Seize Me

by Crystal Spears

  “God dammit,” I roar.

  I can’t believe that just happened. I’m frigging damaged. I can’t even let the guy I’m seeing get me off. I just left him there in the middle of the compound on the ground while I ran off. I run through the clubhouse and up to his small apartment. I shrug out of my already open shirt, kick off my shoes, slide my skirt down, and jump into the shower. At first, I only turn the cold water on so that it will help sober me up. I’m a wreck. I just want at least half of my life back. The little bit of me that was sane is no longer there and I feel this darkness swooping around inside me like a lost bat in a cave. It just wants to find its way out. I’m not living much of a life and it’s slowly eating me alive.

  I let the cold water blast me until I’m shivering. I reach up to turn on the hot water, and I slide down the shower stall. Once I hit the bottom, I lay down on my side and curl up, letting the water spray my entire body as I quietly sob, my chest heaving up and down. The bedroom door opens, and I hear Braxxon’s footsteps. He stops in the bathroom doorway with a bottle of jack hanging in his right hand. He takes one look at me and brings the bottle to his lips.

  After cursing up a storm, I get up and walk back into the clubhouse. I head straight for the bar, snatch a bottle of jack, and make my way upstairs. I’m pissed, and I don’t know why. All that makes sense is that I should check on her. I don’t know what else the fuck to do. But when I get to my bathroom, and she’s lying on the bottom of the shower, it makes my heart constrict as her gold eyes seize me to a stop. I don’t understand how my feelings could be so deep rooted for her already, and that pisses me off even more, so I tilt the bottle to my lips and gulp. She has no one to talk to. Lana blames herself, and she just hides away in the slam room. I don’t know how to comfort a woman who was kidnapped and raped. I walk over to the shower, sit down on the floor next to it, and kick my feet up on the toilet. Right now, all I can do is be there for her. I lean my head against the wall and sigh before I turn it slightly to the right to peer at her. She looks so fucking sad.

  When Braxxon sits down on the floor next to the shower, it makes my mind spin out of control. Why is he here? When his head turns to look at me, my heart almost stops. His gray eyes confused and lost. He’s out of his element, and doesn’t know what to do. I don’t know what I need from him, and he doesn’t know what he needs to give me. We’re a screwed up pair. I mean hell, we barely know one another, and we’re already going through something that most couples wouldn’t survive. Especially new couples that just started seeing each other. I take one of my wet hands and wipe the water from my eyes. I guess there’s no better time than the present to learn things about one another.

  “What was Christina to you and Sniper?”

  It might seem like an odd question considering I killed her, but there’s something there. Something I’m missing.

  He sucks in a breath and releases it.

  “There have only been three women in my life that ever meant something to me. She was one of them for a while,” he answers and takes another drink.

  Oh!

  “What happened?” I whisper not sure if I wanna know the answer now.

  “Baby… do you really wanna know?”

  I close my eyes and nod my head yes.

  “I didn’t know Sniper was my brother for years. We don’t have the same mother. Before he was my sergeant-at-arms, he belonged to another one of our Charters. Since we barely saw one another, we didn’t have any idea that we were both screwing Christina. That part finally makes sense now that I know she was Snake’s daughter. Anyway, she was this whole other person when I was with her. She was outgoing, funny, beautiful, and smart. So I developed feelings for her, and when my pop got sick and was dying in the hospital from infection, Sniper came to visit. Obviously Christina didn’t know that Sniper and I knew we were brothers so when she showed up to comfort me while I waited for my pop to take his last breath, she ran into us both together. My guess is that she was getting intel from the both of us and when Sniper seen her he was all excited because he hadn’t seen her for like a month or something. He was in love with her. So naturally, we both fought over her while my father died in the hospital. It was a mess that was put on hold because the brothers wanted to vote me in before my father passed away. They came up to the hospital to do just that and saw Sniper and me going at it. So what they did next surprised the shit outta us. I mean they all voted me in as MC President. I didn’t know what the hell to do. I was twenty-eight years old; I didn’t wanna control an entire MC. I have responsibilities, not just my club, but for our other charters.” He stops and takes another drink before he continues.

  “So I’m sitting there in shock when they call another vote. They vote Sniper into our charter and then vote him in as my sergeant-at-arms. That blew us both away. It’s unheard of, it doesn’t happen, but my father built this MC and they wanted to make my father proud before he died. So after he passed away, Sniper and I finally went at it. I mean we fought so fucking much and all because of Christina. Turns out that is almost the exact thing that happened with Snake and my pop. So now, it all clicks into place when I think about it. My father by damned was not going to let her ruin our newly found brotherhood,” he exhales.

  “Wow,” is all I can murmur. I sit up and reach for the hot nuzzle and turn it on more. The water is starting to get chilly, but we’re talking and not about what happened to me, so this is good.

  Angel lies back down on the bottom of the shower after adjusting the water. Her scar is bright red from the warm water trickling against it.

  “Tell me about the boyfriend who got his head blown off,” I say and immediately cringe. Fuck, I shouldn’t have worded it like that. But then she shocks the hell outta me.

  “Just him, okay,” she whispers as she sits back up and folds her knees to her chest, resting her chin against them. I’ll remember this exact moment forever. It’s the moment that I realize she’ll always be my Angel, no matter what fucking happens. She looks so beautiful sitting there with the water running over her.

  I can’t say anything because I’m afraid I’ll choke on my damn tongue. This is what pisses me off. She’s the only woman who’s been able to do this to me. I’m glad when she starts speaking because it drags me outta my mind fuck.

  “His name was Allen, he worked for my father. I was seventeen years old when I first locked eyes with him. I came home from dance, and there he was doing some computer crap on my father’s laptop. I crushed on him instantly. He was the sexy older employee of my fathers. I was always doing the right things. I never once disobeyed my father until I met Allen. We flirted for over a year because I was only seventeen and he was twenty-five. However, on my eighteenth birthday we snuck away to my family’s boat. I gave myself to him that night. We were able to see one another until I was twenty-one without getting caught. It was a big deal because my father didn’t want me mixing with his business and he considered Allen his business.” She blows out a long breath before continuing. “One day I got a text from Allen’s number, and it seemed off. Like he didn’t send it; I figured he’d just had a long day, so I went to where the text said to go and. Once I get there… my eyes immediately find his. He has tears in his eyes, and my father stands behind him. My father kicks him to the ground, and I rush forward. Allen mouths… god, he mouthed I love you right before my father blew his brains out all over me” She sobs and buries her head into her folded up body. She continues talking, and it comes out as mumbles. “It was the first and only time he told me he loved me. After his funeral that I had to watch from a distance, I waited until my father thought I had gotten over it and I dropped out of my last year of dance, pulled my life savings and well…” She waves her hand around in the air.

  FUCK! No wonder she’s screwed up. This past year has been shit for her. She lifts her head, her look going cold.

  “I grew up around this kinda shit, and when I fall in love with a criminal he can’t stand it? What did he expect? If he ever finds
me,” she shakes her head her voice going low, “people will die.”

  The bit about her falling in love with a criminal just pisses me off. Her man might be dead, but the fact she’s been in love before makes me see red, and I grind my teeth together. My brain is calling me a pussy as I have my inner jealous rage battle going on.

  “I care about you, you know,” I tell her again.

  She laughs, and it’s a beautiful sound since I haven’t heard a true laugh from her in weeks.

  “It’s pretty messed up, right? I mean look at us.” She points, smiling before her face goes serious again. “But I care about you too, Braxxon. I just don’t know how much yet.”

  Thank Christ! It’s not just me having these maddening thoughts.

  “C’mere, Angel,” I growl.

  “No… you c’mere,” she purrs. Playful, gorgeous Angel is back, and I’m going to take advantage of it.

  I blast out my full watt smile and crawl towards her. She’s inpatient and yanks me in, and my balls shrivel on the spot.

  “Fuck, shit, damn… that’s cold, Angel.”

  She giggles and slaps me on the arm. “Then help me out would ya?”

  “C’mon on sweetness.” I stand and help her to her feet.

  “Thanks for checking on me, baby,” she says through chattering teeth as I wrap a towel around her.

  “I might’ve had motive. You know you were laying there all fucking soakin’ wet and naked. I wasn’t leaving that view for the world,” I tease her.

  “Bastard,” she mumbles with a smile on her face.

  “Let’s go to bed. I need to wrap my feet with yours.”

  Well hell. Let me just cut off my balls and hand them to her on a silver damn dinner platter. Could I be any more of a little bitch?

  It’s been two flipping fucking long weeks since Winter and I had our shower talk. Petra has a lead on PP’s location and every time my prepay rings I get all damn jittery and shit. Having the family on lockdown for this long is starting to wear thin. Everyone is at one another’s throats, the kids, especially the older ones are wigging out. Tatiana is driving Berry, Phil, and ZZ insane. But it’s been way too quiet for us to take a chance and release the lockdown. Angel is still drinking, snorting, and mentally healing. I don’t know what will fix her if anything. All I know is that she’s slowly letting me in, and I’m slowly letting her in. My dick is about to fall off from no use, and I’ve never went this long without fucking. Hell, I’ve barely been two days without screwing some nameless whore. She’s worth it though. Fuck is she worth it. Every once in a while I’ll catch her smiling at me, and that one look is my constant reminder that she’s still in there somewhere. That girl that rushed the breath out of my lungs with one dance is still there. I’m sitting at the bar twirling a shot glass around in my fingers when I hear a bunch of ladies pull in. My eyes cut to the monitor above the bar, and I grin because our Lady chapter just pulled in. They’re based just two counties away, but they’re coming back from a charity ride. Angel walks up to the bar, looks at the screen, and her eyes cut to mine.

  “I haven’t seen you grin like that since the weekend I met you,” she murmurs.

  Oh, shit!

  “Is one of them one of the three you’ve ever cared about?”

  How to answer that? She’s just making progress and finally letting me in. If I don’t answer truthfully, she’ll just find out from someone else or from interaction. I take my shot glass, pour some whiskey in it, and hand it to her. She takes it and drinks it with a straight face, her gold eyes never leaving mine.

  “Yes,” I say.

  “Oh… and is the third one here, too?”

  She is the third one. It pulls at my chest for her to think I don’t care about her when I constantly tell her that I do. Fuck, why is shit so complicated?

  “I’m looking at her,” I say honestly.

  Her sad frown slowly edges to a smile and she nods, taking the whiskey bottle from me and throwing back another shot.

  “That’s nice,” she whispers.

  That’s nice. That’s all she can say? Jesus there she goes closing off again. Just when I think I’m making fucking progress.

  “I’m gonna go visit with Lana.”

  That’ll be good. Lana won’t come outta that damn room but only to eat. She’s really taking this guilt thing a little too far. And the shit she’s putting in my VP’s head is nuts. He’s so bent over her.

  “Yeah, okay.”

  “I’m gonna visit her for a long while. So maybe if you need to… umm… relieve yourself with,” her eyes cut to the monitor, “the second one, I won’t be upset. I can’t give you want you need, and we’re really not a couple. We don’t know what we are because I’m so screwed up, and I know this isn’t how you normally do things. I’m just gonna go,” she says her voice low.

  Did she just give me a green light to fuck someone else? Have I not been clear with her? I could fuck the muffler bunnies running in and outta here if I wanted some that damn badly.

  Fuck this shit; I’m tired of it. She wants me to lay it to Dizzy, then I will. I’m done waiting around for her to realize what I mean when I say I care for her. I’m an MC fucking president; she can just go to fucking hell now.

  Besides, Dizzy will blow my fucking mind to oblivion. She was the best lay I’ve ever had until I stuck my dick in Angel. Shit, there I go again.

  I need to rectify this situation right now. Screw someone else and then just maybe I won’t give a shit about Angel anymore.

  I slide out of my stool, head outside and when my eyes meet Dizzy’s, I’m spun around again. She does that to people hence her name. She’s so damn hot. Her long black hair with bright red highlights running through it and her long legs clad in leather. Fuck me. This is good. This is very good.

  “Prez,” she smiles walking up to me.

  “I have an itch,” I growl and pull her behind me walking so damn fast.

  “Mmm…and you need me to scratch it,” she laughs keeping up the pace.

  “Yes,” I grit out.

  If I don’t look needy, then people are blind. I’m practically running down the hall with her hand in mine towards my room when I spot the slam room door halfway open. Angel’s whispering to Lana and I guess she feels me because her head turns and her eyes meet mine. She takes a deep breath, shuts them, and turns her attention back to Lana.

  “Braxxon,” Dizzy says, and it’s enough to remind me I have a hot fuck waiting for me.

  “Let’s roll.” I slap her on the ass.

  I don’t even have my bedroom door shut before she attacks me, ripping my clothes off. Her tongue thrusts in my mouth as I undo her leather pants. When we’re stripped of our clothes, I pick her up, slam her down on my dresser, and reach for a condom. I shield myself in record time, slam into her, and groan.

  “Fuck baby,” she curses.

  No shit.

  “No fucking talking,” I hiss as I clamp my hand over her mouth and pound into her over and over again.

  She screams and I muffle the noise with my hand as I spill my load inside of her warm cunt. Shit that didn’t take long. I bury my head in between her gorgeous tits trying to calm my breathing. I let my hand fall from her mouth.

  “Prez… what the hell was that?”

  I just need her to shut the hell up for a minute. I turn my head, one eyes vision blocked by her breast, and my other lands straight on my bed that I’ve shared with Angel for damn near two months. I pull out, stand straight, and toss the condom in the trash.

  “Go.”

  Dizzy looks at me as if I’ve lost my damn mind.

  “Diz, just go, I’ll be down in a minute.”

  She jumps down and reaches for her clothes on the floor, giving me a perfect view of her ass and luscious thighs.

  What the fuck did I just do?

  “God dammit,” I roar punching the wall.

  “Prez you got your wires crossed man,” she says before heading out the door.

  “Fuck if
I don’t know it,” I reply.

  I spend an hour up in my apartment dreading the walk back downstairs into my own club because I don’t wanna look my Angel in the eyes. I screwed up. I know I did because if I didn’t, I wouldn’t feel like this right now.

  I grab a smoke and head down. Angel’s sitting on one of the couches talking with Berry as the charter ladies play pool shooting the shit with the brothers. She looks up at me and smiles a small sad smile and fuck if that doesn’t kill me.

  “Prez.” Sniper comes jogging up to me.

  “We’ve fucking got him man; he’s at the warehouse.”

  Sniper wasn’t quiet enough because Angel’s entire body jumps before she gets up from the couch and heads over towards me.

  “Chapel, now.”

  “No,” Angel says sternly. “I’ve got to hear this, please, Braxxon.”

  “Okay baby,” I wrap my arm around her shoulder and lead us into the chapel. I wait for everyone to get inside before I slam the gavel down.

  “Angel needs to hear this. Hell if she doesn’t deserve to hear this.”

  My brothers let out a sound of agreeable responses.

  “He’s in the warehouse. Petra called the prepay and said he had something. So I met up with him while you were…” He stops.

  “No, it’s okay; go on, Sniper,” Winter grumbles.

  “Well I met up with him and roughed PP up a bit and hung him over the drains. So we head out now, yeah?”

  “Now,” I growl slamming the gavel down.

  Angel’s on my heels as I make my way over to Dizzy. I want her to stay here with the family because I’m taking the brothers with me. They need to see and be a part of this.

  “Stay here. Clubs on lockdown,” I say.

  “Braxxon,” Angel tugs on my cut, and I turn to look at her.

  “I need to go,” she croaks.

  Go where? With us? I don’t fucking think so.

  “Hell no,” I say fiercely.

  “It’ll help fix me,” she croaks again.