by Brie Paisley
I doubt I’ll ever get the chance now.
Hearing the door open, I snap my head to see every single one of my brothers walking in. Groaning out, I yell, “I’m not in the mood for playtime. Come back later.”
“Shut up and get dressed,” Carter demands, and I roll my eyes.
“Who died and made you boss?”
“No one, but I am the oldest so get your ass up and put some clothes on.” Groaning again, I glare at him as I get up and walk over to my bag on the other side of the couch. Being the ass I am, I only put on a shirt. Honestly I don’t care what I look like. It’s only my brothers. Carter shakes his head when he sees me, and I flop back down on the couch.
Placing my feet on the coffee table, Clark doesn’t say a word when he knocks my feet off. “What’s with y’all? First, y’all interrupt my me time, and now Clark is beatin’ me.”
Am I being a tad bit over dramatic? Yes, but I don’t care. I’m hurting, and I don’t want any more lectures from anyone. I’ve had to swallow my pride already when I apologized to Caleb, but I don’t want to hear what they have to say. “Can you for once in your life stop thinkin’ about you and listen to what we have to say?” Cason says with a stern tone, and I swear I want to punch him in the face. To be frank, I’m still hurt for what he did that night Savannah left. I know he was angry with me, but I’ve never felt so alone when he turned his back on me.
Sitting up on the couch, I grab the pillow and wrap my arms around it. “What’s with the whole gang? I must have really fucked up this time.”
“Always with the smart ass comments,” Caleb retorts.
“We all knew this wouldn’t be easy,” Clark adds.
Watching closely as they all surround me, I won’t lie and say it doesn’t put me on edge. “Why do I get the feelin’ y’all are up to somethin’? Preferably somethin’ not good.”
“Caden,” Carter starts as he sits down beside me. Clark takes a seat on the coffee table in front of me, Caleb stands by Carter, and Cason moves to the other side close to me. “I think you know why we’re all here,” Carter finishes.
“Honestly I feel like y’all are about to give me the shittest news ever.”
“No,” Caleb says. “We’re here to help you get Savannah back.”
“Yeah well good luck with that. The last I checked, she won’t even text me back, so I don’t think this little plan y’all have cookin’ is goin’ to work.” Clark just stares at me while Cason glares. Carter lets out a heavy sigh, and Caleb just looks uncomfortable. But they know I’m right. You can’t fix anything if the other person isn’t willing to even communicate. “Look,” I huff out. “I appreciate all this,” I say waving my hand around. “But we all know this shit can’t be fixed. And I hate knowin’ that, but it’s what I deserve for what I did. So y’all can all see yourselves out the door.” Frowning, I quickly add, “Well not you Clark since you live here.”
“So that’s it? You’re just givin’ up?” Cason asks.
Turning to him, I hold up my hands then drop them. “What else am I supposed to do?”
“You fight for her,” Carter cuts in. “If you love her as you claim, then you’ll do whatever it takes to get her back.”
“Y’all make it sound so fuckin’ easy,” I interrupt.
“I didn’t take you for a quitter,” Clark pipes back.
Running a hand down my face, Caleb asks, “Can you live with yourself knowin’ you didn’t do everythin’ possible to get her back? Because I know you, Caden. If you don’t try harder, and she slips through your fingers, you’ll regret it.”
I know they’re all right, but I still have my doubts. “What do y’all suggest I do then?”
“Shelby and Savannah are leavin’ tomorrow to go on a road trip.” With my confused gaze, Carter adds, “Shelby thinks it’ll be a good idea for Savvy to meet their mother. She told me she thinks Savvy will understand why you did what you did once she meets Tabitha.”
“It shouldn’t take much,” Cason claims, and I can’t argue with him.
Looking to Carter, I ask, “Is that really a good idea? I mean I know Savannah wants to meet her, but wouldn’t it be better to keep her away from her?” I’m not saying Savannah shouldn’t meet her mother, I just don’t want her to be hurt more than she already is. No thanks to me.
“Shelby said she could handle it, so I have to believe Savvy will be fine.” I don’t know about that, but I keep that tidbit to myself. It’s just I know how devastated Savannah was when she learned Tabitha had a fake identity to keep her birth a secret, and I don’t want her to go through any more pain. “I know you want to make this right, Caden. I also know you still love her. You still tryin’ to protect her, tells me all I need to know.”
“Which is why we’re not leavin’ this apartment until you get your shit together and we come up with a plan to win her back,” Cason says with a firm tone letting me know not to argue.
Glancing around to each of my brothers, my heart warms knowing even at my worst, they’re still here for me. “Y’all sure do know how to give a good pep talk. I think I might cry.” Even if I’m joking around, it means the world to me knowing I can still count on them. Our bond is strong, and no matter how bad I fuck shit up, they’ll always have my back.
“And he’s back,” Clark claims with a smirk.
“Are we goin’ to hug now?” I ask them.
“Fuck no,” Cason answers, and I can’t help but laugh.
Turning to him, I say, “Awe, Cas. You know you love me.” He rolls his eyes at me, but I see the corner of his mouth twitch. “Alright ladies.” That earns me a smack from Carter and another glare from Cason. Clark and Caleb shake their heads, and I grin widely. “Seriously guys. Can we stop with the jokes and get down to business?”
“I’ll grab some beers,” Clark says, and I’m not surprised.
Caleb moves to grab two chairs from the kitchen table and hands one to Cason. “I’m guessin’ we’re goin’ to be here for a while.”
Carter slaps my shoulder as he says, “That we are. We’re not leavin’ until we get this perfect.” Nodding, I hope they all know how much I appreciate this. I might not say it because I am a dude and we’re not good with feelings, but I have a sense they know. Carter nods back, and I know he gets it. I remember not that long ago he was where I am, and Cason and I did everything we could to get him and Shelby back together.
This is the best thing about having brothers. They’re always there when you need them and no matter what, I know without a doubt, I’ll never have to go through life alone. I most certainly won’t have to figure out how I’m going to win Savannah back alone.
I just hope she’s ready because between the five of us, there’s no way she can run away from me again.
Putting the last bag of mine in the trunk of Shelby’s car, I step back and shut it. Wiping the sweat off my forehead, I glance to the front porch seeing Carter and Shelby walking toward the car. I can’t help but smile seeing them together. It’s clear they are so in love with one another, and I’m happy my big sister has someone like Carter. Even if it’s only been a week since I found out Shelby was my sister, I’ve come to care for her deeply. It’s as if we were never apart, and I know with this road trip, our bond will continue to grow. Letting out a sigh when I see them share a sweet moment, my heart clenches wishing I had that. I thought Caden and I had something special like Carter and Shelby, but I’m not so sure about that anymore. I’m usually okay until I’m alone at night. That’s when the pain hits me the most, and I’m still unsure what to do about him. He’s tried over and over to reach out, but I’m not ready to talk to him just yet.
But I do miss him.
I miss his goofy laugh, his smart mouth, and especially the way he made me forget about everything that’s going on around me.
The thing that stops me from answering his texts or calls is how he broke my trust. I don’t trust easily, and I’m still so hurt by what he did. The worst thing about all this is my feelings
for him haven’t changed. I might be hurt, but the love I feel for him hasn’t stopped growing. Lord knows I’ve tried to stop thinking about him and all the moments we shared, but it seems no matter what I do, he’s always on my mind. Kelsey thinks I’m being too hard on him, but I don’t think so. I also think she’s a bit biased about the entire situation since she knows how happy Caden made me. I know she just wants me to be happy, but I’m still unsure. I feel like I’m stuck in limbo.
“Are you ready to go?” Shelby asks pulling me out of my thoughts.
“Yeah. Just waiting on you.”
“Sorry,” she says with a smile when Carter wraps his arms around her waist from behind. Shaking my head, I lean against the car as they show off some serious PDA. “Carter, we have to go.”
“I know, but I wish you would let me go with y’all.”
“Oh no.” I cut in. “This is a girl’s only trip. No boys allowed.”
Shelby nods agreeing with me, and Carter huffs out a breath in annoyance. When Shelby told him about us going to South Carolina to see our mom, he immediately protested saying he wanted to go. He didn’t really explain why he wanted to go so badly, but Shelby seemed to understand. “I know this is a girl’s only trip,” he sarcastically says. “I just want to make sure y’all get there safely.”
“I know how to drive, Carter,” Shelby sasses.
“Fine.” He lets her go, and I move to get in the car. Shutting the door behind me, Shelby gets in and rolls the window down. “Please be careful.”
“We will. You have nothin’ to worry about.”
“I love you, Shel.” I have to look away seeing the look in Carter’s eyes. I can’t lie and say it doesn’t hurt hearing and seeing them so in love when I’m mending a broken heart.
Trying not to be bitter, I gaze out the window as Shelby says, “I love you, too. I’ll call you later.” Moments later, Shelby starts to pull out of the driveway. “Sorry about that,” she says to me, and I shake my head when I notice Carter waving so big the entire neighborhood will see him. “He’s such a worry wart.”
Shelby told me a bit about what happened between them this past week so I can understand why he would worry. Seems Shelby and I both have the runner’s gene. “Well I hope he knows I’ll bring you back kicking and screaming if I have to.”
Shelby laughs as she says, “I don’t think you have anything to worry about either, sis.” Leaning my head back against the headrest, I roll my window down as Shelby turns up the radio. Smiling, I glance over to Shelby as she sings along, and I can’t believe this is my life right now.
I never in my wildest dreams thought I would be heading to meet my birth mother with my sister driving. It feels like everything is finally coming together, and for some reason, I have a good feeling about this trip. Maybe it’s because I’m finally going to get the answers I’ve wanted since finding out I was adopted. Maybe it’s because I found my sister.
Or maybe it’s a combination of both of them.
My stomach begins to clench painfully with nerves as Shelby parks the car in front a three story house. We arrived in Charleston, South Carolina a few hours ago after driving for four days. Shelby and I weren’t in a hurry to get here, and I enjoyed every second of our trip. Our bond is becoming stronger with each passing day, and now we’re actually sitting in front of our mother’s home, I start to feel queasy. “Are you okay?” She asks.
Pushing out a breath, I say, “I think so. Why am I so nervous?”
“Do you think it’s because you’re about to meet our mom?”
“Maybe.” Turning to Shelby, I quietly ask, “What do I do if she hates me?” All my fears about my mom never loving me come to the surface, and I don’t know how I’ll react if she tells me I was just a mistake.
“Can I be brutally honest with you?”
“Of course, Shel.”
She looks away and gazes at the house for a few moments before turning back to me. “I just want you to be prepared when we go in there.” With my frown, she adds, “Our mother is not what you’re expectin’. She’s goin’ to say a lot of hateful and downright mean things, and I just want you to know whatever she says, it’s not true.” She takes a deep breath before saying, “I know it sounds like I’m tryin’ to change your mind about meetin’ her, but I just know how she can be. Trust me, Savvy.”
I don’t know everything about what our mother did to Shelby, but I know she wouldn’t be warning me without good reason. Shelby isn’t the type of person to just lie about things like this, and even if our sisterly bond is still forming, I trust her. “You’ll be right there with me?”
“Bet your ass I will,” she says with a wide grin. “There’s no way I’m lettin’ you do this alone.”
Giving her a smile back, I hope she realizes how much this means to me. Not only because I’m about to meet our mother, but because she’s going to be right beside me. “Okay,” I rush out with a nod. “I think I’m ready now.” Opening the car door, I step out and quickly make my way over to Shelby as she does the same. We glance at each other for a moment before she starts to walk toward the house.
My nerves are at an all-time high as we make our way to the front door. I’m a little overwhelmed seeing all the high-end houses in the neighborhood, and this entire subdivision screams money. I’m yet again out of my comfort zone, but I can’t complain. I’ve been waiting for this moment for so long and in the back of mind, I know this visit could go terribly wrong. Even knowing with everything Shelby has told me about our mother, I still want to meet her. I still have to know why she gave me away, and why she covered it up. It just seems strange she would go to such great lengths to keep me a secret.
Once we make it to the door, I swallow hard and suck in a breath. Shelby turns to me with worried eyes, and I give her a small smile letting her know I’m ready. She nods then squares her shoulders before ringing the doorbell. My heart won’t stop pounding in my chest, and my stomach feels like it’s in knots. “Remember what I told you,” Shelby says right before the door opens. “Hello, Mother,” Shelby says, and I hold my breath as I finally see the woman that gave birth to me.
Shelby was so right. She’s nothing like I expected. The only way I could describe how she looks is she’s had way too much plastic surgery or Botox. Her skin is so tight over her cheekbones, and I inwardly cringe thinking they might cut open her skin. I would have to guess she’s in her fifties, and it shows. Her hair has been dyed blonde so many times it looks like it’s all about to fall out, and I instantly know I made a mistake coming here. It’s the way her eyes cut to me then Shelby that sends a chill down my spine. “I can’t say I’m surprised to see you, Shelby. I always knew you would come home.” Seeing Shelby visibly take in a breath, I want to grab her and take her away from this woman. “Who’s the fat one?” Tabitha asks, and I open my mouth in shock.
Is she fucking serious? “Excuse me?”
Her hard gaze lands on me, and I clench my jaw when she asks, “Are you deaf?”
“Can you just for one second pretend to be nice and invite us inside?” Shelby cuts in, and I know it’s her way of trying to defuse the situation.
Tabitha huffs out a breath as if she’s annoyed with our visit. “If you must.” My eyes dart to Shelby, and she gives me a concerned look. Even with my instincts going off that this isn’t a great idea, I walk in behind Shelby. We don’t go very far in the house, and I’m glad for it. It’s comforting to know the door is right behind us if we need to make a quick getaway. “Is there a reason for this visit because unless you’re ready to remarry Easton, you aren’t welcome here.”
Shelby must feel my eyes on her because I had no idea she was married before. I would’ve never guessed it. “Easton is my ex-husband,” she says to me. Turning to our mother, she says with a hard tone, “And he will always be my ex and a mistake.” Shocked doesn’t cover what I’m feeling in this moment. I wonder why Shelby never told me, but then again it’s going to take more than a week to learn all of my sister’
s past.
“I suggest you tell me what you want then because I don’t have time for this, Shelby.”
Shelby’s face turns red, and I see her jaw clenching. I can feel her anger coming off in waves, and I decide to step in and give her a moment to cool down. “I’m the reason we’re here.” Tabitha’s gaze turns on me, and before I chicken out, I blurt, “I’m your daughter.”
One would think a mother that gave her child away would be shocked or possibly happy to be meeting them but not Tabitha. She looks annoyed and bit angry, and I cannot believe I wanted to meet this woman. It’s clear I’ve made a grave mistake coming here. “You’ve got to be kidding me. Didn’t I get rid of you?” Her words cut deep, but I hold my own. Remembering what Shelby told me, I try to act like her hateful words and tone don’t affect me. “I can’t believe this. All that trouble I went through to make sure you stayed out of my life, and now here you are with my other mistake.”
Feeling tears beginning to burn in my eyes, I blink them away and suck in a breath. “So I was a mistake, and you never wanted me.” I sense Shelby’s gaze on me, but I refuse to look away from Tabitha. I’ll lose all my bravado if I see Shelby’s worried expression.
“Of course you were a mistake,” Tabitha spits out. “Just like Shelby. You both are nothing but huge mistakes, and I never wanted either of you.”
“Then why have either of us then?” I ask. It makes no sense why she would even have us if we were nothing but a fucking burden.
“I had no choice,” she sneers.
“Oh my God,” Shelby exclaims, and I glance at her wondering what she’s figured out. “You got pregnant while Dad was still alive. Which means I saw you cheatin’, and you left him. Did he know? Is that why he basically killed himself?”
