Silent Memories

by Pat White

  “But you said I don’t drive.”

  “You didn’t.” He looked away. The old Annie was brilliant but naive. He could manage that, manipulate her emotions and sometimes even her thoughts. Yet somehow she’d awakened with a sort of instinct that she’d never had before.

  “Why was I driving?” she asked.

  “You were upset. You took off in one of Raymond’s cars.”

  He curled his fingers around the door handle. He couldn’t tell her the whole story. She’d die without his help, and if he blurted out the truth, she’d run again.

  “What was I upset about?” she said.

  “I’d rather you remember on your own.”

  They drove fifteen minutes in silence. He struggled to stay awake, to fight the drug’s relaxing effects.

  “Tell me if I’ve got this right: Raymond is my guardian. He hired you to protect me. But really you’re an FBI agent who seduced me?”

  He nodded.

  “Boy, what you guys will do for your country.”

  He cleared his throat.

  “Or was the seduction part your idea?”

  He stared out the window. “I had a job to do.”

  “Which was?”

  “Find out everything I could about the formula you were working on.”

  “Did you get everything you needed?”

  The double meaning of her words tore him apart. He got more than he deserved, something so close to love it scared him senseless.

  “Not everything,” he said.

  “Then you’re not done with me.”

  Her tone shamed him, shined a light on the dishonorable methods by which he’d gained her trust.

  Taking a deep breath, he stared her down. “The formula you were working on would neutralize a dangerous Level Four virus. If one person gets control of it, he would be very powerful,” he said.

  “I can barely remember my name, much less some magic formula.”

  “Your memory will come back in time,” he said, dreading the moment she remembered the things he’d said to her that fateful night.

  “I remember some things in flashes. Dr. Zinker man gave me exercises to do at the hospital to help me remember.” She sighed. “I still can’t believe he’s one of the bad guys.”

  “You know things that could greatly affect many people. You can’t trust anyone.”

  “Not even you?”

  What could he say? She couldn’t trust him. Not really.

  “Right now, I’m all you’ve got,” he said.

  “Oh, that’s comforting,” she muttered.

  He glanced out the passenger window. He couldn’t pass this case off to anyone else now, not with the possibility of Zinkerman having someone on the inside.

  Zinkerman, the mystery doctor who miraculously had brought Annie back to life. Damn, Sean had forgotten about the drug.

  “How are you feeling?” he asked.

  “You mean other than not knowing who I am, having been kidnapped and accosted twice in one night?”

  “I’m serious. Are you dizzy? When was the last time you had your medication?”

  “Last night.”

  “How often did they give it to you?”

  “Once a day, I think.”

  “Do you have any idea what it was?”

  “No.”

  “Think!”

  “I don’t know,” she said, an aggravated edge to her voice. “It was a little yellow pill.”

  “Was there a bottle? Did you see the bottle?”

  “They don’t exactly leave your prescription on the nightstand.”

  “This is serious. You passed out before. Do you remember that?”

  “Yeah. I’m not that out of it.”

  “You passed out because you’re off your meds.”

  “I passed out because I thought Mom was dead.”

  “What?”

  “You said some guy named Raymond was my guardian. Why would I need a guardian unless Mom was dead? I thought I was alone. Empty inside, like before…” her voice trailed off and her fingers clutched the steering wheel tighter.

  “What is it?” he said.

  “Nothing…something…I don’t know,” she whispered.

  “Annie, you’ve got to believe I’m going to keep you safe.”

  “I know that, Sean.”

  He warmed inside at the use of his name.

  “After all, it’s your job,” she said.

  He tried to read her expression. She stared blankly at the road ahead.

  “Your job,” she repeated, her eyes squinting as if she replayed a scene in her head.

  “Annie?”

  The car slowed to a near crawl of fifteen miles per hour.

  “Annie, what’s wrong?”

  “Your job. Hired to take care of me…everyone hired…no one really cares…everyone pretends…they don’t care…”

  “Annie, that’s not true.”

  “I remember now. You called me naive.”

  “Don’t—”

  “You said you could never really care…” her voice trailed off.

  She pulled to the shoulder and jerked the car to a stop. Shoving it in Park, she glared at him. “Get out.”

  “What?”

  “Out!” she shouted. “I’ll find Mom. I don’t need you.”

  “I’m not going anywhere.”

  “Fine.”

  She whipped open her door and took off into the forest.

  “Damn.” He got out and started after her, his leg throbbing, his head spinning. “Annie! Get back here.”

  “Go to hell!” she called over her shoulder.

  Anger drove her deeper into the forest. Annie had a feeling she’d never forget Sean MacNeil, the pain, the betrayal. It still only came in bits and pieces, but a very big piece had slapped her upside the head— Sean didn’t care about her. He didn’t love her.

  But she had loved him. He’d made her feel whole and alive.

  Yet it was all make-believe to get what he wanted.

  She eyed a thick mass of low-hanging spruce, hoping to lose herself in the needled camouflage. One thing for sure, there was no way she’d stick with Sean MacNeil. No way in hell.

  She was done with being used, especially by people who were supposed to love her. Her heart pounded in her chest. Who else pretended to love her? Not Mom. She knew Mom loved her with all her heart. But then why did she send Annie to live with Raymond? So many questions.

  “Annie!” he called.

  She pushed through the mass of green as fast as her bruised body could manage. Running off into the wild wasn’t one of her more brilliant ideas, but her heart was calling the shots, driving her farther into the forest, away from the man she’d originally coined the devil.

  And that’s before she knew anything about him.

  Her foot caught on a fallen tree limb and she stumbled, swinging her arms to get her balance. She fell on a patch of green ivy, cool and damp against her cheek. Every muscle in her body ached, but she wouldn’t give up. She took a few deep breaths and pushed up to her knees.

  The determined grip of Sean’s hands pulled her to her feet. She didn’t want this man touching her and hurting her again.

  “Get away from me.” She blindly swung at him.

  “What’s the matter with you? Didn’t you hear a word I said? They’ll kill you.” His green eyes radiated anger.

  Rationally, she should be scared of him and what he could do to her. But she was too upset to be rational. She was too hurt.

  “Let me go,” she struggled to free herself. “I know how you feel about me. You think I’m stupid, you think—”

  His mouth came down on hers, absorbing the sound of her accusations. Firm yet soft, his lips demanded a response. Incredible warmth filled her chest. She’d been cold for so long. But now, now she felt safe and loved.

  By the devil?

  She started to push against his chest, but he pulled her closer and deepened the kiss. A moan bubbled up from deep inside her, escap
ing her throat in a rumble that seemed to ignite his desire even more. With one arm wrapped around her waist, the other buried in her hair, he pulled her against him as if he couldn’t get enough. She couldn’t fight this. Not when her body ached for something so bad she thought she’d explode.

  A memory flashed to the surface: Annie digging her nails into the bronzed skin of his back, crying out, flying high above the clouds. Heat pooled between her legs, her nipples grew hard. She wanted him to touch her there, to drive her to the edge and bring her back again. She knew he could do it. He’d done it before.

  And it felt so right.

  She gripped his shoulders and tried wrapping herself around his body. His moan vibrated against her lips, a mating sound that shot deep to her core. Her fingers clenched the hard muscles of his shoulders as she tried to get closer, still closer.

  He broke the kiss, his breath hot against her cheek.

  Her mind swam in confusion and her body trembled with unfulfilled need. He was the enemy, yet she wanted him inside of her.

  Tipping her head back, she studied his dark green eyes. The anger that sent her racing into the woods was a mild emotion compared to what she read in his eyes: layers of raw pain that made her own chest ache.

  There was more to this man than the images of her scattered memory. Much more.

  “I’m…I’m sorry,” he said, glancing down, struggling for breath.

  “Now that, I remember,” she said.

  Chapter Six

  “You remember? What do you remember?” Sean said, staring intently into her eyes.

  “Kissing. Your lips. The taste.” Oh boy, the taste.

  “What else?”

  “Nothing.”

  “What did you remember in the car?”

  She glanced at the blue sedan. Something had upset her terribly, a flash of…Sean’s horrible words.

  Words he didn’t really mean, did he? There was such pain in the memory, yet such truth to his kiss.

  “What’s real?” she said, her gaze drifting to meet his eyes.

  “Death,” he said. “That’s very real. And it’s right behind us.”

  With a gentle tug of his hand, he led her through the brush and back to the car. She studied their entwined hands. His grip wasn’t demanding or hurtful. On the contrary, he held her fingers gently, as if she were a fragile creature lost in the midst of chaos.

  Well, that about described it. Chaos is what whirled in her brain, thrilling her one minute, shaming her the next. She wanted Sean, yet he was the enemy, at least she thought he was the enemy. She wasn’t entirely sure what to make of this man.

  “Next time, don’t run,” he said as they approached the car.

  “But—”

  “Listen.” He turned and took both her hands in his. “I know it’s scary, not knowing who you are or who you can trust. But you’ve got to believe that whatever I’ve done in the past, I’m here to help you now, okay?”

  She believed him. In a place deep inside that had nothing to do with common sense or intelligence.

  He squeezed her hand. “I’ll drive.”

  “Are you sure?”

  He nodded.

  She slid across the seat, her heart still racing.

  “We need to find out about your medication,” he said, getting behind the wheel. “That’s probably contributing to your mental state.”

  “My mental state?”

  “Yeah. You’re a bit…unbalanced. You were never like that before.” He punched a number on his cell phone, then pulled onto the road.

  A horrible thought taunted her. What if he didn’t feel the sparks when they kissed? What if it was all strategy to get her to trust him and help him solve his case?

  “What if I never remember?” she asked.

  “You will, eventually.”

  “But if I don’t—”

  “Jackson, it’s MacNeil,” Sean said into the phone. “No, I had to move… Yeah…why not?”

  He spoke confidently to his associate, as if nothing were wrong, as if his world hadn’t been rocked by the kiss he’d shared with Annie.

  If only she could say the same. Her skin tingled and she still tasted him on her lips.

  She needed to remember and find Mom. Then she could distance herself from Sean and get a hold of her perspective. Annie and Sean: something didn’t fit. She was an intellectual and Sean, although not stupid, seemed driven by physical intimidation and violence. What drew them together?

  Then again, if she was naive and he had street smarts, he could easily manipulate her feelings for his own purpose. He’d made it clear he’d get the job done at any cost. But what would it cost her to trust this man with her life?

  She leaned against the headrest and let out a sigh. A few hours of sleep would be nice, not to mention a cheeseburger. Her stomach growled.

  “You okay?” he said.

  She assumed he was speaking to his associate.

  “Annie!”

  Her eyes shot open and she glared at him. “What?”

  “I asked if you were okay?”

  “I thought you were still on the phone.”

  “I hung up. How are you feeling?”

  “I could use a cheeseburger,” she blurted out.

  He cracked a smile.

  “What’s so funny?” she said.

  “A cheeseburger?”

  “Yeah, why?”

  “You weren’t a big junk food fan before.”

  “What was I into?”

  “Your research, mostly.”

  “All the time?”

  “That stuff takes time, Annie. You developed a treatment for a rare genetic disease called FD that affects children. You also worked on vaccines for a few other viruses. I don’t know all the details.”

  “Did I have a social life or friends?” she said.

  “Not really. When you weren’t in the lab, you read a lot and wrote in your journal. When you did break for meals, you’d have the cook make meat loaf or chicken and dumplings.”

  “I sound boring.”

  “You were never boring.” He stared straight ahead.

  Silence filled the car like helium in a balloon. The man was so controlled, so cool. Which made her wonder if the kiss was a ploy to get her back in the car.

  “Annie, we might have to go back to Appleton.”

  She sat straight, panic ringing in her ears. “But they’ll find me…Dr. Zinkerman will be there. They’ll drug me again and…and you said you’d protect me.” She reached for the door handle.

  He grabbed her left arm and pulled her against his chest. He wrapped his right arm snugly around her shoulder, making it impossible for her to fling open the door.

  “See, it’s that kind of thing that makes me think you need your meds. What were you going to do? Jump out of a moving car?”

  “I can’t go back there,” she growled into his chest, her fingers scrunching the soft cotton of his shirt.

  “Just listen, okay? I need to get your medication. My guy hasn’t been able to break into the hospital computer, so we have no idea what you were on. I don’t want you to lapse back into a catatonic state. Can you understand that? I can’t lose you like that again.”

  She closed her eyes, reveling in his words. He cleared his throat and she scolded herself. He was worried about losing her precious mind, not the woman he held in his arms.

  He loosened his hold, but she didn’t make a move to push away. She needed comfort from his hard body. For a second, she let herself believe this man could protect her from anything, even her own memories.

  “I’ll break into Appleton,” he said.

  She opened her eyes and studied his angular jaw clenched tight. “It’s really that important that I regain my memory?”

  “You have no idea.”

  Her heart sank. Her memory. Formulas and research and who knows what. He didn’t care what it would do to her to remember the past. Her personal well-being was probably the least important thing on his list.

&
nbsp; She scooted to the other side of the car and stared out the window, wishing she could pretend none of this had happened, that she was someone else, someone he loved for herself, not for her smarts. A familiar sadness washed over her.

  Her stomach growled again.

  “We’d better get you some food and find a place to bed down for the night,” he said.

  “I want to go home,” she said, scratching her arm.

  “Home?” He narrowed his eyes.

  “I need to see Mom.”

  “Oh.”

  She sensed his relief. What did he think she meant?

  “Darn mosquitoes,” she muttered, the itching creeping up her arms to her neck.

  “Annie?”

  “What?” She scratched her cheek.

  “Your face, it’s all red.”

  She flipped down the visor mirror. Her heart leaped into her throat at the sight of red blotches covering her cheeks. She studied her hands and arms. The same reddish pattern crept up to her elbow.

  “Oh, my God! What’s happening?”

  SEAN WAS LUCKY as hell that Spencer’s Truck Stop had a vacancy, and even luckier that the store carried antihistamines. He’d secured a room and dropped off Annie, then hid the car behind a barn up the road.

  He needed to stabilize her condition, which meant getting Annie to trust him enough to take the damned antihistamines. His medical expert at work said knowing what he did of her medical history at Appleton, the over-the-counter meds should be safe.

  “I don’t need a bath.” She clutched a pillow to her chest and curled up in a ball on the motel bed.

  “It’s poison ivy,” he said. “It’s not dangerous, but it can be miserable.”

  “How would you know? You’re not the one who’s got it.”

  “I stepped in it when I was a kid. Not fun.”

  “You’re making that up,” she challenged, sounding like a child.

  “Nope. I was eleven years old.” He walked to her side of the bed and sat next to her.

  “And your mom put you in the tub?”

  “Yep,” he lied. His mom was too scared of Eddy to give her son the attention he deserved. Sean’s neighbor, Mrs. Casper, was the one who had brought over the oatmeal bath and pink lotion.

  “Why is it getting worse?” She ran her hands up and down the sides of her arms.