Triggered (Blackbird Book 1)

by Aly Westman

  She was no longer sitting in the truck, secure between two men she trusted, she was sitting in a pool of water as thunderous footsteps came close to the well. Boom Boom Boom!

  “Ava?” Seth looked down at the girl tucked under his arm, slightly worried as he felt her body jump with the oncoming thunderstorm. Ava’s eyes were wide, her skin had gone pale, and she looked petrified. “Quinn,” he said slowly, not sure what to do.

  Quinn looked over and then sat up more, reaching out to touch her. The second he made contact she screamed and jumped right over the front seat. “Grab her Corey!” Quinn yelled, but not quick enough. Ava had gone into shock. Her fight or flight response kicked in and after fighting those damn demons for so long she knew it was useless, so she ran. She booked it right out of Damion’s open door. The rain began pelting down hard, making it near impossible to see more than two feet in front of her. But that didn’t matter to Ava, she wasn’t seeing any of this. She wasn’t feeling a single drop. She was in shock, locked away in that tiny well.

  “Ava!” Damion yelled, yanking his pants up and running after her. He could hear the others right behind him as they chased her into the forest. The sound of rain hitting the trees was almost as deafening as the rumble of the thunder. Lightning spiked through the sky and they could hear a scream come from Ava but they couldn’t reach her.

  Seth cursed, Ava must have had some sort of training in the woods because she moved so effortlessly, as if she were running on a flat road. It wasn’t long before the four of them lost sight of her.

  “Are you God damn kidding me right now?” Corey screamed into the storm. “We are so fucking close!” He swung around and kicked at a pile of dirt as the others came in.

  “Do we split up?” Damion asked.

  “Groups,” Seth said, nearly screaming to speak over the volume of the storm. “Damion and Quinn, Core you’re with me. We stay in eye sight of one another, got it?”

  They all said “yes” in unison.

  “Keep your phones on you,” Quinn stated as he moved closer to Damion. “Check back on the hour! She is in shock or having a flashback or something, so you might not be able to touch her or get close, so just make sure she is in a safe place until the storm passes.”

  With another agreement they split. Quinn and Damion went in one direction and Seth and Corey heading into the other.

  “Can you feel her?” Quinn asked as he and Damion began jogging through the rain.

  Damion shook his head. “The storm has me so turned around right now, I can’t focus on anything.”

  Quinn swore. “Ava!” he shouted, hoping his voice would make it to her.

  Corey was pissed, beyond pissed. Not at her, not at Quinn, he was pissed at himself. She was right there, right beside him, and he didn’t stop her. Damn, she moved friggin fast, but what was he? Chop liver?

  He and Seth had spread out but they were still within eyesight of each other. So many things were running through his mind and he needed to just stop and think, but this damn storm made it near impossible to do so. Taking a deep breath, Corey knelt down and closed his eyes, attempting to clear his thoughts.

  He had been where she was, at one point. He had been afraid, he had been broken and damaged…he had been triggered. But by what? He had to have constant knowledge of where his brothers were, he hated being apart from the guys…that was because of Danny.

  Whenever his brothers were gone he was afraid they would be taken like Danny was. He was afraid he wouldn’t reach them in time and even if he did, it would be too late…The feeling of helplessness, with Ava missing right now, this was his number one trigger.

  “Deep breath Core,” he told himself, trying to think things through. He also couldn’t stand the sound of metal on metal. It reminded him of being chained up to those metal chairs, the screeching as he and Danny tried to wiggle out of the restraints.

  He couldn’t stand the sound of the metal because of what had happened, so why couldn’t Ava stand the storm? What was it about the storm that triggered her? He racked his brain over and over again, going over the lay out of the run down house they found her in, what was it?

  “Corey?” Seth wiped the rain from his face as Corey looked up at him.

  “She got triggered by something, she’s having a flashback. I’m trying to figure out why, what was in the house that sounds like this?”

  Seth nodded, he could see where Corey was going with this. Instantly the answer came to him. “The well,” he said. “It was under the floorboards, if they were walking back and forth over top of her.”

  “That would definitely mimic thunder.” Corey jumped to his feet. “Call Quinn, tell him to look for any kind of body of water!”

  “Why water?”

  “Because, she was afraid of them walking above her, I bet you she used the water to hide, to sink further in until they left.”

  ***************

  I tried to remain quiet even though inside I was dying. They were coming for me and there was no way out. I wanted to die, I wanted to die to prevent this! Boom Boom Boom "Stop!" I screamed, my voice hoarse from crying. "I want it to stop." The loud thundering noise vibrated all around me and all I could see were those damn demons coming closer and closer. How much longer until they found me again?

  I sunk further into the water, until the surface was just under my nose. I knew this wasn't the well, it smelled much fresher, and it was too cold. But the water surrounding me provided some sort of cover that I was looking for.

  "Make it stop." I cried into the water. "I just want it to stop." I didn't want to be afraid but I had absolutely no control over my body. "Please stop." The tears poured from my soul, my chest ached. I squeezed my eyelids shut so I wouldn't have to see their black eyes staring back at me. I wanted to scream, I wanted to beat my head against the wall.

  "I've got you girl." A warm voice reached out to me but with the rain pelting the water around me I sunk away from it. "Easy there." I felt a hand on my arm and screamed, backing away.

  "Ava," another voice demanded. "Ava look at me." Warm hands framed my face and I was forced to open my eyes. Those blue eyes... They offered protection... they offered security. I flew into his arms as he stood waist deep in the creek with me.

  Seth knelt down so I was buried into his chest as his massive arms wrapped around and encased me...and I cried. I swore my sobs were so loud they were drowning out the storm around us. I didn’t realise how badly I had been shaking until I was pressed up against Seth’s firm stable body. I allowed myself to be wrapped up in his warmth. I allowed myself to breath in his masculine scent, to hear the pounding of his heart, and to melt into his embrace.

  I held onto him for dear life, my fingers digging into the back of his shirt and my face pressed against his chest. Another boom echoed through the forest and I jumped but instead of letting go, Seth's arms constricted tighter, holding me together. It wasn't so much he prevented me from falling apart, it was more like he made it safe for me to come undone in his arms.

  It felt like the storm lasted an eternity, but he helped me through it. Not once did he force me to go, not once did he try to talk through it or tell me to suck it up. Seth held me steady until the thunder and lightning passed and all that was left was a gentle drizzle.

  I pulled my face away and looked up at him, his blue eyes providing more comfort than he would ever know. "Let's head back," he said calmly, as if I hadn’t just had a massive meltdown. And what? Over a storm of all things.

  I nodded, wiping my eyes which were burning from crying so hard. I was still in the water when I stepped back from him, only to bump into someone else.

  "Hey you." Corey's voice was gentle. "You alright?" he asked. He looked worried. Beside him Quinn shared an equally worried glance, and then I realised Damion was standing to my other side.

  They all had formed a circle around me, standing with me in the murky creek water. They all waited the storm out with me and never left. My heart throbbed. “I’m okay… I ju
st don’t know exactly what happened.”

  “It happens.” Quinn stepped forward. “And it might happen more, or it might not.”

  My heart sank and I felt a little lost. “So what do I do?” I asked them.

  Seth shrugged.

  Corey was the one to finally speak. “One day at a time,” he said.

  “If you feel that way again, run to us, not away. I think we got pretty lucky this time,” Quinn said. I shivered slightly as the cold air cut through my damp clothes. “Are you ready to head back?”

  I gave a nod.

  "Good, 'cause my balls are frozen." Damion laughed. "Let's get back and get some dry underwear."

  Corey splashed some water at him, causing me to squeal as the droplets hit my face. "Too much info Dame."

  Seth gave a chuckle as he lifted me out of the water, throwing me over his shoulder. I was hanging upside down, pushing against his waist with my hands to hold myself steady. I knew I was probably light to him however I was sopping wet, my clothes must’ve added a few more pounds at least. "Hey! Easy there big guy!" I could feel his shoulders move under me with his laughter. I liked fun Seth, this was definitely a different side from the stern, in control Seth.

  "Are you hurt anywhere Ava?" Quinn was walking in front of me ...or behind me... well, behind Seth. He lowered his head so he could see my face.

  "Aside from my pride. Nope, I think I'm okay." I tapped Seth on the butt, I only meant it to be playful but holy crap talk about buns of steel. "Alright Seth, I can walk now."

  "Nyet."

  "No, it's no Seth. Stop speaking in another language to me," I said as I smacked his arm. Corey and Damion caught up to us at that time.

  He laughed. "YA nauchu vas russkim"

  "What'd he say?" I looked up at Quinn.

  Quinn smiled. "He's going to teach you Russian."

  "Okay...Well that’s not too bad. I thought you were saying something like 'your ass is big.'" They all laughed at me

  "Tvoy prikladom krasivo," he said as we came out of the forest. I looked at Quinn whose cheeks suddenly changed a shade of red.

  "Okay, now I know you are talking about my ass."

  When I ran into this forest I was in a state of fear and panic, I was alone. Now, as we walked out of the forest, we were laughing. I felt a weight lift from my chest after the long cry.

  It was nearly pitch black as we made our way back into the truck. “We might as well go into town and find a spot for the night,” Corey said.

  “I second that!” Damion held his hand up. “I am done with driving for now.”

  We were all sopping wet as we jumped into the SUV, Seth cranked the heat while everyone started shivering. I leaned into Quinn for warmed. “I’m so sorry… I didn’t know.”

  Quinn wrapped his arm around me. “It’s alright. There will probably be a lot of things you won’t realise bother you until you are put in situations like this.”

  “Think of it as discovering the new you,” Corey stated. “New limitations, new quirks.”

  Great. I thought, my forehead resting against Quinn’s. Something told me I might not like this new me.

  Chapter 13

  I followed Seth and Quinn into the motel room, Damion and Corey right behind me, all of them carrying a black duffle bag. Quinn carried two of them. The smell hit me first, like cigarette smoke that someone had attempted to cover up with some sort of orange scented air freshener. I held back a gag. The room was a standard motel, two queen beds and an old outdated TV. The bedding and carpet looked far dated, but no matter how horrible it seemed it still looked like heaven compared to where I had been.

  “Quinn and Damion, perimeter check. Once you are done no one leaves this room,” Seth said. “We are only here to sleep, grab some food, and leave, yes?”

  “Yeah.” Damion nodded.

  “No problem,” Quinn answered.

  “Core, do a radar check, I want to know of any changes, no matter how small,” he continued. Seth set his black bag on one of the queen beds.

  Everyone started moving and following orders. Corey grabbed his laptop from his bag and started setting it up at the small round table. Quinn and Damion picked up a few weapons from their bags and holstered them. Seth moved to stand behind Corey and looked over his shoulder at the screen.

  I just stood there, frozen, unsure of what to do. They all had their jobs and they knew exactly how to execute them. I felt in the way. My body was still but my mind was spinning, over and over again the question came twirling around my mind, what now? What do I do now? Who do I go to? What do I do?

  Quinn walked up to me, holding out a black duffle bag. “Hey, it’s just a few things I grabbed from the safe house. I think the clothes should fit, and I took some toiletries too.”

  My hands numbly reached for the bag and took it, feeling the weight as he let go. I looked up to Quinn, about to say thank you but then I paused as his grey eyes took mine in.

  “Give it time,” he whispered.

  “Why?” I shrugged. “Because time heals all?” My tone was sarcastic.

  He shook his head softly. “No, because in time you learn to deal with it, to cope with it. You won’t move on but you will find something to work for.” His eyes were dark, haunted. He had been here before, I could tell by the way he stood, by the look he gave me, by the urge my body had to hold him. As if my soul sensed his hidden pain and was trying to reach out to him.

  “Let’s head out.” Damion patted Quinn’s shoulder a couple times as he walked passed. “I’m starving, think there’s a pizza place around here?”

  “Perimeter!” Seth ordered.

  “I know, I know! But I’m just saying, if a pizza joint happened to be, you know, in the perimeter…” Damion smiled and gave me a wink just before walking out the door. Quinn laughed, shaking his head as he followed him.

  I sat the bag on one of the beds and opened it up, inside I found a toothbrush and toothpaste, some mouthwash, and some razors. I looked over at the two huddled over the laptop and decided I had time. Time to take a moment for myself. I grabbed a set of clean clothes from the bag, mine still damp from the rain, and went to the bathroom.

  I began running the water into the tub and set everything I needed out. I don’t really know what happened to me, one minute the water was low, my hand under the faucet and feeling the temperature, and the next the tub was filled. Sucking in a breath and knocking myself out of the moment I quickly turned off the water before it would overfill.

  I soaked for a moment, trying to fit my whole body in the tub, the water just below my nose. It was warm, and smelled of chlorine… clean. But… but if I closed my eyes I could smell it again… the dirty water. When I opened my eyes I could see the brightness of the motel bathroom again. Close them… my heart sped up, my breath hitched, the sound of footsteps echoing around me. Open them… bright light, open bathroom, the scent of clean chlorine. If I raised my head out of the water I could just faintly hear Seth speaking in Russian on the other side of the door.

  With a sigh I sat up and reached for the soap and the razor and began shaving my legs. Emotionally I had pushed everything aside. It doesn’t matter. I told myself. Shave your legs. I focused solely on the movements of my wrist. I stared intently as the razor slid across flesh, cutting away six weeks worth of growth.

  But physically… physically my body betrayed me. My chest heaved. No! I told myself. I am shaving my legs. My breath caught and a sob came out. I paused and shook my head. “Shut up,” I whispered. “I am fine.” I continued to shave and the muscles in my face pulled, grief filled my heart and another sob escaped. I bit my lip to stop it from quivering and squeezed my eyes shut while my chest filled with emptiness. I let out a small laugh. “You can’t be filled with emptiness.” I told myself, how can you be full of nothing… but that’s what it felt like, the absence of something consumed me. I shook my head hard and pulled my face tight to stop the emotions as I finished shaving.

  When I got out of the tub and d
ried myself my heart stopped, my muscles contorted and the sobs were unstoppable. I fell forward to the sink and quickly ran the tap to muffle the sounds. I couldn’t stop it, it was a complete lack of control as my chest heaved and my body swayed. Images of six demons flashed through my mind faster than I could comprehend them. Just as a memory of Five grasping my breast would flash through my mind, another images of Four holding my crotch would take its place. As Two would force his tongue between his lips, Three would be there whispering sickening secrets into my ear, of what he wanted to do to me. One was there in the back, staring as always, his black eyes flashing in my mind just to remind me he was still there.

  As one memory came in I tried to chase it away, shake my head to get rid of it, only for another memory to take its place. I stood there battling with myself as more sobs leaked from my lips. I hated how weak I felt. I hated the lack of control I had over my own body. I was alone, in the bathroom, and yet I was being tortured. Just when I thought this panic attack would be done, Six’s voice surrounded, me. His touch consuming me. “No!” I yelled.

  There was a knock at the door and my eyes shot open. The sound of the running tap focusing me and bringing me back to the present. “Ava? Are you okay?” Corey’s voice brought relief to my body. The flashbacks disappeared as I took in a shaky breath.

  “Yes! I’m fine… Just cut myself while shaving…” I wonder if he noticed my shaking voice as I lied.

  “Alright, let me know if you need anything,” he said.

  I clenched the towel around my chest. The tears stopped instantly, the sobs had ceased, and I stood up, looking into the mirror as if nothing had happened. “Really?” I glared at my reflection. My brown eyes red and puffy, my dark hair a wet mess. “Drama much?” With hatred for myself I began getting dressed and cleaning up my things. Part of me knew I had no control over the panic attack, but another part of me was mad at myself. Everything had happened, it was over and done with, why couldn’t I just move on and leave the past in the past? Why did I have to let it affect me? Although… Did I even have a choice in the matter?