Classified

by Fern Michaels

  “Okay, but I am after your ass later. Promise.”

  “I’ll look forward to it,” Chris said. “I’m gonna run upstairs and take a quick shower before they get here.”

  “I’ll be waiting.” Abby loved the way they teased each other. This silly bantering could go on for days, and it had, more than once. She finished slicing the onions, washed her hands, then washed the tomatoes and peeled them, too. When she finished that, she shucked the fresh corn on the cob and wrapped each piece in foil so “Cuisine Chris” could throw them on the grill. She had bought potato salad already made and a container of coleslaw. She opened the cans of baked beans, scooped them into a large baking dish, and added her special ingredients. A little dry mustard, a little brown sugar, a little chopped onion, and they were ready to slide into the oven.

  Chris came downstairs, looking handsome as ever. He wore a pair of khaki cargo shorts and a blue chambray shirt, with the sleeves rolled to his elbow. Abby smiled. “Hey, you look pretty darn sexy for a farm boy.”

  “And you look pretty good yourself for a semiretired hack and mother-to-be. You have the pregnancy glow.”

  “Thanks, I certainly feel the glow. Now, ‘Cuisine Chris,’ that’s today’s nickname, by the way. I have the corn ready, and the baked beans are in the oven. You get to make the burger patties, while I run upstairs to shower and change. It’s almost five-thirty, so we gotta get a move on.”

  “Okay, I’ll get the door if they get here before you’re out of the shower.”

  Abby ran upstairs—well, she kind of waddled—her belly was big and, as of today, she knew why. Not only was she carrying a little football player, but she had a cheerleader, too. She liked the image. Abby made fast work of showering, shaving her legs, and washing her thick, curly blond hair. She slathered her favorite gardenia lotion on, sprayed Jennifer Aniston’s latest flowery spray on her neck and wrists. As an afterthought, she ran into the room they were using for a nursery and found one of the containers of baby lotion. She took it back in the bathroom with her and rubbed it on her belly. And the babies. She wondered if they could smell while inside the womb. She’d ask Dr. Logan on her next visit in two weeks. She added a bit of blush and mascara, scrunched her curls, and headed downstairs.

  Chris had everything ready, plus the dishes were now set in neat stacks along the table. This was going to be a buffet-style cookout.

  A loud knock, and Abby knew that her mother had arrived. And her godmothers. She could not wait to tell them her news.

  Chapter 32

  Chester waited by the front door. “You must smell Coco,” Abby said as she opened the door. “Mom, Phil, Sophie, Goebel, Ida, Mavis, Wade, Robert, Bernice, and Daniel, please come in.”

  They all laughed at her. “I can’t have you talking behind my back, telling your friends I’m not a proper hostess. Let’s go to the kitchen and get our glasses. It’s nice out, so I’ve got the patio set up. Is everyone okay with that? If not, we can eat in the formal dining room. I think the table seats, like, thirty people.”

  “Abby, we’re fine. Now you go outside and look at your husband, while Sophie and Mavis and Ida help me with the drinks. Guys, go out and talk grill talk with Chris. Goebel, he may need some help. I’m not sure he’s ever grilled anything.”

  Ten minutes later, everyone had a drink of tea or something alcoholic, which Toots and Sophie had poured. When Abby saw that all the people who mattered most to her were there, she stood up. “Okay, folks, I’ve kept you all waiting long enough. All of you know, I’m assuming Mother told you, that today Chris and I were going for a repeat of the ultrasound, which did not work last time. Well, what we have not told anyone until now is that we found out we are having a little boy.” Abby couldn’t help it; she had to pause for effect. “And a little girl.”

  “Twins!” Toots jumped out of her chair and did the best rendition of the happy dance that they’d ever seen. When she finished, everyone clapped. “Phil, I am going to be a double grandmother, and you girls are gonna be double godmothers. Does that sound right to you, Abby?”

  Abby stood in a receiving line of sorts as every single one of her friends and family hugged her, shook Chris’s hand, and asked if they could babysit. A night out on the town, once the babies were old enough to be left alone, was not going to be a problem. She would have an endless supply of sitters if she needed them.

  “Thanks, everyone. I tell you, I almost fainted when the doctor said that I was gonna have twins. Then when she saw there was one of each, I truly felt like an overachiever.”

  “Hey, I had a hand in that, too. Tootsie, were there twins in my family?”

  “Your mother had twin brothers, but they passed away when they were very young.”

  Abby dropped her glass when she heard what her mother said and raced inside. Toots followed her. “Abby, I’m sorry for being so careless. I wasn’t thinking. Your children are fine, and that was a very, very long time ago. Those kids would be close to a hundred years old, had they lived. Remember how much modern medicine has improved? Abby, look at me.”

  Abby blotted her eyes with the dish towel.

  “You’re going to be the best mother ever. I can tell because of the way you just reacted. That’s the hardest part of becoming a mother. You will learn this, but not for a while. I used to say that ‘when babies are little, they step on your toes. When they’re older, they’ll step on your heart.’ Now dry your eyes and get out there and help Chris serve up those burgers. I haven’t had a good burger since the last time I ate at the Polo Lounge in California.”

  Abby shook her head. “I’m sorry. That’s not me, or the me I was before I was pregnant.”

  “It’s all right. You will be emotional. You’re pregnant, and we all love you and promise to tread lightly. Deal?” Toots asked the way she had when Abby was younger, and they’d had a disagreement.

  “Deal.”

  “Now go on. Those babies need their dinner,” Toots said, feeling very protective of her daughter and grandchildren. Seeing that she was alone for a moment, Toots jumped up in the air, twirled around, then shook her hips left to right.

  “Now, that’s a damned happy dance,” she said aloud to herself.

  Seeing that Abby had platters of food in the fridge, Toots took it upon herself to help serve. There was something in the oven. She carried the potato salad and the coleslaw out to the table. “Mavis, there’s something in the oven. Can you come in and help me out?” As soon as Toots said the word help, not only did Mavis come running, but Sophie and Ida came, too. Tears glistened in her eyes. These women were family to her and Abby. Toots had been the only one to have a child, and she’d wished the others could. But they hadn’t, and she had Abby, so she simply decided she would have three godmothers. And here they were now, friends from more than fifty years ago who now made up her family. They’d bitched and griped, laughed and cried; but when Toots needed them, they were always there. She hoped they felt the same way about her.

  “Mavis, can you take care of the stuff in the oven? Sophie, bring some more ice and another pitcher of tea out, if you don’t mind. Ida, could you grab the condiments in that container Abby has in the fridge?” Toots looked around. “Okay, girls, I think we’ve got it all. Now let’s go talk about our grandchildren-to-be.”

  Abby raced back inside. “Mom, I forgot to make the coffee. Bernice and Robert are ready to croak.”

  “Go tell them to kiss your ass, and I’ll get a pot going. Even I can make coffee, but don’t tell Bernice I made it. Let’s see if she can tell the difference.”

  Toots raced around the kitchen, which had once been her own. Abby had put everything in the same places that she had. She must remember living here as a child. Toots filled the coffeemaker with water, added four heaping spoonfuls of Folgers, and clicked the START button. Five minutes later, she had a tray with a carafe filled with coffee, surrounded by cream and sugar. She had even remembered to bring the cups and spoons. Not bad for an old broad who didn’t know how to
cook anything except toast and Froot Loops, and Froot Loops didn’t really count.

  She carried the tray outside. “Did you make that coffee?” Bernice asked.

  “No, I’m just helping out.” Toots set the tray on the table. “Help yourself, Bernice. I’m sure Robert needs some sugar in his system. Abby has lots of sugar.”

  Bernice slyly lifted her middle finger when Toots was looking. She returned the salute and didn’t care who was watching.

  The evening turned out to be another for the books. The food was good, the burgers fantastic, and they’d all spent the remainder of the evening discussing babies, The Canine and Feline Café, and Abby and Chris’s future hopes for Dogs Displaced by Disaster.

  Mavis and Wade had their new jointly owned funeral parlor up and running. No one had died, so they hadn’t had a chance to see them in action, and Toots wasn’t in any rush. The fact they touched dead people, and Ida made them look alive, totally creeped her out. But the success Ida and Mavis had had was phenomenal. Mavis’s new line of clothes, Good Mourning for Canada, had added another large number to her annual earnings. Though Mavis wasn’t about the money at all.

  When you got right down to it, none of them were about the money itself. They were all about what they could do with their money to help others. They really were providing a service to the world, especially Ida. Her cosmetic line was so popular that Macy’s had offered her tens of millions to sell it in their stores, but Ida had stayed true to her original vision. She wouldn’t sell out yet. Let The Home Shopping Club make a nice hefty profit; then she would consider the Macy’s offer. She wouldn’t forget the people who had given her a chance. Ida was loyal like that.

  She and Daniel were a couple now, and no one cared. Not even Bernice, because Daniel was happy—so happy, in fact, that he had set up another office, in Charleston, so he could be close to his mother and their new family.

  Toots liked the feeling of family they all shared. She and Abby were the only two out of the bunch who were actually related by blood, but it really didn’t matter where you came from. What mattered was how you got there and who stayed for the ride. Sophie, Mavis, and Ida mattered to Toots. They were her family and her life as much as Abby was.

  “Mom, are you dreaming or something? You have the strangest look on your face.”

  “No, I was just woolgathering, something people my age do now and then. Now it’s getting late. I believe it’s time we left and called it a night. We need to get some rest. Especially you, young lady.”

  Abby and Chris thanked everyone for coming. They, in turn, thanked Abby and Chris for the wonderful babies, and decided that their next project was Abby’s baby shower.

  “Good night, Mom.”

  “Get some rest. I’ll call you tomorrow.”

  “I’ll look forward to it. Thanks for listening to me and giving me the advice. I’m guessing there’s a lot I’m going to need to learn from you and my godmothers. I’m so glad you’re all here.” Abby kissed her mother, and then pushed her out the door. “Go.”

  Toots laughed and chalked up another perfect day on her ever-growing-best-days-ever calendar.

  Chapter 33

  Two months later

  Jamie and Lucy baked every baby-themed sweet that had ever been thought up, and some that hadn’t. Blue-and-pink cupcakes, in the shape of baby booties, with white icing that looked just like shoelaces. A pink bonnet cake, a blue bonnet cake, both chocolate. A red velvet cake for Abby, iced in her likeness. Lucy’s idea, and Toots thought it cute. When she saw the cake, she changed her mind. It was beautiful, and looked exactly like Abby. It was the mommy cake. Abby didn’t want to invite any of the girls from 3Ds, saying that she wanted to spend this special day only with her family.

  They’d all discussed gifts out of Abby’s earshot, and she would have everything on her babies’ wish lists, and then some. Toots wanted to make sure the children were financially taken care of for the rest of her life. She willed her Charleston home to Abby, Chris, and the kids. The Malibu mansion would go to the grandkids, too, but that wasn’t a gift. There were additions to her will. She was a very wealthy woman, and her family would be taken care of. All of them seemed to have great financial success. They were all blessed, and Toots never once took that for granted.

  The girls placed their pretty packages on—where else?—the dining-room table. Nearing the end of September, it was still too hot to sit in the garden, so Toots suggested that they have the shower in her living room, where it was nice and cool. The guys had wanted to do something for Chris, so they all chipped in and chartered a boat for the day to go deep-sea fishing. Toots couldn’t wait till they came back so she could hear their fish stories.

  Abby was almost the size of a house. A small one, to be sure. She had gained more than sixty pounds, but she was healthy. Most important, the babies were healthy, and her doctor was fine with her weight. Abby was due in two weeks.

  Sophie and Goebel had decorated a nursery at their house for the babies. Wade and Robert followed suit because they were sure Mavis or Bernice might want to babysit with them at their house. Just a good way for Robert and Wade to get their hands on the kids so they could spoil them.

  Ida had purchased a mansion on The Battery, but it wouldn’t be livable until next year. She, too, had come to love Charleston. It was a beautiful city, with history and culture. When she wasn’t staying at Bernice’s old house with Daniel, she would stay in her room at Toots’s. Mavis still lived with Toots, and she really didn’t have any plans to move out. She said she and Coco had spent too many years living alone, so she was content to stay with Toots, and it worked for both of them. She was close to Wade, and Bernice and Robert traipsed back and forth from her house to their place at least once a day. Abby and Chris and Chester walked over in the evenings to share a glass of tea and tell her about their day.

  Jamie and Bernice had decorated the room in blue and pink. Balloons, streamers, and party favors certainly made the room take on the look of a baby shower.

  Chris drove Abby over before he left with the guys. It was too hot for her to walk, and she was waddling like a duck these days. She made herself comfortable in the big plush recliner, which Toots had purchased for Phil for the nights they stayed in and watched television. It wasn’t too often, but Toots couldn’t see Phil reclining on the antique settees and love seats.

  The women spent the next three hours playing games, laughing at dirty jokes, and oohing and aahing over the tiny little dresses and little pants. Knowing how much Abby loved her UGGs, Toots had ordered pairs for the babies. One in blue and one in pink.

  “Thanks, Mom, they’re just adorable.”

  Sophie gave her a double stroller that did everything but give lectures on how to raise twins. “This is so cool. It’ll make it so much easier to take the babies out in this.” Abby blew Sophie a kiss, because it was too hard for her to get up and down from the recliner.

  Mavis, the purest and kindest, had crocheted each baby a blanket, though she hadn’t used the traditional pink and blues. One was the palest peach, and the other a light green: Mavis’s colors.

  Abby rubbed the blankets against her cheek. “They’re so soft, and perfect. Thank you so much, Mavis. I know it took a lot of time to make these. I’ll treasure them. And so will the babies.”

  Next up was Ida’s package. Toots thought Ida would go all out and bring a gift the size of a car, but she simply handed Abby a small square package wrapped in yellow paper. Classy, Toots thought. Even at a baby shower, Ida has class. However, Toots would die before she ever told Ida that. They all had class, each their own special grade.

  “Go on, open it,” Ida encouraged. Abby took the paper off and placed it in a box on the floor. Ida had promised her she would make her something from all the bows, because Abby swore she would not let them force her to make and wear a paper-plate bonnet.

  Abby removed two leather books, both a creamy brown. Engraved in gold were the names that Abby and Chris would give thei
r baby: JONATHAN CHRISTOPHER and AMELIA SOPHIA. Abby looked inside the books, and her eyes doubled in size. “My God, Ida, I don’t know what to say.”

  “ ‘Thank you’ always works,” Ida said as she made her way through the boxes and papers to get to Abby. She gave her a big hug, and Toots saw that there were tears in her eyes. Damn it, but Ida is good people, too. She’s just a self-centered–bitch kind of good people.

  “Thank you, Ida. I’m stunned. This is beyond generous.”

  Bernice would try to get a dig in on Ida anytime she could. While she’d accepted that Daniel and Ida were in a serious adult relationship, despite their age difference, she still wasn’t Ida’s biggest fan. “Come on, Abby, tell us what it is. A lifetime gift card for The Home Shopping Club?”

  “Shame on you, Bernice,” Abby said. Knowing there was no love lost between the two women, Abby loved them both and refused to get involved in their silly love-hate games. “If you must know, these are bankbooks. I think they used to be known as passbooks. Each has a balance of one million dollars. When the children reach their twenty-first birthdays, it will be theirs to do with as they please.” Abby grinned. “If I could get up to do the happy dance, I would, but my kids would kick my butt, so let me say ‘thank you’ again. My children will be set for a lifetime. Thank you for caring about them so much, Ida.”

  “Ida, that’s very generous and kind, thank you.” Toots meant it, too.

  “They’re family, Tootsie.” When Ida called her “Tootsie,” it was truly from the heart. Though Toots was beginning to think Ida’s heart of stone was starting to crack, little by little.

  “After that, I’m not even sure I want to give you my gift. Ida’s always got to show off—let everyone know she’s a millionaire. Well, Abby, I am not a millionaire, but Robert and I decided we would go halves on a gift that you might think a bit crappy—”