Slave Girl

by Patricia C. McKissack

  Aunt Tee is real closed-mouthed ’bout it all. But from what I can pick up here and there from the women in the Quarters, Miz Lilly wouldn’t rest ’till Hince’s mama was sold. Say Ola was just too pretty. Miz Lilly would-a sold Hince, too, but Mas’ Henley put his foot down on that. Say a male slave would bring more money when he got older and been trained. Mas’ Henley promised Miz Lilly he would keep Hince ’til he was at least sixteen.

  At first frost, Hince will come into his sixteenth year. Wonder will Miz Lilly ’member the promise? I hope not. I wouldn’t want nothin’ bad to happen to my brother-friend Hince.

  Tuesday

  Thinkin’ ’bout Hince’s mama always puts me to thinkin’ ’bout my own, ’cause they was sold one shortly after the other. Longer days allow me more chances to write. I just wrote M-A-M-A. Mama. I see her the way I seen her last – a dark-faced woman with joyedly eyes. Then the bad lonesome feelin’ comes into my heart – memories that sour in my heart. No more writin’ this night.

  Wednesday

  I didn’t know I was walkin’ ’round lookin’ so sad, ’til Spicy said somethin’. While pluckin’ chickens for the dinner meal, I told her ’bout Mama.

  I told her ’bout how my mama got caught in the never-endin’ fight that goes on in the Big House ’tween Mas’ Henley and Miz Lilly.

  Soon after Ola was sold, Mas’ Henley gave Mama ’way to his sister and brother-in-law, Amelia and Wallace Morgan, as a weddenin’ present. Since Mama was a good dressmaker, she could bring good money into their house. I was a baby and not part of the deal. Aunt Tee say Miz Lilly was so mad, when she found out Mama had been gave ’way. Say she turned purple – no doubt worried ’bout who was gon’ make her dresses.

  The madder Miz Lilly got, the more set in his way Mas’ Henley got. “You made me get rid of Ola, now you’ve got to let Rissa go.” That brought ’bout a faintin’ spell, the kind Miz Lilly gets when she’s tryin’ to win a point. All her fallin’ out couldn’t save Mama. She had to go to Richmond.

  Later

  The night before Mama was taken away, she gave me to Aunt Tee and Uncle Heb. When Uncle Heb retells it, he say it was right after the Big Times –the first of the year. “Clotee is yours now. Take care of her, love her if you can,” she tol’ them.

  I only got to see Mama, a few times after that – once when Wallace and Amelia come to Belmont and brought her ’long to take care of their baby. Then durin’ the Christmas holiday she got a pass to come visit. Each time she came, we laughed and talked, cried and held each other. She always waited ’til I fell asleep, then she’d leave. When I woke up, Mama would be gone … just gone.

  Five winters ago, a rider come to Belmont. Wasn’t long ’fore Mas’ Henley come to the kitchen with the news. “Rissa is dead,” he said, his voice soundin’ flat like unleavened bread. Didn’t take long for the words to take hold. Mama was gone on to glory – just gone.

  I remember hearin’ the people in the Quarters singin’ all through the night –

  Crossin’ over, crossin’ over,

  crossin’ over into Zion.

  Crossin’ over, crossin’ over,

  the beautiful city of God.

  When I finished my story, Spicy said, “Your story is my story.” Then we both cried. After talkin’ to Spicy I felt lots better. Spicy and I have laughed together, cried together and shared each other’s hurts. We’re becomin’ good friends. I like that.

  Monday

  Mas’ Henley and Hince have gone to a race over in Chester. Miz Lilly been into it with William all mornin’. He stormed out of the house and spent the mornin’ with Uncle Heb at the stables. There was no lesson today.

  Tuesday

  Durin’ study time, the Missus turned to figurin’ numbers – and numbers don’t come to me quick like the letters and words do. But even as bad as I am, William is still worse.

  Wednesday, June 1, 1859

  There was a meetin’ at Belmont this evenin’. While I was servin’ up sweets and coffee, I overheard Mas’ Henley say he’s supportin’ a Cleophus Tucker who is runnin’ for congress. Mas’ Henley is plannin’ to put on a big party in his honour on the 4th of July.

  “Tucker’s the man we need in Washington,” Mas’ Henley told members of the group.

  They left a newspaper on the table, so when I was cleanin’ up, I hid it under my dress to read later.

  Next day

  I read as much of the newspaper as I could, pickin’ out words I know. It’s still a heap of words I don’t know. But I did find out abolistines are A-B-O-L-I-T-I-O-N-I-S-T-S. I know the right spellin’ of the words now. I also found out that abolitionists live in places called the New York, the Boston and the Philadelphia. Then there’s somethin’ called a underground railroad that slaves ride on to get away to freedom. I really want to know more ’bout that. I wrote all these names on a piece of paper. I’ll bind my time. When the chance comes, I’ll try to find these things on Mas’ Henley’s book of maps.

  Friday

  The rains have finally stopped. No rain all this week. Now the long heat sets in. Mosquitoes are busy, but we’ve burned rags almost every night to keep them away.

  Saturday

  Mas’ Henley and Hince went to a horse race and Uncle Heb drove Miz Lilly and William to a neighbour lady’s house for the day. So, that meant I could slip into Mas’ Henley’s study to see the map without gettin’ caught. I found the same names I’d written down – the places where abolitionists live. First, there was the Philadelphia, then the New York and the Boston. I found the Richmond and lots of other places I heared Uncle Heb and Hince talk ’bout. But that’s all I can understand ’bout the map. All the lines stand for somethin’ I know, but I don’t know yet what they stand for. I wrote down as many names off that map as I could get on a sheet of paper, so when I write the names they will be spelled right. All these words got to do with freedom, so I’m hopin’ all over myself that they will give me a picture of freedom.

  Sunday

  The river is high and the lowlands are flooded. Rufus talked about the Great Flood. Noah and his family went inside the ark and God, himself, locked the door. Noah and all the animals were safe inside the ark. Then the rain started fallin’. And the waters came a-gushin’ up out of the ground and everythin’ and everybody was drowned. All ’cept’n, Noah, his family and the animals.

  Everybody say, Amen. I really didn’t understand the story. I couldn’t see in my mind the world all under water. It’s like this. I read the words over William’s shoulder sometimes, but I don’t all the time get what the words mean.

  Then Rufus told us his new little son was named Noah, ’cause God saved Noah from the drownin’ waters. “God’s gon’ save us one day, too – but I’m talkin’ ’bout bein’ saved in the Biblistic way,” he said. “Amen.”

  Monday

  I just got one thing to ask – Why did God let mosquitoes get on the ark?

  Sunday week – second Sunday in June

  All week we worked and waited for Sunday. June heat feels hotter than the same heat in May. It was hard to sit still while Rufus told the story of David. When David was ’bout my age, he was a shepherd boy. He stood down a giant named Goliath with a slingshot and five smooth stones. “We must be like David,” Rufus told us. “When we find ourselves facin’ a giant, we must not run, but face the monster with the courage of David.” Everybody said “Amen”, even me. But, I didn’t feel strong enough to beat up on a giant. Rufus tells good stories, but I just don’t understand what makes them so great.

  First thing afterwards, Missy come switchin’ up to Hince grinnin’. I don’t like Missy much any more – and I don’t think it has a thing to do with Spicy. I just don’t like the way she is.

  Monday

  It’s June 17, 1859. I know ’cause I slipped ink out of Mas’ Henley’s study today – and a newspaper that was in the trash. Sometimes I surprise myself at the things I do just so I can keep learnin’.

  Followin’ Saturday

 
I am writin’ by the light of a full moon. There was a lot of excitement today. Mas’ Henley and Hince rode in from Fredericksburg. Been gone all week. They brought back a beautiful stallion named Dancer, a gift for William. “He’s all yours,” the mas’er told his son.

  Everybody knew Mas’ Henley was just showin’ off. The horse was really a racehorse and Hince would be the one who would ride and care for it. But to keep Miz Lilly from fussin’ ’bout turnin’ Belmont into “a gamblin’ den”, Mas’ Henley pretended he bought the horse for William.

  It was so good to see Hince. As soon as he could get away from the stables, he came to the kitchen to speak. He was full of Dancer talk – went on and on ’bout how he was goin’ to win a hundred races ridin’ him.

  Third Sunday in June

  Uncle Heb left early this mornin’, takin’ the Missus to visit the Ambrose Plantation. They’ll be gone all day. Rufus talked on Jonah. I liked that story, but I think it would be scary livin’ in the belly of a big fish for three days and nights.

  “We might find ourselves in the belly of a big fish at any time – but we must not be afraid. We must stay prayed up. Stay strong. Our faith will turn sour on the fish’s stomach and it will have to deliver us – free us … Let us pray.”

  I got on to Rufus’s Bible stories today. All the weeks he been leadin’ us in service, he been tellin’ us two stories in one. His stories are ’bout Bible times, but they is ’bout our times, too. Jonah in the belly of a big fish, Daniel and the lions and David and the giant is like us bein’ in slavery, facin’ the mas’ers. But God delivered Daniel, David and Jonah and he’ll deliver us one day. Rufus can’t say all that right out or Mas’ Henley will make us stop havin’ service. But Rufus tells us that in other ways. I didn’t understand the stories at first, but now I do. For the first time, I said “Amen” and knew why I was sayin’ it.

  Monday

  I went to the stables to visit Hince for a few minutes and to take a closer look at Dancer. The horse is every bit as fine as Hince said – not like any other. It would take a good rider like Hince to hold him steady though.

  “A sure winner!” Hince say real proud-like.

  “And he’s mine,” said William comin’ through the door, dressed to ride. “Saddle him up.”

  William has been ridin’ since he could straddle a horse. But anybody can see that Dancer is too much horse for him.

  “William,” said Hince, patient-like. “Dancer is not ready for you yet. Let me work with him a little ’fore you take him out.”

  The boy whined and fretted, but at last, he went on and rode Diamond. Still there was somethin’ in the boy’s voice that let us know he was bent, bound and sure to ride Dancer.

  Last week in June

  There won’t be any more lessons until after the 4th of July holiday.

  I hate holidays.

  Every day there is somethin’ for us to do. We’re either cleanin’ the house, fixin’ the meals, servin’ the meals, cleanin’ up after the meals. No sooner than we’re finished, it’s time to start all over again.

  When guests come, it’s double work. We have to tote hot water for the guest’s baths, empty the water after the baths and don’t forget cleanin’ chamber pots and makin’ beds at first light in the mornin’. That’s why I hate holidays.

  Friday, July 1

  Today Spicy and I were scrubbin’ floors, gettin’ ready for the 4th, but movin’ like inch worms creepin’ along. All of a sudden, Hince hopped up on the windowsill from the porch side. Almost scared us to death. “Okay, girls, why you movin’ so slow? Get busy.”

  “When did we get a new mas’er?” Spicy said, bein’ sassy.

  “I’d be a poor mas’er to own the two of you,” he said with that devilish look in his eyes. “Clotee, you aine big as a chickadee. So, I wouldn’t sell you.” He turned to Spicy. “And you there, gal, with the dark eyes. I wouldn’t sell you either!” Then he added, “I’d just keep you for myself.”

  I could feel Spicy bein’ happy, even though she held her head down.

  “You like my brother-friend, don’t you?” I asked Spicy when Hince was gone.

  “He’s not so bad,” she say, and went back to scrubbin’ the floors. This time she was a-movin’ along faster, and hummin’.

  July 2

  Hince brought Spicy a handful of flowers this mornin’. He shoved them at her from the kitchen door. He aine never done nothin’ like that ’fore. “For you,” he said. ’Fore Spicy could answer, he ducked away and was gone. He missed seein’ the big grin that lit up her whole face.

  Aunt Tee just shook her head and poured some water in a cup and handed it to Spicy for the flowers. We both been teasin’ her all day, ’bout bein’ courted.

  July 4

  Sunday rest was cancelled for everybody. Too much work to do to get ready for the 4th.

  I’m so tired. We got our regular work to do and some more – I don’t know what day it was. I was up all night yesterday, workin’ in the kitchen with Aunt Tee. Aggie and Wook came to help. Missy sees after the baby and helped out, too, when he was asleep. I did all the fetchin’ – runnin’ from the springhouse to the smokehouse, to the Big House, to the house garden, to the barn and back. “Get me this” and “Get me that.” I am writin’ this late at night. Ready to crawl into a hole and sleep, but I cain’t. Now its time to start cleanin’ up.

  July 6

  Things are finally gettin’ back to normal. It will take me days to write ’bout all that happened on the 4th.

  Guests started comin’ to Belmont early Monday mornin’, campin’ out on the grounds. Miz Lilly’s daughter Clarissa and family were the first to arrive.

  Clarissa’s husband is Mr Richard Davies, a lawyer with a fine firm in the city. He’s full of seriousness and she’s a ball of nerves. I like her though. Maybe it’s ’cause she’s like a scared rabbit, ’bout ready to run for cover. Not at all like her mama. I can’t say much for Miz Clarissa’s two sons. Richard Jr and Wilbur, who are close to the same age as William, keep somethin’ goin’ all the time. When William gets with them, they spell T-R-O-U-B-L-E. Trouble.

  Soon as Richard and Wilbur set first foot out of the carriage, William came tearin’ out of the house like it was on fire. Then all three of them began runnin’ through the house, screamin’ and yellin’, out the back door, leapin’ over the hedges, trampin’ in the flower beds. Their mama just looked on like it’s as natural as the risin’ sun. Nobody ’spects better of ’em, so they act that way.

  By mid-mornin’ on the 4th, many more guests had come. Mas’ Henley tried to be real gentleman-like, greetin’ people, welcomin’ them, shakin’ hands. But no matter how much he tries to look the part of a real gentleman, he’s still seen as a gambler who got lucky enough to marry a woman with money.

  Miz Lilly, on the other hand, was like a fly, flutterin’ ’bout in that ugly green dress. She was lightin’ just long enough to say a few words then off to another guest. At times like these it’s hard to see her slappin’ us or yellin’ at us ’til the veins in her neck bulge out like she’d been doin’ all mornin’. My face is still stingin’ where she slapped me for walkin’ too slow. Walkin’ too slow. I was so tired I was glad to be walkin’ at all.

  Everybody ate like dogs, gobblin’ up pots of smoked ham and beans, fresh greens, smothered chicken, gravy and rice, and all kinds of pies and cakes. Nobody ever thought ’bout how hard we’d all had to work to fix it. They just ate.

  On full stomachs, Mas’ Henley didn’t have no more sense than to call everybody together to hear Cleophus Tucker, the man who Mas’ Henley wanted people to vote for. Mr Tucker’s talk was full of too many words, but people were nice ’bout pretendin’ to listen. I was half asleep, until I heard the word abolitionist, then I listened real close.

  “I, for one, am tired of abolitionists tellin’ me what I should do with my slaves. I’m tired of lawless meddlers comin’ into our communities and spiritin’ away our nigras on this so-called Underground Railroad.�
�

  It felt good to know these words, but I still didn’t get a full understandin’ of what they meant.

  July 7

  Pickin’ up from yesterday…

  Hince was set to ride Dancer against a horse named Wind Away, brought up from Atlanta, that was supposed to be the fastest horse on four feet. Just ’bout everybody bet on the Atlanta mount.

  I overheared Mas’ Henley whisper to Hince, “You’d better ride him to win, boy, or else.” Hince laughed in a devil-may-care way and spurred Dancer onto the field.

  “Come on, Hince,” I shouted, knowin’ that if he lost, he’d have Mas’ Henley to reckon with. All the folks from the Quarters was pullin’ for him to win, includin’ Missy. Aunt Tee screamed so, she plum lost her voice. But it was Spicy – Spicy who out-shouted us all! I wasn’t the only one to notice it either. I caught Missy givin’ Spicy a mean, mean look.

  Hince didn’t need our cheerin’, ’cause he won with room to spare. Mas’ Henley carried on so, braggin’ and all, folks started findin’ excuses to leave.

  In the far away I just heard the sound of a train. I wonder is it on the Underground Railroad. I could see in my head slaves on the train headin’ for the Philadelphia, the New York and the Boston. The picture made me smile. One day I want to ride that train.

  July 10