He turned to her and held her arms. “You are not nothing. You’re sweet and good, moral, kind, beautiful, determined, and you are strong. I guess you left a hard past, made hard choices, and you want better. I care about you, and I want to try.”
“So do I, but I can’t.”
“Won’t, not can’t.”
“It’s the same thing for me.”
“I don’t understand.”
“Part of me doesn’t want you to know because your opinion of me will change. I want you to think well of me.”
He frowned. “You’re terrified.”
“I am. Please try and trust me when I say, I’ll disappoint you.”
“If you don’t work for me, would you reconsider?”
“Are you going to sack me?”
“No, no, that’s not what I mean… God, why you take everything the wrong way. I meant work for mum, she would pay you.”
“You’d give her the money, though.”
He shook his head. “Fine.” He laughed. “You know what, I’m being selfish. I’m so used to getting my way.” He laid the table. “I forget myself sometimes.”
She dished up. They both tried for Alice and ate companionably.
He insisted on helping Rebecca clean up.
“Look, let me say this.”
She stopped filling the dishwasher.
“Don’t say never. Let’s say, not now. If you change your mind…” He looked through the doorway and stepped closer to her. “I get the feeling a lot of whatever it was that you went through affects how you see men. That, well, intimacy is a difficult thing for you.”
She blushed, and he carried on.
“I’ll back off, but you can come and talk to me, I want to be here for you, and if you change your mind about what this might be, I'm not going anywhere.”
He kissed her forehead, carefully cupping her head. His lips were warm on her skin, and she wanted to cling to him and never let go. Arthur hovered for a second, but she nodded, and he let her go. Her heart squeezed. She felt easier but sad, and they finished cleaning up. He stayed and listened to her read until Alice fell asleep. His eye lingered on Rebecca as she assisted Alice upstairs before he shut the door.
Arthur turned off his alarm and dropped his keys. Rebecca’s sweet, innocent face gazing up at him wouldn’t fade from his mind. He poured a whisky and looked at his phone. Six text messages from Vicky and he deleted them without reading.
Below it was a message he’d sent to Rebecca, asking if they needed anything bringing in on his way over.
His finger hovered over the message. And he tapped out another one before he chickened out.
Everything will be okay.
I know. Her reply was instant.
With a smile, he considered what to say. You know I’m here if you need me.
Thank you. That was it until the little dots appeared on his phone, and then I wish it were different.
Me too. It was enough. If nothing happened then fine, but she might come to him in time. It would have to be her choice, and she needed his patience.
“Do you think Arthur will come tonight?” It had been more than two weeks since he’d been to dinner. They exchanged a few texts, but nothing else. She didn’t spend the moments before going to sleep reading them. Not at all.
“I don’t know, dear. It does break the week up when he visits, doesn’t it?”
Rebecca changed the subject at Alice’s knowing tone. “We should go out. I can push you in the wheelchair Arthur bought.”
“I’m not getting in that thing.”
“It’s not that bad, besides, we can get out a bit. Put your sunhat on, and we’ll go shopping.”
“How will we get there?”
“Taxi. Come on, you used to be adventurous once, didn’t you?”
“Once, a very long time ago.” Alice watched Rebecca peel the potatoes. “I think we have enough, dear.”
Rebecca smiled at the panful. “I know, we could do a bit of shopping, have lunch somewhere, a couple of wines, and nap upon return.”
“It does sound nice.”
“If you like, I’ll buy you a crash helmet for when I push you.” Rebecca grinned.
“Fine. Tomorrow, we’ll go tomorrow.”
“Excellent. I’m starting to get cabin fever.” She pulled a face.
The door opened, and Rebecca flushed. She started chopping veg a little harder than necessary.
“You’re early.” Alice beamed.
Rebecca couldn’t help but turn, and Arthur looked tired. “I missed my favourite people.” He kissed his mother’s cheek.
“Flatterer.” Alice narrowed her eyes at Rebecca and smiled. “Rebecca here has convinced me to sit in that godawful chair and go out tomorrow.”
“Anywhere nice?”
“Shopping and lunch. Wine has been mentioned.”
“Lovely. Want a lift?”
Rebecca finally turned back to the veg. “Oh, no, I thought we’d get a taxi.”
“Well, I’m available.” He moved over to Rebecca and looked over the food, leant on the work surface, and watched Rebecca chop. “What are we having?”
“Um, steak. Rosemary potatoes, asparagus.”
“Sounds lovely, I’m starved. Is there enough?”
“Of course.” She glanced up and blinked as he stared into her eyes.
“So, dearest son, where have you been?”
He turned from Rebecca. “I’m sorry, things have been hectic, and I bought a little company. It was a mistake.”
“That bad?”
“No, just inconvenient. I’ve been dealing with solicitors and managers, and a company in chaos.” He made a noise and rubbed his face.
“Have you sorted it out?”
“More or less. I need a holiday. Taking you shopping sounds like fun.”
“Surely not.”
“I need to pick up a few things, and I never make time for it. I can take you two to lunch and do some errands.”
“Art, you do not need to run about for me.”
“I know that, and I want to. I’m having the rest of the week off. Boss’s prerogative. Wine?”
He fetched a bottle of red from the pantry and opened it.
Dinner was nice. Rebecca was glad she did too many potatoes and had another steak, just in case. They finished the bottle of wine as they sat in the lounge, and Arthur listened with his eyes closed to Rebecca’s voice as she continued to read. She kept her voice even and soft, reading as much to him as to Alice.
She closed the book and smiled when Alice started to nod. Alice struggled up, and Rebecca helped her upstairs. She went back down to find Arthur stretched out on the settee fast asleep. She perched on the edge of the seat, watching him, and wanted to lie down and cuddle.
He hummed and shifted, making a cushion fall, and she picked it up, setting it next to him. His arm absently reached out for her and pulled her down. His eyes were still closed.
She went rigid but steadied her breath. This was what she wanted. She needed to move beyond her fear.
Arthur’s lips met her arm as she clung to the settee awkwardly, and he kissed down it, over her shoulder and to her neck with his eyes closed.
She held her breath when he began to rub gently against her and felt his hardness. She let the sensation of it wash over her. It felt good. His lips moved up to hers, and she kissed him back. He held her and kept up the slow rhythm. The top of his erection pressed against her clit and she moaned at the spark of pleasure.
Rebecca experienced desire, but other people were the issue. She enjoyed her hand as much as possible, and perhaps if she hadn’t, there wouldn’t be any hope.
She needed to get off him as her shock and sudden desire wore off. “Arthur.” She nudged him and pushed him. He blinked awake and stilled.
“What the…” He scrambled up as she moved away.
She had been close and took a deep breath. “I’m sorr
y.”
“You’re sorry? I’m dry humping you in my sleep. Shit, I’m so sorry. How?” He made to stand.
“Wait.” Her eyes fell back to his mouth.
“Do you want this?”
“Yes. No.”
“If you’re unsure, then it’s a no.”
“It feels good.”
He closed his eyes with a pained expression as he paused for a moment and rubbed his face. Her gaze fell to his crotch.
“Rebecca.”
She blushed and looked away.
“Talk to me.”
“I don’t know. I’m curious, and I do feel things. Part of me wants this, but I know it’s a bad idea.”
“I think you’re right. I want to be comfortable around you and you around me. As much as I want to see how far you want to go, I know it’s the wrong thing. I wish you’d tell me what happened to you, and if I’m honest, I think you would benefit from seeing someone professionally. I understand why you don’t want to get involved with me, even if we both feel the attraction.
“What I don’t want is for you to say yes, only to change your mind, because you weren’t absolutely sure in the first place. I don’t want to do something that will end up making it worse. You are strong but fragile, and I get the feeling that this is an important time for you, to find your way, to move on.”
“You’re right. Thank you. I’m starting to think I have the emotional maturity of a baked bean.”
He laughed, leant forward, and kissed her hair. “I’m here for you.”
It was hot the next morning, and they were ready early. Arthur slept in his old room as he’d had three glasses of wine.
He wore casual trousers and shirt after a shower. He’d gone on a long early run to sweat out the night before. He wanted her, it hurt walking away the previous night, and he was astonished he’d kept his lust in check.
Arthur looked at her legs as he put the wheelchair in the boot, and heat filled her face as she caught his gaze. Arthur turned away, hiding his smile. She wore a short sundress and wedges and looked adorable. God, she was adorable.
He put his mother’s blue badge on display and helped them set up the chair when he found a parking space once they were in town.
“Right then, I’ll call when I'm done and join you.” He smiled as he watched them go, Rebecca getting used to pushing the chair and his mum being sat in it.
He mooched through the shops, bought some shirts and the like, and was passing the beauty counter of a department store when he saw his mother’s favourite perfume. He wondered when the last time she had any of it was. He bought her some and considered Rebecca. Was perfume too intimate? He thought about it until the overly made up woman at the counter offered her assistance. She flirted prettily. He never minded that in the past, but it seemed disingenuous. He thought of Rebecca, she never flirted. Maybe they could. Flirting was about confidence, and she needed that. He smiled to himself, picking out a scent for her, a fresh light one and he thought of her when he smelt it.
He met them at a restaurant for lunch. He put his bags with theirs but gave his mother her perfume.
Her face crinkled in joy. “Oh, I haven’t worn this for years. It always makes me think of Artie, he used to buy me it every year for our anniversary. We went to Paris for our third, and he bought it then. I wore it ever since. He was so romantic.”
Arthur smiled. “And, not to be left out.” He passed Rebecca a small bag.
“You shouldn’t have.”
“Yes, I should.”
She opened it, her face surprised. “Thank you. That’s kind of you.”
They ate lunch and argued when Rebecca tried to pay for hers. Arthur got his way.
Eight
RETRACE
Rebecca, once alone in her room, tore open the plastic cover on the box and opened the perfume, desperate to smell it.
Spritzing a little on her wrist, she closed her eyes. She’d never worn perfume, only a bit of body spray over deodorant now and again.
She put the bottle on her dressing table and stared at her reflection. She looked different. Happier. Yes, she was happier. Fear retreated. She had a home, and Alice, and maybe Arthur.
It was enough.
She changed into a t-shirt and shorts and went down to find Alice already asleep in the front room.
“Want to sit outside?” Arthur asked.
“Sure.”
They sat out on the sun loungers, the radio on in the kitchen, and relaxed. Rebecca watched him out the corner of her eye. He had a little frown as he stared off, still holding his sunglasses.
“What’s wrong?”
“Sorry, I was miles away. I’ve been thinking about you, a lot actually. I think you need some confidence, correct?”
“I’d say that would be correct.”
“Then, you should learn to flirt.”
“Flirt?”
“Don’t look so horrified. I like to flirt.”
“How do you do it?”
He gave her a little smile. “Do it?” He raised his brows, and she laughed. “You tease, joke, infer things, and smile. Um… be a little coy, but not too much, and open body language.” He relaxed back.
“You want to flirt with me.”
“I want you full stop. But we’ve had this conversation.” He frowned. “Did I frighten you last night?”
“No. Actually, you didn’t. It felt really good.”
He shifted on the lounger and turned to her. “How good?”
She blushed. “Very.”
He swallowed and cleared his throat. “I dreamt I was making love to you.”
“Was I good?” She bit her lip as she looked at him.
“Holy shit. I think you’re better at flirting than you think, but we’re crossing a line.”
“Was I good?” She repeated, a little firmly.
“Yes.”
She might as well be honest with him. “I worry I’d disappoint you. You know I’m a virgin, right?”
Arthur sat up. “What?”
“I’ve been thinking about what you said about knowing what happened to me. I wasn’t, you know, raped. Bad things happened to me, over the years from when I was a little girl, right up until I left home at fifteen. My dad, stepmom, and her son. All of them did horrible things. It’s affected me, but I’m luckier than some. I don’t think I have PTSD, and I’m okay. I fought for myself, and I’m grateful I was able to. But I can’t change what happened, or who I am. I’ve never been able to, you know. That’s the truth, as pathetic as that is. I’ve never dated or had a boyfriend. I’m basically a dud.”
“It’s not pathetic, and you’re not a dud.” She saw a mixture of relief and sadness. “Fucking hell. I’m sorry, I wish I could take it back for you.”
“Thank you.” She wanted to curl up on his sun lounger with him. “I like the idea of flirting. Would it be dangerous for us to do that?”
“I think being in each other’s company is dangerous.”
She nodded and relaxed back, knowing he was still watching. She made sandwiches and salad for dinner, and Arthur left right after.
Arthur was having a bad week. June was turning out to be the muggiest month ever, and he was sweating intensely in a small office with no air conditioning looking out on the view of a dual carriageway.
The man on the other side of the desk was almost shouting. Arthur pinched his eyes and left a red mark on the bridge of his nose as he took off his new reading glasses and carefully put them on the desk.
He thought about Rebecca on the sun lounger in that red swimming costume, of her over him, of being near her and unable to touch her. He stuffed down the thought.
He’d miss dinner at this rate.
Acquiring the small business had been a nightmare, and it still wasn’t over. The officious little man who thought himself emperor of his shitty little kingdom was having none of it.
Arthur’s right-hand man in business leant
forward and spoke words of sense that they both knew would go unheard. Davis spoke calmly, and Arthur switched off. Davis wasn’t who he thought either, and their partnership problems weren’t helping matters.
Arthur stifled a yawn, in the most professional manner imaginable.
It was seven when he left. He rang his mum, apologised, and promised to be there Tuesday. It came to something that his Friday nights were so pathetic. He went straight to the gym as it was on the way.
He pushed himself hard, more than he had for a while, venting his frustration. It was all very well and good going infinitely slowly with Rebecca, but it was taking a toll on him. The vision of her in that suit haunted him, and the feeling of dancing with her made him smile and then some. He didn’t let himself think of the moment on the settee and working out was the only thing that seemed to help stay any physical reaction.
He even downloaded the music they danced to onto his phone and imagined dancing with her again. He kicked up the pace a bit more.
Wiping his face as he walked the last mile, he steadied his breath, and someone caught his eye. Victoria. He inwardly groaned. He thought she was starting to lose interest.
“Arthur! I haven’t seen you for ages.”
“I didn’t know you still came here.”
“Well, you know. Gotta keep in shape.” She stood on one hip with a grin. She was fishing, and he wasn’t going to bite.
“I need to head off.”
“Wait, Art, come on.”
“What do you want?”
“It’s always been you and me. We’ve gone to and fro for years, but I’ve grown up. I don’t want to mess about anymore.”
“You mean that now I’ve got some money and all the crap that goes with it. We’ve known each other forever, I remember putting slugs in your wellies when I was about six, I remember how you were there when dad died, and I’ll be friends with you, but there’s nothing else between us, not on my end. When you came back here after your divorce and said you were happy to only be friends, I believed you, but I know better. You left me when I needed you, but I wasn’t what you hoped I’d be then, and you’ve been kicking yourself ever since.”
“It’s not that simple.”
Getting a Life (New City Series Book 4) Page 8
