Jane's Long March Home

by Susan Lute

  Goldie’s eyes jerked from person to person, seeking a way out.

  Please don’t let Abby get hurt.

  “Think about what you’re doing to Abby, Ms. Malone.”

  Jane's attempt to appeal to the other woman’s better nature was too reasonable for Chase's tastes. Goldie didn’t have a better nature as far as he could see.

  But, he’d agree to anything to get Abby back unharmed. “You can’t walk out of here with Abby. The guards won’t let you. If you just let her go, I won’t press charges.”

  Goldie blinked, took a quick look at the guards. Finally realizing there was no way out, she released Abby’s arm, and crumbled to the floor.

  Chase caught the child as she threw herself at him. Two of the guards holstered their guns, then took hold of Goldie who was sobbing now, one on each side as they lifted the defeated woman to her feet.

  “I didn’t promise not to press charges. Book her for attempted kidnapping.”

  Chase had been so focused on getting Abby from Goldie, he hadn’t heard Judge Thomas come up behind them. At the flare of temper in the older man’s eyes, he made a mental note not to ever get on the judge’s bad side.

  Everyone gathered close, hugging first Abby, then Zach to make sure they were both okay. Jane hung back, her shoulders rigid. When their eyes collided, Chase dropped straight into the deepest corner of her soul.

  What he found there had him at last understanding why she was so determined not to let anyone in. Buried deeper than he could have imagined was a profound fear of losing the person she allowed inside her defenses.

  Her hands shook. He wanted to go to her, but that shimmer in her eyes ordered him to stay back.

  How in the world could he convince her that two fighting the battle was far better than fighting alone? His shoulders dropped. She would never believe him.

  Jane had her Marine buddies. It wasn’t the same as having a loving family who would give up everything to be by your side, but he could see now, it was all she would allow.

  He’d been told once by one of his patients that love didn’t come easy to a soldier. For the first time, he could see why.

  He didn’t want to be the one causing this sweet woman pain. Because he loved her more than life itself, he would have to let her go.

  That space in his chest where he’d made a place for the lady turned bleak and cold. At least he’d done the best he could by giving her the skills she would need to go back to the work she loved.

  He told himself he was making the right decision, but in the end, all he could do was wonder how he was ever going to live without her.

  CHAPTER

  XVII

  IT took Chase exactly one second to change his mind.

  They belonged together. Jane might be giving up the fight before it was done, but he wasn’t going to. As long as she remained on the ranch he had a chance to convince her they were a team.

  Everything from there happened so fast. Their return home after a lively evening at Pine Tavern, a family restaurant with a three-hundred year old pine tree growing in the middle of it. Letting the kids get to know their new family. His parent’s promise to spend some time with their new grandchildren.

  And now Gus and Maxine’s hastily thrown together pre-wedding reception, which was doubling as Zach and Abby’s introduction to the small community of Lone Pine where they’d be growing up.

  Through it all, no matter how hard he tried to draw Jane out of the shell she’d retreated into, she remained aloof.

  She still read to Zach and Abby at night, but avoided him like he’d come down with the plague. He was frustrated, but not from the lack of sex. The day of her departure was looming, and he still hadn’t come up with a decent game plan that would guarantee she’d stay.

  He couldn’t keep his eyes off her as she mingled with the other guests.

  “Want some punch?” Abby was dancing with excitement at the importance of the task Maxine had given her. She held out a paper cup.

  “Thanks,” He smiled at the little girl, nodding in Jane’s direction. It was time to lure the mama tiger out of her den. “I need an extra one for Miss Jane, too.”

  Putting some of Zach’s newly discovered swagger into his step so she wouldn’t figure out he was on a mission to capture her, Chase carried the drink to Jane.

  “What trouble are you girls getting into?”

  “Beware Greeks bearing gifts, Jane.” Beth flashed him a quick grin.

  When Jane pasted on a false smile that had him grinding his molars, he took perverse pleasure in ambushing her with an unexpected kiss that he hoped had as much effect on her as it did on him.

  She blinked, then turned a sexy shade of pink. “Beth was just saying she’s shifted her case load, so she can take on Zach and Abby herself. She’s going to be their new caseworker.”

  She sounded a bit breathless. Excellent. So, she wasn’t as unmoved as she would have him believe.

  Later that night, after putting Abby to bed, he sat on the porch drinking a pop, planning his next ambush.

  Crickets sang a serenade. The sky was clear and full of bright stars. The night smelled dry and sweetly of Juniper. A slip of a moon hung high above the horizon.

  When Jane perched against the railing, crossing her arms over her chest, his gut tightened with the need to drag her onto his lap. But he could see in her stance, she wasn’t going to give him a chance.

  His time was up. She’d made up her mind to leave. Tomorrow.

  “I have to go.”

  “No, you don’t,” he disagreed instantly.

  “I can’t.”

  “Yes, you can.” He stood and took a different tact. “Zach and Abby need you.” He swallowed hard. “I need you.”

  “Zach and Abby need you,” she returned, confusion evident in the way she dropped her arms, waving a hand that encompassed the whole ranch. “Chase, I don’t know how to be what you need or want me to be.”

  He swore. That’s when it hit him. If he stood any chance at all of winning her over, he had to loosen the reigns, and hope to God, someday she’d come back.

  He crowded her against the railing, cupped her beautiful face. Drinking in her beauty, both inside and out, he ran a gentle thumb along her parted lips. “You’re the most gorgeous woman I’ve ever met.”

  Her blue eyes began to swim.

  “The Corps is your family. I won't fight that, but I hope you know, we’re your family too.”

  He pulled her into the house, wanting to drag her up to his room to spend what little time was left memorizing every inch of her stunning body. Instead, he took her to the office, grabbed his phone and dialed.

  When his uncle’s sleepy voice answered, he said abruptly, “She’s ready to come home.”

  Then he handed the phone to Jane, took one long, last look at the woman who’d moved lock, stock and barrel into his heart, and without another word, dragged himself up to his lonely bed.

  *

  “I can send money to help out.”

  “No.”

  “I want to.” Jane forced reason into her tone, since Chase was not being reasonable at all.

  She faced off with him just inside the kitchen. Her sea bag leaned against the wall. The heated brown eyes that had melted for her just days before were cool, staring at her with about as much emotion as the hard baked clay out in his backyard.

  He was closing her out. It was what she expected. What she wanted, right? But, it still hurt the same as being hit with mortar fire.

  “Look Jane, we’ll be okay. You just take care of yourself.”

  “There’s email.”

  “Sure.” But, they both knew the internet was a poor substitution for the real thing.

  “I want to buy the Harley.”

  “No need, it’s yours. A gift. I’ll have it shipped to you.”

  His veneer cracked. Jane saw it coming. She welcomed the fierce kiss that rocked her soul down to her toes.

  When it was over, he cupped her cheek with o
ne hand and smiled sadly. “Travel safe, Gunny.”

  He hefted her sea bag, leaving her to say good-bye to the children. Shaken, she knelt down to draw a quietly sniffling Abby against her pounding heart.

  Closing her eyes, she memorized how the little girl smelled of early morning breakfast, how soft Abby felt snuggled against her chest. She stowed the memory away along with that last kiss, where she could pull them out from time to time, when it didn’t hurt like a tank crushing her heart.

  “I don’t want to say good-bye,” Abby said fiercely, wiping away her tears with the back of one tiny hand.

  “I won’t say it either, then.” Her eyes burning, Jane rose and reached for Zach.

  Shaking her hand like a man, the teenager covered his emotions with a scowl. She pulled him in for a quick hug. “Take care of your little sister.”

  “You don’t have to go.”

  “I have orders.” And maybe she believed that was why she was leaving.

  Crossing to the living room, she took one last look around. Signs of Chase and the children were everywhere. The coziness of their clutter would stay with her forever.

  She had her duty. She was good at it. That had to be enough.

  Jane forced her feet to move. Gus and Maxine waited near her Jeep.

  The older woman wrapped her in a fierce hug. she spoke in a choked rasp. “I think you’re making a big mistake.”

  Maxine quickly stepped back. “Come back for the wedding.”

  Fighting emotions that made no sense, Jane climbed into the rig. Buckling up so she couldn’t change her mind, she firmly turned the key.

  Sliding on her sunglasses, she took one last look at the people who’d given her sanctuary and brought her redemption.

  Tears blurred her vision. She recognized the sound echoing off the hills surrounding the ranch for what it was. Her heart splintering.

  Silent tears fell down Abby’s cheeks as she clung to Chase’s hand. Zach kicked angrily at the ground with the toe of his sneaker. Gus and Maxine leaned into each other, their hands clasped as if they never intended to let go.

  She didn’t have any other choice. She had to go.

  When she put the Jeep into gear, Abby’s voice floated on the dry, hot air. “We should make her stay.”

  You can’t, because I’m a coward. Being a wife and instant mother... I don't know how to do that.

  As she gunned the gas, she didn’t hear Chase’s response. How did you explain to a six year old how easy it was for an adult to make a total mess of her life?

  They would all be better off without a dedicated soldier who was only just beginning to figure out how to go forward, instead of wallowing in the past like a cranky, battered cow trapped in a sucking mud hole.

  Once she got gas, and the last of Lone Pine faded from her rear view mirror, she decided to drive straight through. That way, it would only take three days of hard driving to get to the base, where she could put the pain of leaving where it belonged. In the past.

  But the ache in her chest refused to be left behind. The more coffee she guzzled to stay awake, the more her mind insisted on going over the last month.

  Even in the face of her uncooperative surliness, Chase had used every piece of ammunition in his arsenal to help her come to grips with Linus’ death. And when Zach and Abby needed someone on their team, who had stepped on board without so much as a second’s thought to how it would change his own plans? Chase Russell was an extraordinary man.

  She smiled at that, as the farther she traveled away from him, the heavier her heart got. Over and over, she told herself she wasn’t in love with Chase. She was just grateful for what he’d done for her.

  Liar!

  And, if by some strange quirk of fate she’d mistakenly fallen for the guy, it didn’t really matter. She’d get over it.

  Liar, liar!

  So the sex had been good - okay spectacular. “I have a job to get back to,” she said out loud for the hundredth time.

  As she passed a sign that welcomed her to Colorado, Jane searched her heart and mind for the bitter Marine who’d been ordered to take her leave in Oregon. That Marine was gone, replaced by a woman who’d unexpectedly learned what it meant to live. All because of the persistence of a cinnamon-eyed man who didn’t know how to give up, and two audacious kids whose only wish was to be wanted by loving parents.

  She looked back at how alone and isolated her old life had become, the same life she was hurrying back to. Her misery deepened. She couldn’t help thinking that was what Chase had been trying to tell her all along.

  She didn’t have to be alone. She wasn’t alone.

  She banged the palm of her hand against the steering wheel.

  Was it possible to grab the brass ring? Have everything she’d always secretly wanted? Just like Zach and Abby?

  She was about to take an exit off Interstate 70 into St. Louis to get more gas, when a utility truck ahead of her blew a tire, swerving uncontrolled from lane to lane before sliding to an abrupt stop against the guard rail.

  Shaking with adrenalin pumped by the quick reflexes that had kept her from getting into a multi-car pileup in the middle of rush hour traffic, Jane stopped behind the truck. After a long moment she got out and leaned over the hood of her Jeep, counting backwards from ten to calm her pounding heart.

  When there was no flashback to another disastrous day, she grinned. Chase had given her back her life. Question was, what life did she really want?

  She gingerly approached the side of the truck to check on the driver. She found him, hands still gripping the steering wheel, slumped over sucking in deep gulps of air, his forehead resting between his hands.

  “You all right mister?”

  He turned his head to look at her, then leaned back against the seat. “Yeah.”

  “Do you need an ambulance?”

  “No.” His voice was firming up.

  Jane backed up so he could get out, but just in case, she didn’t go far. She stayed with the guy until the police arrived to offer assistance.

  Shaken by the realization that life could be pretty darn short, that the even, measured life of a Marine base suddenly wasn’t what she really wanted, she got back on the road.

  Then she laughed until tears ran down her face. She’d been spared again. Finally, she knew why.

  When she unlocked the door and carried her sea bag into her house, her eyes burning and shoulders aching from lack of sleep, the place was like a sealed tomb. It didn’t take her long to figure out why the silence left her feeling empty.

  There was little of her in the sparsely organized rooms. No pictures. Just enough serviceable furniture to get by. No books. No children’s laughter. No shoes left in the middle of the floor. No Chase Russell to sweep her into his arms and make passionate love to her.

  The next day, when she reported in to the Colonel, she’d had time to wash the grime of travel off and get some sleep. Dressed in familiar fatigues, the comfortable rhythm of the base flowing around her, Jane gave the man who’d had a hand in saving her from herself, a respectful salute.

  “How are you feeling, Gunny?” The stern lines of Colonel Hawke’s face relaxed into what the few who’d known the older Marine long enough would call a smile.

  “Fine, Sir. I’m feeling fine.” It was the truest statement she’d ever uttered.

  “Good to hear it. I have your re-enlistment papers and a new assignment. A training position. It’s yours if you want it.”

  Speculation brightened Hawke’s eyes.

  He was offering her a great opportunity. One she’d waited a long time for. The problem was, she didn’t want it any more. And she thought he knew it, the old buzzard.

  Her stomach took a tumble. Was she brave enough to turn down the perfect job on the remote chance that Chase might still want her?

  *

  Jane had been gone three weeks when Chase finally threw in the towel. At first, missing her so much he couldn’t think straight, he’d consoled himself with th
e reassurance that at least the kids were safe and happy.

  He should be proud he’d accomplished what he set out to do. And, he was. The Marine had recovered from her wounds inside and out.

  He’d been in touch with his brother. Nate was taking off on a road trip to clear his head.

  Chase stopped outside the office. The door was half opened. Zach stood at the window. Abby was perched on the edge of his desk chair staring at the computer screen.

  They checked every day for a message from Jane. And, he read to them every night from the book she’d left behind, but it wasn’t the same as having her here.

  He kept thinking that he could get over the Marine, forget her, but it just wasn’t happening. Though he was growing to love the children more and more every day, his food tasted like dirt and the days were just too empty without the lady who make life sparkle with a magic he'd never known before.

  “I miss her.”

  “We all do.” Zach leaned over his sister’s shoulder. “Is there an email from her?”

  Chase moved back into the shadows of the hallway, unwilling to intrude on the kids, and curious too, if they’d heard anything.

  Jane had let him know she’d gotten to Parris Island, and he should have responded, but he couldn’t. Every tie, every connection, kept the memories of her too fresh.

  He even avoided his uncle's calls. If he was going to move on with his life, he reasoned, he couldn’t engage in long distance, impersonal chitchat.

  “Not yet,” Abby echoed his thought.

  “We have to come up with a way to bring her back.” That was Zach. During the time Jane had been gone, he’d discovered the boy had remarkable skills getting to the root of a problem.

  “I could fall and hurt myself again.” And, Abby was the implementer. They’d gotten her cast removed last week. Chase shivered at the idea of her going through that again, even to bring Jane home.

  “That’s a good idea, but I don’t think it will work.”

  “Why?”

  “Well-”

  “Oh, I know. We could kidnap Miss Jane, like Goldie tried to kidnap me. Except, she’s very far away.”

  Chase swallowed the chuckle building in his chest. The kids might be going about it all wrong, but they had the right idea. It was time to bring the Marine home.