Silent Memories

by Pat White

  But it was better this way. If he gazed too long into her blue eyes, he’d be drawn in again, losing his perspective, his edge.

  He reached for the door, glancing out the window into the parking lot.

  “Sean?”

  “Yeah?” His eyes narrowed. Something wasn’t right out there. He couldn’t put his finger on it.

  Suddenly the image of Annie tied to a chair, trembling from head to toe, haunted him. It was just yesterday, because he’d left her alone for five minutes.

  “I’d feel safer with you,” she said.

  Hell, if she only knew what her words were doing to his insides.

  “Are you sure I can’t come with?” she said.

  He turned and her eyes caught his heart. He was lost. She could have anything she wanted: his heart, his soul. He’d give it freely. Damn, these emotions were dangerous as hell. He had to keep a clear head if he was to break into the hospital and get her meds. The only way to keep a clear head was to keep her where he knew she’d be safe.

  “You’re coming with me,” he said. “But you’ll stay in the car.”

  She nodded and tore off the covers. She slipped on loose-fitting pants and eyed him. “Turn around.”

  If she only knew he’d seen it all last night. He continued to study the parking lot. He was being paranoid. No one knew where they were.

  “Maybe we can find a diner on the way there,” she said.

  “Grab a doughnut for the road.”

  “Kill joy,” she muttered. “Okay, I’m ready.”

  “You sure you’re up to this?” he asked, glancing over his shoulder. She’d slipped on one of his T-shirts.

  “I’m fine.”

  He locked the door. “We’ve got a little hike to get to the car.”

  “I said I’m fine.”

  He led her across a field, staying close to trees for camouflage. His leg wound seemed to be healing on its own, thank God. He didn’t need an infection to complicate matters.

  It felt different being with Annie today. Something had changed. She’d started to trust him, maybe. Either that or she remembered his accidental confession last night.

  I love you, Annie.

  God, he hoped not. For her sake.

  Within minutes they were at the car, heading toward Appleton. Time for new wheels, he thought. He’d left an old beater truck up north by the rented cabin as plan B. He hoped they made it that far without being discovered by their enemies.

  Annie sat quietly beside him. He wished they were at a safe house instead of running from thugs. Damn, he wanted her safe. He needed to put this case to bed.

  Bed. The very place he’d awakened this morning with Annie sprawled across his body, rubbing her cheek against his chest, moaning and making those little squeaking noises that drove him insane.

  He’d never seen a more content woman, and he hadn’t even made love to her. Good thing. That would have screwed him up. Saying the words had been bad enough. Words she didn’t remember. Another lucky break. He didn’t want her confused this time as to who he was or what he’d do to her in the line of duty.

  He focused on strategy for penetrating Appleton. Having studied every nuance of the place, he knew the food service truck made its morning delivery at six. He’d sneak in with the delivery, swipe her files and hopefully some meds, and no one would be the wiser. It was a dangerous assignment for one man, but he wasn’t sure who he could trust at the Bureau anymore.

  For now, he and Annie had each other. He never thought he’d say those words again, not after what he’d done to her. What would she do when she found out the truth?

  It didn’t matter. It wasn’t as if their relationship had a life of its own. It existed for one purpose only: to rid this Earth of another evil.

  At least something positive had grown from Sean’s violent heritage. It drove him to serve justice. During his years hunting down monsters, he’d been able to control his primal urge to beat a suspect to a pulp. He feared that it was only a matter of time before he’d lose control completely. You can’t change genes. He was his old man.

  He would have given anything to change himself for Annie.

  Impossible. So, he’d keep his last shred of integrity by not hurting her again. He’d never forget the emptiness he’d read in her eyes just before she’d taken off and driven off a cliff.

  Pain knifed his gut. The wreckage, steel crumpled and twisted around her small body like tentacles of an octopus. He didn’t remember driving from the mansion to the wreckage, but when he got there and ripped open the door, his body started to shake at the sight of her: blood splattered across her face, her chest, trailing all the way down to her fingertips; her head tipped to the side as if it had been yanked off.

  At that moment, Eddy’s voice taunted him: “You’re bad like me, kid. Blood and pain. That’s all you’ve got to offer.”

  “You okay?” Annie said.

  Her voice shocked him back to the present. “Yeah, fine.”

  He would never allow the promise of love and happiness to draw him in, not when he knew it didn’t exist…for Sean.

  He pulled the car onto a dirt road.

  “Where are we?” she asked.

  “Appleton is over that ridge. I’m hiding the car so you’ll be safe.”

  He half expected her to argue and demand she tag along.

  “How long will it take?” she asked.

  Camouflaging the car behind a cluster of spruce, he shoved it into Park. “Twenty, maybe thirty minutes.”

  She nodded and he sensed her fear.

  “Annie, it has to be this way. You need your meds. No one’s looking for you here. You’ll be safe, okay?”

  Leaning forward, she hugged him. “Thanks for taking care of me last night.”

  Her fingers clung to his jacket.

  “Don’t worry. I’ll be back. Promise.” That was one promise he would keep, because he had a job to do.

  She released him, slipped her hair behind her ear and smiled. “I’ll be here.”

  His heart pounded against his chest. She was so sweet and innocent. So trusting. Damn, she shouldn’t trust him.

  Flinging open the door, he made his trek through the woods, desperate to get the drugs that would help her remember. She had to remember, for the safety of others, but also so she’d stop looking at him like her boyfriend and start glaring at him like her enemy.

  He made his way to Appleton’s service entrance and glanced at his watch. Five-fifty. The truck would pull up in ten minutes. He crouched low against a tree and waited. This was the worst part. Waiting for action. Keeping a lid on the adrenaline. Keeping a lid on his emotions.

  That had been a challenge last night, especially when Annie pleaded to hear the words.

  I love you, Annie.

  When she woke up with no memory of the confession, relief vied with disappointment. Why? It wasn’t as if the words were true. Sean MacNeil hadn’t a clue what love was. The only “love” he’d known was warped with violence and pain.

  Maybe that’s why he could say the words so easily, as if ordering a pizza. Who was he kidding? Saying them last night had ripped him apart inside. Probably because of the lost expression in her eyes. That had to be it.

  The food truck groaned up the drive and slowed at the gate. He slipped out from behind cover and grabbed the bar on the back. He rode the truck to the service entrance and hopped off aiming for the back stairs. Five minutes, tops, and he’d be in the administrator’s office.

  Crack of dawn was shift change, and an ideal time to break in. He climbed the stairs and opened the door to the second floor. Peering down the empty hallway, he took a deep breath, then strode to the office, picked the lock and let himself inside. He got to work at the computer, anxious for information about Annie’s medical condition.

  Annie. She’d been easy prey before. So trusting of Sean. He hated himself for what he did to her.

  He brought up her records and scanned the documents, looking for a clue as to wha
t mystery drug had brought her around. Maybe the lab at the Bureau could intensify the effects and bring her memory back quicker. That would solve everything. That would give Annie her life back.

  And his life? Would it ever be the same after this case was over? Forget about it. His only concern had to be helping her remember where she’d hidden her completed research and what she’d stumbled upon that had made the old man order her death.

  Sean hoped he got the chance to explain himself before she discovered from someone else what a bastard he was.

  “I’d like to hear that explanation myself,” he muttered, tapping his finger on the desk.

  “Come on, come on.”

  The printer finally shot out the last few pages, including a copy of her MRI report. He grabbed the paperwork, shut down the computer and made for the door. Next stop, the hospital pharmacy. He needed to get her medication. Cracking open the door, he eyed the hallway. Empty. He bolted for the stairs, whipped open the door and he found himself staring at the badge of an almost seven-foot guard.

  “And where do you think you’re going?”

  ANNIE HAD BEEN sitting here a lot longer than twenty minutes. Something was wrong.

  She crouched behind a tree near hospital property, a shudder racing from her neck to her ankles and back up again. The sight of her former prison didn’t do much for her mental state, as Sean called it. She still couldn’t believe she’d been brave enough to hike across the field after him. Brave or stupid? She wasn’t sure. Sometimes she wondered if Sean was right—if she’d lost her mind and needed drugs to get her wits back.

  What she needed were her medical files that hopefully listed her mother’s address and phone number. Her goal: find Mom. Going after Sean had nothing to do with the possibility that he’d been caught and detained by Zinkerman’s men.

  She shook off the memory of Sean lying on the bed in the first motel room, his eyes wide and his body listless. Hatch. Zinkerman. So many enemies. So many bad men after her. She still wasn’t sure where Sean fit into all this.

  Taking a deep breath, she said a few Hail Mary’s for luck. Well, that was one good thing she remembered. She rubbed her hands together in nervous energy as she waited. Nurse Lydia usually worked the day shift. She had to help.

  Or would she turn Annie over to Zinkerman? No, there was a streak of compassion running through Nurse Lydia. She would listen to Annie’s story first. She just hoped the nurse would believe her crazy tale. Sometimes Annie had a hard time believing it herself.

  The vintage pink Cadillac slowed at the hospital entrance and turned into the drive. Nurse Lydia had told Annie about the inherited car—her pride and joy. The pink car paused at the gate. Annie ran up to it and tapped on the passenger window.

  Lydia jerked in surprise and lowered the window.

  “Mary?”

  “I need your help,” she said, trying to keep her voice from trembling. The last thing she needed was to sound like a hysterical escapee.

  “Get in the back and stay down,” Lydia said.

  A sob of relief caught in Annie’s throat as she did as ordered. God, she hoped she was right about this. She hoped Lydia wasn’t one of them.

  “We’ve been ordered to subdue you,” Lydia said over her shoulder. “Dr. Zinkerman claims you attacked him.”

  Annie closed her eyes. It was over.

  “But I don’t like Zinkerman,” Lydia continued. “I don’t know why, but after you disappeared some men came to Appleton and went through your things. They gave me the creeps. Zinkerman said they were private investigators hired to find you. Instinct told me something wasn’t right. I overheard Zinkerman on the phone, screaming at someone.”

  Lydia sighed. “I don’t know who you are, Mary, but I’d like to help.”

  “My name is Annie.”

  “Annie?”

  “It’s complicated. The FBI hid me at Appleton under a false name to protect me.”

  “And Dr. Zinkerman?”

  “He’s not one of the good guys.”

  They pulled into the back parking lot and Annie glanced out the front window at the ominous brick building.

  “Why did you come back?” Lydia said, turning off the car.

  “There are bad men after me because of scientific formulas locked in my brain. But my memory is sketchy so the FBI wants me to stay on the medication Zinkerman prescribed. Sean broke into the hospital to get information about the drug. I haven’t heard from him in hours.”

  “Sean, your husband?”

  Annie hesitated. “Yes.”

  “That’s not good.”

  “Why?”

  “Zinkerman gave orders to detain him, too. Something about your husband being involved in the attack.”

  She gritted her teeth. Zinkerman knew damn well Sean had nothing to do with the attack, that it was Annie, all by herself, who had rendered the good doctor helpless.

  “Let’s go in and find your husband,” Lydia said.

  Annie glanced at the building and swallowed hard.

  “Annie, you know I’d never hurt you,” the nurse said.

  The words. Annie had heard them before from someone else. They were empty words. But right now she had to believe them.

  Lydia led her into the employee lounge, where she opened a six-foot locker.

  “Here, looks like you’re cold.” Lydia handed her an oversize sweater. “I’ll go poke around. Stay put, okay?”

  Annie clung to the sweater, the familiar scent of antiseptic and sickness weakening her knees. Lydia closed the door and alarm coursed through her body. Could she trust the woman? What choice did she have? She couldn’t go roaming around the building by herself. Someone would be sure to recognize her and pull out the restraints.

  She ran her fingers through her hair and paced the small lounge. It seemed like hours before the door opened. It was another nurse. Annie held her breath.

  “Hi. Who are you?”

  “My cousin, Susan,” Lydia said walking up behind her. “She’s checking out places for her mom who was in a bad accident.”

  Susan? Lord, if Annie had to answer to one more name she’d have to be put on an antipsychotic drug.

  Annie smiled at the other nurse, who shrugged and ambled toward her locker.

  “Come on, Susan. I can show you around before my shift starts.” Lydia cupped Annie’s elbow and steered her into the hallway.

  “Remember the cameras,” Lydia said. “Keep your head down, but act normal.”

  Normal? She hadn’t a clue what the word meant.

  “Zinkerman’s not here, which is good,” Lydia said. “Your husband is downstairs with security, which isn’t good. They found him with your medical files. The administrator called Dr. Zinkerman.”

  Annie stumbled at the sound of the doctor’s name.

  “Smile and keep walking,” Lydia whispered. “The administrator, Bill Cousins, is still trying to piece together what happened last night. There’s a rumor that your husband didn’t want you to remember certain things about him, he was an abuser or something.”

  “Bull,” she let slip.

  Lydia’s eyes grew wide. “You remember?”

  “He’d never hurt me. Not like that.” She stared straight ahead.

  “There’s also a rumor your husband was involved in your accident.”

  There was some truth to those words. She knew it in her heart.

  “And here’s the craft room,” Lydia said in her cheery voice as if giving her the complete tour of the facility.

  “Sean saved me from Zinkerman’s man who shot at me,” she whispered.

  Nurse Lydia squeezed Annie’s arm. “If I take you to your husband, Cousins might detain you until Zinkerman gets here.”

  A chill rippled across her shoulders. She wanted to run, but she wasn’t a quitter. “I need medication to last me a few weeks,” she said.

  Lydia glanced down the hall. “I can get it. What about your husband?”

  “He committed me in the first place, right?�
��

  “Yes.”

  “Then he can sign for my official release.”

  “But Zinkerman—”

  “As long as Zinkerman isn’t here he has no power. This Cousins, have I ever met him?”

  “No. He has little or nothing to do with patients.”

  “Tell me about him.”

  Lydia rattled off highlights of the administrator’s life: an easy job making six figures plus benefits, biweekly golf games and a current lawsuit filed by a former patient for negligence.

  “Does he follow procedure?” Annie asked.

  “To the letter.”

  Scenarios clicked off in her brain—theories, equations, actions and reactions. She imagined, envisioned, saw the answer in her mind’s eye.

  “Take me to Sean,” she said.

  She hadn’t a clue where she got the mental fortitude to follow through with this. This entire plan could backfire, landing her right back where she started: at the gates of hell.

  As they descended the stairs into the dungeon called Security, she swallowed her trepidation, step by step.

  Lydia paused at the door. “I’ll be back as soon as I get the medication.”

  Annie nodded and opened the door. Sean glanced up from his position in a chair, his wrists cuffed behind his back.

  “What the hell are you doing here?” he said.

  “Sweetheart!” She raced to him, wrapped her arms around his neck and laid a kiss on him to stop him cold. He resisted at first, then she felt his surrender. He leaned into her, the warmth of the kiss spreading throughout her body. She broke the kiss and smiled.

  “I’ve missed you,” she said.

  “Have you lost your—”

  She kissed him again, telling herself it was all part of the act. Her body argued otherwise. She loved the feel of his lips on hers, his male scent permeating her flushed cheeks. She loved the feel of hard muscle between her fingers as she gripped his upper arms.

  “Excuse me, ma’am? How did you get in here?” a voice said from the door.

  She broke the kiss and whispered in Sean’s ear. “Trust me.” His lips were still slightly parted; his eyes a combination of anger and need.

  Taking a deep breath, she turned to address a giant security guard who stood in the doorway. A rotund, balding man stood beside him.