Remnant

by Michael Clements

  “Sorry?”

  “Nothing. It’s just weird, because I’ve never heard of you before.”

  Mercy chuckled. “That’s because I only met your father a week or two ago.” She said nothing for a brief moment. Theia stared at the floor. “I spent a lot of time with him. Whenever he talked about you, he looked a little happier.” Theia couldn’t keep from smiling, but hid her smile behind her knees. “What happened to you out there? How did you survive?”

  “My dad,” said Theia. “He helped me.”

  “Even when he wasn’t there, huh?” said Mercy, smiling. “Was he a good dad?”

  Theia looked directly into Mercy’s eyes. “He is a good dad. He’s the best dad.”

  “Hmm. I’m glad to hear that, though I’m a little surprised. Your father is … a bit aggressive.”

  “He never hurt me. He loves me. People never hurt people they love.”

  Mercy paused. Theia judged from Mercy’s face that she disagreed with her words. “Never?” Her voice was faint.

  Theia scowled. “Why would he?”

  “Never hurt you at all? Not in any way?”

  “No. He didn’t slap my wrist, or spank, or anything when I was bad.”

  “He never … touched you in any way? Made you feel uncomfortable?”

  “Touch me how? What are you even talking about?” Now, the conversation was a nuisance. Theia was shocked that someone would ask her such things. Had Mercy’s questions referred to a stranger, they would have made more sense. Everyone knows strangers hurt kids all the time, thought Theia. Why would Dad hurt me, though? He’s never even yelled at me. Unlike Mom… Finally, Theia asked, “What do you mean? Why would Dad make me feel uncomf– uncomter…” She had always struggled pronouncing that word.

  “Your dad… He thinks he’s not good enough for you, Theia. He’s worried. He’s done bad things. He believes he’ll hurt you.”

  “But he’s never hurt me! He’s like my best friend!”

  Mercy smiled, but a little nervously. “I know. I know… I can tell you love him. I can see it in your eyes. He’s your hero. Out there, he told me that he’s worried he’ll hurt you, though. I’m sure you know by now: he’s hurt a lot of people.”

  Theia settled down a little. “Dad never really talked about things like that. All that he said was, ‘My job makes me do things I regret,’ and stuff. Mom picked fights with him a lot about that.” She recalled her time in the desolate streets, surrounded by death and slaughter. “Dad taught me not to hurt people. WHY is he saying he’s afraid of hurting me? He would never hurt me. Why does he think that? Why would he say that?” It didn’t mean anything significant, she knew, but knowing her father had said that to Mercy contradicted everything she had been holding on to. Her father was the only person she didn’t fear at all. Is Mercy talking about someone else? she thought. Maybe her father had changed in a bad way – into someone who would hurt her. It just sounded so wrong.

  Mercy knelt down, embracing Theia closely. It felt more intimate than any time Theia had been held by her mother. It made no sense, but somehow Mercy apparently loved her.

  “Your father,” said the young woman, “needs you to remind him. He’s scared of himself. He’s scared of everything he’s done coming back to haunt him. You’re the most important thing in the world to him. Remind him how much he loves you.”

  Theia did not embrace Mercy back, though. She simply replied, “Let’s go, then. I want to see him!”

  Mercy relinquished, leaning back. “Your father has something to tell you. It’s best you hear it from him, though.” Reluctantly, she nodded and said, “Okay, I’ll take you to him.”

  Walking there was Mercy’s idea, though internally Theia opposed it. She had spent too much time in recent days walking, and she was sick of it, despite the fact the roads and sidewalks were clean and devoid of bodies or trash. She could handle it. Won’t have to be afraid of anything soon, she happily thought.

  The building was crowded, full of as many staff as patients. Theia noticed that most of the help came from volunteers with no medical experience. Most seemed to lack organizational skills, too. It lightened her heart, though, witnessing such a large number of people devoted to nothing but supporting others. With every step, her excitement grew. Again, she found herself starting to shed tears. Above excitement, she had peace, as if having positive feelings for the first time. She would have run ahead of Mercy, had she known where her father was.

  Mercy didn’t know precisely where to go. Amid the noise, she told Theia she had a vague idea of where to find Ethan; somewhere on the third floor. As they pushed through the crowd, maneuvering around the patients standing, and sometimes lying, in the halls, Theia kept thinking she could see her father somewhere among the crowd.

  Until, finally…

  There he was, at the very end of the hall, his bed situated in an otherwise empty corner. Needing to be absolutely sure, she squinted to see a little clearer. “DAD!” she screamed.

  She flew toward her father. When she was inches away, something stopped her like a metal bar swung at her belly, inflicting minor pain. It was someone’s arm – the man who had driven her earlier, whom she failed to remember the name of.

  “Your father’s in a lot of pain, Theia,” the man said, continuing to push her back.

  Theia pushed and pushed, but the man was too strong. When she thrust her legs harder, he had to lift her off the floor.

  “Calm down, Theia,” said Mercy, catching up behind her.

  Theia saw her father turn his head, his eyes slowly opening, which found her immediately. He rarely smiled, but she found one on him. In his eyes she saw the same happiness she felt inside. Slowly, Ethan extended his right hand toward her. “C’mere,” he said in a short breath. Her father lifted his arm and Theia took his hand, carefully climbing up on the bed beside him. He wrapped both arms around her as she lied down, resting her head on his chest, listening to his heartbeat. His breathing brought serenity, like floating on waves in the ocean. She never felt warmer. Neither said a word to each other. There was no need. Not yet. Theia could have remained like that for weeks.

  After a few minutes, she felt her father’s hold tighten a little as he lifted himself up. She curled her legs around his waist as he stepped off the bed. Mercy said something about needing to rest, but neither Theia nor Ethan cared to listen. Theia could hardly hear the noise around them. She hadn’t opened her eyes since laying down.

  Eventually, she felt a gentle, rather cold breeze against her body. Fresh air filled her lungs, and faint sunlight warmed her eyelids. She was glad that he chose to be with her in a quieter, more pleasant place. Ethan lowered himself to the ground and Theia’s legs touched what felt like grass. A blanket, likely the one from his bed, wrapped around them. Slowly opening her eyes, she saw beautiful trees surrounding her, and buildings distantly beyond them. Ethan had taken her to an empty park with grass half-a-foot tall.

  Her father pulled her close, kissing the side of her head fiercely. “Happy to see you alive,” he said softly.

  “I missed you,” she whispered.

  They simply felt each other’s presence a moment longer before Ethan said, “You’re alive…”

  Theia leaned back to see his face. “I remembered everything you told me. I pretended you were there sometimes.”

  Ethan held her head as he gazed into her eyes. “I thought you were dead. Aunt Lily, Aunt Scarlet, Uncle Michael … everyone. They all told me you were dead.”

  She shook her head. “No, Dad… I’m alive.”

  “What happened to you? Tell me what you’ve been through, baby.”

  Partial memories came to mind, but they had no grip on her emotions anymore, allowing her to suppress what would otherwise invoke despair. “Too much,” she said plainly.

  “I believe it,” he said, taking a few strands of her hair between his fingers.

  Theia returned her head to resting on her father’s chest, absorbing more of the sound of his hear
tbeat, which reminded her that he was real and present. After another moment of silence, feeling the peace she had long been deprived of, she began to think. Though it felt uncomfortable, almost wrong, to initiate any serious subject, she needed to know… “Dad?” she began, leaning back again. “Where’s Mom?”

  Ethan pinched those few stands of her blonde hair, running his fingers down to the ends at her shoulder. He didn’t look at her, which gave away the answer. “She’s gone,” he said sorrowfully.

  That’s what she expected to hear. “What happened?”

  Ethan looked away, silent for almost a whole minute. “…She was sick, baby. You remember what she had, right? She was sick, and very sad. We thought you were dead. It was like … her anguish made her illness… You know.”

  “It killed her faster?”

  Ethan nodded. “I’m sorry.”

  Theia leaned her forehead against her father’s chin, and he kissed it again. She nearly spoke, but stopped.

  “You okay?” he asked.

  “I’m sad, but… I don’t really think I miss her.”

  Ethan nodded. “I understand,” he said. “After everything that happened between you… Between all of us…”

  “You’re not mad at me?”

  “Why would I be mad? Your feelings are your feelings. Maybe one day you’ll look back on your mother with more love. I hope you will.”

  Theia pictured her mother’s face, and considered the feelings it brought back. Despite being separate from her father all that time, she had been apart from her mother almost equally as long, and that distance brought her some peace. As she searched deep within herself, part of her still wished to have been able to see her mother one final time, to at least have a chance to know if she wanted to say goodbye. At that moment, she wasn’t sure.

  Gazing back, toward downtown, she asked, “What will we do now? Are things getting better?”

  “It looks that way, yes.” Ethan pulled her in again, squeezing her tightly. “I’m afraid, Theia,” he said with a voice that could make her cry. “I’m afraid of hurting you. I regret the things I’ve done. I’m afraid someday you’ll become like me…”

  “What do you mean?” she asked, staring deep into his eyes.

  “I asked Mercy to take care of you… For a time.”

  Theia’s skin felt hot and cold at the same time. Her eyes snapped open, and her heart skipped a beat.

  “I… I don’t know what else to do,” he said weakly.

  Aggressively pushing backward, stumbling, she said, “You’re leaving? After you just found me?”

  “Theia, baby, if you knew even half the things I’ve done… The things I’ve never told you about… Things that I did before you were born… I don’t want to hurt you. I don’t want to put your life in danger. Not again. There are people I’m connected to. People you and I are related to… You’re too precious, Theia. I realize now that you’re better without me. You deserve better.”

  “But Dad…” She started to tense up. “You’ve always taken care of me. Why are you doing this?” This was a completely new and foreign pain. Her father was the one person she never imagined doing this to her. “I’m alive because of you! I’d be dead without you! I had something to hold on to when I was walking through piles of dead bodies for God sake!”

  Ethan rose, extending comforting hands, but Theia slapped them away. “I wish you could understand, Theia… You were kidnapped because of me. Everything that’s happened to you is because of me. If you knew who I really am, you’d think very differently. Please understand: I want what’s best for you. Sadly, I’m not what’s best for you. Mercy is, I think. She has her problems, but she’ll be good to you. She’ll keep you safe. She’ll raise you to be strong and wise.”

  Theia turned her back to him. “So would you…”

  “She will love you. She’ll never turn her back on you.”

  Theia scowled. “Like you’re doing now?”

  Ethan gently placed his hands on her shoulders. Though she cringed, she didn’t push him away again. Tears found their way out of her eyes, and she started to sob. Ethan wrapped his arms around her, embracing her fiercely, which only worsened the pain. You’re hurting me now, she thought. It was a pain she could feel, as real and present as a gaping wound in her skin. Her legs gave out and her body sagged as she wept bitterly. Her father held her all the while. He never let go or relaxed his embrace. Being held both eased her suffering, and prolonged it.

  All seemed lost, hopeless and irreparable until Theia heard the gentle whisper in her ear, “I will come back. I promise.”

  She let out the last of her tears. Finally, after turning around she asked him, “When? Will it be soon?”

  Ethan hesitated, appearing as if he too would weep. “I don’t know. I just don’t know. But I will. That’s all I can tell you. Do you trust me? Do you believe me?”

  Theia nodded.

  “I always keep my word, right?”

  She nodded again. In an abrupt burst of love and a desperate need to be held one last time, Theia threw her arms around her father, squeezing as tightly as she could. That’s when she saw Mercy, approaching them slowly. “Don’t forget me, okay?” she needed to ask.

  “Not possible, baby.”

  She let go once realizing she was only making it harder on herself. She needed to let go for now. Only for now. Only for a time. There was no use in attempting to change his mind. She trusted his promise. She trusted his reasoning, despite not understanding it. She trusted his love for her, and that it wasn’t dead.

  Ethan turned and saw Mercy as well. The woman was looking at him intently, and at Theia affectionately. Ethan gently took her again, then turned her head toward him. When she looked into his eyes, he said one last time, “I love you.”

  He let her go.

  “I love you, Dad,” she said. “I trust you.”

  With that, she walked toward Mercy. One more time, Theia looked back at her father.

  I trust you.

  END OF VOLUME I