A Love for Leah

by Amy Lillard

  Where had that come from? Deborah was nothing like Leah in looks. So they both had dark hair, that was where the similarities ended. But in personalities? That was where they held a sameness. Deborah was opinionated, strong, and willful. He should have seen right off that she wouldn’t make him a good wife. She may not have been born fancy Amish, but she was fancy Amish at heart. Just like Leah. Leah who left the Amish to become a Mennonite, drive a car, and have electricity in her store. Deborah wanted more than sometimes their community allowed.

  But Gracie . . . Gracie was demure, helpful, and obedient. She would make someone a good Amish wife. And that someone might as well be him.

  * * *

  “Come on,” Leah said Wednesday evening. She shook the toe of Brandon’s sneaker. He was lounging in the big comfortable chair she had found at an estate sale. She had thought she would sell it in the shop, but she liked the chair. Red and overstuffed, with rounded arms that begged a person to curl up on a rainy day and read a book. So far Brandon had gotten the most use out of it. She had barely had time to wash her hair, much less read a book for pleasure. But soon, she promised herself.

  “Where are we going?”

  “To Mammi’s.”

  “My mammi’s or your mammi’s?”

  She laughed. “They live in the same house. With your mother, remember?”

  He nodded, but made no move to get up.

  “She asked about you yesterday, so I thought it would be good for us to go back out tonight.”

  He peeled his gaze from his phone and actually looked at her. “I thought you went out there to see Jamie and Peter.”

  “I couldn’t not stop in and see Mamm.”

  “My mamm or your mamm?”

  “Again, same house.”

  Brandon laughed. “What does this have to do with me?”

  “You need to come with me. Your mother misses you.”

  A shadow moved across his features, but it was gone so fast she wondered if she had imagined it. “She’s probably over at Aaron’s.”

  “I bet not.”

  He blew out a breath. “Yeah, right.”

  She laid one hand on his ankle, hoping the gesture came across as supportive. She was new at this surrogate parenting thing. “Listen, I know this has been hard on you. And you’ve handled it like a champ. But it’s just as hard on your mom.”

  For a moment she thought he might protest, but he simply nodded and pushed himself to his feet. “Okay,” he said. “I’m ready when you are.”

  * * *

  “See,” Leah said as she pulled into the drive at her parents’ house. “I told you she would be here.”

  Hannah walked across the yard toward them. She smiled as she approached, that smile reserved just for her son. “Hey, you two.”

  “Hey, yourself.” Leah turned off her car and got out. “We thought we’d come out and see if Mamm’s got any pie.”

  Hannah chuckled. “Mamm always has pie. She even baked one special this morning.”

  “Apple?” Brandon asked hopefully.

  “Cherry.”

  “Where’d she get the cherries?”

  “Walmart. But don’t tell anyone. She’s afraid it might ruin her reputation.”

  “Why cherry?” Brandon asked with a frown.

  “Peter and Jamie came over for supper tonight,” Hannah said as they moved toward the house. “Mamm wanted to give them a special treat.”

  “Oh, yeah?” It seemed as if Jamie and Peter were always coming over.

  “You know Mamm.”

  They moved up the porch and into the house. Tillie came out of the kitchen and wrapped them both in tight hugs. Leah breathed a sigh of relief that her sister was still there. Maybe she was just overreacting.

  “I heard Mamm baked a cherry pie,” Leah said.

  “There’s still a couple of pieces left. But you better hurry. Jamie’s been threatening to eat the rest of it all evening long.”

  Leah stopped. “He’s still here?”

  Tillie nodded. “On the back porch. Peter’s with the twins looking at the puppies. Not that there’s much to see. I mean, they’re cute and all, but they don’t even have their eyes open. All they want to do is eat and sleep.”

  “Sounds like a plan to me,” Brandon quipped.

  Tillie laughed. “Come on. I’ll get you that pie.”

  They walked into the kitchen with more of the same. Laughter, jokes about pie, and friendly greetings. Leah lived for these times. She had missed them so much.

  Once they had their pie and milk, Leah and Brandon sat at the small kitchen table. Tillie and Hannah joined them, while Mamm bustled off to take care of Mammi.

  Leah forked up a bite and savored the tart flavor of the cherries mixed with the flaky goodness of her mother’s pie crust. “Where’s Gracie?” She hoped no one had called for her to come help with something. It seemed she was always flitting off to one relative or another’s to make everyone’s life easier, while her own seemed perpetually on hold.

  Hannah gave a sly smile. “On the porch with Jamie.”

  “Why?” Leah asked.

  Hannah shifted in her seat and shared a knowing look with Tillie. “He’s come here to see her.”

  “What?” She couldn’t stop herself. Leah hopped to her feet. “Jamie and Gracie?”

  Three sets of eyes stared at her as if she had declared herself president. She realized then that she might have overreacted, just a bit, and she eased back into her chair. She picked up her fork and pretended nothing was wrong. But everything was wrong. Jamie couldn’t “see” Gracie. The idea was ridiculous.

  “I mean, Jamie and Gracie?” It took all her composure to push the words out in a normal tone. Well, more normal than the one she had used earlier.

  “What’s wrong with you?” Tillie asked.

  Leah shook her head and pushed her plate away. Her appetite was gone. Her mouth tasted like ash, and her stomach cramped.

  “Are you going to eat that?” Brandon asked around his last bite of pie.

  “Don’t talk with your mouth full, please,” Hannah coached.

  Leah shook her head.

  Brandon pulled her plate across the table and started in on what was left.

  “Nothing’s wrong,” she said. “Just . . . Jamie and Gracie?”

  Hannah smiled. “I think it’s romantic.”

  “Me too.” Tillie propped her elbow on the table and cupped her chin in one hand.

  “Romantic?” Leah scoffed. “He’s so . . .” She searched for the word. Opinionated? Bossy? Handsome? She shook that last thought away. “Conservative,” she finally managed.

  “That’s a good thing around here,” Hannah said.

  “I guess,” Leah grumbled. “But Gracie . . .”

  “Is glowing,” Tillie said. “He showed up, and she just beamed.”

  Leah shook her head, trying to get it all in perspective.

  “I’m outta here.” Brandon pushed his chair back from the table and set the plates in the sink.

  “Where are you going?” Hannah asked.

  “Over to see what Joshua’s up to.” He turned to Leah. “Come get me when you’re ready to go.” Then he kissed his mother on the cheek and started for the door.

  Conversation stopped as Hannah watched him walk away.

  “It’s going to be okay,” Leah said.

  “I know,” Hannah whispered. “But that doesn’t stop me from praying about it every night.”

  “We all do,” Tillie added.

  “Then we can’t lose,” Leah said.

  Hannah smiled. “It’s tough, you know. When you know you’re doing the right thing, but it’s the hardest thing you’ve ever done.”

  “Even harder than leaving?” Tillie asked.

  “Much harder than leaving,” Hannah answered.

  Tillie sat back in her seat and seemed to mull that over.

  Leah wanted to go back to talking about Gracie and Jamie, but it seemed that conversation time had passed. Sti
ll, the thoughts tumbled around inside her head as Tillie and Hannah started talking about the merits of using lard over butter in a pie crust.

  She felt as removed from that conversation as if she were in another state. How long had it been since she had made a pie? How long since she had done anything like that? She hardly even made dinner these days. It was all part of her new life. Her busy life as a business owner. It was a small price to pay for the freedom she now had. Wasn’t it? And the good she was doing for the community. And being close to her family once again. But she needed to change that. She needed to start cooking again. Wintertime was coming. She could load some good things into the Crock-Pot and not make it her personal goal to keep the local Chinese restaurant in business.

  “Leah?”

  She started at Tillie’s voice. Leah had the feeling this wasn’t the first time her name had been called. “Yes?”

  “Let’s go check on Gracie and Jamie.”

  “She means spy,” Hannah added.

  “They really should have a chaperone.”

  “And I’m certain you are the person for the job.”

  “I am today.” Tillie grinned and pushed herself up from the table. “Are you two coming?” she asked.

  Leah caught Hannah’s gaze and hoped she looked as disinterested as she intended. “You in?”

  “One of us has to go. She’ll start making up stuff if we don’t.”

  “Not true,” Tillie tossed over her shoulder and flounced toward the back door.

  Chapter Five

  Jamie shifted in his seat and glanced toward Gracie Glick. They had been out here on the porch since after supper. An hour, maybe, and he felt every second of it. Every so often he could sense the eyes of her family on the two of them as her kin peeked through the windows. It was to be expected, but it made him nervous all the same.

  “Are you comfortable?” Gracie asked.

  Sixty minutes alone, and she had asked him that at least ten times.

  “I’m fine.” He nodded his thanks and resisted the urge to shift again. If he did, he was afraid she might hop up and fuss over him like a mother hen.

  Of course, when they were married, he wouldn’t mind a little fussing from time to time.

  Married. The word knocked around inside his head, pinging off his doubts. How was it that he came up with the idea one day and the next he was out “visiting”? After Deborah, he had thought he would never get married. He hadn’t wanted to. Some people just weren’t meant for marriage. Old Sam Ebersol, for one. And Ruth Yoder. He had known them both back in Tennessee, and they had never been married. People used to joke that the two of them should marry each other, but no one had the courage to say it to their faces. Knowing the two of them, they would have just laughed. But until after Deborah had called off their engagement, he had never thought he would be among their ranks. He had just gotten used to the idea of never getting married, and here he was out searching for a wife.

  He was rusty. He had been living by himself for too long. Or with Peter. He wasn’t much of a conversationalist. Now Jamie had all but forgotten how to chitchat.

  “I’m going over to the schoolhouse to talk to the teacher about Peter.”

  Gracie nodded enthusiastically. “That’s a good idea. I can come with you if you like. The teacher, Amanda Swartzentruber, is a friend of mine.”

  “That’s okay. But danki.” He should have taken her up on the offer, but he felt that was moving a bit fast. He hadn’t even had the chance to talk to Peter about it before he had jumped in and started looking for a wife. He at least needed to prepare the boy.

  “Oh, no.” She sighed.

  “What?” Jamie looked around, trying to find the cause of her distress.

  “My cousins.” She nodded toward Leah, Hannah, and Tillie as they held up the edge of their dresses and picked their way through the tangle of plants just off the porch.

  Tillie turned and waved. “Don’t mind us,” she instructed. “We’re just going to check the blackberry bramble and see if there’s any fruit.” She held up a galvanized pail as if to back up her claim.

  Gracie pressed her lips together and shook her head. “Those bushes stopped producing months ago.”

  Tillie smiled. “You never know. It’s been pretty warm these last couple of weeks. Maybe there are some late bloomers.”

  “You don’t want blooms. You want berries,” she called in return. “And there are no berries.”

  Her cousins simply smiled and waved and ignored everything she was trying to tell them.

  “I’m sorry,” Gracie said, ducking her head as she said the words. He had a feeling she was hiding the hot color in her cheeks.

  “It’s all right,” he returned. “It just shows your family loves you very much.”

  She stared out over the tangle of brush to where her cousins were poking around, making only a half-hearted attempt at looking like they were searching for blackberries.

  “I suppose,” she said, dragging her lower lip between her teeth. He had seen that movement somewhere before. But he couldn’t place it—Leah. He had seen Leah do that exact same thing. “It’s still embarrassing.”

  “I remember one time Deborah’s family did about the same thing, but they all came out into the front yard and checked every bolt and rivet in the family carriage.”

  She laughed, then a small frown worked its way between her brows. “Deborah?”

  He shifted once again and cleared his throat. Why had he brought her up? “Deborah is my ex-fiancée.”

  Her expression grew somber. “I see.” This time she shifted.

  Great. Now he had made them both uncomfortable. And all it took was one name. “She, uh . . . she decided that she didn’t want to be married with a family right away.”

  “Peter?”

  He nodded. He hadn’t thought about that time in a great while. He’d had more important things to think about. But all too often lately her name had dominated his thoughts.

  Theirs had been a classic courtship. They were in the same youth group, joined the church in the same year, and started dating right away. He was certain she was the one. She was sweet and beautiful, a kind and caring person, and he loved her. How could he have known that his responsibilities would stand between them? He’d been beyond shocked when she came by his house one Sunday afternoon and told him they were through. He had planned on forever.

  “I’m sorry,” she said, reaching out to squeeze his hand reassuringly.

  “Hey, now. We’ll have none of that.” This from Tillie. Then she laughed as if she had made the funniest joke known to man.

  “I’m really sorry,” Gracie said again and pulled away. “I don’t have a great many opportunities like this, and I guess they think it’s funny.”

  He chuckled. Honestly, he couldn’t help himself. “It is a little funny. I mean, we decided to come out here and talk, and they are acting like we need constant supervision.”

  “They’re just being nosy. There are no berries out there.”

  “We could go inside.”

  “And they’ll be right behind us.”

  “Hey.” He reached out and almost took her hand into his. Instead he placed his hand back in his own lap. This whole situation was stressing her out much more than it should have.

  “It’s just . . . just . . .” She stopped as if unable, or maybe it was unwilling, to go on. She shook her head. “Never mind.”

  Jamie sat back in his seat and tried not to sigh. This entire conversation was going nowhere. He should be asking her about her likes, dislikes, dreams for the future, and a thousand more questions that seemed to have deserted him. He needed to know what she thought about Peter and how she imagined the boy might handle their relationship. Would it upset him further, or would having a female around the house make it easier to cope?

  The image of Peter curled up in Leah’s lap Sunday after church had burned itself into his brain.

  “It’s getting dark,” Gracie called to her cousins. �
�Perhaps you should give it up for the day.”

  Leah propped her hands on her hips and studied the sky as if she had never heard of the concept of a sunset before. “I suppose so.”

  “Shouldn’t you be getting back home?” Gracie asked. If she had said that to anyone other than her cousin, she would have had to pray half the night begging for forgiveness.

  “I’ve got an idea.” Tillie turned to her cousins. “Let’s have a sleepover.”

  Leah scoffed. “Aren’t we a little old for that?”

  “Allow me.” Hannah took a step forward. “Jah, it’s time for getting home. Be safe.”

  Tillie’s expression was beyond gloomy.

  “Perhaps we should pack it in for the night,” Leah said.

  “And a sleepover,” Tillie bounced back quick.

  “And a sleepover,” she finally agreed.

  Jamie stood. “I think this is where I leave.” He grinned. He shouldn’t have been so relieved, but he was. Maybe he could try again tomorrow. Nerves had a lot to do with both of their issues.

  “Thanks, Gracie. I had a nice time.” He almost choked on the lie. It wasn’t that his time was terrible; he just wouldn’t call it nice. “I’ll see you tomorrow.”

  She nodded. He squeezed her fingers, then dropped her hands. Tomorrow. Surely everything would seem different then.

  * * *

  “You cannot be serious,” Leah said some time later. The four women had settled themselves in the sewing room, crowded on the two beds, and whispered into the darkness. Just like they used to do. Except back then their age differences were more pronounced. And there had been a lot more room in the beds.

  “Why shouldn’t I?” Gracie asked.

  Leah shook her head, even though she knew her cousin couldn’t see her.

  “He’s cute,” Tillie said.

  “I’m sure Melvin would find that very interesting,” Hannah said.

  “Oh,” Tillie protested. “That’s not what I meant.”