Miss Spell's Hotel

by Kate Danley

  Mr. Bedel placed the tips of his fingers softly on his chest. "Our client said that this hotel holds a very special place in his heart and he would love to restore it to its former glory."

  "I think it is still plenty glorious," I informed him. I flushed, not even able to stammer out the lie. "I mean... has the potential for gloriousness..."

  He motioned to the ballroom where we just left. "You have goblins in your eaves. Once you start getting goblins..."

  We both knew. It was the death knell of any hotel.

  "This is just a minor setback," I replied.

  He gave me a sad, understanding smile. "I like you, Miss Spell. I sense auras and I can tell you have a good heart, but this hotel is too much for one person. You'll have trolls using your stained glass windows for slingshot practice within the month." He placed his hand on mine. "It is called the 'No Spell.' Maybe it is time to acknowledge that no Spells should live here anymore. Allow my client to save this beautiful estate. It's worth it. Allow us to preserve the legacy of your home and its history. I urge you to consider selling. For the sake of saving something you love. Please."

  I opened my mouth, wanting to tell him he could take this deal and flush it down a portal to the Dark Dimension.

  But I couldn't.

  And he could see that I couldn't.

  There were no lies in his words.

  So instead, he just gave my hand a sympathetic squeeze and walked away.

  Chapter Three

  I sat in my office, staring into the flames flickering behind the iron grate.

  The exterminator said the swelling would go down in twenty-four hours.

  I was so upset after Mr. Bedel left, I decided to take it out on the creatures in my rafters. I suppose I wanted to prove I still had what it takes to protect my hotel. One of those goblins decided to give me a parting love bite as I chased him out the door. And, lawsie, those monsters love to bite. That bastard latched onto my ankle and didn't let go until Ajax hit him square in the face with the handle of his ax.

  Back in the day, I would have lit a fire under that goblin's butt and shot him to the moon. Instead, I had to pretend I had been taken by surprise and unable to get my wand out quickly enough as we waited for the pest removal company to clean up my mess.

  The last thing I needed was goblins passing the word around that I was impotent. Might as well throw open the doors and welcome every undead bad boy across the threshold for a blood bath banquet.

  I thought about Mr. Bedel's offer as I propped my left foot on my burgundy velvet poof.

  Rooms were empty. The folks who did show up weren't improving our reputation. It was a doomed situation, as bad as if a curse had been put on the place.

  I sighed.

  A soft knock on the door interrupted my pity party.

  "Come in!" I called.

  The brass handle turned and the heavy oak door opened slowly.

  "These were going to get moldy if someone didn't eat them. And you know I hate waste," Ajax pronounced gruffly as he tiptoed into the room. In his arms, he carried a delicate silver tray laden with a teapot, cookies on doilies, and a flower he had picked from between a crack in the sidewalk.

  It was a nightly habit for Ajax and me to sit down for a moment of quiet once all our guests had been tucked in.

  It didn’t usually involve snacks, however.

  I smiled softly, so grateful for Ajax's kindness. "I'm fortunate to have someone so conscientious about the larder."

  "There are starving centicores in Atlantis."

  "And the cookies would get so soggy if we sent them there."

  Ajax pushed the tray onto the small, carved table between our wing chairs. The yellow flower nipped sweetly at my finger as I poured. And then she leaped out of her vase and marched crossly out of my office to replant herself where she belonged.

  I picked up one of the treats and took a nibble. There was an earthiness to it, which was a surefire sign that Ajax had actually baked them himself for me, bless his heart.

  The dwarves lived under the crust of the Other Side for millennia. Their chefs used local flavors when they developed their dishes. And by local flavors, I mean dirt.

  "I'm so glad you brought these. It would have been criminal if they had gone to waste." I placed the cookie on the side of my saucer and washed down the flavor of ash and soil with as much tea as I could politely get in my mouth.

  Ajax started to blossom with pride, but he tamped it down before anyone could catch him doing any positive self-talk. Instead, he launched into me. "Did you take care of your leg? Goblins have a nasty bite. If you lose that foot, I'm not taking up the slack."

  I sighed once again and looked at the bulging poultice, stuffed with herbs and potions to draw out the poison. "Oh, I did what I could."

  Ajax shook his head, glaring into his delicate cup judgmentally. "You should have left them alone. Those are nasty creatures and it could have been so much worse. You went and riled them up instead of leaving them to the professionals."

  Ajax was adorable. I could read that grumpy gus like an open book. "And allow them to spoil the stay of our guests?" I asked with a knowing smile.

  "We don't have many guests," he pointed out.

  "Something will change," I tried to assure him. "It is just a strange time."

  "We live on the Other Side. It is always a strange time."

  "I just mean, we are outside of the fertility festivals and reasons people have for traveling. It's the slow season. They'll come back."

  Ajax shifted uncomfortably in his chair. I could see that something was bothering him and it had nothing to do with my foot or our failing business.

  "What is it?"

  He set down his cup and folded his hands. "Who was that man who came to see you?"

  "Why, Ajax, are you jealous? I'll get you his number if you want." I took another sip of my tea. My guest's reason for visiting was going to come out at one point or another. This was probably as good as any. "His name is Mr. Bedel. He is interested in purchasing the No Spell."

  The calm Ajax displayed just a moment ago disappeared. He looked like his hair might catch on fire. "He WHAT? You're not going to— you wouldn't—"

  "Of course I wouldn't," I replied, soothing him. I tried to sound like I meant it. But I stared into the fire, hating to admit the dire nature of our situation. "I wouldn't do it willingly. If we don't get more guests soon... I might have to consider it." I could feel him start to protest. "But only as a last resort. And things will change. It is just a strange time. Once I get my powers back, this will seem like nothing but a bad dream."

  "You could speak to your coven—"

  I cut him off right there. "They stripped me of my magic without even allowing me to defend myself. If I go in there with that current witch in charge, she's liable to take away ten years of my powers out of spite."

  Ajax grunted in frustration. He raised his fist like he was rallying his troops to battle. "Still, you have to fight—"

  "And I will," I reassured him. "It has only been six months. I have only another six to go." I tried to make it sound like it was no time at all.

  "And you see what has happened already! Just imagine how much worse it is going to be!"

  "There's nothing to be done! Perhaps there will be a change in the coven leadership—"

  "You witches live forever. By the time that old bat—"

  "Language, Ajax!"

  "—stops sucking up air, you'll be one foot in the grave yourself."

  "It's not that bad," I said, taking another bite of his cookie to remind myself what bad actually tasted like.

  Ajax waved his little hands at the door and hissed at me. "It's going to get out that we are defenseless. We are on the preferred clients' list with the exterminator."

  I thought of the exterminator coming to the front door, covered in his black robe and carrying his scythe. I was pretty sure that Death didn't go around gossiping. The man never even took a holiday. "It won't get out. He's qui
te professional."

  "I'm not worried about him blabbering out of that skull hole of his. I’m concerned about that goblin you decided to scare away rather than allow him to end. They're the ones who are going to give our hotel an 'excellent accessibility' rating with all their friends."

  "I don't like going around killing things that don't need killing, Ajax," I said. A shiver ran up my spine. "It'll fill the hotel with all sorts of bad energy and I don't have the power to clear it out."

  "Still—"

  "Still, an unjustifiable death is what got us here."

  We both fell into an angry silence as the memory of that day six months ago came flooding back. You see, just when you think you're going to have an easy night, a vampire decides to abuse your hospitality.

  And this whole mess started with a vampire...

  Chapter Four

  Six Months Ago

  The midnight moon hung outside the open window. The sheers wafted as I felt him enter the room. The dark corner was filled with shadows, but then there was more than shadows as he took form.

  It was enough to make the blood run cold in even a witch.

  His voice rustled like shifting leaves. "You, human, who live in the light. You were wrong to invite a vampire across your threshold." He stepped forward so I could see him running his tongue along his fangs.

  The entitlement of some guests.

  I made sure to stare him straight in the spot between his eyebrows, to avoid him putting the mind-control whammy on me. "Of course you were invited in. You had a reservation." My hand flew out to steady myself and I grabbed onto the mahogany post of the canopy bed as a wave of surrender washed over me. He was more powerful than I had given him credit. It was like a dark blanket kept wanting to cover my face and disappear me from my own consciousness.

  His fangs and fingernails lengthened with each step. He was looking at my full curves like I was a jelly-filled doughnut.

  "Now, listen, you. I'm always looking for ways to please my customers, but being a midnight snack is above my pay grade. And I'm the boss."

  He sucked in the air, arching back like he had smelled something delicious. Probably my racing blood.

  I stumbled, my stylish heels not serving any good purpose right now. I immediately removed my stilettos. "You come a step closer and I swear to the two suns above that I will stake you where you stand."

  He began to laugh a laugh that caused goose bumps to run right up my arms. With contempt, he commented, "Silver heels. Those are so two decades ago."

  It is a whole new low when the creature looking to kill you feels it is in his rights to insult your fashion choices. Especially when he's looking like he went dumpster diving for the cheap castoffs of a Lawrence Welk impersonator.

  "I am a practical girl and prefer multipurpose wardrobe items," I informed him.

  "Well, I'm an impractical prince of darkness, and I prefer my meals with blood that runs hot."

  Sometimes a girl has to take control. I flicked my long, scarlet hair over my shoulder so he could get a good gander of my flesh. "As proprietress of this establishment, I must insist that you begin behaving yourself, sir. I came up to deliver some towels, just as you requested."

  The slimeball tried to act like he had his impulses in hand, but one look at the length of my long, pale neck, and he started wiggling his fingertips like he couldn't decide where to grab me first. "You mistake what I was ordering when I called for room service."

  My eyes narrowed. "Oh, the first rule of hospitality is to anticipate your guest's needs before even they are aware."

  I reached between my cleavage as he flung himself toward me. I pulled out a small vial and threw the contents in his face. The garlic oil bubbled and burned on his skin. He clawed at himself, trying to wipe it away as he screamed.

  I leaped back and pressed the center of one of the flowers in the flocked wallpaper. Silver spikes emerged from the tin ceiling like a bed of nails. Two panels swung down from the ceiling like jaws, impaling my guest in a vampire sandwich between two slices of death.

  The shock in his eyes as he was turned into a pincushion was worth every moment of terror.

  I smiled as I padded over to him and tweaked his nose. "Don't mistake my hospitality for weakness, sugar."

  I grabbed some tissues from the en suite and walked out, wiping the vampire cooties off my fingers. Ajax was standing in the hall, carrying a load of dirty laundry. He looked at me questioningly.

  "Some monsters don't know how to behave like gentlemen," I explained, closing the door behind me.

  Ajax rolled his eyes. "How big is the mess?"

  "Impaled. Had to swing the ceiling down on him."

  Ajax gave a long-suffering sigh.

  "I'll admit, not the tidiest way to rid ourselves of the unwanted undead, but a girl's gotta do what a girl's gotta do."

  "I have to get out the ladder when you stick them standing up," Ajax complained, throwing the pile of linens at my feet. One of the sheets caught on the button of his lederhosen.

  "Well, I'll give you a hand," I reassured him as he fought to untangle himself. He was being so testy. "Do you think I would leave you with that mess and not give you a hand? I just need to change my dress. Don't want to get any blood on my good red gown."

  He wiped his face. "What shall we do with the body?"

  I shrugged. "Drag it out front and leave it for the sun to settle."

  "Reducing clients to a mound of ash tends to have a chilling effect on business," he reminded me.

  "It reminds any potential guests that the No Spell is serious about our rules and regulations. People like the reassurance. Creates a sense of order and well-being, if you ask me."

  He shook his head and wandered down the hallway. "I'll get a mop and the ladder," he shouted over his shoulder.

  "Meet you back here!" I called, giving Ajax a sweet smile before heading off to my room.

  Unfortunately, just a few hours later, she showed up.

  The grand poobah of our coven.

  Our newly elected leader.

  The kind of gal who felt the need to go swinging her weight around before anyone figured out she had no idea what she was doing.

  Miss Trudy.

  She was waiting in my office before the sun even had a chance to rise and do its dirty work. And by dirty work, I mean turn that vampire into a pile of dust so I could sweep him up and deposit him in my rose beds.

  Everything about her seemed clamped down and held in place. Her black hat was tall and pointy without a speck of cat fur. I'd bet a lump of gold she wore a little anti-lint spell around her neck to keep herself tidy. No one goes wandering around at 5:00 AM looking that good without a little help behind the scenes. Her blonde hair was slicked back into an unforgiving bun. Her youthful face was going to have permanent wrinkles if she kept her lips pursed and brow furrowed like that. I wasn't sure if it was because of the seriousness of the job or if she just didn't like me.

  Probably both, but more likely the latter.

  It had gotten around to her that I supported her opponent - a jolly woman aptly named Miss Joy. But politics are politics and it seemed a silly reason to bear a grudge when you're going to have to see someone at every harvest festival for the next decade.

  "Good to see you, Miss Trudy." I closed the door behind me and walked across the thick carpet to my desk. I tried to keep my head high and not pay her too much attention. The chair behind my desk pulled itself out for me because even my furniture knows how to behave in the presence of a lady.

  "I've received a report," Miss Trudy sniffed, showing me a clipboard covered in her scrawl.

  I sighed.

  "The coven allows you to operate your hotel as long as you do not drag our kind—"

  "I did no dragging," I told her. My wide skirts pooled around the sides of my chair as I sat. "That vampire was getting ready to drag me into the pits of hell. It was self-defense."

  "Self-defense," she remarked dryly and then pulled out her quill to
take some notes.

  "Do you think I would go out and stab a vampire in the back—?"

  "We sensed he was stabbed multiple times."

  "Merely taking acceptable precautions—"

  Miss Trudy cut me off and leaned on my desk. "Miss Spell, you and I may have our differences, but you don't have to do this, you know."

  The complete shift in tone threw me. "Do what?" I asked.

  "Take this ridiculous stand against my leadership."

  The accusation was out of the blue. "I can assure you that is not what is going on." I pointed upstairs. "There was a vampire. In a guestroom. He tried to kill me."

  She shook her head like she thought I was making it all up. It was the most bizarre reaction I had ever seen to a vampire attack in all my years. "You have practically disappeared from the coven all because you're trying to avoid me!"

  "I would never!" I replied. I mean, I would. But A) I would never 'fess up to that and B) she wasn't the reason I was running the No Spell and killing vampires three stories up.

  "Be done with this nonsense." She held out a piece of paper. "Come back to the fold. We have a nice opening for a hedge witch. Nothing too trying. Just growing herbs and delivering babies."

  I was insulted. "I will have you know that what I do here is not in the least bit 'nonsense', as you so eloquently put it. This hotel has been in my family for generations."

  "I am not the enemy," she emphatically stated.

  Let me tell you, when you have to inform someone that you are not their foe, that's usually a sign there's an issue.

  She motioned to the ceiling, her already-pinched lips souring. "No one in the group understands why you insist on running this dump instead of participating in the sisterhood."

  "You're talking about me behind my back?"

  "Merely as members concerned about a fellow member—"

  But I could see through her. My life was gossip around the wishing well. "It sounds like my sisters have already made up their mind about my life choices."