by Irene Hannon
He stared at the gift wrapped in silver paper. “Kate, I…”
“Please, Eric. Unlike Amy, I’m not really good at this assertiveness thing, so just humor me, okay?”
The pleading tone in her voice, the strain around its edges, tugged at his heart, and without another word he took the package and tore off the wrapping. He angled the counted-cross-stitch sampler toward the light from the bushes as he slowly read the words from Jeremiah that had been so carefully and elaborately stitched around a motif of the rising sun. “For I know well the plans I have in mind for you, says the Lord, plans for your welfare not for woe! Plans to give you a future full of hope.”
“I started working on this when Jack was in the hospital,” Kate told him quietly, her gaze resting on the sampler. “I came across the passage one night when I was idly leafing through the Bible, and it seemed to speak directly to my soul. Because after the accident I felt that there must have been something I did—something wrong—to deserve such a tragedy and loss. Taking Jack away was the Lord’s way of punishing me, I thought. So whenever I started to feel overwhelmed, I’d pull this out and work on it to remind me that the Lord was for me, not against me. And it also encouraged me to look to the future with faith and hope. It made me believe that things would get better, that tomorrow my life would again be filled with joy.”
Kate paused and transferred her gaze from the gift to his deep blue eyes. “When Jack died, I put the sampler away. I felt empty and hollow inside, and the words seemed to mock me rather than offer comfort. For a long time I lived in an emotional and spiritual vacuum. The guilt became all-consuming again, and I lost hope that the kind of love I shared with Jack, which had made my world so bright, would ever touch my life again. All I could see in my future was an endless string of dark days. And then you came along.”
She drew a steadying breath, willing her courage to hold fast. “Eric, the simple fact is that until I met you, my life was like this sampler—on hold and unfinished. But you made me realize that it was time to tie up the loose threads and move on. So I did exactly that—literally and figuratively. Because when I took this out of storage, I took out my heart, as well. For the first time in five years, I let myself not only believe again in the endless possibilities of life, but I opened myself to them. I want you to have this because I think you’ve been held captive by the same demons that plagued me for years—guilt and hopelessness. And I think it’s time for you to do what I did—put your past to rest so you can create a new future.”
She paused and reached into her bag again, this time withdrawing a smaller, square box, which she handed to him. She noticed that her hands were trembling, and clasped them tightly in her lap as Eric silently unwrapped the second package, then lifted the lid. Nestled on a bed of tissue lay a delicate, heart-shaped blown-glass Christmas-tree ornament with a loop of green satin ribbon at the top, anchored with sprigs of holly.
“Just as today we celebrate the birth of a baby who brought new life to the world two thousand years ago, I’d like us to celebrate our own rebirth of hope and faith that this day symbolizes,” Kate said softly. “When Jack died, I never thought I’d love again. But the Lord seemed to have other ideas when he sent you my way. Because how could I help but fall in love with your tenderness and caring and sense of humor and those deep blue eyes and all of the thousands of things that make you so very special and unique? I love you, Eric Carlson, and I can’t imagine my future without you in it. So I give you this ornament as a sign of what you’ve already claimed—my heart. And I would be very honored if…if you would marry me.”
Eric stared at her, speechless, then looked down at the shiny red ornament cradled in his hands. It was so fragile and so easily broken—just like her heart. Dear God, had she really offered to entrust it to his care? Or was he caught up in some sort of Christmas Eve fantasy? His confused gaze moved to her hands, clasped tightly in her lap, and he could sense the tension vibrating in every nerve of her body as she waited for his reaction. So it was real, after all.
A rush of tenderness and love and elation swept over him, so swift and powerful that it took his breath away—and scared him out of his wits. There was no question that he returned her love, with every ounce of his being. Yet doubts about making a success of marriage, given the pressures of his career, remained. He struggled against the urge to throw caution to the wind and pull her into his arms and shout “Yes!” for all the world to hear. It was what his heart told him to do. But he had to make sure she understood the dangers.
“Kate, I—” His voice broke and he cleared his throat.
Kate felt the bottom drop out of her stomach. She’d obviously shocked him into speechlessness, and her courage suddenly deserted her. How could she possibly have asked this man to marry her? Amy’s bold plan had seemed reasonable when they’d discussed it, but given his reaction, it was way off base. Now she needed to find a way to smooth over the awkwardness she’d created.
“Listen, Eric, I’m sorry,” she said jerkily. “Y-you don’t have to answer that question. I understand if…”
He reached out and took her hand, his look so tender and warm that her voice deserted her. “I want to answer the question. I was just…overwhelmed for a minute. No one’s ever proposed to me before.” His lips quirked into a crooked grin.
Although the ardent light in his eyes set her heart hammering, she sensed a hesitation in his manner. She had hoped her bold question would assuage any doubts he might have about her willingness to accept the demands his job would make on their life, but apparently it hadn’t, she realized with dismay.
“I—I understand if you need to think about it,” she stammered, stalling for time, suddenly afraid to hear his answer. If he was going to refuse, she didn’t want to know tonight. Not on Christmas Eve. She averted her gaze and reached for the tote bag. “Like you said, we can talk about this after Christmas.”
She started to stand, but he restrained her and pulled her trembling body close beside him, into the shelter of his arm. “You can’t just drop something like that on a man and then walk away, you know. Let’s talk.”
She lowered her head and stared at the snowflakes falling gently to the ground, willing the peace of that sight to calm the turbulence in her heart. “I don’t know what else to say,” she responded softly, her voice choked with emotion.
Eric reached over and with gentle pressure urged her chin back up until their gazes met. “Then I’ll start. First of all, I love you, too,” he said huskily.
Kate’s throat constricted, and joy flooded her heart. Those were the words she’d been praying to hear for weeks! And yet…he hadn’t accepted her proposal. She searched his eyes, afraid to ask but knowing she had to. “I sense a ‘but’ there,” she ventured, her voice quavering.
He laced his fingers with hers and absently stroked his thumb across the back of her hand.
“There is,” he conceded. “I’m just not sure marriage would be good for either of us.”
“How can you say that, when we love each other?”
“Because love implies certain obligations. Like being there for a child’s Christmas play. And making sure the woman you love doesn’t have to deal with her private terrors alone. And protecting the people you love from danger. And honoring promises. And a million other things that my profession won’t always allow me to do. What happened four days ago could happen again, Kate. I can’t promise you it won’t.”
“I’m not asking you to. I admire your dedication to your work, Eric. It’s part of what makes you who you are. Don’t you think I know that you’re torn between what you see as conflicting loyalties, that you anguish over balancing the two responsibilities? I wish you wouldn’t let it tear you up inside. Yet one of the reasons I love you is that you care enough to feel anguish. And my feelings about that will never change.”
He wanted to believe her. Desperately. But experience had been a harsh teacher. “I’d like to think that’s true, Kate,” he said wearily. “And I know
you believe it is—right now. But I’m afraid that in time you’ll come to resent my work. Whether you realize it or not, you were upset the night of the accident because I wasn’t there for you.”
“You’re thinking about that stupid comment I made when you opened my door, aren’t you?” she said quietly.
He looked surprised. “You remember what you said?”
“Yes. And obviously you do, too. Eric, I don’t know where those words came from. I was distraught. And shaken up. And afraid Sarah was hurt. I wasn’t even thinking straight. Do you know what my thoughts were when you appeared? ‘Thank God.’ I can’t even find the words to describe the relief I felt when I saw you. I know my words didn’t reflect that. But that was what was in my heart.” She paused and took a deep breath. “Believe it or not, Eric, I can handle the fact that you have a demanding career that sometimes requires you to make difficult choices. I may be disappointed sometimes if your duties take you away from us, but I’ll never stop loving you. Because I know you’ll always do your best to give your best. To us and your job. I would never ask for any more than that. And I truly believe that if we trust in the Lord, He’ll show us the way to make this work.”
Eric gazed into the face that had become so precious and dear to him during these last few months. The sincerity in her eyes, and the love, were unquestionable. What had he ever done to deserve a woman with such an understanding heart, and an inner beauty that surpassed even her physical loveliness? he wondered, his throat tightening with emotion. She seemed so sure, so confident about their future. Why couldn’t he put his own doubts and fears to rest, as well?
“You seem to have such faith,” he said quietly.
She looked at him steadily. “Enough to move mountains. I’m not Cindy, Eric. I love you for who you are—not in spite of who you are. And on this Christmas Eve, for the first time in years, I believe great, exciting things are about to happen. I believe that anything is possible. And I believe in you. And us.”
Eric looked at her, his heart so full of love that for a moment he couldn’t speak. She was everything he’d always wanted, and he suddenly knew with absolute certainty that he’d be a fool to pass up this chance for happiness. As if to confirm his sudden lightness of heart, the distant voices of the carolers came once more through the air, jubilantly proclaiming, “Joy to the World.” As he reached over and touched her face with infinite tenderness, his doubt was replaced by a gladness and peace that truly reflected this most joyous, holy season.
“When I got to Mom’s tonight, Sarah said that this was the best Christmas ever,” Eric told Kate huskily. “And you know something? She’s absolutely right.”
Kate studied him cautiously, trying not to infer too much from his tender tone of voice and the promise in his eyes. Yet she was unable to stop her hopes from soaring. “Is that a yes?” she ventured.
He chuckled as his own spirits suddenly took wing. “That is most definitely a yes. And even though this proposal wasn’t exactly traditional, I think we should seal it in the traditional way. Don’t you agree?”
The sudden flame of passion in his eyes made her tingle. “Most definitely,” she concurred.
He reached for her, and she went willingly, savoring the haven of his strong arms and the wondrous feeling of homecoming. And in the moment before his lips claimed hers, the words of the distant carol echoed in her ears, making her heart rejoice.
“Let heaven and nature sing. Let heaven and nature sing. Let heaven, and heaven, and nature sing.”
Amen, she said silently. And thank you.
Epilogue
Five months later
It was a perfect day for a wedding.
Kate gazed out the window of Amy’s log cabin at the blue-hazed mountains, fresh with spring. New green shoots decorated the tips of the spruce trees, and the masses of rhododendrons and mountain laurel on the hillsides were heavy with pink-hued blossoms. A cloud of yellow swallowtail butterflies drifted by, undulating playfully in the warm morning sun, while classical flute music played a duet with the splashing water from a nearby stream.
Kate smiled and slowly drew in a deep breath. The peaceful setting, reflecting the beauty of God’s creation and the rebirth of nature after a long, cold winter, seemed symbolic; within a few moments, she and Eric would start a new life together after their own long, cold winter of the heart.
“You look happy.”
Kate turned at the sound of Amy’s voice. Her sister stood in the doorway with Sarah, holding two bouquets of mountain laurel still beaded with silver drops of dew.
“I am.”
“And beautiful.”
Kate flushed and turned to look in the full-length mirror beside her. The simple but elegant style of her A-line, tea-length gown enhanced her slender figure, and the overlay of delicate chiffon that flared out near the hem softly swirled as she moved. Long sleeves—sheer and full, cuffed at the wrist—emphasized her delicate bone structure, and the deep blue color was a perfect foil for her dark hair and flawless complexion. “I feel beautiful,” she admitted. And young. And breathless. And hopeful. And all the things every bride should feel on her special day, she thought with wonder.
“Do I look pretty, too, Mommy?” Sarah asked.
Kate turned to her daughter and smiled. In her white eyelet dress, with a basket of flowers in her hands, she would fit right in at a Victorian garden party.
“You look lovely,” Kate replied, kneeling down to hold her close. Without Sarah, she knew she would never have survived the months following Jack’s death. Only her daughter’s sunny disposition and innocent laughter had kept her sane and grounded in the present, prevented her from slipping into the abyss of total despair. She hugged Sarah fiercely, thanking God for His gift of the precious child who had filled her life with a special love during the difficult years when she’d felt so deserted and spiritually alone.
When Kate finally released her, Sarah lifted her basket and pointed to a bluebell. “I picked that flower for Dr. Eric. Aunt Amy says I can give it to him later.”
Kate smiled, deeply grateful that Sarah adored Eric. And equally grateful that the feeling was returned.
“I’m sure he’ll like that. It’s just the color of his eyes.”
“Well, if you two ladies are ready, I don’t think we should keep the groom waiting any longer,” Amy announced.
Kate gave Sarah one more quick hug. “I love you, honey,” she whispered.
“I love you, too, Mommy.”
Kate rose and Amy handed her one of the bouquets. For a long moment their gazes met and held.
“You know how happy I am for you, don’t you?” Amy said softly.
Kate nodded, and when she spoke her voice was choked with tears. “I know. And thank you, Amy. For everything. For your love and support and for always being there. You and Mom were my lifeline for so many years.”
Amy’s own voice was none too steady when she replied, “I always will be, Kate. But I’m more than happy to share the job with someone else. Especially Eric.”
The flute music suddenly changed, and Kate recognized the melody of the hymn they’d chosen for the opening of the ceremony.
“It’s time,” Amy said.
Kate nodded. Amy took Sarah’s hand and they preceded Kate down the steps and out the door. She waited for a few moments, then stepped out into the sunshine and walked slowly toward the gazebo banked by blossoming rhododendrons and surrounded by the people she loved most in the world.
Anna was there, of course, beaming with joy. Cal smiled at her and winked, juggling Caitlin in one arm while the twins clung to his leg and stared wide-eyed at the proceedings. Frank grinned and gave a subtle thumbs-up signal.
And Eric—her breath caught in her throat as she gazed at him. He looked incredibly handsome in a dove-gray suit that hugged his broad shoulders. The morning sun had turned his blond hair to gold, and as she gazed into his face—so fine and strong and compassionate and caring—tears of happiness pricked her eyes. His
own eyes, so blue and tender, caught and held hers compellingly as she drew closer. They spoke more eloquently than words of the passion and love and commitment in his heart, and she trembled with wonder that God had blessed her with a second chance at love.
As the pure notes of “Amazing Grace” drifted through the mountain air, she was glad once again that they’d chosen this hymn to begin their wedding ceremony. For she had, indeed, once been lost. But now she was found. And today, as she prepared to start a new life with the man she loved, she felt filled with God’s amazing grace.
Eric watched Kate approach, and his own heart overflowed with joy. The significance of the song wasn’t lost on him, either. He knew that without the Lord’s help, he wouldn’t be standing here today. On his own, he would never have had the courage to take another chance on love. But God had sent him Kate, whose sweetness and understanding had broken through the barriers he’d erected around his heart and made him believe once again in endless possibilities. And as Kate stepped up into the gazebo and took his hand, her eyes shining with love and faith and trust, he knew beyond the shadow of a doubt that they would have a rich, full marriage. For the Lord would always help them, just as His grace had led their hearts home.
Dear Reader,
As I write this, the rustle of autumn is underfoot. Winter—that season of rest and renewal for a slumbering world—will soon be upon us. But like the beautiful scarlet cardinals twittering in the tree beside my bench, and the gloriously blooming impatiens oblivious to the inevitable frost that will soon make them only a memory, I am reluctant to let the warm weather go.
Yet sometimes letting go is the only way to move forward. For without winter, we would never appreciate the joys and promise of spring. And without saying goodbye to the past, we can never say hello to the future. Eric and Kate discovered that in this book. And they also discovered that life is filled with endless possibilities if we open our eyes—and hearts—to them.
