A Love for Leah

by Amy Lillard

  Yet all he could bring to mind was how green her eyes were.

  “I just thought you should know.”

  “Is that all?” he asked.

  “I’m sorry.”

  “Is that the only reason why you told me these things? Because I should know?”

  “Of course,” she said. “Why else?”

  Why else indeed? “Maybe because you want to know if I like you back.” He hadn’t meant to say the words out loud, but now that they were out, he silently challenged her to deny it.

  “What?” She scoffed, but she didn’t meet his gaze. “Why would I want you to like me back?”

  “This conversation feels a lot like one I had in the third grade.”

  She propped her hands on her hips and cocked her head at a sassy angle. “Are you saying I’m immature?”

  “I’m saying this conversation is.” He shook his head. “Listen, Leah . . . I . . . I think Hannah may be right.”

  She blinked at him as if she had lost all power of speech. “Wh-what?”

  “I think Han—”

  “I heard what you said. Why did you say it?”

  “You and I got off to a rocky start the first time we met, jah?”

  She nodded.

  “Why? I didn’t know you, and you didn’t know me. So why did we immediately start arguing with each other?”

  “I don’t pretend to know.”

  “You’re doing it again.”

  “Doing what?”

  “Acting like you hate me so you don’t have to face the truth.”

  “What truth? That I like you?”

  “Jah.”

  “That’s the most absurd thing I have ever heard.”

  “Is it? Then why can Hannah see it?”

  “Hannah is seeing what she wants to see.”

  But somehow he knew there was something more to it than that. “There’s one way to find out for certain.”

  “How’s that?” she asked.

  He knew if he said the words there was no going back, but he couldn’t stop himself. He was foolish and bold and possibly crazy. But he was certain this was one time when he needed to take a chance. “Kiss me.”

  * * *

  “What?” Leah shook her head. “No no no no no.” He had taken complete leave of his senses. Why would she ever kiss him? They didn’t like each other—hadn’t they already covered this?

  “Are you afraid?”

  She scoffed. “Of course not.”

  “Then what’s the problem?”

  “That’s awfully forward.”

  He shrugged. “I’m finding my life has taken on an unusual urgency.”

  “Why should I change for your emergency?”

  “Kissing me would prove there’s nothing between us. You’d like that, right?”

  She eyed him narrowly. “What’s in it for you?”

  “You’re stalling.” His blue eyes twinkled in challenge as a small smile pulled at the corners of his lips. He thought this was funny?

  She couldn’t let him get away with this. And she certainly couldn’t let him get the upper hand. She took a step toward him. Then another. She could do this. She raised up on her toes and kissed him to the left of his mouth.

  “Almost,” he murmured.

  She took a step back. “What?” Why was she shaking? It was only a kiss.

  “Almost,” he repeated, then he grasped her elbows and held her close.

  His lips on hers was like nothing she had ever experienced before. Well, not that she had kissed very many men, or boys. She had spent her time in more noble pursuits. But this . . . this was better than she could have ever dreamed.

  Electricity shot through her, similar to the time she unplugged the toaster when she was washing dishes. Tingling, shocking, and somehow pleasant.

  Okay, better than pleasant. Way better than pleasant.

  All too soon, he set her away from him, his eyes dark, but still twinkling.

  “Well?” he asked.

  “Is that it?” She gently pulled herself from his hold before she dared ask him to kiss her again.

  “Are you saying you didn’t feel that?”

  “What?” She blinked innocently at him.

  “The spark.”

  “Oh, that.” She waved a dismissive hand.

  “And I suppose that happens every time you kiss someone?”

  She shrugged, unwilling to tell yet another bold-faced lie. “It’s not supposed to?”

  “Not every time, no.” He propped his hands on his hips, his eyes losing some of their sparkle. “Admit it,” he commanded.

  “Admit what?” She smoothed a hand over her prayer covering to hide the trembling in her fingers.

  “Admit that you liked our kiss, and that you wouldn’t mind doing it again.”

  Our kiss? Why did those two little words make her heart jump in excitement? “Do you want to do it again?”

  He shook his head. “Once again we’re adults having a third-grade conversation.”

  Third grade was being generous. “You have taken steps toward courting my cousin.” She shook her head. There were a dozen reasons why she should have never kissed him, and even more as to why she could never kiss him again. Yet that was the best she could come up with?

  “This has nothing to do with Gracie. Now admit it.”

  Leah blew out a breath, stirring the tendrils of hair that had escaped her bob. “Fine. It has nothing to do with Gracie.”

  He started toward her once again.

  “Okay.” She took a step back and held out one hand as if to stay him off. “It was . . . nice.” She took another step back for good measure. “It was more than nice. Now what do we do about it?” she asked.

  “Court?”

  Spending time together would give them opportunities to know each other better. “How? You’re Amish, and I’m Mennonite.” They might as well have been olives and ice cream. They just didn’t go together.

  “Let’s talk about it.” He reached a hand toward her, pulling her closer as he settled down on the edge of the porch.

  “There’s nothing to talk about.”

  “I disagree.”

  She shook her head. “There’s nothing to talk about, because there’s no solution. If there was a possible answer to our dilemma, then maybe we would have something to discuss.”

  He shook his head.

  Leah took two more steps away from him, needing to put a little distance between them. She told herself it was because she wanted to be able to see his face better, and standing so close to him made looking at him uncomfortable, but that was only a fraction of the problem. She wanted to lean in close, lay her head on his shoulder, breathe in the essence that was all Jamie.

  And then what? Tell him it was good knowing him, she was glad they had cleared up the little misunderstanding about who wanted to kiss who and how would it be, and have a nice life?

  No thank you. She eased away from him, but it didn’t ease the thudding of her heart.

  How did this happen? One minute she had been happy with her shop and her life, happy for her cousin—even if she believed that Gracie and Jamie were all wrong for each other. When had everything changed?

  Hannah.

  “What are you thinking?”

  “That none of this would have ever happened if it hadn’t been for Hannah and her big mouth.”

  “You can’t blame your sister. This would have happened anyway. She just moved things along a bit quicker.”

  “There’s nothing to move along.”

  “There is. We just have to decide what we can do about it.”

  She shook her head. “I’m not willing to join the Amish church. I’ve been out—” She shook her head. How could she explain that to him? How could she make him understand that she had lived and seen too much? She had grown accustomed to the conveniences allowed by her church. But most importantly, she had seen that she could live a good and godly life outside of the church, and she was happy in that life.
r />   So many times in her youth she had been told that a person couldn’t go out into the world and still live a godly life. Hannah was the perfect example of that. Her sister had made more mistakes than either of them cared to count. She had strayed far from her upbringing. But Leah hadn’t. She had found a place where she could worship God, help others, do everything she would have in the Amish church, but without all the restrictions. She understood the need for them. So many people needed to have those constant distractions eliminated from their lives in order to hear God. But she had found a balance of her own, and it suited her just fine.

  “I can’t go back into the church,” she finally said.

  “Can’t or won’t?” he asked gently.

  “Can’t. Both.”

  “I’m an Amish man, Leah. I don’t know anything else.”

  She understood that. Oh, how she understood.

  “And I have Peter to think about.”

  Peter was the most important thing. How could she ask Jamie to leave the church and bring Peter with him after all that he had lost?

  “So there’s no way?” It should have felt as if the world had slipped out from under her, but it didn’t. She was next to Jamie, and that made everything a little brighter. Besides, she had been running from her feelings, hiding from them for so long, and now that they were at the surface, there was no denying them.

  “I don’t believe that. Why would God put this love in front of us only to take it away?”

  “Is that what this is? Love?” She had been afraid to say the word, yet it slipped from Jamie’s lips with an uncanny ease. As if he was already comfortable with the idea of the two of them.

  “It has the potential.”

  Boy, did it have potential.

  But once upon a time, she had thought she had loved Benuel King. Yet she had left him behind. He had married, been widowed, and now he was getting married again.

  Life went on. That much she knew.

  “What do we do about it?”

  “Wait. Give ourselves some time. Maybe something will come to us.”

  It was a risk she was willing to take. “And Gracie?”

  “I’ll explain everything to her.”

  “Everything?”

  He shook his head. “I’ll tell her that Peter isn’t ready for me to be away so much. Surely she will understand that.”

  “And what happens if we can’t find a way to be together?”

  He sighed. “I don’t know,” he said. “I honestly don’t know.”

  * * *

  In the end, they decided to take it slow. Not worry about courting or dating or any other relationship ritual. And no more kissing.

  There was really nothing they could do until they came up with a plan that would allow them to be together. Or if their prayers were answered and God delivered one to them.

  But Jamie wasn’t holding his breath. God did more than work in mysterious ways, and though Jamie would like to believe that he and Leah were part of God’s plan, he wouldn’t know for sure until it came to pass. In the meantime, he vowed to spend as much time with her as possible, get to know her better, and see what happened after that.

  It was different this time. He was different. Never before had he challenged a woman to kiss him. Or a girl. Or anyone, for that matter. So why now? Why Leah? Because it was different. He was different. She was different.

  He waved as he approached the Gingeriches’ house. It was Tuesday and their designated cousins’ day. He had heard them talk about it on Sunday, and he had waited until her car drove past today before heading down to see what was happening.

  He still had to talk to Gracie and explain things to her. Yesterday would have been the perfect time, but he had a job at the bishop’s house repairing the porch on the back. Turned out the job was bigger than he had anticipated, and he had barely made it home in time to meet Peter as he walked from school with Jim’s kids. Jamie was glad to have them close. He would have worried about Peter walking home alone, but there was power in numbers.

  “Apple butter?” he asked as he drew closer.

  “Do you like apple butter?” Gracie asked.

  “It’s not my favorite.”

  “And what’s that?” Gracie finished peeling the apple in her hands and passed it to Hannah.

  “Kudzu jelly,” Leah said.

  Jamie grinned. “How did you know that?”

  “That’s what you eat on your biscuits. I figured you wouldn’t eat it if you didn’t like it.”

  True. But that she noticed was something in itself. It just went to show that there was more between them than anyone had suspected, even them.

  “Here, Gracie.” Hannah passed her the basket of apples that had already been peeled and cored and were waiting to be diced. “Cut these. You’re getting too far ahead of the rest of us.”

  “We need Tillie here,” Gracie grumbled.

  The other women nodded. He knew they missed her. “Has anyone talked to her?”

  They shook their heads.

  “I was hoping she would at least call the phone shanty outside the school, but she hasn’t,” Hannah said.

  “She never was much good at writing letters either,” Gracie added.

  “She’ll be in touch soon,” Jamie promised.

  “How do you know?” Leah asked. Her words came out sharper than she had intended. Was it any wonder they were always at each other?

  “If she misses you half as much as you miss her . . .”

  “Good point,” Hannah said.

  “Well, I for one don’t want to talk about it anymore.”

  “Do you want a glass of lemonade, Jamie?” Gracie set down her knife and dried her hands on a nearby towel.

  “That sounds good.”

  “Come on, then.” Gracie motioned for him to follow her inside.

  The interior of the Gingerich home was beginning to feel more and more like he belonged there, as if it were his home as well. He had been there so many times, eaten supper, read the Bible. He wouldn’t know what he would do without their kindness and support.

  He followed Gracie to the kitchen, half listening as she chatted away about apple butter, missing her sister, and sewing a new shirt for Peter.

  “You didn’t have to do that, you know.” He took a sip of his lemonade as he waited for her to pour her cousins a drink.

  “I wanted to. He’s a sweet little boy who deserves better than what he’s had lately.”

  He couldn’t argue with that.

  “Gracie, I need to talk to you about something.”

  She dropped her hands to her sides and stared at him. “You don’t want to see me after all.”

  “It’s not a matter of want—”

  “It’s Leah, isn’t it?”

  He drew back in surprise. “What makes you say that?”

  She gave a one-shoulder shrug and started pouring lemonade once again. “I can see what’s happening between the two of you.”

  “You can?”

  She placed the now-full glasses on a wooden tray and stored the lemonade back in the icebox. “It’s all wrapped up in arguing and disagreements, but it’s still there.”

  Were he and Leah the last to know?

  “I’m sorry. I don’t know what to say.”

  “It’s no matter. I wasn’t expecting anything anyway.”

  The sheer tone of her words nearly broke his heart. Gracie was a pretty girl, with a sweet heart bigger than the delta. She deserved more than she had been handed lately as well. “You’ll find someone one day who loves you just for you,” he finally said. “And no other reason.” Like needing a mother for his orphaned nephew. But he didn’t say that last part. It was simply understood.

  “So are the two of you going to start courting?”

  He shook his head. “I don’t know what’s going to happen. We have a lot standing in our way.” More than he cared to list at the moment.

  “God will find a way,” Gracie said with a confidence he wished he felt. “
He always does.” She picked up the tray and headed for the front of the house.

  “Just one more thing,” he said, following behind her. “Please don’t mention this to anyone. We’re not sure how this will turn out, and we don’t want it to get back to Peter.”

  Gracie nodded. “Your secret’s safe with me,” she said before breezing out into the September sunshine.

  * * *

  “I feel like we’re teenagers sneaking around,” Leah said as they strolled under the branches of the big oak. Peter was home from school and down visiting with his newfound friends who had just returned from Tennessee. But that didn’t mean there weren’t any eyes on them.

  Gracie hadn’t said a word about what she and Jamie had talked about when they went into the house together, but from her cousin’s overbright smile and slightly too loud tone, she figured he had told her he couldn’t court her. Whether or not he told her why, Leah had no idea.

  Still, a large chunk of her heart went out to her cousin. That was Gracie, always an attendant, never a bride. Leah had to wonder if the young men there in Pontotoc were blind or merely stupid. Something was wrong with them if they couldn’t see what a catch Gracie Glick really was.

  “I think it’s best if we keep this between ourselves until we figure out what we’re going to do.”

  She shook her head. “I don’t think there’s anything we can do.” How were a Mennonite woman and an Amish man supposed to make things work? The only way would be for one of them to change churches, and she couldn’t see either of them giving up their church for anything.

  “We can let God direct us,” Jamie said simply.

  Oh, how she wished she had his faith in the matter.

  He grabbed her hand and squeezed her fingers. “Didn’t we promise just two days ago to take this slow? To give it a chance and see where it took us?”

  “Jah—I mean, yes.”

  “Then that’s what we shall do.”

  He dropped her hand as Peter came galloping up the hill, one hand on his hat as he hurried along. He caught sight of Jamie, and his little legs pumped even faster. He ran at top speed straight for them, launching himself at Jamie and nearly knocking him back with the force of his embrace.