by Kelly Moore
Over the next couple of weeks, I arrange my transfer, pack up our house, and move us to base housing. My job has me at home every night, but things between the two of us remain strained. I gather it’s all me because I’m hating what I’m doing and want to be back with my men.
“Don’t forget, we have our first marriage counseling meeting today.” Eden catches me before I make it out the door.
I glance at my watch. “What time?”
“I scheduled it for three o’clock. It’s the only appointment I could get. We got worked in on a cancellation.”
“Okay, I’ll be there.” I stress about the meeting all day at work. To have to admit to my wife that I’d rather be somewhere else is not what I want to do. Maybe the therapist can help me figure out how to not be a SEAL anymore so that my wife won’t hate me.
Ten till three, I walk into the stale-looking waiting room. One disadvantage of being a doc in the military—you don’t get the plush office or the income. Your patients are assigned to you.
I mindlessly flip through my phone, waiting for my wife. The office door with a metal plate with the name Dr. Lauryn Ruth opens. A tall, beautiful, leggy blonde with silky hose and heels walks out with a file in her hand.
She looks at me and smiles, sticking her hand out. “I assume you’re Thorn Beckham.”
I take her hand in mine, and the oddest thing happens; tingles run up my arm. I let go like she shocked me. Her expression says she felt it too. She clears her throat. “Where’s your wife?”
“She should be here any minute.” As if on cue, she walks through the door.
“Hey. Sorry I’m late. Traffic was terrible.”
“Actually, you’re right on time.” Dr. Ruth introduces herself, and we walk into her office, sitting on opposite ends of the couch. She pulls up a chair and grabs a note pad.
It was the longest hour of my life. I listened as my wife complained about every decision I’d made since my father died. I think she blames him as much as she blames me. Dr. Ruth tried to redirect her a few times, but my wife had been holding it in for years and had to get it all out.
Chapter 6
The truth comes out
“This is the fourth time we’re meeting with her, and we’ve gotten nowhere,” I whisper to Eden as we’re sitting in Dr. Ruth’s waiting room. Our fighting has gotten worse after every meeting.
“Maybe if you’d open up, we’d make progress.” She crosses her arms over her chest.
Thank god Dr. Ruth comes out before we get into a heated argument. We take our usual positions, placing distance between the two of us on the couch.
“I want to start by saying that I’ve requested some one-on-one counseling with you.” She speaks directly to me.
“Is that necessary?” I fidget.
“It’s my professional opinion that you need to talk about the things you’ve done and seen as a SEAL. You keep so much inside. I think it would help if you could share things in a safe space.”
I nod. Not what I want to do.
“I want to talk about the day you came home, and your wife told you she’d lost the baby. How did that make you feel?”
“I felt bad, but I was angry she never told me about the baby in the first place.” I use my hands to talk.
“Why didn’t you tell him?” She turns her gaze to Eden.
“Because it wouldn’t have made him come home any sooner.” My wife squirms in her seat.
“If it were me, I would’ve thought quite the opposite.” It’s not a question, but a statement by Dr. Ruth.
Eden wrings her hands in her lap.
Dr. Ruth adjusts her glasses. “How far along were you when you lost the baby?”
“What difference does that make?” I defend my wife.
“Well, after the baby reaches a certain gestational age, a casket is required to bury the baby. Have you been to his gravesite?”
Eden’s face turns ashen at her question.
I draw a knee up on the couch to look at her. “Did you bury our baby and never told me that either?”
“No,” she whispers.
“No what?”
“I was only eight weeks pregnant.” She says it so softly, I know that I heard her wrong.
“What did you say?”
Eden’s tears stream down her cheeks. I look between her and Dr. Ruth, trying to get an answer.
“You need to tell him the truth, Eden,” Dr. Ruth says. “He deserves to know.”
I stand. “What do I deserve to know?” My voice is loud.
“He doesn’t deserve anything! He abandoned me and it’s all his fault!” she cries.
“What the fuck am I missing? Tell me?” I move beside her.
“I was eight weeks pregnant when I miscarried.”
“I’m still not understanding what you’re telling me. So you didn’t tell me right when it happened just like you didn’t tell me you were pregnant.”
“Thorn, have a seat, and let her get it out.” Dr. Ruth is firm.
I sit and wait.
“The day before you came home, I had miscarried.” Eden doesn’t look at me.
“But I hadn’t been home for six months…”
“I was lonely, and you were never home.”
“You cheated on me?” I can’t believe the words coming out of my mouth. Not once did I even look at another woman.
“It just happened. I didn’t mean for it to.”
“You didn’t mean for some guy’s dick to be inside you?” I’m up on my feet again. “Wait, oh this is good. You weren’t even going to tell me it wasn’t my child. You wanted me to mourn the loss of a baby that belonged to some asshole who fucked my wife while I was on a mission fighting for this country!”
“I’m sorry,” she says.
“You’re sorry!” I yell and slam my fist on Dr. Ruth’s desk. I throw my hands in the air. “I’m done here.” I swing open the door and head to my truck. Dr. Ruth is screaming my name. “Thorn!”
I wheel around to face her. “What?”
“I’m sorry. You needed to know. Her medical records came to me, and I put the pieces together. With that being said, I still want our one-on-one sessions. It’s important that you be able to talk about everything that’s happened.”
“Yeah, well fuck that.” I open the truck door.
“I can force you to come, please don’t make me do that.” Her fingers land on my open window.
I run my hand over my hair and pull my hat on. “Give me a few days to figure out how to deal with this mess. I’ll set up an appointment next week.” I turn over the ignition and squeal out of the parking lot.
I don’t head home. The bar and a bourbon sound like an invitation to kill what’s left of me. I drown my sorrows to the point that I start blaming myself for the affair. I’m angry as hell, but she’s right. I was never there for her. How could I pin it all on her? A few more drinks in me, and I figure out how to blame her. I would’ve never cheated on her. And the baby! Not even mine!
The bartender throws me out and calls me a cab. He asks for my address, and I stare into space. How am I supposed to go back home? She betrayed me, and that’s something you never do to anyone.
Instead of going back to the house, I sleep it off in a hotel room. I wake up with a horrible headache and ten text messages from Eden wanting to know when I’m coming home so we can talk.
It’s the weekend, and I don’t need to go into the office today. An office that I’ve come to hate. I get a ride back to the bar to pick up my truck and head home to face the inevitable. Eden is sitting at the dining room table, sipping on a cup of coffee. I let out a long sigh when I sit across from her.
“How did we get here?”
“You know my answer to that.” She glares at me.
“I’m sorry that I turned into someone you didn’t want me to be. I should’ve never convinced myself that I was anything less than a soldier at heart. For that, I’m truly sorry. I tried to be what you wanted me to be.”
&
nbsp; She gets up and sits next to me. “I was always honest with you about how I felt.” She takes my hand. “We can still work this out.”
I yank my hand from her. “There is nothing left between us to work out. You slept with another man and lied about the baby.”
“Please, you were never here. You are now, and things are out in the open. We can keep going to see Dr. Ruth. I still love you, Thorn.”
“Therein lies the problem. You killed what love I had for you the moment you admitted to cheating on me.”
“I know you’re angry, you don’t really mean that,” she cries.
“I do mean it with every fiber of my body. No amount of therapy is going to change that. I’m miserable at this job, and you’ve been unhappy with me for years. Even if I could love you again, I can’t change who I am. As soon as I can make the arrangements, I’m going back to my team.” My chair makes a loud scraping noise when I push away from the table.
I go to my room, pack up her things, and set them at her feet. She’s not moved from the table. “You won’t be able to live on base anymore. I’ll pay for a hotel room for you until you find a place to live. I’m assuming you’ll go back to Asheville. I’ll send the rest of your things there when you text me your address.”
She sniffs a few times and picks up her bags. “Goodbye, Thorn.”
I walk her to the door and watch her pull out of the driveway. I close my eyes and try to remember the girl that I fell in love with all those years ago. She’s not the same, and neither am I. I know I told her that I don’t love her anymore, but it’s a lie I’m telling myself to push her away. She hates this life, and she shouldn’t be forced to stay. I’ll never make her happy being away, and I can’t be here any longer.
Chapter 7
This can’t happen either
“Why can’t you sign my paperwork so that I can get back to my team?” I push the papers across her desk to her.
“That’s not how this works. You’ve been through an ordeal, and I need to make sure you’re fit to go back.” Dr. Ruth picks up the papers, placing them in a file.
“I’m sure I’m not the only soldier that’s been cheated on while overseas. I promise you, I’m fine.”
She rests back in her chair. “Have you processed what happened between the two of you?”
“That’s a no-brainer, Doc. She never wanted me in the military, and I forced her hand. I thought she’d come around, but she was always afraid I’d never come back. I guess my downfall was that I loved my team more than my wife. I can’t blame her for needing more from her husband.”
“Sounds like you weren’t a fit from the start.”
“She was my first girlfriend.” I blink my eyes to hold off tears.
“I’m sorry. We never truly forget our first loves. Most people just don’t marry them. I am sorry she hurt you.”
I lean my elbows on my knees. “Maybe I should suck it up and forgive her and retire.”
“Is that what you really want?”
I sigh. “No. I’m a soldier, always will be. I guess that means I’ll be alone the rest of my life, other than my brothers in arms.”
“It’s a hard life to maintain a marriage and a family in, but it can be done with the right person.”
I stand. “So, what do you say into letting me go back?”
“I’d like to keep you stationed here for the next month. I’m sure it will take you that long to transfer anyway. Why not have someone to talk to while you’re still here?”
She makes me want to stick around. She’s easy to talk to, and maybe it will help me get rid of some of the anger that I’m feeling. “Okay.”
“I want to see you three days a week.” She opens her calendar.
“Damn. Am I that fucked up?” I chuckle.
“There are lots of criteria we can go over before you head back to your SEAL duties. I’d like to discuss your past experiences too.”
“Can we meet somewhere other than this office? It’s depressing and reminds me of Eden.”
“I’m sure that can be arranged.” She smiles, and I realize how beautiful she is.
“How about the Mexican restaurant on base? You do like Mexican food?”
“It’s my favorite.” She pushes a blonde strand of hair behind her ear. For the first time, I notice how green her eyes are. They’re beautiful, and a man could easily get lost in them.
“Text me when and where. I’ll be there.”
Over the next several weeks, Dr. Ruth and I’ve spent a lot of time together. One hour bled into the next. We’ve become comfortable with one another and found that we have a lot in common. Lauryn is smart, sexy, and once you get to know her, she’s funny. She’s focused on furthering her career in the military. She wants to one day be stationed with a SEAL team. She feels that being able to tune into specific soldiers, she’d be of more help. She graduated a year ago and enlisted right away.
I’ve filed for a divorce, but Eden is resistant. She keeps calling me every night, begging me to work it out with her. I feel a huge burden of guilt. I hate what she did, but I love her enough to let her go find happiness, knowing it will never be with me.
Lauryn is helping me work through it. She seems to understand that being a soldier is built into my DNA, and it’s not something I can willingly change. And honestly, I don’t want to.
“You look nice,” I say, pulling out Lauryn’s chair. We’ve become regulars at the Mexican restaurant. She’s dressed in a light floral dress and a pair of sandals. More comfortable than her usual look.
“Thank you.” She sits, and rubs her lips together, smearing the gloss I don’t think I’ve seen her wear before.
“How are you? Did you get anywhere with Eden on the divorce papers?”
“Always directly to the point.” I chuckle.
She bites at her lip. “It’s not for the reasons you think.”
“What do you mean?”
“I know it’s wrong, but I have feelings for you that I shouldn’t have. We’ve grown so close over the last couple weeks, and I know I should keep it professional, but every time I’m around you, I want more.”
Wow, she’s blown me out of the water. I know how attracted I am to her, but I’ve been brushing it off. I lean close and place my hand on her thigh under the table. “I’ve been feeling the same way.”
She presses a soft kiss to my lips, and it stirs something inside me that I’ve never felt, not even with Eden. “How about we skip dinner and go back to my place?”
“I’d like that.” A sexy smile plays on her face.
I stand and pull her chair out. Her hand folds into mine, and we get in my truck. She slides to the middle, slipping her hand on my leg. I’m instantly hard. The ride across the base is short, and I can feel the intensity building between us.
I unlock the door, and our bodies crash together before it’s even closed. Our hands are all over each other, ripping our clothes off so we can touch one another.
“Damn, you’re beautiful.” I pick her up and carry her to my bedroom. We spend the next several hours enjoying one another. She falls asleep, and I hold her in my arms. My thoughts are racing all over the place. I feel like I’ve cheated on my wife, but I don’t regret a minute of my time with Lauryn.
“You’re thinking loudly,” she whispers and rolls over into my chest.
“You know this doesn’t change anything about me leaving.”
“Yes. We’ll enjoy each other while you’re here and then I’ll let you go. We both have career paths to follow, and neither one of us wants to sacrifice that.” She slides over the top of me. Her naked core is pressed into mine. I place my hands on her stomach and move them upward to behind her neck. I draw her down to my mouth and kiss her.
“I like the sound of enjoying each other.”
This time when she falls asleep, I do too, with her held tightly against me. I wake the next morning to an empty bed.
“Lauryn?”
I hear a noise in the other room then she
pokes her head inside. “I’m sorry. You were sleeping so peacefully, I didn’t want to wake you. I’ve got an appointment this morning, and I really need to change clothes before I go to my office.”
I throw the covers off and get out of bed. She meets me halfway. I hug her to my naked body. “Thank you for last night. Will I see you again later?”
“You’re welcome and most definitely.” She smacks a kiss to my lips. “Text me later.”
Chapter 8
Time to Leave
We’ve spent every spare minute together for the past month. I leave to go back to my unit in two days. We’ve talked about it and where that leaves us. We’re both good with seeing each other when I’m back in the States and nothing more in between. I’ll miss her friendship and her body next to mine, but I’ll be doing what I was born to do, and so will she. I love the freedom our relationship gives one another.
“I’ve got a debriefing today, and I won’t be home till late tonight,” I tell her as I wrap a towel around her wet body.
“How about I pick us up some dinner, and I’ll meet you back here. We can get dirty again.”
“I love showering with you,” I say, kissing her collarbone.
“Thorn! Are you here!”
Eden’s voice echoes through the house. “Shit! Stay in here. I’ll go see what she wants.” I drape a towel around my waist and rush out the door to see her standing in my doorway with papers in her hand.
“You can’t just come in my house anytime you want, Eden.”
“I knew if I asked, you’d tell me no. I wanted to go over our divorce papers. I know you’re leaving soon.” She looks around my room.
I should’ve changed the locks on the door. “Let me get dressed. I’ll meet you in the living room.”
She turns around like she’s going to walk out then spins in my direction. “Is there a woman in here?” She points to Lauryn’s purse that’s on the nightstand.
