Eddie’s Prize

by Maddy Barone

  As Carla led the way out of the rec room, Lisa heard Taye say to Snake, “Keep her in the back, okay? I don’t want her to have to see…”

  She didn’t hear what Taye didn’t want someone to see because she was out of range of his voice. Somehow, without intending to, Lisa found herself bundled up in her long johns with Tami, Carla, and Rose in the open snowy area in back of the stable where Carla kept the horse Taye and his people had given her. She wondered how Alexander was doing.

  Jay, one of Taye’s top men, dragged her attention away from the memory of the baby horse. “One of the most important things you can do to defend yourself is to always be aware of where you are and who is around you. The best fight is the one you can avoid. Are you listening?”

  Lisa nodded. “Yes. Avoiding a fight is best.”

  “There’s nothing wrong with screaming for help,” he went on. “Now, if you cannot avoid a fight, it’s best to disable your attacker.”

  Lisa listened while he described the ways she could most easily hurt an attacker. Jay obviously didn’t care about fighting fair. He said he wanted her to be able to survive a fight, not be polite to an attacker. She practiced how to sharply twist her wrist so it could slide out of a man’s grip most easily and how to stab her fingers into his eyes.

  “You’re tall,” he said approvingly. “Your arms give you good reach. Tomorrow we’ll start on how to use a knife.”

  Lisa wasn’t sure she wanted to learn to use a knife, but after the attack on the den a month ago, Taye had demanded that all the women learn to defend themselves. Since she lived here now, that included her.

  As Lisa followed Jay toward the den, she heard raised voices. “…talk to my wife!” thundered one.

  Eddie? She rushed around the den to the front and drank in the sight of him outside the gate. Snake was standing there, arms folded over his bare chest, looking particularly ferocious. “She’s not your wife! She repudiated you.”

  But Eddie wasn’t looking at Snake. His eyes were fixed on her. “Lisa,” he breathed so softly that only his lips shaping the name let her know what he said.

  She wavered between getting closer to him and going straight into the den.

  “You don’t have to talk to him if you don’t want to,” Snake growled.

  Lisa drifted forward, her gaze drawn to Eddie with almost painful eagerness. He looked tired. Even though she stopped ten feet from the gate, she could see the dark circles under his eyes. “Hello, Eddie,” she said quietly.

  He pressed closer to the gate. “Lisa … how are you? Have you been sick?”

  Why? she wondered. Do I look like a hag? “I’m fine. How are your mom and Bree?”

  “They’re fine. We had a little scare with mom, but Doc Whitten said it wasn’t the plague.”

  Lisa felt her stomach drop. “The baby?”

  “Fine.” Eddie sounded impatient. “Lisa, why did you leave me?”

  Lisa stared at him in anger-edged shock. “Really? You have to ask? Really?”

  “You can’t still be pouting because I don’t share every single detail of my life with you?”

  Lisa clenched her fists. “Every single detail? I’m not asking for every single detail. Only the ones you yourself told your mother you thought I should know. And I’m not pouting.”

  Eddie raised his hands as if to say he surrendered. “That was a poor choice of words.”

  “Yes, it was.” Anger, clean and sharp, rose in her. “That was the kettle calling the pot black. Which of us was it who ran away from every fight and stayed out all night? Which of us stayed away from home as much as possible for the week before the Gala?”

  Eddie’s jaw worked. Conflicting expressions crossed over his face so fast Lisa couldn’t decipher all them before they were gone. She saw hurt, desperation, panic, and anger among them. “I had my reasons,” he finally said. “Let’s not argue. Please.” His open palm pressed against the fence. “I miss you, Lisa.”

  Something inside Lisa melted. She took a step closer to the gate. “You do?”

  “Yes, you don’t know how horrible the last few days have been. All I wanted to do was find you. But with the Woman Killer Plague on the loose, I had to put my personal concerns aside. You can understand, can’t you?”

  “Of course.”

  She would have gone closer, but Snake put out an arm to hold her back murmuring, “Keep back. Don’t forget the quarantine.”

  Lisa paused, still five feet away from the gate. “You look tired, Eddie.”

  “I haven’t gotten much sleep since you left. I spend hours every day riding all over the place to bring the news to people and check on how they are doing and if they need anything.” His eyes were yearning when he looked at her. “I come home at night, cold and weary, and the house is empty. I miss your wonderful suppers. I loved coming home and finding a hot meal you cooked waiting for me.”

  The tender bud of hope shriveled inside Lisa. She was waiting for words of love and regret, and he was talking about not having a hot supper on the table when he got home? “Really?”

  “And I go to a cold, lonely bed. You’re not there, and I’m so alone. I miss having your warmth beside me in bed.”

  “Really?” She turned on her heel. “I’m sure Ruth would be glad to warm you up and put a hot meal on your table,” she tossed over her shoulder.

  “Lisa!” It didn’t sound to her like a broken-hearted cry. It was a demand, accompanied by the gate rattling violently. “I love you. Come back! Please! We’re not done talking!”

  She ignored him, sailing through the various members of the Pack that had gathered around the fence. At the door to the den she turned to look at Eddie. Snake and Jay obligingly moved aside so she had direct eye contact with her ex.

  “How many times did I ask you to talk to me? How many times? But I’m done. It’s over,” she said with hard won calm. “Don’t come back, Eddie.”

  She went to the rec room and grabbed the growing granny square out of its bag. Jelly followed her and asked fearfully, “Are you gonna cry now?”

  “No,” she snapped. “He’s not worth it.”

  Jelly smiled with open relief. “Good. I hate it when you cry.”

  “Me too,” said Lisa. “I’m sick of crying. I’ve been bawling for three months straight. It’s time for that to stop.”

  Carla entered the rec room in time to hear that. She sat in her big chair. “You’ve had reason to cry, Lisa. The plane crash, leaving everything behind, getting married… It takes a toll.”

  Jelly nodded with the earnest expression of a teenager trying to be comforting. “Especially getting married to someone like that.”

  The urge to cry was swallowed by slightly hysterical giggles. “I’ve always been emotional, and it’s going to take me some time to get over Eddie, but I’ll do it.”

  Jelly curled up at her feet with a happy smile and watched her crochet furiously until lunch.

  * * * *

  Faced with a dozen bristling wolves on two feet, plus more on four feet, Eddie had to leave the den. He couldn’t do anything else with the quarantine in effect. At least he had seen Lisa and she looked well. All the way home, he wondered what he had said to make her so angry. She had told him not to come back, but that was ridiculous. He had to go to the den every day on his rounds, anyway. He decided each morning he would head north first and stop at the den to drop off the newssheets on his way to Dane’s place. Then on his way back from Dane’s, he would stop again to see if Lisa would speak to him. He would do that every day until she agreed to see him.

  That night, after he had completed his rounds, he went to his parents’ house for supper. His mother sat at the foot of the table, her face showing her exhaustion. Eddie took the chair he had eaten meals in for twenty-six years. It should feel comfortable and familiar, but it didn’t. He missed Lisa.

  Bree brought in the meatloaf and potatoes and went back for the beans and gravy. She looked tired too. Eddie stood up to take the gravy boat from her. “S
it down. We can serve ourselves.”

  After all the dishes had been passed around, his dad broke tradition by talking during the meal. “Eddie, what news from up north? Anyone sick up that-a-way?”

  Eddie swallowed his bite of meatloaf. “No, Dad. Dane says no one around his place is sick, and none of Taye Wolfe’s people is sick either.”

  “That’s good. We might brush through this pretty well after all. Only six people altogether got sick so far. Only three dead.”

  His mother spoke in a tired, colorless voice. “It’s only been a few days. Too soon to celebrate yet.”

  Eddie saw his father’s concern when he looked at his wife’s gray face. “Dar, you need to rest more. I’m getting worried about you.”

  “Don’t fuss. I’m fine.”

  “You’re not sleeping,” his father argued. “I know ’cause I lay awake beside you.”

  “Enough, Ray.” His mother’s tone held a sharp note. “I’m fine.”

  Bree’s lips tightened, but she kept her face down as she ate. Eddie took a deep breath and spoke casually. “Mom, I saw Lisa today. She asked after you and Bree, said she hoped you were doing well.”

  Now Bree looked up, face shining. “How is she? I sure miss her.”

  Not as much as Eddie did. His mom ate mechanically with a frown wrinkling her forehead. “I’m glad to know she’s well. When you see her again, give her my regards.”

  They all seemed to think he’d see her again. He would. Eventually, she’d give in and agree to see him. She had to. He didn’t think he could live without her.

  When supper was over, he offered to help Bree with the dishes while their father coddled their mother in the living room. He dreaded going back to his lonely house, and he wanted to talk to his sister. She knew Lisa better than anyone. Maybe she could tell him what to do to convince Lisa to come back. Maybe she could tell him why Lisa went so quickly from warm to cold this morning at the den too.

  “Well, what did you say to her?” Bree demanded.

  Eddie tried to remember exactly what he’d said. “We argued at first. I said something pretty stupid about her pouting because I don’t confide every little thing to her. Then she accused me of pouting because … because I stay out pretty late sometimes.”

  Bree paused in washing a plate, her eyes looking sideways at him. “You stay out all night sometimes. And the week before the Gala you were pretty pissed off about something. I could tell because you were never home. Never, Eddie. How do you think Lisa felt about that?”

  He opened his mouth, and when nothing came to mind, he closed it and dried the plate Bree handed him.

  “Eddie, tell me the truth. Why were you avoiding Lisa?”

  The truth. Bree was the only one besides his mother who knew the truth. “She knows there is something wrong with me. She wanted me to tell her what it was.”

  Bree waited. “And?”

  “And?” he echoed, confused.

  “And did you tell her?”

  “Of course not!”

  The suds squished between Bree’s fingers when she wrung the dishrag out with excessive force. “Why not?”

  “Because,” he said stupidly, trying to remember. “Because Mom said not to. Lisa could accidentally let something slip.”

  Bree dunked the crusted pan the meatloaf had baked in and attacked it with vigor. “So could I,” she remarked.

  “No, you wouldn’t. You’ve known most of your life, and you never have. Besides, you’re my sister.”

  “Lisa’s your wife.” The pan thudded to the bottom of the dishwater when Bree let go of it to reach wet hands to his face. “She was your wife. I love Mom, and I know she has her reasons to want to keep the secret, but she’s wrong about this. Lisa probably feels shut out.”

  Eddie pushed his sister’s wet hands away and wiped his face with the towel. “Never mind that now. After that, we talked some more, and it looked like she was softening, but then she froze up and walked away. She said not to come back.”

  Bree rolled her eyes. “Okay, tell me what you said.”

  “I said I missed her. I told her how empty our house was without her and how lonely it was to sleep alone.”

  Bree considered it while she rinsed the loaf pan and handed it to him to dry. “That doesn’t sound so bad. What were your exact words?”

  Eddie tried to remember. “Um … I can’t remember exactly. Something about how lonely it is at home without her.” The comment she’d flipped over her shoulder came back to him. “She told me to let Ruth keep me company and cook my meals.”

  Bree shook her head as she handed him the last pan to dry. “Big brother, you need to throw yourself down in front of Lisa and tell her you love her and you can’t live without her. Tell her everything. Get on your knees and beg her to take you back. Above all, tell her where you go when you leave her alone all night. She probably thinks you’re cozying up to Ruth.”

  He recoiled. “I would never do that!”

  “Well, how would she know that? You practically accused her of cheating on you. Why wouldn’t she think you were cheating on her?”

  Eddie took the dishpan from her to dump it outside while his sister wiped down the kitchen counters. Lisa couldn’t think that of him, could she? And he hadn’t thought that of her, not really. It was his stupid beast that made him act like a raving maniac.

  His sister took the pan from him and hung it up. She turned back to him and gripped his shoulders in forceful hands. “Mom is wrong in this. Lisa deserves to know. You should tell her,” she said again.

  How could he? What would his mother say? Maybe Bree was right, but going against his mother was something he’d never dreamed of doing. The wolves had alphas to run things, and their word was law. The Madisons had Darlene. “Would Lisa want to be married to a man who isn’t really a man?” he murmured.

  Bree shrugged. “I don‘t see why not. Right now she’s living with dozens of men who aren’t really men. You’re such an idiot. Tell her the truth.”

  Eddie returned to his cold, empty house and pondered Bree’s words. He wanted his wife back. He missed the look of happy pride on her face when he complimented the supper she’d prepared. Every supper she put in front of him had told him she loved him, as much as the words she murmured to him in bed had. His world was crumbling about him. Without her arms to hold it together, it would shatter.

  That night he fell into another of those weird dreams where the cat, still dressed like Mr. Gray, came and sat on the edge of the bed.

  “So, brother,” he said conversationally, and his voice was less polished than it had been in the previous dream, rougher, with a hint of a rumble in it, as if he were purring underneath. “You’ve decided at last to be a man.”

  “I’ve always been a man,” Eddie countered indignantly, struggling up to a sitting position. Talking to the beast lying down put him at a disadvantage.

  The cat shook his head. His hair was wild, the rough, tawny curls jumbled as if he hadn’t combed it. In spite of the worn cardigan sweater that aped Mr. Gray’s comfortable, cultured style, he seemed more like what Eddie thought his beast was—wild and untamed.

  “There doesn’t have to be an advantage or disadvantage between us,” the cat said. “We’re one person, just different parts of the same person. I meant you’re going to speak to Lisa and tell her the truth about me.”

  Eddie hesitated, but wondered why he bothered. The damn cat knew what he thought without him saying it.

  “That’s true,” the cat purred. “And if you try, you can know what’s in my mind too. You just have to stop thinking of me as something alien. Hide me from the rest of the world if you want, but don’t hide me from yourself. Or our mate.”

  “She might not accept you,” Eddie said.

  “If she doesn’t accept me, then she doesn’t accept you. We’re one. You’ve been careful to build a wall between us, but it’s wrong. When you let me out, don’t you love running? You love the speed and the feel of the ground beneath our
paws. And the chase! But then you’re ashamed, and when you change back to human, you hate me. Eddie, how can Lisa accept me if you don’t accept me?”

  The cat was right. All his life he’d tried to keep the beast stuffed deep inside, yet the freedom in running on four paws was exhilarating. The triumph he felt when he brought down a meal was a thrill. And, yes, he was ashamed when he changed back.

  “I don’t know how to be different,” Eddie confessed.

  “Your mother taught you to hate me.” The cat sighed. “That was wrong of her.”

  “It’s hard to disobey her.” Eddie shivered with dread of her anger.

  The cat laid a hand on Eddie’s shoulder. “I know. She is your Alpha, like Taye Wolfe is for his Pack. You have to decide which is more important, your mother or your mate.”

  Eddie woke with a start. The bedroom was cold. No young man in an old cardigan sat on the bed. Greatly daring, he tried to search inside himself. Could he mentally touch the cat?

  “I’ll tell Lisa tomorrow,” he said out loud, and also inwardly. “Let’s try to work together to bring her back to us.”

  Alone, between cold sheets on the bed he’d made love to his wife in, he gave in to tears. He needed Lisa. He needed her love even more than he needed his mother’s approval.

  Chapter 25

  Since she was crocheting with single-minded focus, Lisa was making great progress on her afghan. By supper time it was big enough to cover her lap. With every loop she hooked, she reminded herself Eddie was in the past. It was over. Tears occasionally plopped onto the afghan, but Lisa tried to not worry about them. Tears were normal while a girl was recovering from a broken heart.

  Of course, the tears alarmed the wolves. Snake very earnestly offered to bite anyone she’d like. Jay squirmed helplessly and put more food on her plate at supper. Jelly reminded her plaintively she’d said she wasn’t crying anymore. After supper, Lobo tried to get his dog to play fetch with her. The Beagle was having none of it, which made her laugh. It was plain that everyone was doing their best to cheer her up, so she tried to smile and act happy.