an excerpt from Beyond Control, due out in early 2013.

  The night was on fire. Lex could smell it, wood smoke and plastic burning in barrels and trash heaps. Gas, coal—anything that would take flame and light up the darkness.

  A shatter of glass accompanied by victorious shouts echoed close by, maybe only three or four narrow streets over, and Lex lifted a hand instinctively to the pistol nestled under her jacket. It was the worst thing about these nights, the crime that swept through like a plague when the sectors went dark. People stole without thought or discrimination. Being disgusted by that might have made her a hypocrite, except that she never did either.

  There was nothing elegant about looting.

  The marketplace had been stripped of its wares, and the stalls stood like skeletons in the moonlight as she wound her way through the narrow street. Smart of the vendors to take their goods home with them, because boards and locks wouldn't keep out prying hands, not on a night like this.

  Lex ducked into the alley behind Walt Misham's shop, sidestepped a pile of rotting trash, and knocked on the dented metal door.

  Chains rattled on the other side before a rough voice challenged her. "Whoever it is, you should know I'm armed."

  "I should hope so, Walt," she shot back. "Let me in."

  The door creaked open an inch. "Lex? What the hell are you doing out on a night like this?"

  "Business," she answered. He peered at her, one rheumy blue eye appearing out of the darkness, and she tilted her head to meet his gaze. "I finally got my hands on something you've been looking for."

  "Let me see it."

  Lex shoved her hands in her jacket pockets and squinted at him. "You know better. Mad's bringing it. He's on his way."

  Walt's bark of laughter turned into a wracking cough as he pulled open the door far enough for Lex to slip inside. She had to ease carefully past a six-foot stack of crates in one corner, and a jagged wooden edge still snagged her hair.

  She yanked it loose and followed Walt deeper into the back room of the shop. "You'll be glad to get out of here, I bet."

  "Past time, to be sure." His breathing was raspy, and he led her toward a candlelit table before lowering himself heavily to his chair. "If these blackouts don't kill me first."

  "The solar converter will help." She sat across from him and studied his face, which was heavily lined and shadowed in the dim light. "I tested it this afternoon, so it should be fully charged. You can try it out tonight."

  His lips twitched. "If I meet your asking price, of course. You'd best give me a good deal, girl, if you want me around to buy your stolen goods."

  "You're not my only customer," Lex drawled. "Still, it'd be a shame not to have you screeching at people in the market."

  "Don't tease an old man, Lex." He grunted as he lifted a lockbox onto the table. "Name your price—unless you'd like to trade."

  "Ten." A few grand less than she could get elsewhere, maybe, but Walt had cut her plenty of deals in the past based on her association with Dallas. Besides, it seemed wrong to play hardball over something like this. A pretty bauble, sure, but not a legitimate medical need.

  Walt groused—he always groused—but fumbled with the lock on the box. "You want cash or clean credits?"

  "Half and half. And bust the credits up onto a couple of different
sticks."

  A hollow knock sounded on the front door as Walt pried open the box. "Drag your young body over there and let your friend in, if that's him. I'll load up your creds."

  "Cranky ass." But Lex crossed the room and peeked out the dirty window. "It's him."

  It took a solid minute to disengage all the locks and chains, but Mad didn't seem impatient. He smiled as if the night weren't alive with the threat of violence and held up a crinkled brown paper bag. "Old man willing to deal?"

  "I'm very persuasive." She opened the door far enough to admit him, then glanced around the square outside before securing the locks again. "Show the man what he's bought, Mad."

  "The finest tech money can't buy." Maddox was nearly twice Lex's size, but he moved with deceptive grace, claiming a chair across from Walt. "I'll have you know, old timer, that these aren't available to private owners. City-issue, strictly reserved for councilmen and military police. I still don't know how Lex managed to find one, but it's a thing of beauty."

  "Never you mind how I found it." Stole it, she corrected silently. Not that it mattered.

  Walt's gnarled hands shook as he reached for his breathing device. "Flex those clever fingers, girl, and help me hook it up. If it works, the money's yours."

  Walt's assisted breathing device delivered oxygen through a simple set of nasal tubes. The complicated part was the apparatus itself, a small black box that worked as a conductive purifier. The small intake drew air in, filtered it, and both isolated and concentrated the oxygen content. It worked without power, but barely any more efficiently than simply breathing.

  Lex slipped one of the small rechargeable battery cells from the solar converter and fit it into the slot Walt indicated. A tiny light on the side of the purifier flashed blue and then a solid green, and an almost imperceptible hiss filled the room as Lex helped Walt loop the tubes over his ears and fit the points into his nostrils.

  Walt closed his eyes and inhaled deeply. Mad watched them both, a tiny smile curving his lips. "See, old man? Tech so smooth it's almost magic."

  "Hush," Walt grumbled in between more of those deep, relieved breaths. "This one, Lex—he has no trouble getting air, and he wastes it on so many words. Does he ever stop talking?"