Saorsa

by Kerry Heavens

  “You really let them think too much,” I scold.

  “It was convenient. I never lied, I was always upfront with her. She always gave me the impression it was mutual, so anything she created or expected outside of that is on her.”

  I huff. It’s hard to be satisfied with the explanation when she’s still the specter over whatever it is we have, but he’s being honest, I know it. So I air another concern.

  “Why didn’t you press charges? Make me understand that.”

  He let out a breath. “My friendship with her father…”

  “Rhys, that doesn’t give her the right to steal millions from you.”

  “Let me finish. He was my father’s best friend. After Dad died, he really stepped in. He helped me through the worst time in my life and gave me unlimited support. Emotional, practical, financial. He was more a father to us than Dad had ever known how to be and we all think a great deal of him. I, however, formed the closest bond with him. I would do anything to return the kindness he’s shown me.”

  “Including turning a blind eye while his princess bleeds you dry?”

  “Kitten,” he warns. “I may have been naive as to the extent of her problem, but I was not turning a blind eye. I’ve done all I can to help her and I’ve supported him in every decision about her welfare, even those I disagreed with, because I owe him my unequivocal support.”

  “That still doesn’t make it okay. What about everything you’ve lost?”

  “Charlotte, he’s paid me back all the money she stole.”

  I let my breath out with a whoosh. “Well, that would have been great information to have yesterday.”

  “I went back to Scotland so that we could discuss everything. Thanks to your skills we have a record of every penny. He begged me not to press charges. I wanted to you know, but I can’t do that to him. Watching his daughter become what she is, is hard enough on the man. I won’t be the reason he suffers more.”

  It’s really difficult to be mad at him when he’s being so considerate, so generous. “You’re really not out any money?”

  “No. And I’m done with Lisa for good. He loves her, but he knows she needs a lot of help and I think he finally realizes her future is not with me. I just didn’t have a reason to cut the final tie until I met you.”

  “What makes me different?”

  Rhys smiles. “I know what matters in life, and kitten, it’s you.”

  I stare dumbfounded, unable to say anything in response to that declaration. All I can muster is an incoherent stammer. “Bu— I—” I pull my hand out of his and press it to my chest in the vain hope it will ease some of the pressure there.

  He reaches forward patiently and takes it back in his, squeezing it reassuringly. “Kitten, you have to let go. You’re letting control rule you.”

  Louise’s words of wisdom echo in the silence that follows his statement. Am I so transparent that they could both reach the same conclusion about my core problem in just one conversation?

  Apparently so.

  And if they’re right, what then?

  “I don’t know any other way, Rhys.” Panic is rising in me to the point of breathlessness. “I’ve always been the boss,” I pant. “The person that ran things, the one people could count on. Who can I count on but myself?”

  “Me,” he whispers.

  “I don’t know how,” I admit.

  “Just let go. Just know that you aren’t alone, I’m here. You don’t need to control everything, some things can’t be controlled. Like what you feel for me for example. You might think you can shut it off to protect yourself, but you can’t. You can’t control your natural feelings. You need to let some of them out if you want to enjoy life to the fullest.”

  I shake my head and pull my hand out of his, using it to hide my face from him. “You don’t understand, Rhys. Whenever I care about someone or something I lose it. Both my parents, Henry and my company. If I don’t keep these walls up then Lord knows what will happen in my life or how I’ll be hurt.”

  “Kitten, baby, that’s no way to live.” He cups my face. “Structure, you live for it, but it isn’t going to protect you forever. You don’t need that wall, you need to tear it down.” Leaning forward he presses his lips gently to mine. “I can help you.”

  I swallow past the lump in my throat. Suddenly I want to try. He makes me want more than I’ve had before. Do I dare to dream? “I— I need your help. Will you show me?”

  His shoulder slump in relief. “Oh kitten, it’s all I want.” He stands and holds out a hand to me.

  I know once I take that hand that my life won’t be the same again. He makes me feel as though I could fly and I trust him to help me land safely. I settle my hand into his and stand.

  Nineteen

  “Take me to bed, Rhys.”

  He cocks his head and gives me a slow smirk. “Okay, let’s start as we mean to go on. I will take you to bed, but let’s be clear, it’s only because I happen to agree with you that we are going to my bedroom. No more ordering me about, kitten.”

  I suppress a small smile. The first in hours. “Okaaay…” I answer hesitantly. Humor aside, his words awaken something in me. Something deep that I never knew existed. And when he takes a step toward his bedroom, I willingly follow behind him. It feels so natural to follow and with each step we take I am more sure of my decision.

  His phone shatters the intense silence as we pass through the entrance and he stiffens, pausing.

  “So close,” I lament, chuckling as I lay my forehead on his shoulder in frustration.

  “Ignore it,” he groans, pulling me with more intent toward the bedrooms.

  I stop him. “You may as well get it now. Last time it was Lisa having a meltdown and she wouldn’t take the hint when you ignored it.”

  “It’s not going to be Lisa,” he assures me. “And honestly I don’t care if it is. Ignore it. They will go away.”

  I tug him back. “Rhys, I’m not going anywhere okay? Just answer the phone first, then you can turn it off and relax.”

  He narrows his eyes at me. “Was that you ordering me around again by any chance?”

  I press my lips together and fight a grin, shaking my head from side to side.

  “Good.” The ringing stops and Rhys looks triumphant. Then it begins again and I have to bite my lip to not say I told you so. “Motherfucker.” He lets go of my hand and stalks over to the coffee table. snatching up his phone. “Yes?” he barks into the receiver, walking purposefully back over to me. Then he stops, frowning. “I told you not to let her in the building.”

  My stomach drops. I was joking when I brought her up, but I know beyond a doubt that the ‘her’ Rhys wants kept from the building has to be Lisa.

  “Put her somewhere out of the way for God’s sake and I’ll be right down.”

  I become aware that I’ve taken a step back from him when he reaches out for me as he ends the call. He looks at me imploringly and I instinctively take another step back. “Lisa strikes again,” I mutter.

  “Kitten,” he cautions, closing the space and taking my hand in his, even though I try to pull it out of his reach.

  I close my eyes as he lifts it to his lips, trying to protect myself from the situation. Just when I think I can relax, she’s back. “Go. You said you’d be right down.” I can’t keep the bitterness from my voice.

  “I will be, but you’re coming with me.” He lays another kiss on my knuckles, clasping my hand in both of his.

  I jerk back in shock. “I don’t think that’s a good idea, Rhys.”

  “It’s the only way I’m going,” he informs me.

  I stare at him, he’s the picture of calm and I have no idea how. I’m the opposite. “I—" I try to think of the words to convey what a supremely bad idea it would be for me to go see her with him. “I don’t think she will like that.”

  It’s feeble.

  “I don’t care what she would like. She had her final warning from me when she broke into the office.”<
br />
  I choke. “She—?”

  Rhys nods in affirmation. “That night she broke down, it was at Liberty. She tried to gain access to the system after you cut off her active card we had missed.”

  I shake my head. “You said your place, I thought you meant home.”

  “Well they are one and the same really, aren’t they? I guess I can admit that aloud now.” He sighs. “She came in at night banking on the fact that the night guard probably didn’t know she’d had her security clearance revoked. She told him she had left her pass in her office and he let her in. Needless to say I had every code and system changed that night to stop it from happening again and every member of security now knows she is not to be allowed in the building.”

  “And still, she’s here.”

  “She’s creating a scene in reception. Says she has something to tell me.”

  “I see,” I snarl. “And you’re going to go running down there and give her the satisfaction of knowing she still has you at her beck and call are you?”

  Rhys shakes his head slowly. “Nope. I’m going to go down there and make sure that she never wants to come back.” The tone he uses is so cold it startles me. I’ve never seen a side to him which gives me pause, but this Rhys…I don’t think I’d cross him. He looks thunderous for just a moment and then he blinks and it’s gone.

  “I want you with me. I think you need to hear what I have to say as much as she does. Come on.” He pulls my hand and leads me along the hall. Bemused, I simply follow.

  My first view of his bedroom takes my breath away, it’s all natural wood with warm rugs and flannel curtains draping the floor to ceiling windows. I’m shocked but I really shouldn’t be, he fits this room.

  We fit this room. At least we could, given half a chance, but the way today is going I’d say that’s wishful thinking.

  Rhys leaves me standing near the door and crosses to his closet, where he pulls out a suit and lays it on the bed before turning back to select a shirt and tie. I scowl, wondering why he is dressing up for the occasion, but I say nothing as he quietly and quickly dresses. When he’s ready, he crosses back over to me and takes my hand. “Ready?”

  “Not in the least,” I reply and he offers me a small, but consoling smile.

  He leads me back to the hall, stopping at the console table and pulling a small white paper bag from the slim drawer and tucking whatever it is into his inside breast pocket. Puzzled, I follow him out.

  When we step into the elevator, our reflection in the full-length mirror tells me why he changed into a suit for this. We look strong. United. My hope that the move was to send Lisa a clear message blooms. We ride the elevator in silence, although Rhys keeps our fingers entwined and continues to stroke his thumb over my knuckles.

  We arrive in the lobby and cross the space to the security desk quickly. Too quickly for my liking and I try to slow us down as we approach, almost turning on my heel to get away from the confrontation about to come my way. Rhys stops and turns to me.

  “Do you trust me, kitten?” he murmurs, reaching up and tenderly slipping his fingers into my hair to caress the back of my neck, apparently unconcerned who sees our exchange.

  I swallow and nod.

  “Good.” He smiles, leaning forward to press a kiss to my forehead. “It’s going to be okay.”

  “How do you know?”

  “Because this is her last play. It’s all she has left to try, but unfortunately for her, I saw her coming. She can’t win, kitten.”

  Then without another word, he walks behind the security post, nodding to the guard and opens the door to the control room beyond and I follow.

  “I’m sorry, Mr. McAllister, she wouldn’t back down, she was drawing an audience,” a sweaty guard huffs out while approaching us.

  “That’s okay, Chris. I’ll take it from here.”

  Chris nods stiffly and gestures toward another door. “She’s in there.” He grimaces. “And she ain’t happy about it.”

  “Thank you.” Rhys heads for the door, stopping outside and turning to me. “Ready?”

  I shake my head vigorously. Rhys, the ass, actually smirks. At a time like this! Then he opens the door and drags me into the room with him.

  “Rhys!” Lisa shrieks, simultaneously relieved to see him and aghast at my presence. Her face falls, the latter winning out and she snarls. “What is she doing here?”

  Rhys approaches her calmly, having gently let go of my hand. I don’t feel the loss as a rejection as I might have expected, rather as an act of protection. After all, there is no need for both of us to approach the cornered beast. “Charlotte is with me but that is none of your concern, Lisa. I made it clear you are not to come back here did I not?”

  Her face hardens at his proprietary comment about me being here ‘with’ him, but in only a half second it softens again when she looks imploringly at him. “I had to see you, we need to talk and you aren’t answering my calls.”

  “We have nothing left to say to each other.”

  “That is where you are wrong,” she spits, glancing at me with a look of triumph before returning her gaze to Rhys.

  “Oh?” Rhys crosses his arms across his chest impatiently.

  “I’m not discussing our private matters in front of—her,” she snaps.

  “It’s here and now, or not at all,” he responds without missing a beat. So calm and yet so firm. “Charlotte isn’t going anywhere. Now say what you have to say, I’m a busy man.”

  “Trust me. Rhys. This is not something you want your new fuck toy hearing.” She leans around him, glaring at me. “You can run along darling, we—”

  Rhys holds up his hand to stop her and divert her challenging stare. “Do not dare to compare what I have with Charlotte to the arrangement you and I once had. I assure you it is entirely different.”

  My stomach turns over at the reference to what they ‘once had’, but Lisa continues, ignorant to my turmoil.

  “Until you get bored of her,” Lisa scoffs.

  “That won’t happen.”

  “Oh please. You’ll get restless, you always do. You’ll come and find me.”

  “I feel like you aren’t really hearing me, Lisa. So listen, and listen good. We had an arrangement, you and I, nothing more. It suited us both at the time and it ran its course. It’s finished now and has been for a while. I’ve met someone, she’s everything. I’d marry her tomorrow if she’d have me.”

  I gasp, fully aware that it was aloud and clutch my hand in my blouse.

  Rhys continues undeterred, delivering the final blow. “And nothing you can do or say is going to change that.”

  I hold my breath. Silence stretches out for I don’t know, a year maybe? Or probably just a couple of seconds, but long enough for me to feel light headed from lack of oxygen.

  Rhys is stock still and waiting, Lisa is furious looking and breathing as if she ran here. She glances back to me before squaring her shoulders and fixing him with a vindictive glare.

  “I’m pregnant.”

  Everything stops. Lisa stares expectantly, Rhys doesn’t move a muscle and I…well I suddenly need to be anywhere but here. Slowly and silently I feel behind me for the doorknob. I just need to escape. There is nothing left for me here. Rhys is going to be a— I can’t even think the word. Not when he’s just said he’ll marry me if I’ll have him.

  His life is going to change for good and there isn’t a place in it for me. I’m not sure there ever really was. My hand makes contact with the knob, but as I slowly turn it, Rhys’ movement stops me.

  He reaches into his breast pocket and slides out the small bag, pulling a box from it and screwing the paper up tightly in his fist and flinging it toward the trashcan. It’s the only outward hint of frustration he shows. Then he tosses the box on the table between them and looks up at her. “Prove it.”

  I watch them, confused and then look down at the box. A pregnancy test? But how?

  Lisa looks traumatized. “Rhys!” she cries, outra
ged, his name alone conveying her shock and displeasure at being questioned, suspected.

  He unfolds his arms, leaning forward and placing them on the table, looking up into her indignant eyes. “It’s very simple, Lisa. If you’re pregnant, prove it. Go take the test right now and if it’s positive, you’ll have my full and unwavering support until we can test for paternity.”

  She looks down at the box as if it were a snake ready to strike, then back to Rhys.

  “Unless you can’t prove it,” he says low, and I know without seeing his face that the same cold look I saw cross his face upstairs, must be present right now too. Lisa’s expression confirms it. She looks terrified. Rhys straightens to his full height before refolding his arms. “In which case, you’d be wise to get the fuck out and never let me run into you again.”

  She gulps.

  “Which is it going to be?” he demands.

  Lisa opens her mouth to say something, then changes her mind. Her eyes roam the ceiling for the briefest of moments and then she seems to snap. She grabs her purse from the table and marches past him, stopping in front of me because I’m blocking her path. I hastily move aside.

  “Ugh!” she explodes, yanking the door open and letting it fly back on its hinges, crashing into the wall. And with that she storms out. Out of the control room, out of the building, out of our lives.

  Rhys approaches me cautiously. I turn to face him, my emotions warring with my better judgement. This man is god damn trouble with a capital T, I tell myself. Everything in your life has turned upside down since he entered it, I remind my subconscious. You wanted a fresh start not a freaking soap opera. Do the right thing.

  He stands in front of me looking wary, yet maintains his air of confidence. How does he do that when I’m unable to harness any kind of control here?

  His expression softens while he waits patiently for me to process.

  I can’t form a useful thought, but I have to say something. He’s waiting for me to say something.

  In the end, it’s the first thought that cuts through the white noise that’s the one I run with, blindly.