My mind was spinning by the time the strong determination in Sam’s eyes finally made sense to me. He wanted me to choose his side. “And what’s the right decision, Sam,” I said, standing up to face him. “The decision you agree with I suppose? Where is my choice there, Sam? What if I don’t want to be on a stupid side? What if I just want to be me? What if I just want to be left alone?”
I was so angry and confused at everything and everyone. All this new knowledge was giving me a headache and I felt trapped no matter which way I turned. I stared Sam down even though I could feel hot tears creeping down my cheeks and blurring up my vision. The whole situation was beginning to sicken me. I never wanted any of this and there seemed to be no way out of it. Cantrelle and Sam’s silence was enough to show me that. I’d never be left alone from now on. I was now beginning to understand Mum’s constant need for moving.
Sam stepped forward, unfortunately not deterred by my steely, although tear-smudged, glare and put a hand on my cheek. He rubbed away another newly formed tear with his thumb and looked down at me reflecting all the pain in his eyes that he must have seen in mine. “I am here for you, Kitty,” he said softly. “I will always be until you make your decision whatever it may be. It will then be you who’ll decide whether you still want me around or not.” Sam’s hand suddenly jerked away from my face and he hissed in pain.
“You cannot have her either,” said Cantrelle, from where she now stood next to us. I hadn’t even heard her stand up. I looked down at Sam’s arm, at where Cantrelle held it, and saw that her claws were imbedded up to her fingertips in his skin. “Let him go!” I screamed at her, grabbing her arm, but found myself unable to move her.
“Not until you know what he is,” she snarled and pushed me away. She raised her other hand and drove her claws deep into his chest. Sam groaned, grabbed her arm with his free hand and pulled her hand out of his chest. A hunk of skin came away still clutched between her claws and Cantrelle gave another gleeful cackle. “Show her,” she said.
As Cantrelle moved to take another stab at Sam, he bowed his head and an electric, white force emanating from somewhere inside him, seemed to envelope his body. It hit Cantrelle and sent her flying backwards into the side of a cupboard. I watched as she slid down to the floor grinning and cackling as she stared at Sam. I followed her gaze and saw a white, hot glow begin to fill out the space behind Sam’s back. I didn’t understand what was happening. His gruesome red wounds began to heal over until there was nothing left to prove he’d been hurt at all except for his bloodied shirt. In an instant, Sam raised his head and looked at me and the white light around him disappeared in a flash. And I found myself looking at an—angel. Quite a unique thing for someone who didn’t even believe in God.
I felt such an overwhelming urge to run away as I looked at him. I was now beginning to understand that my body, because of Lilith’s blood, was both afraid of and anxious to avoid anything in the universe that may be good. Unfortunately, it seemed as though Cantrelle had been right and that my once reliable instincts now preferred putting my body in danger, in the hopes of enticing the evil side. I was certain that if I didn’t learn to fight this dangerous tendency soon, I wouldn’t have much of a life left to try to protect. I didn’t want to become a monster’s dinner, let alone become a monster myself, so it was either stay and deal with the angel or run away screaming and die. I was pretty sure I knew what my choice was going to be.
As I looked at Sam I realized that he wasn’t exactly what I’d pictured an angel to look like. Even though I’d never given that much thought to it, I’d always envisioned a beautiful being with white wings, a halo, a white robe and possibly a harp. Sam scored only two out of five. He was beautiful and he had wings. Although not purely white, but tinged with the golds of his hair color, his feathered wings were folded up neatly behind each shoulder blade. I couldn’t help but look him up and down. With his black biker boots, jeans, white t-shirt and black leather jacket, he just didn’t seem to match the true form of an angel.
Sam gave me an odd, but sincere smile and bowed his head again. The white, electric force enveloped his body once more and in an instant his wings were gone. When all was back to normal he looked up at me, staring deep into my eyes, and gave me an almost pained look. I was pretty sure he was waiting for me to reject him, to run away, and I almost had.
“Do you see,” said Cantrelle as she struggled to lift herself from the floor. “He isn’t what you want and never will be. I’m surprised you managed to stop yourself from fleeing just at the sight of him.”
“So am I,” said Sam, as he nervously ran his fingers through his shaggy, golden fringe.
“I don’t believe in God,” I blurted out, not really understanding why.
Sam raised an eyebrow at me and gave me a reassuring smile.
“I mean, how can I believe in angels if I don’t believe in God,” I said again, trying to clarify myself.
“The same way you now believe in monsters,” Sam said as he stretched out a hand to Cantrelle who was still sitting on the floor. She frowned up at him, obviously not impressed with his help or his pity, but took his hand anyway. Sam pulled her up until she was firmly back on her feet and then she tossed his hand away and brushed herself off.
“When I died,” Sam said, turning to face me again, “I didn’t believe in God. And to tell you the truth, I’m not sure I actually believe in Him now. I’ve never seen him, never met any other angels. The only thing I understood after I died is that I had to protect you. The day before you were born, I woke up in my grave, completely healed and desperate to find you. When I did, I knew I was never allowed to leave you, not until you had made your choice. So, I really don’t care if you believe in God or not. I don’t even care if you believe in angels. All you have to understand is that I’m here for you. I always have been and I’m never going to let anything happen to you that you don’t want to happen.”
I stared at Sam, my eyes wide and mouth open. “Okay,” I mumbled, for lack of a better answer.
Four: Dream Stalker
Sam and I had left Cantrelle screaming in her kitchen over ten minutes ago. She’d been disappointed that I hadn’t rejected Sam as she had initially foreseen and once I’d accepted that Sam was going to stick by me no matter what, the screaming started. Desperate to get us out of there, Sam had dragged me out the door and into the darkness without another word. I thought it was pretty safe to assume that we wouldn’t be eager to see Cantrelle again anytime soon.
We’d been walking in silence now for quite a while. Every so often, I’d glance up at him from the corner of my eye trying to steal another look at what he truly was. But, in the end, I never saw anything more than an extraordinarily handsome, young man in biker boots and a leather jacket. As soon as Sam noticed me looking he’d turn his head to look at me and I’d look away, ashamed at myself for thinking I’d see his wings again. The more time I spent with him, the more I didn’t feel like running. I no longer felt like teasing him or being aggressively flirtatious, and my instincts no longer told me to head for the hills. It was like I was beginning to appreciate who he really was and how much he seemed to genuinely care for me, even though I hadn’t known him for more than a couple of hours.
I looked back down at my feet as we continued to walk. In some ways it scared me to think that he had always been in my life, hiding in some dark corner, watching me grow as the years went by. In other ways, it made me feel like there was one person out there who actually knew me, who cared enough about me to put themselves in harm’s way before letting anything happen to me. Someone who believed in me and believed that I would make it through this screwed up problem of mine and make the right decision. I hadn’t felt like someone cared this much about me for a long time. My mum, though probably loving me in her own way, never seemed to try to get to know me. But, Sam was different. He’d seen who I really was, what I liked and what I didn’t like, and everything that helped to make me, me. No one had ever known me like
that.
I glanced up at Sam again, unable to stop myself. His face was serious, like he was thinking something through, but his eyes were focused on the darkness of the alleyway in front of us. Instantly his face changed and he looked down at me with a weary smile. This time, I didn’t look away. I smiled back at him and slipped my arm through his, grabbing his hand in mine. At the feel of my palm on his, his fingers closed tight around my hand as though nothing would make him let go. I felt strangely content with my hand wrapped in his, as though my world, collapsing around me as it was, was finally making sense. His company was now such a comfort to me, like a tall, well-muscled security blanket, that I couldn’t comprehend any thoughts of running away and leaving him. In fact, I never wanted to leave him again; my life wouldn’t be the same without him. Or so my heart was beginning to believe.
Something light and wet hit my cheek and I glanced up at the sky. Raindrops pitter-pattered on the cobblestone path around us, and made musical notes as they landed upon tile roofs. I grinned back at Sam, his golden locks now dark and damp from the rain, and he gave me a cheeky look back. I held his hand tighter as he picked up the pace until we were jogging down the alleyway.
Although we ran down alley after alley, there was just no escaping the rain. By the time Sam pulled me to a stop under a nearby awning we were both strangely exhilarated and soaked through. My hair had fallen out of its messy bun a couple of alleys ago and was stuck slick to my face and my neck, hanging heavy down my back and dripping droplets onto my already drenched leather jacket. Water dripped down Sam’s face from his soaking wet hair and fell off his chin. We were both breathing heavily after the run, and from the chill of the night and the freezing rain our breath was turning to steam.
As we both stood close together, huddling in the comforting warmth of each other, I noticed that I was still holding Sam’s hand. My fingers, interlocked securely through his, seemed to have no intention of letting go, and neither did his. We both stood silent and shivering as we stared at each other just consuming the moment. Then, Sam put his hand on my cheek and brushed the damp hair from my face. A spark of electricity seemed to heat my cool skin at his touch and my already racing heartbeat pounded harder. Involuntarily, I stepped forward, closer to him. I couldn’t seem to look away from his eyes. The rich violet of them was unreal and kept pulling me in further. Sam took a step closer to me until his face was next to mine and I was looking deeper into the captivating swirls of violet dancing in his irises. Suddenly and softly, his lips brushed mine and my eyes closed.
“Kitty,” asked a familiar voice.
I jumped away from Sam, still holding his hand, as the solid, red door next to us swung open and my mum stepped outside. Sam was still staring at me, looking almost voracious by what just happened, as my mum walked over to us. She immediately noticed my hand holding Sam’s, and instinctively I let go. Instantly, Sam seemed himself again. He shook his head slightly and brushed the wet hair out of his face.
“Where have you two been,” asked Mum, looking less stern at me than at Sam. “It’s almost eleven.”
Sam and I looked at each other, rational answers escaping our thoughts. There wasn’t really a right way or a short way to explain our whereabouts. I also wasn’t sure that I wanted Mum to know how much I already knew about our family history. I looked away from Sam’s worried, soul searching eyes and back at my mum. All I could do was shrug.
“Well, then,” she said, her hands now on her hips, “I think it’s time the two of you said goodnight. Don’t you, Kitty?”
Feeling restricted by the pressure of her gaze and pretty certain that I didn’t have any other choice, I turned back to Sam. “Goodnight,” I said, more gravely than I’d meant to.
Sam’s expression must have matched mine. The thought of leaving him, of never knowing when I’d see him again seemed to hurt my heart. I didn’t want to be separated from him, but there was no other option at that moment. The concerned look on Sam’s face made my chest ache and my throat tighten. I wouldn’t be able to leave him this way. Somehow, I managed to force myself to make a tight-lipped smile and I deeply hoped that that would be enough to show him I’d be okay.
After a long, calculated pause he answered. “Goodnight, Kitty,” he said. “And happy birthday.”
After that, I couldn’t help but smile sincerely at him. With a final silent sigh and one last longing look at Sam, I walked past Mum towards the open door and slipped inside.
Within my strange new house, I quickly made my way upstairs and found an open window. Peering into the darkness, all I could distinguish in the alleyway below were two shadows stretching out from beneath the large, overhanging awning. I could hear my mum and Sam talking, but their voices were quiet and muffled by the slowing rain. I strained my ears to hear, just as their voices stopped. One shadow disappeared and I heard the front door slam. As Mum stomped her way upstairs, I watched Sam’s shadow turn with him and join with the surrounding darkness.
Before Mum made it to the top of the stairs, I was in front of her. “Where’s my bedroom,” I asked quietly.
She looked at me, appearing a little surprised and pointed to a door down the short hallway. Without a word, I took a step to follow her directions, but before I could get very far she gently grabbed my arm. “Are you okay,” she asked, a look of utter concern wrinkling her forehead.
I forced another smile and lied. “Just tired,” I said.
She nodded hesitantly and let go of my arm. “Okay, I guess we’ll just talk in the morning then,” she said softly.
I turned away from her and started to walk down the hall.
“The first door on the left is the bathroom,” she said, calling out after me. “And there are spare blankets in the cupboard on the right. If you need anything—”
I stopped and looked over my shoulder at her. I wouldn’t need anything, not right now, not tonight. Except maybe Sam. “Goodnight, Mum,” I said, and then opened my bedroom door. I stepped inside and closed the door without another look down the hall at Mum. There was too much on my mind right now to deal with her as well. I still had so many questions I wanted answered, so much I wanted to ask her, but now was not the time. I had to process what I’d already found out and that was going to be a hard enough task in itself.
Feeling a little anxious in the dark room, I switched on the light. The room was small, but still larger than the room I’d had in London. There was a long, single bed that stretched almost the entire length of the far wall. It seemed to be set up to give me a perfect view of the huge window, which nearly spanned the width of the right wall. Beneath the window was a cushioned window seat and to the right of that sat a jet black desk. Along the left wall, surrounded by boxes and bags, were a honey collared closet and a matching chest of drawers. For a smallish room, this new bedroom seemed to hold a lot.
There was one odd thing though. Apart from the closet and chest of drawers, all the furniture in the room seemed to be matching in color. Matching in my favorite colors. The bed had an elegant, black bed head at each end and its covers were black, crimson and violet. The chair by the desk was black with a crimson cushion and so was the window seat, which also had separate violet cushions. Even the carpet was black. I was relieved that the walls had only been painted a light lavender, otherwise the room would have been dark even with the light on.
I had to admit I was impressed. I couldn’t believe my mum had gone to so much trouble to set up my room. She’d never done this anywhere before. It was almost as though this was actually going to be my room, not just another place to stay. I pulled off my wet leather jacket and draped it over the desk chair then made my way over to the bed. I spun slowly to take in the room in its entirety and still found myself amazed. I just couldn’t believe that my mum had done so much just for me. I’d have to remember to thank her in the morning.
With an almost tranquil sigh, I walked over to the half open window and knelt on the window seat. I looked out into the darkness and could still he
ar the light pitter-patter of rain. For as long as I could remember, hearing rain while I lay in the dark trying to sleep had always comforted me. But now, as I stared further into the blackness of the alleyway’s shadows, the hair on the back of my neck stood up and goose bumps ran down my arms. Instead of finding peace in the simplistic realm of night like I used to, tonight all I seemed to find were shapes of dark, gruesome creatures starring back at me willing me to come out and join them. Of course, they weren’t really there. I was pretty sure that my crazy imagination was in overdrive, because my mind had been through a bit too much tonight. Then, however, I’d see another creature appearing from the dark with glowing, yellow eyes or crimson blood dripping off its fangs. After a couple more minutes, I closed the window and locked it. I’d freaked myself out and been terrified enough by others for one night.
I took off my shoes, my jeans and my singlet top, and then used my top like a towel to dry some of my damp hair. It wasn’t a success. After digging through one of the numerous bags littered around the floor and finding nothing but books and CDs, I eventually found a large black t-shirt. It was an old one of Mum’s, one of her work shirts, totally covered with colorful paint stains, but it was good enough for me to sleep in tonight. I pulled it over my head and then, once fully covered, I stripped off my wet underwear and bra and tossed them in a pile with my other wet clothes.
I had managed to turn off the light and crawl into bed before I noticed that I was still wearing the necklace Max had given me. I’d forgotten about it since Sam had told me what it was and what Max was using it for. I’d meant to take it off. With my eyes closed and in total darkness, I spun the chain around my neck until I could feel the tiny clasp. With a flick of my thumb, I unhooked it and then shoved the whole necklace under my pillow. It felt good to finally have it off. I rubbed my neck and then settled myself for sleep.
Innocently Evil (A Kitty Bloom Novel) Page 4
