The Bachelor’s Surrender

by Janelle Denison

  Kristin released a long, burdensome sigh. “I guess that’s something he’s just going to have to figure out for himself. The hard way.”

  Unfortunately, Lauren agreed, though that acceptance only added to the grief she was already experiencing. Shaking off her melancholy mood, and the depressing thought of leaving Rafe, she reached for another muffin and buttered it.

  “Lauren?”

  Kristin’s soft, tentative voice captured Lauren’s attention. Mouth full of muffin, she glanced up, surprised to see a glimmer of nervousness in the other woman’s eyes. “Yes?”

  Kristin absently ran her finger along the rim of her coffee mug. “I’d, um, like to talk to you about Chad.”

  A belated thought occurred to Lauren as she finished off her breakfast. “He wasn’t a problem last night, was he?”

  A delightful smile claimed Kristin’s lips. “Oh, no, He was a complete joy,” she assured Lauren. “We’ve really enjoyed being around him this past week.”

  “I’m glad.” Lauren knew the feeling was mutual—the young boy had spent as much time with Kristin and James as he had with Rafe, and talked about all three of them with enthusiasm and affection. “You all have made his wish something he’ll always remember and cherish. Thank you for that.”

  “I should be thanking you,” Kristin said sincerely.

  Her gratitude perplexed Lauren. “Oh?”

  Kristin nodded, and appearing anxious once again, she stood and cleared their empty plates and took them to the sink. Lauren waited patiently while she rinsed the dishes, feeling as though the other woman had more to say and was trying to gather the fortitude to do it.

  Once that was done, Kristin turned back around to face Lauren, bracing her hands on the counter behind her. “After Chad fell asleep last night, James and I started talking about the possibility of adopting a child.”

  Remembering Kristin’s uncertainty when they’d initially talked about adoption as an alternative means of having the family she and James couldn’t create on their own, Lauren’s chest swelled with optimism for the young couple. “Kristin, that’s wonderful.”

  Kristin’s hands twisted together at her waist, and she blurted out, “We’d like to know what our chances would be of adopting Chad.”

  That declaration rendered Lauren speechless for a moment. She’d been under the impression that if Kristin and James decided to adopt, it would be a newborn. “But I thought—”

  “I know I told you I wanted a baby,” Kristin interrupted her in a rush of breath. “But after being with Chad this past week, having an infant no longer matters. We adore Chad, he fits in our lives perfectly, and if it’s at all possible we want to give him a stable home with two loving parents.”

  “I’d like that, too,” Lauren whispered, her throat tight with tears of happiness for a little boy who’d lost so much, yet was being granted a bright beginning of his own. Standing, Lauren crossed the kitchen to Kristin and grabbed her hand, giving it a reassuring squeeze. “You and James would make Chad wonderful parents.”

  Kristin released a shaky breath, new worries springing to life in her gaze. “Could you help us do that?”

  Lauren smiled, knowing she’d make Chad’s case a priority when she returned to California. “Yeah, I think I can.”

  Kristin hugged Lauren in a warm, heartfelt embrace. “Thank you.”

  Once the emotional moment passed, Lauren told Kristin what she knew would be standard procedure. “I have to take him back to California with me tomorrow, and it’ll take a few weeks to get a court order approved for temporary custody so he can live here with you and James until adoption proceedings are finalized.”

  “Whatever it takes, we want Chad,” Kristin affirmed, without a trace of doubt or hesitation, and enough love to encompass a little boy who’d made an indelible mark on their lives.

  Lauren wished she’d been as lucky with Rafe.

  Chapter Nine

  Lauren stepped into the paddock where Rafe was in the process of saddling the third of three mares. His back faced her as he worked, and the muscles across his shoulders bunched beneath the cotton shirt he wore as he looped the girth into a tie knot. His head was bent toward the horse’s face as he murmured soothing words to the animal and ran a broad hand down the mare’s sleek neck.

  Lauren remembered those hands on her bare skin last night, and Rafe’s deep, gentle voice whispering in her ear, and her entire body tingled. How was she supposed to go back to a life without Rafe in it, when he’d shown her what love was all about—physically and emotionally?

  The mare caught sight of her, and as if in greeting, the big chestnut nodded her head Lauren’s way and blew out a soft snort of breath. Rafe turned, and though his expression remained impassive beneath the brim of his Stetson, his gaze roamed hot and hungry down the length of her. Her pulse kicked up in tempo, and heat suffused her veins.

  Ignoring her body’s automatic response to this earthy, sensual man, she smiled, determined to make the best of what little time they had together. “Chad said you wanted to see me, and to make sure I was wearing my hat.” She tipped the Stetson he’d given her back on her head. “What’s up?”

  He returned his attention back to the horse. “I thought we could take Chad out for one last ride this afternoon, since you’ll be leaving for the airport by eleven tomorrow morning.”

  His civil and polite tone grated on her nerves, especially after the intimacies they’d shared. She kept her frustrations locked away and struggled to maintain an upbeat attitude. “I’d like that.”

  He was quiet for a moment as he adjusted the stirrups, then finally said, “My sister told me about her and James possibly adopting Chad.”

  Nodding, she tucked her hands into the back pockets of the jeans she’d changed into. “I’m going to do everything I can to see that it happens.”

  “Good.” His stormy gray eyes met hers, the depths filled with gratitude and a rare warmth. “They deserve to be happy, and Chad is a great kid.”

  “And what about you, Rafe?” she asked abruptly, tilting her head to the side and regarding him with frank candor. “Don’t you deserve to be happy, too?”

  “I’m perfectly happy.” His gruff tone belied the words he spoke. “I’ve already told you I like my life the way it is.”

  She sighed, wondering who he was trying to convince—her, or himself, because whether he wanted to admit it or not, his life had changed in the past week. The people of Cedar Creek had warmed to Rafe, and a mutual acceptance had been forged. The stigma of being a hard-hearted hero had been dissolved with the publication of Jason’s article about Rafe’s generosity in the Cedar Creek Gazette, yet Lauren knew Rafe still carried that burden of being responsible for Keith’s accident, way deep down inside.

  A reluctant hero he remained.

  A half hour later, the three of them were out riding in a stretch of green pasture dotted with a few hedges and lined with copses of trees. Chad took the lead, spurring his mare into a strong, fast gallop, leaving Rafe and Lauren to pull up the rear.

  Rafe slowed his own horse to an easy walk, and Lauren followed suit beside him, allowing Chad the freedom to enjoy the wide open space as long as he stayed within sight. As ridiculous as it may sound, Lauren wanted to be near Rafe as much as possible, even if the time they spent in each other’s company was quiet, and charged with undercurrents of desire and longing Rafe refused to acknowledge.

  The silence didn’t last long. Rafe glanced her way, his expression annoyed, his palm absently rubbing his scarred thigh. “You don’t have to stay behind with me.”

  Refusing to let his brusque attitude bother her—not on their last day together—she flashed him a sassy grin. “And you don’t have to be such a grouch.”

  The corner of his mouth twitched, and he averted his gaze back to Chad without further comment.

  “Is your leg bothering you much?” She asked the question conversationally, though she knew his injured thigh was the reason he was taking the ride easy
.

  “I’ll be fine.” And as if to prove as much, he spurred his horse into a canter, making his way across the wide, open pasture toward Chad.

  Lauren shook her head ruefully, certain Rafe’s leg would ache later from the vigorous exercise. She thought about joining the duo, but decided against infringing on their last ride together. Remaining at a discreet distance on her mare, and enjoying the clean breeze blowing through her hair, Lauren imprinted everything about Wyoming, and the man she’d fallen in love with, to memory.

  The two raced across the pasture, with Chad exhibiting a competitive streak that seemed to impress Rafe, if Rafe’s complimentary comments about Chad’s riding abilities were any indication. The young boy glowed from his praise, and continually looked Lauren’s way to seek her approval, too. She encouraged him with lots of grins, while applauding and cheering his efforts. The afternoon turned fun, and the more skill and endurance Chad displayed, the more Rafe coax him and his horse to perform challenging maneuvers.

  After a while, Rafe rode over to where Lauren had been watching them from the cool shelter of a large shade tree, and brought his horse to a stop a few feet from hers. The faint lines bracketing his eyes and creasing his brow, and the way his right hand pressed against his thigh, testified to the discomfort he was experiencing.

  “Are you quitting already?” Chad asked, the disappointment in his tone evident.

  “Just taking a break.” Rafe grimaced as he shifted in his saddle to find a more comfortable position. “Why don’t you try jumping over that low hedge over there?” he suggested, trying to keep Chad occupied while he gave his leg a rest from the strenuous activity.

  Chad eyed the low, two foot hedge, chewing on his bottom lip uncertainly. “I’ve never jumped before.”

  “There’s a first time for everything, cowboy,” Rafe prompted in an attempt to dismiss the boy’s fears. “Just keep your body in rhythm with the horse, and she’ll do the work for you. Go on and give it a try.”

  “All right.” Hesitation touched Chad’s voice, but he circled his mare around, giving himself, and his horse, plenty of distance to gain the momentum they needed to vault over the obstacle. Then he raced his chestnut toward the shrub, his youthful features set in determination.

  “Yeah, that’s it,” Rafe prompted from the side lines as they watched horse and rider glide smoothly across the flat meadow. “Urge her faster . . .”

  And Chad did, leaning into the horse, his little body moving fluidly with the strong, powerful mare beneath him. Lauren’s heart picked up its beat in anticipation of the brave feat Chad would perform.

  “The boy is a natural,” Rafe said in appreciation, just as Chad and horse catapulted over the hedge.

  The actual jump was perfection, causing Lauren’s breath to catch in awe, but the landing lacked stability. The horse’s left hoof touched down on an uneven patch of ground, causing the mare to stumble for balance. The rough, jerking motion unseated Chad, sending the young boy sailing over the horse’s head.

  Chad’s airborne cry of terror ripped through Lauren, and she watched in paralyzed fear as the boy landed in a twisted heap on the ground. “No!” she screamed, as if the one word had the power to stop the horrific scene unfolding in front of them.

  Rafe released a vicious curse and immediately spurred his horse toward Chad’s lifeless form, unmindful of the wind stealing the Stetson from his head. He jumped off his mare before the animal stopped and dropped to his knees by the boy’s side in seconds, his hands moving gently over Chad’s body as he checked for injuries.

  Lauren knelt next to Rafe, but didn’t get in his way while he continued to examine Chad. Panic filled her at the sight of Chad’s pale face, the slow rise and fall of his chest as he breathed—at least he was breathing, she thought gratefully.

  “Come on, Chad,” Rafe whispered urgently, desperately, as his fingers tenderly probed the boy’s chest, checking for any broken ribs. Seemingly satisfied that all was well there, he moved on, assessing his hips and legs. “Talk to me, son.”

  Chad rolled his head toward the sound of Rafe’s voice, an anguished moan escaping his lips. His lashes fluttered open, and he grimaced in obvious pain. “My arm,” he croaked, then winced again when he tried to lift the limb toward Rafe. “It hurts really bad.”

  “Okay, cowboy, don’t try and move,” Rafe said in a low, soothing tone of voice that contradicted the grim fear and self-condemnation etched on his features. “Lie still while I check your arm.”

  Lauren glided her fingertips along Chad’s cheek, offering him a semblance of comfort, and trying to distract him while Rafe investigated his injury.

  Chad stared up at her, his eyes lacking their normal sparkle. “I almost did it,” he said, disappointment creasing his brow.

  “You were great,” she assured him with a smile. “It was the horse that messed up.”

  “Next time I’m gonna make it over that hedge without falling,” he said, then sucked in a breath as Rafe touched a particularly tender spot.

  “There won’t be a next time,” Rafe interjected harshly, his voice infused with sharp finality. He glanced her way, his lips flattening into a grim line.

  Worry sped up her pulse. “What is it?”

  “I think his arm is fractured.” He clawed a hand through his hair, looking haggard and emotionally anguished. “We’ve got to get him to the doctor.”

  Three long hours later, Lauren and Rafe returned from Dr. Kendal’s office with Chad’s left arm encased in a cast, from wrist to elbow. An x-ray determined Chad had fractured the middle of his forearm, and other than a few bumps and bruises from his tumble off the horse, the doctor had diagnosed him as extremely resilient, and in good physical condition.

  Rafe said little on the drive home, though Lauren knew guilt was eating him up inside. It was nothing he’d said at the doctor’s office, but the blame in his eyes spoke volumes, as did the clenching of his firm, chiseled jaw. Lauren ached to reassure Rafe, to do or say something to erase the dark shadows lining his features, but knew this wasn’t the time or the place to bring up a subject that would no doubt turn into an argument of wills.

  Since Lauren had called Kristin and James from the doctor’s to let them know about the accident, they both were waiting on the front porch when they arrived home. Kristin rushed down the steps, with James following behind, and as soon as Chad exited the vehicle, Kristin began fussing over him.

  “Oh, honey,” she crooned sympathetically as her fingers brushed a lock of hair off his brow, her maternal instincts as natural and real as the fondness shining in her eyes for Chad. “Are you in much pain?”

  Chad’s mouth turned up in a sheepish smile, though he didn’t seem to mind Kristin’s attention, or affection. “It hurts just a little.”

  “Well, let’s get you into the house and make you comfortable.” Kristin guided him gently toward the screen door, careful not to jostle his casted arm. “How about something cool to drink? And maybe a cookie or two?”

  Chad nodded enthusiastically. “Yes, please.”

  James stayed behind, concern evident in his gaze as he glanced from Rafe, to Lauren. “Is everything really okay with Chad?”

  Rafe said nothing and looked away.

  “He’ll be sore from the fall, but Dr. Kendal assured us he’ll be fine.” Lauren followed James up the porch steps. “No permanent damage was done.”

  James reached for the door handle, but didn’t yet open it. The smile on his face generated gratitude and warmth. “I know he’s not ours yet, but Kristin and I can’t help but worry about him.”

  The other man’s words touched Lauren’s heart, making her anxious to reunite Chad with these two people who would love him unconditionally. “Worrying is what parents are supposed to do.”

  “Yeah,” James agreed, nodding. “And I suppose this won’t be the first time a horse throws him. I’ve had my share of falls as a youth, and even as an adult.”

  Lauren glanced at Rafe, who stood by the porch ra
iling, staring out at the ranch. She’d expected him to agree with James’ comment, but his expression was shuttered, and he looked in no mood to contribute anything positive to the conversation.

  “Why don’t you go on in and talk to Chad?” Lauren suggested, wanting to be alone with Rafe so she could talk to him privately. “I’m sure he’s eager to share the whole exciting story with you and Kristin. Rafe and I will be along in a few minutes.”

  James looked from her to Rafe and nodded. She waited until James disappeared inside, then crossed the porch to stand in front of the man she was beginning to understand all too well.

  She regarded him intently, and spoke the words she’d been wanting to express since Chad’s fall. “It wasn’t your fault, you know.”

  “The hell it wasn’t!” His tone was low and heated, fueling the personal anguish Lauren detected in his eyes. “You would have thought I’d learned from my actions with Keith, but I’m just as aggressive and self-centered as my old man.”

  “That’s not true,” she argued vehemently.

  “Isn’t it?” he asked, fury and frustration darkening his gaze to a violent shade of gray.

  Tension swirled between them, but she wasn’t at all intimidated by his escalating temper. “It was an accident, Rafe.”

  “Which never would have happened if I hadn’t pushed him to jump over that hedge!” He jabbed an angry finger toward the house, indicating the boy inside. “He wasn’t ready to jump, yet I kept urging him to do it. I could have killed him!”

  Rafe’s guilt was a tangible thing, cloaking her in the raw emotion radiating from him. A cold, hard knot formed in her stomach, and she tried to reach beyond the torment gripping him. “You had nothing to do with it. The horse stumbled, and Chad lost his balance.”

  He impaled her with his steady, heated gaze. “I had everything to do with Chad’s fall. If I hadn’t been so aggressive and irresponsible-”