Damaged Goods

by Jennifer Bardsley

  “You shouldn’t have to,” I offer. “I mean, I’m not a Vestal anymore, and I still get to see Fatima.”

  Pilar sniffs hard and then looks at me. “It’ll be different when the baby comes. You’ll see.”

  “But the baby won’t have a contract,” I protest.

  “Not yet,” Fatima says. She looks down at her abdomen and then darts her eyes away.

  “What’s that supposed to mean?” I ask.

  “Nothing.” Fatima turns to her mom. “Do you really mean it? You’ll stay with me?”

  Pilar nods with her supermodel pout. Then she throws her arms around Fatima lightly and air kisses her a dozen times.

  “What about Cal?” I ask. Here I had been so worried that Pilar would use him as her escape route, but now all I can think is how crushed he’ll be when she leaves him. “You can’t date Cal and still pretend to be married to Alberto. That’s not fair to anyone.”

  Pilar stands up straight and adjusts her strapless dress. “No, it’s not. But Cal’s a good man. He’ll understand why I need to put my daughter and grandbaby first. Besides, we’ve only dated for a few weeks.”

  There’s a light rap on the door. Alberto opens it a crack and sticks his head in. “Showtime, ladies.”

  Fatima squeals with delight. “Papi!”

  Alberto’s handsome face appears even more regal when he smiles at Fatima in her wedding dress. Then seconds later, he gets tears in his eyes.

  “Not you too.” Pilar hands him a tissue, and Alberto blows his nose. He runs his hand through his silver hair and whispers, “Gorgeous. Both of you.” Then he looks at me and adds “All three of you.”

  Fatima jumps up and down a few times with excitement and then clutches her belly like that hurt. “Ow!” She looks at me. “Where’s my bouquet?”

  I hand over the large cluster of fuchsia orchids and collect my own small bouquet of pink. The flowers look pretty next to my dress of crocheted lace. The fabric skims my body and stops a few inches above the knee. Pilar tied up my hair in an elegant knot, which exposes my naked back. The overall effect is sweet and sexy all at the same time.

  “See you out there,” Pilar says before she heads out the door.

  I watch Fatima link her arm with Alberto.

  I wait a minute before I say, “I guess it’s my turn.”

  Then I step outside into the sunshine.

  A musician softly plays the ukulele. Our small group of travelers lines up in a semicircle in front of the beachside alter. I clutch my flowers tight and take small steps in the hot sand, grateful to be wearing sandals.

  When I walk past Cal, standing next to Pilar, he smiles brightly at me. Is that pride on his face? But with the corner of my eye, I see Seth look away.

  I look straight toward the altar and take the last few steps to my place at the front, pretending my heart doesn’t hurt.

  Then the music changes, and all eyes are on Fatima as she walks down the aisle with Alberto.

  When they reach Beau, he smiles so hard I think he might burst.

  His joy is contagious. A few months ago, Beau and I were trapped in Nevada with Barbelo. Now we’re on the beach in paradise surrounded by family and friends. I have a reason to smile too, no matter if Seth stands by my side or not.

  Richard steps behind Fatima and Beau and folds his hands. Trevor told me last night at dinner that his dad was really nervous about serving as the officiant since he had never married anyone before.

  When the music stops, Richard clears his throat. “In this strange experience we call life, we don’t always get to choose the people we love.” Richard looks out into the small audience and smiles at his friends. “Friends come and they go at the whims of fate. One moment they are with you, by your side, your best friends and constant companions; the next day they could be gone, never to be seen again.” Richard looks down into the sand and pauses before he looks back up. “So when you find love, when it comes to you with the full force of glory, you need to embrace love and hold onto it with all your might. Fatima and Beau, I am honored to officiate at your marriage. Everyone who loves you—”

  But I don’t hear what Richard says next. My mind is stuck on what he’s already said.

  How could I be so stupid?

  How could I have never thought to ask?

  Before Sarah, Richard was married to Lilith.

  The real Lilith.

  My aunt.

  Between the two of Beau’s brothers, I don’t get the chance to sit down. It’s one dance after another underneath the stars. Ryan is so tall that I can’t reach his shoulders. My arms come to a stop at mammoth biceps. He steers me around the dance floor like a ship, and my feet hardly touch the ground. Zach likes the fast songs and twirls me around so rapidly I can barely catch my breath. He throws me into a surprise flip, and my sandal flies off.

  Seth, who’s dancing with the pretty copilot from the plane, slides by next to us and says, “Be careful where you aim that thing.”

  “Oh, I always aim it in the right direction,” says Zach.

  I can’t believe how desperate I’ve become, but I find myself eyeing Trevor and Sarah gliding across the floor. Sure, he was a horrible boyfriend, but Trevor was always an expert dancer. I’m formulating my excuse to sit the next song out with Ryan when mercifully, Cal cuts in.

  “May I have this next dance?” he asks, politely.

  “Of course,” I reply before Ryan can say no. I extend my arms in the perfect frame and Cal leads us into the box step.

  He nods his head toward the old-fashioned stereo on the table. “Sinatra,” Cal says. “I brought it especially from home.”

  “It’s beautiful. I have never heard his music before.”

  Cal leads me out into a gentle spin. “Someday we’ll dance like this at your wedding.”

  “Maybe,” I say. “If I marry.”

  Cal laughs. “Of course you’ll get married. And it could be the father-daughter dance.” Cal smiles. “If you wanted to make it official.”

  “What do you mean?”

  “Since you and Seth are done with—” Cal hesitates “—whatever it was you were doing. I could adopt you. You could legally become my daughter.”

  “Oh, Cal.”

  “What Alberto said, earlier during the service …” Cal pauses midsentence, and I see his eyes fill with tears. “It made me think of Sophia and how she left me too soon. If it weren’t for her, I wouldn’t have you in my life. So I want to make that permanent. I want the whole world to know you are my daughter.”

  “I don’t know how to answer.”

  “You don’t?”

  “No,” I admit.

  Cal looks away.

  “Don’t get me wrong, Cal. I want to be your daughter more than anything in the world, but … I think I’m in love with Seth.”

  Cal looks right back at me and chuckles. “Oh, sweetheart. Good luck with that.” He twirls me into a spin and pulls me back in. Our steps match up perfectly.

  I lean my head on Cal’s shoulder, and he shelters me around the dance floor.

  Chapter Twenty-Five

  We’re lined up on the tarmac about to board the plane. I sidle up to Seth and hiss in his ear. “Who do you want to sit next to: me, Ryan, or Zach?”

  He grins roguishly. “Who do you want to sit next to?”

  Now’s the time to be brave.

  And honest.

  “You, Seth. I will always want to sit next to you.”

  Seth wipes his smirk away. He eyes Beau’s brothers lumbering in my direction and grabs my hand, lacing our fingers together. “Only for the plane ride.”

  I feel Seth’s pulse through my palm.

  “So,” I say, once we sit down, “are you in tech-withdrawal yet?”

  Seth clenches his fingers. “As soon as we’re in satellite range, I’m checking my stats. Who knows what’s happened to Veritas Rex these past few days?”

  “It’s probably gone
down in smoke,” I tease.

  “Are you sure you want make jokes like that on a plane?”

  My stomach drops. “No,” I say. “That was bad.”

  “Ladies and gentlemen,” a voice announces in the cabin, “this is Captain Milo Lin speaking. I hope you enjoyed your vacation. We’ll depart in a few minutes as soon as my copilot gets the all clear.”

  “Your second flight is never as scary as your first,” Seth offers.

  “I’ll be fine.” More than fine. I’ve got things to do.

  I lean across the aisle to where Alberto and Richard sit. “Richard, I never felt like I got the chance to talk with you this weekend.”

  Richard raises his expertly groomed eyebrows at me. “Oh?”

  This is it. My last best chance. “I want to ask you about my aunt Lilith.”

  Richard settles back in his chair and sighs. “I see. You’re not the only one.”

  “I’m not?”

  Next to me, Seth snorts.

  “First Cal, then the FBI, then Seth,” Richard begins. “But I told them nothing.”

  “Oh.” My face falls.

  Richard smiles. “Because you deserve to hear it first.”

  Hope stirs me up. “Really? Do you know where my aunt is?”

  Richard’s expression clouds and he shakes his head. “I wish I did. But I can tell you other things. What would you like to know?”

  “What was she like? Did she ever talk about me?” It’s hard to keep the yearning from my voice.

  Richard gazes at Alberto, who gives him a small smile of encouragement.

  “Yes,” Richard says. “When you were born, our company let Lilith take time off to stay with your mother.”

  “They did?”

  Richard nods. “Lilith helped your mother care for you for almost six months.”

  “What?” My voice trembles.

  “Your mother wanted you,” Richard affirms. “But she was afraid. Both Lilith and Lydia were terrified.”

  “Afraid of what?” But I know the answer. “Barbelo Nemo. They were afraid of my father, weren’t they?”

  “No.” Richard grimaces. “They feared technology. Lydia and Lilith dreaded that what happened to your grandparents might happen to you.”

  “My grandparents?” I’ve never thought that far up my family tree.

  Richard’s expression is somber. Instead of a razor model, he looks like he could sell columbarium plots. “Your grandparents died during the Brain Cancer Epidemic. They became infected early on. That part of Vestal history is true.”

  A lump in my throat threatens to choke me.

  “‘Barbelo began the order with the children of his friends who had died,’” Alberto quotes. “‘He vowed to protect them. He vowed to keep them safe from all the things that had consumed his loved ones.’”

  Richard picks up with the second part of the paragraph from our long-ago textbook. “‘His brilliance let him realize that technology and cancer were one in the same. Some people died of brain cancer and some people didn’t, but everyone suffered the same fate in the end.’”

  “‘Technology drove people apart and tore them away from the physical presence of the people they loved,’” the three of us say together.

  “So my mother worried that I’d get cancer?”

  Richard nods. “Your grandparents worked as newspaper publishers. Did you know that?”

  I shake my head.

  “Really, it was more of a newsletter,” Richard says. “They called it the Homestead Economist, and it had a strong readership of people committed to living a self-reliant life apart from government intervention.”

  I think of Barbelo and his three-hundred-gallon tank of tilapia. Plemora was its own self-sustaining compound in the middle of the Nevada desert.

  “My parents worked at Homestead Economist too,” Alberto adds.

  “Alberto’s quite a bit older than me, you see,” Richard says with a smile. But then his face turns somber again. “Homestead Economist was conducted through websites, blogs, and cell phones. A great tragedy. Their poor gray matter never had a chance. That’s why Lydia and Lilith were so terrified. They truly believed you would be safer at Tabula Rasa, away from all technology.”

  “But Barbelo,” I start to say. “My father. He—”

  “Gave Lydia his blessing,” Richard says. “Not at first, of course. When Lydia initially told him she was pregnant, he was furious. I think he sent her away for a time, but I don’t know the specifics. Later though, they established a peace. And I believe Lilith had a big part in that. She brokered a truce between your parents.”

  Richard blew his nose on a handkerchief. “Lilith was very clever, you see. She is very clever.” It takes a few moments for him to continue. “But we thought—planned—that you would be Harvested as our daughter.”

  “Everyone said you had a face that could sell soap,” Alberto offers.

  “It seemed foolproof,” Richard says. “Lilith, Lydia, and I. Your father didn’t object. Even after Lilith disappeared I was still going to honor our plan. Then that Virus of yours stole your picture and ruined everything.”

  To my left, Seth squirms.

  “And you don’t know where Lilith is now?” I ask. “Or if she’s still alive?”

  Richard slowly shakes his head. He tries to speak, but emotions choke his voice.

  Alberto answers for him. “One day Lilith received a summons from Barbelo. And the next day, she vanished.”

  “Ladies and gentlemen,” Captain Lin says from the cockpit, “please fasten your seat belts for takeoff.”

  “Thank you.” I reach out and touch the side of Richard’s face. He grabs my hand and squeezes it. Then I sink back down in my seat.

  “That’s where I was,” Seth mumbles.

  “What?”

  “When you thought I was with Tiffany. I tried to investigate what might have happened to Lilith.”

  I click my seat belt. “Why didn’t you tell me?”

  “I didn’t want to get your hopes up. And I found nothing.” Seth leans on his armrest. “You just found out more about Lilith than I was able to discover in months.”

  “Sometimes it helps to be a Vestal.” I try not to sound smug. Then I open up my physics book to study.

  I stare at the same page for hours. It’s not that it doesn’t make sense. If I concentrate hard enough, I can figure out the equations. Or I’m sure Cal would explain them to me if I asked.

  No, my real problem is my proximity to Seth. Questions about my grandparents swirl through my head. I wish I could talk to him about them. Really, I wish I could talk to Seth about anything.

  Seth’s hand sits on the armrest, inches from mine. His head leans low over a book he borrowed from Cal, and he bends the pages back like an animal. Doesn’t Seth know that book is an antique?

  I should be horribly annoyed, but instead, all I can think of is how good Seth smells, like ocean and soap. I search my brain for some way to start a conversation.

  It used to be so easy, talking to Seth. In the beginning, I always had a plan prepared for what I would say. Then as we got closer, the words came naturally. But now my words jumble together. “Seth?”

  “What?” is his gruff answer.

  “Nothing. I was hoping for a turn with the armrest.”

  “Oh. Sorry.” He slides his arm away.

  I didn’t mean to say that at all! If you want to control someone, instead of be controlled … the old voice whispers.

  I push Barbelo’s words away and try to think for myself.

  “Seth?” I try again.

  “Yeah?” He doesn’t look up from his book.

  “I want you to know—”

  “Hey, look!” Seth flicks his finger-chips, and they glow blue. “We’re back in satellite range!”

  “I’m sorry I pushed you away, and I wish we could get back together.” My words rush out at top speed.

  “What?”
Seth jerks his head to look at me.

  “Ladies and gentlemen,” Captain Lin’s voice says loud and clear above the hum of the cabin noise, “we have now begun our descent. We’ll be landing in about thirty—”

  The announcement cuts off abruptly.

  And Seth screams.

  “What’s the matter?” Cal jumps from his seat and hurries over.

  “Seth!” I shout.

  “Make it stop!” Seth cries. “Make it stop!” He waves his arms around like they’re on fire.

  “What’s going on?” Beau leaps out of his seat to help. “Are you okay?”

  “No, I’m—” Seth’s words are cut off by a lurch of the plane.

  Sarah howls like a banshee.

  “Mami!” Fatima calls. “The airplane!”

  The plane rolls again, and I look at Cal. “Is that normal? Is this the descent?”

  “No,” Cal blurts. “It’s not normal.”

  Alberto rushes to the cockpit. “I’ll see what’s going on!”

  Richard follows.

  “Seth, please. Talk to me,” I plead. “What’s wrong?”

  Seth’s arms shake as he tries to hold up his fingers. “Get. Them. Out.” His teeth chatter so violently that it’s hard to understand him.

  “Bring me a first-aid kit!” Cal shouts. He grips Seth’s wrists, and we all see the truth.

  The finger-chips have come alive.

  Chapter Twenty-Six

  Electric blue and humming, the chips crawl up Seth’s hand. They bore through veins and leave a splotchy purple trail of broken blood vessels in their wake.

  “Good God,” Cal says. “Where are they going? An artery to his heart?”

  “No. Never!” I brush Seth’s hair out of his eyes and put my cold hand on his forehead.

  “The captains!” Richard rushes from the cockpit. “Their finger-chips have gone crazy.”

  “Who’s flying the plane?” Pilar screeches.

  “Alberto,” Richard answers. “But barely. Captain Lin is trying to give instructions, but he’s really messed up.”

  “Don’t worry, comrades,” announces Ryan. “We’ve got this.” He and Zach stomp down the aisle.