The Price of Freedom

by Every, Donna

  Thomas led the doctor in and waited while he performed his examination and pronounced that Richard had a concussion and that he was to keep quiet for the next few days. He advised that he would probably have a headache and may experience nausea or vomiting. He gave them warning signs to watch for and told them to call him right away if they saw any of them, otherwise he would return in two days.

  When he left, Deborah went down to the kitchen to make some chamomile tea with skullcap to ease the pain in his head when he woke up. She wished that she could do more and felt helpless that all she could do was wait.

  The sun was beginning to go down when Richard opened his eyes and found Deborah restlessly folding the clothes in his drawers. He would have smiled if his head was not throbbing so much. He searched his memory for the cause and remembered trying to calm the horse in the fire and getting hit on the head by its rearing hoof. He couldn’t recall how he had got out of the track or back to the house.

  “Why the sudden desire to fold all my clothes?” he asked in a rough voice.

  Deborah dropped the shirt she was folding and sped around, relieved that Richard had woken up.

  “You’re awake! We were all so worried about you,” she added as she crossed to the bed. She was concerned with his pallor and was about to ask how he felt when he murmured, “Chamber pot,” just seconds before she pulled it from under the bed and he emptied his stomach into it.

  She gave him a cup of water to rinse out his mouth and put the lid on the pot and left it by the door to empty later.

  “Thank you. I feel like I’ve been kicked in the head by a horse,” he joked weakly.

  Deborah was relieved that he could still joke even though he looked so ill. She gently stroked the hair back from his forehead which was wrapped in a bandage.

  “I made you some tea for your headache. I’ll just go and warm it up. The doctor said that your head would be aching when you woke up and that you might feel nauseous. Do you feel dizzy?”

  “No but my throat is raw and my head hurts like the devil.”

  “I’ll be right back,” promised Deborah heading for the door. She picked up the chamber pot to empty outside and hoped that he didn’t need to use it before she came back.

  She ran into Rachel in the hallway and informed her that Richard had woken up. It was so strange to be speaking to her as if she was a stranger, when they had played together as children and did so many things together. Soon she would be free to speak to them as an equal and not as a slave. She smiled to herself as she pictured how horrified the mistress would be.

  Richard closed his eyes against the pain and marveled at the fact that he was still alive since he knew that a well placed kick from a horse could kill a man. Maybe there was something that he still had to do with his life, so he silently thanked God for sparing it.

  Richard was restless. Once again he was confined to his room in Barbados. The pain in his head had lessened to a dull throbbing and he had not vomited since the first night. The doctor had come a little while ago and although he seemed pleased with his progress he instructed him to rest for a few more days and not to move around too much.

  He wondered where Deborah was. He enjoyed having her around fussing over him and when he remembered how annoying he’d found Hattie’s attention, he wondered why he didn’t feel the same with Deborah.

  His thoughts seemed to bring her into the room and she quietly knocked and opened the door. He brightened on seeing her in one of the brightly colored skirts and blouses that he had bought for her that day in Town. He was surprised at how much he had enjoyed treating her to new clothes, especially since Ann’s interest in clothes had often annoyed him.

  “I was just wondering where you were,” he told her.

  “Why, were you missing me?” she flirted with him. Deborah did not normally talk to Richard so boldly but she was happy that he was recovering well and that the doctor was pleased with his progress.

  “Come over here and I’ll show you how much,” he promised huskily.

  “Now behave yourself. The doctor said that you’re not to move around too much so you need to keep quiet.”

  “I promise not to move too much. You can do everything.”

  “Richard! You are wicked!” He loved the fact that he could easily shock her and he took every opportunity to do so. She had called him Richard so maybe she no longer saw him as her master but as her lover. He smiled at the thought.

  “OK. Read to me instead. At least for now,” he conceded.

  “You know what happened the last time I read to you. Your aunt was not at all pleased.”

  “Well you belong to me now so she can’t do anything about it.” Deborah sobered up. She kept forgetting that she belonged to Richard and she feared that he not only owned her but, worse yet, he was beginning to own her heart.

  “I’ll go down to Master Thomas’ library and see what I can find. As long as it isn’t Richard Ligon’s ‘Observations upon the shape of Negroes’. You made me read that on purpose, didn’t you?” She accused him.

  “I could not resist. You should have seen your face when you saw what I’d asked you to read. And I have to admit that his observations were very accurate,” he said lowering his gaze to the subject matter.

  “I would throw something at you but you have not recovered fully as yet. I’m going to find a book. Maybe Macbeth or something equally sinister.”

  Richard smiled as she left the room. He couldn’t imagine ever getting bored with her. She was constantly changing and the fact that she was a slave in no way demeaned her, no matter what she thought. If she was like this as a slave, what would she be like when she was free? Unfortunately he would not be around to see it. He planned to leave at the end of June which would give him two clear months in Barbados and he intended to make the most of that time.

  Thomas managed to take some time from the harvest to stop by Richard’s room to see how he was doing. He was glad that he seemed well on the way to recovery. He still felt guilty that Richard had been injured on the plantation and he was thankful that his life had been spared.

  That reminded him of his promise to God that he would give up Sarah if he spared Richard’s life. He would call his lawyer as soon as he had a break from the harvest and start putting things in place to have the manumission papers prepared. He would set her free but that didn’t mean he couldn’t continue to visit her. He would buy her a property in Town where she could live and have a shop of some kind.

  His conscience pricked slightly that he was not in fact giving up Sarah, he was just moving her to a different location and he would not own her anymore. God knew that he couldn’t live without her altogether; she had become a very important part of his life. To give her up altogether would be like losing a limb.

  “I’m certainly glad to see you looking so much better,” Thomas greeted Richard.

  “I have the best nurse,” Richard said. “Deborah has been at my beck and call and she hasn’t complained once. I’m only sorry that she’s taking the doctor’s orders of no movement very seriously. What’s the point of having her this close to me if I can’t do anything about it?” He complained.

  Thomas laughed at his disgusted expression. “Does that mean you haven’t got her out of your system yet?”

  “I haven’t had enough opportunities to do so to tell the truth, but I can’t see it happening,” he admitted. “I decided today that I will go back to Carolina at the end of June so hopefully I’ll be cured by then.”

  “I will be very sorry to see you go. When you were unconscious in the cart, you looked so close to death that I made a pact with God that if he spared your life I would give up Sarah.”

  Richard didn’t know what to say because he knew how much Sarah meant to his uncle.

  “He did his part, I will do mine, so I’ll get my lawyer to work on manumission papers soon and I will set her free when you free Deborah. I’ll buy a property in town for her and give her enough money for the two of them to start a busi
ness of some sort.”

  “Thank you for your petition on my behalf. I’m glad to hear that you’ll be freeing Sarah because I was worried about what Deborah would do without her, but to tell the truth I haven’t thought much beyond the next two months and how she would survive. I find it hard to think rationally with that woman around,” he laughed at himself.

  “So all is well?” Thomas inquired.

  “Very well. She’s everything I imagined she would be. She told me about William,” he broached the subject carefully, “but she is over that. Well over it,” he added with a satisfied smile.

  “I am glad,” Thomas said seriously. “That’s why I was so careful to protect her from the men who wanted to buy her, but I knew that I could trust you to be good to her. I wouldn’t have sold her to anyone else.”

  Richard was humbled and before he could even find the words to express what his uncle’s words meant to him he continued: “You have become even closer to me than my own son. If you ever consider staying in Barbados I want you to know that you would have a place here. I’m not getting any younger and I could use a good manager for the plantation.”

  Richard was astounded at Thomas’ offer and was embarrassed to feel a lump in his throat that his uncle, after only knowing him for a month would trust him to that extent when his father did not.

  “I’m very honored by your offer, sir but my future is in Carolina.”

  “If you ever change your mind, let me know.” Richard nodded, still overcome with emotion.

  Deborah knocked softly on the door and opened it when Richard invited her to come in. She stopped as she saw Thomas sitting in the chair by his bed but they both gestured her to come closer. Richard patted the bed next to him but Deborah was not so bold as to sit next to him on the bed with Master Thomas present and chose to remain standing. She had to remind herself that he was no longer her master but seventeen years was hard to undo.

  “Is this young man treating you well?” Thomas asked her, searching her face.

  “I would like to treat her even better but the doctor has convinced her that I’m to keep quiet.”

  Deborah blushed, suddenly shy in front of her former master.

  “And well you should. You’ve been kicked in the head by a horse, boy. If that didn’t shake you up, I don’t know what will. But you didn’t let Deborah answer my question.” Both of them looked expectantly at her.

  “He’s been very good to me,” Deborah admitted, looking at Richard with an uncharacteristically shy smile. Richard smiled back at her and held out a hand to her. Deborah could not ignore the gesture and came closer to give him her hand. Richard kissed the palm, tickling it with the tip of his tongue which made her tingle and look quickly at Master Thomas to see if he had noticed. He was smiling at them with a look of approval on his face.

  “I will leave you two now. I don’t think I’m needed here.”

  Deborah made a half-hearted protest but Richard said quickly, “Thanks for the visit.”

  As the door closed behind his uncle he pulled Deborah closer until she was sitting next to him on the bed. Taking the handkerchief from her head, he unraveled her hair and buried his fingers in the thick locks all the while holding her eyes captive with his.

  He was pleased to see her eyes darken with desire but she was still protesting half-heartedly about the doctor’s orders even as his lips closed over hers. After two days of not touching her, he felt a surge of desire and his kiss quickly became demanding. Deborah kissed him back as if she too had been starving for the taste and feel of his mouth on hers.

  As he began to unbutton her blouse she stilled his hands and said with great reluctance, “I don’t want to do anything to hinder your recovery. I’m serious Richard; the doctor was adamant that you should not move around much for a few days.”

  “OK. I’ll show you what to do so that we keep the doctor happy,” he said resuming what he had started.

  In less time than seemed decent Deborah collapsed against his heaving chest, satisfied that the doctor’s orders had not been violated too badly.

  Richard held her in his arms and said breathlessly, “Don’t you know that you’re the best medicine for me?”

  Yes, but not for much longer. Deborah thought silently.

  Chapter 22

  A month later

  Richard looked out over the plantation and was able to see new vistas from his vantage point as many of the fields were now bare of the tall sugar cane. There was just over a month remaining of the harvest and everyone was looking forward to the end of the crop. He realized that by the time the crop was officially over he would be on a boat back to Carolina.

  He hoped that his aunt had forgotten about her plans to have another party to celebrate the end of harvest because he knew that he wouldn’t feel like celebrating. In fact as the end of June drew closer he began to be filled with restlessness and he didn’t need to examine its source that closely to recognize that he was being torn between Barbados and Carolina. He had come to love Barbados and life on the plantation, but the opportunity to run the Carlisle’s plantation and make his own way was still very strong.

  His thoughts turned to Deborah as they did so many times during the day. His uncle had been right; she was no closer to being out of his system. He realized that it wasn’t even just physical desire that he had for her because many nights he was too exhausted to even lift his hand but he still called for Deborah just so that he could sleep with her in his arms.

  Eventually he ordered her to move into his room rather than returning to hers each night. He knew that his aunt disapproved but his uncle had given his permission. Besides it would only be for five more weeks. Five weeks, or thirty-seven days to be exact. He had already arranged with Bostick to leave with the boat on June 30.

  His uncle had told him only today that Deborah’s birthday was tomorrow. He wanted to give her something special; something that she would have to remember him by when he left. He didn’t have time to go into Town to buy anything. What could he give her?

  Her freedom. The thought floated to him on the breeze. Her freedom? Before he left? Then she would have no reason to stay with him. Would she be willing to stay if she had her freedom? He didn’t want to lose her yet. He felt good when she was around. She made him laugh and challenged him at every turn and she made him feel powerful when she was shuddering in his arms. He had been right when he told her that he couldn’t imagine getting tired of her.

  Could he risk losing all that by giving her the freedom she longed for now? The document had been prepared over a month ago; all he had to do was write in the date and sign it. He felt that she had feelings for him, but were they strong enough to keep her with him if he freed her now?

  May 25, 1696

  The beautiful day mocked Deborah’s heavy mood. Two years after her fateful sixteenth birthday when she had rued the fact that she was a slave, nothing had changed. Granted she would have her freedom when Richard left at the end of next month and the anticipation she felt could not be explained to someone who was free, but now she found that it was somewhat diminished by the thought of him leaving. How had her emotions become so involved? She had planned to treat this as a business arrangement and she remembered swearing to him that she would never want him. What a joke! He now owned her, body and soul. When did she begin to love him? And how she would recover when he went back to Carolina?

  “Why so glum?” Richard asked coming to hug her from behind while she plaited her hair.

  “I’ve been a slave for eighteen years. That’s enough reason, isn’t it?” she muttered.

  “Maybe this will cheer you up. Happy birthday,” he said handing her a folded document.

  Master Thomas must have told him. “What’s this?” She opened the document and started to read.

  The Acreage, St. James

  Barbados

  It is hereby made known that on the twenty fifth day of May in the year of our Lord sixteen hundred and ninety six, I Richard Fairfax of Char
les Town, Carolina, currently residing in Barbados, have liberated, manumitted and set free my slave Deborah Edwards of the age of eighteen years old and I hereby liberate, manumit and set free the said slave and discharge her from all service or demand of service to be hereafter made by me or by persons claiming by, from or under me.

  In testimony whereof I have hereunto set my hands and seal the year and date aforesaid.

  Signed: Richard Fairfax

  Sealed and delivered in the presence of: Thomas Edwards and Peter Hall

  Deborah looked in disbelief at the document. She literally held her freedom in her hands. After all of these years, after the tears she had cried, after crying out to God, she was free. Tears sprang from her eyes and poured down her face as she stood before Richard, clutching the paper to her breast.

  “I am free?” she whispered in disbelief through her tears. He nodded feeling something expand in his chest which made it hard to breathe or to speak.

  She sank to her knees at his feet and bent her head saying, “Thank you, thank you, thank you.”

  Richard dropped to his knees before her, lifted up her chin and wiped away her tears with his handkerchief.

  “You are free to go but I would like you to stay until I leave. Will you stay, Deborah?”

  Richard knew that his request was not fair, after all Deborah had waited her whole life for this moment. He had given up the incentive to keep her here. Would she stay with him of her own free will?

  Deborah could not fully grasp the fact that she was free. No-one could tell her what to do or where to go? No-one could demand her body? She could make her own decisions? She could tell Richard that she was leaving and he could not stop her. For the first time in her life she was free to do what she wanted. As she looked into his eyes and saw the vulnerability in them and the need for her that matched her need for him, she knew she would stay with him while he was in Barbados. She nodded.