by Kelly Moore
“That’s none of your business.” I walk toward her.
“We’re still married.”
“Only on paper.”
“How is what you’re doing any different than what I did?” She’s in my face.
“We are not together anymore. We’re living separate lives.”
“We were living separate lives when I cheated on you.”
“It’s not the same, and you know it.”
“I don’t want a divorce, Thorn. You can call us even now, and we can start over.”
“Why? Nothing has changed. I’m a SEAL, and you hate it. I’m not giving it up.”
She reaches up and touches my face. “I’ll take whatever I can get from you. I love you. You promised to love me in good and bad times. Doesn’t that commitment mean anything to you?”
“It did until you decided to let another man touch you. You broke our vows, not me.”
“I was wrong, and I know that now. I can be a SEAL’s wife if you just give me another chance.”
“You need to let this go.” I walk over to my dresser and pull on a pair of jeans. “I don’t want to worry about a wife back home while I’m thousands of miles away.”
“Who is she?” She points to the bathroom door.
“You need to leave.” I deepen my voice.
“You don’t want me because you’ve found someone else.” She scoots by me and rushes to the door, flinging it open. Her eyes grow large when she sees Lauryn wrapped in a towel.
“You! You did this! You were supposed to help us fix our marriage.” She gasps. “You told him about the baby on purpose so you could have him for yourself!”
“That’s not true,” Lauryn defends herself.
I place my hands on Eden’s shoulders, and she jerks away from me. She rips up the divorce papers.
“What are you doing?”
“If you force me to divorce you, I’ll expose her. She was our therapist. I’m sure it would ruin her career and more than likely yours.”
She heads out the door, and I follow her. “What is it you want from me?”
“I want you to be my husband. Stay here, and we’ll work it out. Cancel your transfer. I’m not really asking. You no longer have a choice.”
I grab her elbow. “Don’t do this, Eden. Don’t ruin all our lives.”
“I want one year. If during that time, you and I can’t work things out, I’ll let you go.”
“Don’t do it, Thorn.” Lauryn’s voice is behind me.
I turn toward her. “I won’t let her ruin you.”
“But she’ll ruin you.” Her tears flow.
“How sweet,” Eden snarls.
I whip back in her direction. “One year. You’ll only have me by the balls for that long. I will go back to being a SEAL.”
“We’ll see about that. The other stipulation is that she transfer out of here, and you never see her again.”
“I’ll transfer, but don’t do this to him. It’s not going to make him love you again. He’ll only learn to hate you.” Lauryn is by my side.
“I’ll give you a year, but you’ll give me something in return.”
“What?” She throws a hand on her hip.
“After the year is over, you’ll agree to have our marriage records disappear. None of it ever happened. I want it wiped out. You’ll get no part of me ever again, including any financial support.”
“I can live with that because you’ll fall in love with me again, and it will be like she never happened.”
“She’s insane.” Lauryn tugs at my arm. “This isn’t about love. It’s about punishing you for leaving her. You can’t agree to any of this.”
I move her out of earshot of Eden. “I’m not letting her destroy you. Your license will be revoked, and everything you’re worked for will be gone.”
“She’s taking everything you’ve accomplished and discarding it. There has to be more that she wants, and I’m betting it has to do with money.”
“It’s one year of my life. I’ll survive, but if she exposes our affair, you’ll have nothing left.”
“Do we have a deal or not?” Eden is impatient.
“You’ll agree to my terms, and you’ll leave Lauryn alone?”
She looks Lauryn up and down. “Yes.”
“Then we have a deal.”
Chapter 9
Years later
It’s her. I haven’t seen her since the day she left my place all those years ago. She looks a little older but still as sexy. She’s trying not to look at me across the table. I need to focus on Captain Rebel’s report and introductions, but damn. My body heated up the moment I laid eyes on her. I’ve often wondered what happened to her. Did she marry? Obviously, she furthered her career like she wanted.
That year of my life was a living hell. Eden tried everything to make me fall in love with her again, but I’d grown to almost hate her. I had to fight like hell to get back into my unit when the year was over. Eden held up her end of the bargain and never reported Lauryn. She signed the papers, and I had all our records removed. I gave her a lump sum of monies that I felt I owed her, but the papers have now been sealed and she’ll never get another dime from me.
I’ve lived my life since then with one sole purpose in mind, and that’s being the best damn soldier that I could be. I’ve trained and survived many missions. I was transferred here because of a skill set that’s needed to protect us on our own soil. Captain Rebel has a good reputation as a leader, and I’m honored to be serving with a SEAL like him.
He calls the meeting after Drake rushes out. I follow Lauryn into the stairwell. “I had no idea you were here,” I say as soon as the door shuts behind us.
“I saw your name on the docket, and I let someone else step in and do your in boarding,” she says in a hushed voice.
“You didn’t have to do that.” I take a long look at her. “It’s good to see you again.”
“I’m sorry about what happened between us and that you sacrificed so much.”
“I’m not. I will never be sorry for the time we spent together.”
“Eden kept her word?”
“Yes, she’s been out of the picture for a long time. How about you? Did you ever marry?”
“No. I’ve stayed focused on my career.”
“Me too.” I can feel the heat moving between us.
“You and I need to stay in the past.” She licks her lips.
I know she wants me as much as I want her at this very moment. I dip down and capture her lips with mine. She gives in for a brief second then places her hand in the middle of my chest.
“We can’t. I’m the therapist for the Gunners. I’ve worked long and hard to get this job, and I love it. I won’t risk it for any feelings I still have for you after all this time.”
“We’re older and much wiser. We could hide it. I’m still a SEAL and don’t want anything to interfere with that either. You could assign me to an outside therapist.”
“No. Whatever you and I had in the past is better left there.”
“We’ve been in the same room for less than five minutes, and it’s obvious to me that that’s not true.”
“It was a momentary lapse of weakness. It won’t happen again.”
I watch her march up the stairs. She looks at me before she opens the door. “I’ll expect you to keep your appointments with me professional.”
I move up toward her. “Then don’t look at me like you want to devour me, sweetheart, because I’d be more than willing to oblige you.” I pull the handle on the door and hold it open for her.
“That’s not what I was doing,” she protests.
I shut the door and press her body up against it. “Every inch of you was screaming it. Your breath increased, your nipples hardened, and I’m betting if I touched you, you’d be wetter than hell,” I whisper against her neck, and I feel her swallow.
“It doesn’t matter how my body reacts to yours, you have to let this go. Please, I’m begging you.”
I inhale sharply, taking a step back. “We’ll play this your way, but if you change your mind, you know where to find me.”
Nina Pax
Nina Pax
Ekko
Chapter 1
Nina - Age 10
“Make that damn baby quit crying.” Mommy lifts her head off the bed. Her hair is matted to her face, and she’s in the same clothes from two days ago.
“There’s no more formula, and she’s hungry.” I try to hush her. “I’m hungry too,” I whine and know that it makes Mommy mad. I haven’t eaten since school on Friday. The cafeteria lady gives me leftovers from lunch to bring home. I give them to Mommy when she wakes up in the morning. It’s my favorite time of day with her. Sometimes she feels sorry for me and takes me to eat pancakes.
I love pancakes.
Morning is the only time she’s like her old self, but it never lasts long. By midday, she’s looking for her drugs. Daddy brings them home, and I become invisible again. I try to make them happy, but I never do.
Mommy crawls out of bed. I think she’s going to give me a few dollars to get some food for the baby. She wobbles over to me and swings her arm back. Smack.
I cry from the sting to my face. “I told you not to whine about food. And make that baby shut up!” She slams the bathroom door.
“I’m sorry, Rella.” I kiss the top of her head. Mommy and Daddy have ignored her since the day Momma had her right here in our trailer. They didn’t even give her a name, so I named her Cinderella. On one of Momma’s better days, before she had her, she brought home a grocery bag of formula and several boxes of diapers.
I carry Rella over to the bed where Daddy is still sleeping, and I shake his shoulder. “Daddy, Daddy, can I have some money for the baby?” He doesn’t move, and he smells.
I peek out the broken blinds. It’s almost dark outside. I don’t like going out by myself, but Rella doesn’t look good. She’s not fat like other babies I’ve seen. Sometimes she’s too weak to even cry.
I wrap her in one of Momma’s T-shirts and open the front door. Mommy comes out of the bathroom. “I’m scared. Will you go with me?” I beg her.
She shoos me away with her hand. “You’re a big girl. Ain’t nobody going to take the likes of you. Don’t come back if that baby is still crying.”
I walk the dirt road of the trailer park. No one ever speaks to me. I’m invisible to them too. My arms hurt from carrying Rella into town. I always like the dumpster by the fire department. They throw the bones of the pizza away. I don’t mind that it’s not much, but I’d sure like a taste of the rest of the pizza.
There won’t be anything in the dumpster that Rella can eat, so I’ll have to go to the store first. I wait until the lady out front isn’t looking before I go inside. I tiptoe over to the bottle of milk and tuck two into the T-shirt with Rella. When the lady is busy, I sneak back out.
I sit on the curb around the corner from the store and open a bottle. Rella makes slurping noises and gulps it down. “I’m sorry, baby. I’ll find a way to get you some more food.” I kiss her tiny nose.
The door to the fire station opens, and a man tosses a pizza box in the dumpster. My mouth waters, I’m so hungry. I carry Rella over to the dumpster and lay her on the sidewalk and climb inside. It always smells so bad, and there are all kinds of bugs.
I hate bugs.
I hear the door open again, and I duck down inside.
“Who do we have here?” a man asks.
I look over the top to see him picking up the baby. I’m so scared, my words don’t come out.
He looks around the area. “Don’t you worry, little one. I’ll take care of you.” He kisses the top of her head, and her little hand grasps his finger.
I should say something, but maybe he’ll take care of her. Mommy and Daddy don’t. I could go with him, but they need me. Mommy would never eat if it wasn’t for me.
The man hollers for someone to come outside. Two other men come through the door. He shows them Rella. “I think we should take her to the hospital. She’s so tiny and lethargic.”
“Where did she come from?” one of them asks.
“She was on the sidewalk when I came outside.”
“Someone left her here. It’s our job to take care of her.”
I watch as they load her in a red truck and drive off. “You’ll be okay now, Rella.” I open the pizza box and eat all but two bones. I’ll save those for later.
My long, tangled, dirty hair gets caught in a crack of the dumpster as I climb out. “Ouch!” I pull hard, and a long strand comes out. I run as fast as I can home. Mommy and Daddy are asleep when I make it back. I pick up their needles and plastic bands and throw them in a bucket.
I curl up in my ragged clothes and lie down on the wood pallet I have for a bed. Momma threw a blanket on it to make it softer, and I found a torn pillow in a neighbor’s tin garbage can.
I don’t sleep much thinking about Rella. I miss her already, but at least those nice men will take good care of her. She’ll be happy, and Mommy won’t yell at me anymore that she has too many mouths to feed.
When I wake up in the morning, they’re still sleeping. I get in the shower and make sure to only turn on the cold water like I’ve been told.
I hate cold water.
I use Mommy’s brush, and it pulls my hair. Maybe she’ll be in a good mood this morning and brush it for me. She always makes it look pretty.
“Wake up!” Mommy screams. “Wake up!”
I run out to her room, and she’s shaking Daddy.
“He wouldn’t wake up for me last night, either,” I tell her.
She curls in a ball and starts crying. I climb up in bed with her. “It’s okay, Mommy.” I brush her hair.
“He’s gone,” she cries. “He ain’t waking up.”
I scoot close to her. “It’s okay. I’ll take care of us.”
She looks up. “Where’s your sister?”
“I was climbing into the dumpster at the firehouse to look for some food. I couldn’t hold her and get in, so I laid her on the ground. A nice man came out and picked her up. He took her to the doctors.”
“It’s just as well. She’s better off.” She lays her head back down, crying, and never mentions the baby again.
Chapter 2
Nina - Age 13
“Momma, you home?” I yell as I come through the front door, which is hanging off its hinges.
A man comes out of her room, buckling up his pants. “She’s in there.” He points then throws some cash on the counter. I stand to the side and let him walk by me and don’t say a word until he’s gone.
I grab a twenty-dollar bill off the pile and stuff it in my bra. “Momma, you okay?” I open the door to her room. She’s pulling on a pair of jeans and puffing on a cigarette.
“Things are going to get better around here, Nina. I promise.”
She tells me that at least once a week. “I made all As on my report card.” I pull it out of my backpack. “My teacher says I have a bright future.”
“Keep dreaming, little girl. You ain’t getting out of this place. You think you’re so much better than me.”
Her mood went from pleasant to mean. “I didn’t say that, but I want to go to college one day.”
“You can get that out of your head right now. I’m not spending any of my hard-earned money on a college education for you.”
I’ve learned to bite my tongue; otherwise she’ll start swinging a belt.
“I need some new clothes for a man I’m meeting tonight. Why don’t you go down to the laundry mat and pick out something pretty for me?”
Momma thinks the local laundromat is a department store. I got tired of being teased at school about my clothes. They were either dirty or too big. I found a couple quarters on the ground one day and decided to go clean them in a real washer instead of in the sink with soap. That’s when I learned that people leave their clothes there and go shopping while they wash or dry them. I started going through th
em to find some pretty things to fit me. Then Momma made me start stealing them for her too.
The kids at school still make fun of me, but I don’t care anymore. I stay to myself most of the time. I’d never fit in, so what would be the point. Instead, I found myself going to the local library after school. The first time I went, I didn’t know the books were free as long as you checked them out and brought them back. I stuffed a bunch in my backpack, and the librarian stopped me before I made it out the door, explaining to me that I had to log them out first. She was sweet and kind and seemed to sense that I was sad and lonely. She gave me a journal and told me to write in it every day, that it would make me feel better. I went back as long as I could remember and wrote everything in it.
It didn’t make me feel better.
Yet, I still do it.
The only person that’s ever nice to me, doesn’t speak to me. I’m not sure he talks at all. He lives in the same trailer park as me at the very end of the road. People are always pulling up to his trailer and handing his father an envelope. He hands them something in return, and they drive off. I’m sure they are selling drugs. But the little boy stays to himself. He always smiles at me when he sees me. Somehow, I think he has it worse than I do. He’s a cute little kid under all the dirt on his face and clothes.
“Hurry up. He’ll be here in a couple hours, and I want to look pretty for him. Maybe he’ll be your new daddy.”
I turn around before I roll my eyes. She says that a lot too. This run-down trailer has been a revolving door since Daddy died. She tried to get a real job, but she kept herself so strung out, she’d get fired within the first couple of weeks.
I collect bottles and cans from the neighborhood and take them to the recycling center to get cash. It’s enough that I don’t go hungry anymore.
I hop on my bike I bought at a thrift store and go into town. I ride slow every time I go by the firehouse. I often think of Rella and hope that she found a good home. I do my usual thing and wait for the laundromat to clear out, other than an old man that’s always sleeping in the corner. I quickly go through the dryers and stuff clothes in my bag and ride home.
