Jane's Long March Home

by Susan Lute

  “You should tell her.”

  He shrugged one shoulder. “Jack Malone. Sergeant Jack Malone.”

  “Not Jones?”

  Bobby kicked at the dirt and remained silent.

  “Okay. What about your mother. Where’s she?”

  Pressing his lips into a thin line, the teenager crossed his arms over his scrawny chest. Watching them go toe to toe gave Chase some insight into what it would be like if she was still around when the kid hit seventeen.

  He went motionless at the thought; made a grab for fleeing reality. Jane would be leaving. Soon, if how well she’d recovered from this flashback was anything to go by.

  Her calculated shrug had his pulse lurching. “I guess you don’t have to tell me if you don’t want to.”

  “She was killed in a car accident.”

  Easy enough to verify. Chase waited, his heart warming as he watched the remarkable woman put her talents to good use.

  “I’ll ask around about your dad, but only on one condition.”

  Bobby pushed his hands deep into his pants pockets. “What condition.”

  “Tell us your name.”

  Abby slapped a hand across her mouth. Bobby pinned her with a disgusted look. “You told didn’t you?”

  Dropping her gaze in abject misery to her shoes, the little girl nodded.

  Jane stood, carrying Abby with her, as if that alone would offer protection against a brother's anger. Chase took a hard punch at the sight. She was just beginning to believe it, but the woman emerging? She really was going to be all right.

  Right then, he lost the fight to stay objective, to keep himself aloof from her spell. There was nothing he could do but cross his fingers, and hope he hadn’t taken the biggest fall of his life.

  Throwing his shoulders back and stretching to his full height, Bobby, or whoever he was, faced them head on. “My name is Zach. Zach Malone.”

  *

  For the first time in a long time, Jane felt good. Strong. Like she could take on the skeletons in her closet and win.

  Thanks to Chase. She thought of him that way now. In her mind where her restraints had been broken and the fearless Jane Donovan she used to be had been set free.

  And, she knew one thing. She was going to have to fire him. Soon. Because he couldn’t be her therapist any longer. Not when what she wanted from him had nothing to do with behavior or cognitive therapy.

  She wasn’t totally free of Madrid, but she was closer than she’d been since her arrival on the ranch. When she’d followed his voice back from the dark place the flashback had taken her, he’d promised to be there for her.

  What she wanted from Chase Russell was a little play therapy. Oh, not children games. Adult, hot sweaty games that involved bare skin, heavy breathing, and intertwined bodies.

  A little voice poked her. Was she the classic patient falling for her therapist? Did it matter? Not really. She’d be leaving soon. With the Doc's blessing.

  But before she ran him to ground, she had a couple of kids to take care of. Waiting patiently, she listened for the click of Zach and Abby’s bedroom door, then moved up the stairs on silent feet until she was close enough to hear the murmur of their voices. It probably wasn’t fair to eavesdrop on their conversation, but she’d given up playing fair in Madrid.

  Zach wanted her to find his father. If the man could be found, she would.

  “You lied.” Abby’s voice was almost too quiet to hear through the door. Jane leaned closer.

  “Don’t worry about it.”

  There was a short silence. “What if they find out?”

  “They won’t.”

  Lied? Of course he did, but about what?

  “Zach?”

  “Shh.”

  “Do you think Miss Jane can find Pop?”

  “Maybe.”

  “Should we tell her he flies helicopters?”

  “Don’t be a worrywart. I’ll tell her at dinner.”

  Jane eased away. In her room she flipped open her cell and dialed. “Johnson? Donovan here. I need a favor.”

  “What can I do for you, Ma’am?”

  No hesitation. That was the Corps for you.

  “I need you to find a Jack Malone. He could be assigned to an Air Wing.”

  “Sure thing. Anything specific you’re looking for?”

  “His current duty station, and intel on his family - wife, two kids.”

  The click of Johnson’s computer keys brought back good memories. Jane welcomed them, moved to the window to stare at the high desert landscape.

  She wondered if the Malone’s marriage had ended in divorce. It wasn’t uncommon in the military. It took a tough spouse to stay married to a soldier. Which was one of the reasons, besides never finding the right guy, why she hadn't gone down that road herself. When it didn’t work, it was often the children who paid the biggest price.

  “I can give you his location. I’ll have to get back to you on the rest.”

  Johnson was a whiz kid on the computer. If anyone could get answers, it would be the junior Marine.

  It took longer than Jane expected for him to locate Malone’s personnel records. The news wasn’t good.

  Sighing heavily, she disconnected the call. It wasn’t the first time she’d delivered bad news, nor would it be the last. It was just that after the way they’d stood by her at the campsite, the kids deserved more than finding out their dream of finding their father was a dead end.

  She found them in the kitchen. Chase was at the stove fixing dinner. The smell of sizzling hamburgers and fried potatoes saturated the air. Gus and Zach were starting up a game of checkers.

  Chase laughed at something Abby said, and just for a moment, Jane didn’t want to deliver the news that would shatter this cozy picture. The chatter died as they looked at her expectantly.

  There was no way to soften the blow, so Jane squared her shoulders and gave it to them straight. “I talked to my Corporal back at the base. Six months ago, Captain Jack Malone was killed when his helicopter went down in Afghanistan. He’s survived by his ex-wife and two children.”

  Matching shocked expressions tore at her heart. They were too young and innocent to be dealt this blow. A feeling of kinship caught her breath. She softened her voice. “I’m so sorry.”

  “He’s dead,” Zach muttered, shock spreading across his young face. His shoulders dropped. Lips trembled before he pressed them firmly together.

  Fat tears welled up in Abby’s eyes as she ran as best she could to throw her arms around her brother’s neck.

  Gus swore under his breath.

  Jane set her jaw, refusing to look at Chase. “Do you have any other relatives? An aunt, or uncle?”

  “There’s no one.” Zach’s chin dipped to the top of his sister’s head.

  They were all alone now. She knew what that felt like. Not sure what else to do, she moved to grab them and offer what comfort she could. Chase beat her to it, placing a steady hand on their shoulders.

  “Zach, what are we going to do?” A watery hiccup escaped Abby as she looked up with anxious eyes at her brother. Tears that wrenched Jane’s gut, slid down the little girl’s face.

  She’d meant to stay uninvolved, keep her side of the bargain with Zach, nothing more, but how could she make this right for them? She had nothing to offer. She wasn’t one of those women who could skillfully pull maternal sympathy out of her over-large handbag, or who innately knew how to make a child feel better when their world came crashing at their feet. Damn it, she couldn’t even keep her own world from falling apart.

  “You’ll stay here with me.” With those five, precious words, Chase did what she couldn’t. He rode to the rescue, grabbed hold of two lost lives and brought them out of the storm to safety.

  Jane’s panic button went off, and not in a post-traumatic-I’m-having-a-panic-attack way either. Struck by an overpowering urge to run, fast and as far away as she could get, she wondered if she’d just witnessed one of those miracles Sister Mary Marg
aret had always talked about; the ones Jane didn’t believe in, at all.

  Before she’d joined the Corps, she’d longed for just such a family. She’d thought she’d found it within the community of Marines, but standing here watching the three of them, she realized that elusive dream of having her own family, a mom and dad who loved their children more than anything else? It was dangling right in front of her nose.

  Now that she looked back on her time with Linus in Madrid, she realized that was exactly what she’d tried to do with him. Make a family. She hadn’t been aware of it until just this minute, and she’d gone about it all wrong, but...

  Was this the missing piece all along? Chase and these two kids who needed him, and maybe her too?

  She tromped solidly on the ridiculous notion that with her lack of experience in this particular area, she would ever qualify to be part of a normal family. Despite the lock-down she forced on her emotions, the old yearnings surfaced.

  Chase’s gaze collided with her's, included her, offered safe harbor.

  She stood at a crossroad. To the right was the life she knew, the one she was desperate to return to. To the left was quite possibly everything she’d never allowed herself to dream of. A family of her very own. A home filled with warmth and laughter. A lifetime snuggled up in the arms of that one special man who made a girl’s heart beat like thunder.

  But, Jane knew fairy tales did not come true. At least not for her.

  Zach and Abby and Gus, they belonged here on this ranch. Her life was the Marine Corps, three thousand miles away.

  Regret stole into her heart. The kids needed Chase much more than she did. She’d done a good thing. Managed to find a bit of redemption by playing a small roll in helping to keep them safe. She would have to be content with that.

  It was safer that way. Much safer than watching Chase maneuver the kids away from their shock.

  “There’s going to be a rodeo with a barbecue and dance in Lone Pine tomorrow. How about we all go?”

  Chase wrapped her in an illusion she had to reject.

  “I guess.” The misery in Zach’s sunken shoulders was mirrored in his sister’s down-turned mouth. It was enough to rattle Jane’s resolve.

  Chase turned the suffering kids so he could squat in front of them. “I’m sorry about your Dad. It’s not what we’d hoped to find. If it’s okay, I have a friend who can make it possible for you to stay here as long as you want.”

  Zach’s gaze snapped up from the fists he’d made in his lap.

  If the Corps didn’t already have dibs on her, Jane would have snatched the man by his lapels, begging him to let her stay and become a part of this little family he was gathering to his heart.

  Abby came up with her own solution, scaring the crap out of Jane. “You and Miss Jane could adopt us.”

  Chase’s eyes swiveled in her direction, causing her heart to tumble over the cliff she teetered on. “I was thinking more along the lines of being your foster parent, but adoption's an option, too.”

  In a heartbeat, the emotional distance she’d worked so hard to maintain evaporated. Chase Russell was something else. What was he going to do? Take in every stray adult and child that came his way?

  She’d been scheming for him to keep the kids on a permanent basis, but adoption hadn’t crossed her mind. She didn’t dare hope for something that lasting for Zach and Abby.

  She'd never forgotten what it felt like to have her hopes of a real family dashed against the realities of life. Surprising anticipation skimmed down her back at the questioning challenge springing at her from Chase’s cinnamon eyes.

  Did she have what it took to see this through? To do what she was suddenly afraid he wanted her to do?

  She shook her head. She was leaving. Zach and Abby would be much better off if she quashed this insane idea right now.

  When she opened her mouth to do just that, she couldn’t find the words that would disappoint the two kids gazing at her with stark longing. Neither could she admit her growing feelings for the man staring at her as though he understood every inch of the struggle she was going through.

  CHAPTER

  XII

  The next day, after leaving Gus in the stockyard swapping tales with his cronies, Jane took in the view of Chase’s backside as he found seats for them across from the announcer’s booth, where they could easily see the riding events.

  He was dressed casually in a blue tee shirt that showed off the well-defined muscles of his chest. Jeans sat low on his narrow hips causing her to drool in the most unladylike manner. Sexy cowboy boots had her catching her breath, the image of tall, dark and too cocky playing havoc with her desire to go home and forget the guy.

  She’d spent a restless night circling her options, and she’d acknowledged some hard truths. She hoped Chase could adopt Zach and Abby, not just be their foster parent. Deep down inside, she wanted to be a part of what he was doing here on the ranch, but Scott’s visit had shown her one thing.

  She missed her life in the Corps. In that place, she knew who she was, and what to expect. Her days there were measured and routine. There were no surprises.

  A Marine through and through, she liked that about herself. Yes, she’d stumbled for awhile, but she was getting a handle on that.

  And these feelings roaming in her chest for Chase? They were too overwhelming; left her too unsettled.

  With the sun hanging high in a clear blue sky, she sat beside him on the hard bleachers. She could smell anticipation in the air as the stands started to fill, and was just as thrilled as Abby when clowns, faces painted with a bright red smile on white faces, came into the ring. Even Zach dropped his discouraged air.

  His amused gaze meeting hers over Abby’s head, Chase slipped off his sunglasses, hanging them in the neck of his shirt.

  When it came time to go, she would, but, it couldn’t hurt to finish up her leave by enjoying herself. With this amazing man. And, with the kids. Could it?

  “What are they doing?” Zach scooted to the edge of his seat, craning his neck to see the chute where a cowboy was carefully mounting a temperamental bull.

  Chase cast her a speculative look that had Jane’s mouth going dry as desert sand. She barely resisted fanning herself; was strangely disappointed when he took his eyes off her to answer Zach’s question.

  “This is the bull riding event. Those cowboys over there are going to see who can stay on the longest.”

  “Look. The clown. He waved at me!” Abby squealed in delight.

  One minute she was there, using the top rail to steady herself as she waved at the clown. The next, even as Jane reached for the back of her shorts to hang on to the excited child, Abby yelped, tumbling over the rail into the arena.

  The same instant, a horn blared. Locking mechanisms clanked open on the gate that held the first bull and its rider captive. The crowd roared.

  “Abby!” Her heart jumping to her throat, Jane threw herself over the railing. Caught at the waist, she hung upside down, barely keeping her feet planted while she reached down with both hands to grab the little girl.

  Abby's eyes went round with terror. Furious hooves pounded at Jane’s back. When she looked up, the clowns were shouting and waving their arms in an attempt to redirect the wild animal. Bucking his way in a cloud of spraying dust straight for them, his eyes blazing and his nostrils flaring, the animal paid no attention.

  Terror lodged in her throat. “Abby! Grab my hands!”

  Frantic to reach the frightened child before disaster struck in the form of a ton of angry bull, she scooted a little more onto the rail only to find herself perched precariously like a teeter-totter. Her heart thumping, all she could think of was preventing the animal from stomping Abby to death.

  Stretching as far down as she could, she made one last grab for the child's outstretched hands. She hauled the child into her arms, but the law of gravity was against her, and they began a slow slide downward where she was sickly certain, within seconds, they would be trample
d by maniacal hoofs.

  She tried to curl her body around Abby.

  Then strong hands, grabbed the back of her jeans. Chase reached over her shoulder, plucked Abby out of her arms as though the girl was a light-weight sack of potatoes.

  “Oh no you don’t.” He plunked them both on the bench beside him to the wild applause of the spectators who’d witnessed the near catastrophe. “Didn’t you girls read the signs? No playing in the arena with the animals.”

  The words were playful, but there was a steely look in Chase’s eyes that shook Jane’s control. His hands skimmed up and down her arms, waking a dangerous awareness she’d been trying desperately all day to ignore.

  Beside her, Abby described her ordeal in delighted, bloodthirsty detail as though Zach hadn’t been right there to witness the whole thing. “That bull was running right at me.”

  “How could I be so stupid,” Jane managed past the cold sweat chilling her in the mid-day heat. “She could have been killed.”

  “She’s okay.” His hands settled possessively at her shoulders. “You scared the shit...that was a courageous thing you did.”

  “Desperate is more like it.” She drew in a steadying breath. It wasn’t diving headfirst into an arena with an angry bull determined to stomp the life out of her that was giving her shivers now. It was the man looking at her as if he would be devastated if something terrible happened to her. “I was flat out afraid. If Abby had been hurt-”

  Chase gently touched her face. “I thought Marines weren’t afraid of anything.”

  For a long moment, Jane stared at him. Then the words tumbled out. “I’m always afraid.” She suppressed a shiver. “Afraid I won’t be there when it matters the most - that I don’t have what it takes to stick when things get tough.”

  Russell tugged her close enough to feel the heat from his body. “You’re not your mother.”

  With a sigh of relief, she rested her forehead against his shoulder. “No. I’m not.”

  *

  Later, when night had closed in on them, and the sight of Abby tumbling into the arena was beginning to fade, Jane settled at a table in the Thunder Room Bar. She rubbed the raw spot on her belly with her fingertips. When she caught sight of Chase making his way through the crowd carrying two beers, she wondered if the little frisson of awareness that struck every time he came near was always going to be there.