Never Say Never (Reapers MC: Shasta Chapter Book 3)

by Bijou Hunter

  Sleeping on the ground isn’t my idea of fun. The cot in prison sucked. I always had to lie curled up because there was no room for my feet otherwise. The trailer is better bed-wise, but the ceilings are low, and the shower is tiny. I often sit outside to feel less suffocated.

  That’s what I plan to do on the first night of this ride. Only go into the tent when I need to sleep. Fuck it. I’ll let my feet stick out the opening if necessary. I’m sick of curling my body up to fit into shit.

  At least, the weather isn’t too bad. The autumn cold hasn’t kicked in yet. The insects are mostly gone, though. It won’t be so bad out here for the night.

  But first I need to deal with twenty men climbing off their bikes and looking around as if they’re kids exiting a bus during a field trip. River and Shane don’t help. Instead, the men stand at their bikes, whispering like old ladies sharing good gossip. Maverick runs off into the woods. At first, I think he’s gotta piss. Then I realize the sneaky Majors is probably searching the area for threats. The club’s new Road Captain–Vowel—seems only focused on checking the gas levels of the bikes.

  “My balls are humming,” Hugh says, walking over with Utah and Chase not far behind. “Is that normal?”

  I grin at his question. “Yeah, and screwing feels real nice when your balls hum like that.”

  Hugh chuckles, thinking I’m lying. When I give him a knowing nod, he strokes his pale blond goatee as if plotting.

  I notice the newer guys—Pom-Pom and Linux—seeming confused about what to do with themselves. The former Skullz just wait for River’s orders. They really are dipshit kids needing their teacher to help them think.

  Annoyed by the lack of action, I stomp over to the former Skullz and tell them to set up their tents near the bikes. Linux and Pom-Pom are new and quick to jump the gun. If trouble comes, they oughta be at the back. With our site set up like a square, I decide to have River and Shane at one front corner to keep watch. I assume they’ll want to be camped next to each other since they share a fucking brain. I’ve noticed in the past that Maverick seems happiest when not directly next to his brother. That’s why I dump his gear at the very back of our camping site. If he needs to go sneak around, that’ll offer him more cover.

  Finally, I set up my shit at the corner across from River and Shane. Since Hugh, Utah, and Chase annoy me the least, their tents go next to mine.

  Once everything is set up, River stops dicking around and sends a couple guys to pick up food supplies.

  “Normally, we have an RV with us with a fully stocked kitchen. No such luxuries this time,” he says and smirks at me.

  I refuse to ask him why he’s smiling. Is he mocking me? Or planning to kill me? That’s the problem with River. He smiles casually, no matter the situation.

  Shane isn’t as hard to read. When he’s angry, he radiates impending violence. Right now, his dark eyes are relaxed, like when he’s around his friends. For the first time, he looks at me like he does them. Are they happy I did the work, so they didn’t have to? Or were they testing me? Are they stoned?

  I don’t know what to expect on this trip. Fuse didn’t do shit like this. He didn’t bond with anyone. Making everyone friendly is the point of this three-day ride. The former Skullz and the new guys, along with management, are supposed to get to know each other. Feels fucking dumb. Like something chicks would do. But I don’t complain.

  Soon, the autumn evening air is filled with the smell of charcoal and cooking meat. The guys drink beer and huddle in various groups. Six guys throw a football around. I keep close to my group, watching over the men like I used to do for the Skullz.

  And for the first time since I went to prison, I feel pride over wearing a patch.

  THE WEIRDO

  The first night without the men around isn’t easy. I can’t sleep comfortably in my brother’s bed. I feel an intense responsibility to take care of my sister-in-law and nephews. Maude is in charge of Max tonight. Eventually, the house gets quiet, and I’m cuddled in bed with Ramona. I swear she feels tinier than normal next to me.

  I get up in the middle of the night to help with Ozzy and Iggy. The older boy barely stirs, only waking because of his baby brother’s cries. I decide to take Ozzy downstairs to give him a bottle while Ramona coaxes Iggy to sleep. I expect to find her crashed in bed when I return, but she’s wide-awake, fighting tears.

  “Shane’s missing you too,” I promise as I turn off the light and corral her under the covers. “Well, he’s probably exhausted after riding all day and then drinking a lot of beer with the guys.”

  “Do you think he’s safe?”

  “Oh, yeah. No one’s going to mess with all those scary men. I bet his biggest threat is diarrhea from eating off the grill.”

  Ramona gives me a little smile. “I forget how heavy the world feels when he isn’t around.”

  “I’ll help keep you light. Anything you want, just ask. Shane needs you to be safe, and I can’t disappoint my baby bruv.”

  Yawning now, Ramona smiles softly as I turn off the lamp. Only a small corner nightlight keeps the room from complete darkness. Accustomed to sleeping with the TV on, I toss and turn until she asks if I want to watch something.

  “I’ve never loved you more,” I lie, having loved her so much on many occasions.

  Once I have the TV light flickering, I finally relax. The boys won’t be up for hours, Ramona dozes next to me, and the dogs are cuddled in the corner. I crash hard into a good night’s rest at that point, dreaming of Goliath riding next to me on the road. I can’t take my eyes off him and end up crashing. Fortunately, in my dream, driving headfirst into a school bus doesn’t hurt.

  The next morning, Ramona continues to struggle. Max plays her favorite music like Fleeting Fox and other stuff I wish didn’t exist. Mom and Dad take the boys to give Ramona a break. Kelsi explains how a turkey baster will be her baby daddy. Our efforts help, but the house feels weird without Shane’s and River’s energy here.

  Around noon, I announce to the group, “Taylor and I have decided to take on the roles of our missing men. I’m obviously Shane without the beard and big balls. Taylor is River.”

  “I don’t even need a mirror to know I’m beautiful,” she says in her River voice, which gets a big grin out of Max, Raven, and Vaughn.

  Stroking my imaginary beard, I lower my voice to say, “We’ll do what they do.”

  “Not the fucking, though,” Taylor clarifies and winks at Max.

  “What does that mean exactly?” Vaughn asks, and I think he’s just trying to start trouble.

  “First off, we’ll need to measure our ball sizes by wrestling,” Taylor says and gently shoves me. “Shane, you’re such a little bitch.”

  “Whatever you need to tell yourself, old man. I’m surprised your ancient sperm created life,” I say and grab for her hair.

  “You need to growl more,” Dad says. “Get those words to come from deep in your chest.”

  “Ancient sperm,” I growl.

  Taylor carefully tackles me, and I tenderly kick her in the crotch.

  “Not cool. I still have those,” she says, sounding a lot like River.

  “Cold-blooded,” Vaughn says, loving a good wrestling match, even a fake one with no possible injuries.

  After Taylor and I mess around on the ground, pretending to fuck each other up, we strut over to our women.

  “Hey, baby,” Taylor says, winking at Max. “I hope you don’t mind, but I got a side piece named Kelsi. Don’t worry, Maxine, I got two arms, one for each of my ladies.”

  Max actually blushes under the weight of Taylor’s pseudo flirting. Ramona’s far less flustered. She plants herself against me and cuddles tight.

  “I’m obsessed with you,” I say, trying to do Shane’s overly intense expression.

  “I feel that obsession.”

  “Oh, yeah.”

  Dad chuckles nearby with Iggy in his lap. “Wait, is that how Shane really sounds to you?”

  Ramona and I nod in
unison. Mom stops cooing over little Ozzy long enough to shrug. “He does get that really deep voice when he mentions how much he loves Ramona.”

  “Oh, yeah,” I say and wiggle my brows at a smiling Ramona.

  Not to be outdone, Taylor announces in an overly arrogant way, “I created a mega child in my woman,” and rubs Max’s stomach.

  “Nailed it,” Raven says, laughing.

  “My boy learned his caveman routine from the best,” Vaughn says and gives his wife a look that makes me glad we have thick walls.

  These two will be fucking soon, and I don’t need to hear that. I mean, shit! Everyone’s getting laid except me. No, no, that’s right. I have booty calls in my future. Yeah for me!

  “What’s happening here?” Maude asks, entering the room to see everyone overly affectionate.

  “I’m Shane until he comes home tomorrow. Want me to growl at you?” I ask, giving her a wink.

  Ramona grunts. “The real Shane doesn’t flirt with other women.”

  “Oh, that’s right, baby. I don’t even know who that chick is.”

  Maude catches on to the situation and then looks at where Max and Kelsi fight over “River.”

  “Ladies, you only have to share until tomorrow evening. Chill out, will ya?”

  Maude realizes maybe she’s the odd girl out. Hell, she doesn’t even have booty calls to look forward to. Poor thing. Now that I have my manly Shane-bravado thing down, I really ought to romance Maude a little in the future.

  THE GOLIATH

  Camping ain’t so bad. Sitting outside under the sky is what I do back at home. This time, I got all my club brothers watching the same stars as me. I sleep okay too. The tent was assigned to me. Smells brand new. All the guys got new tents. The tents aren’t all the same—different colors, shapes, and sizes. I like the idea of Shelby picking mine out special for me. How did she know I wanted red? The size thing is obvious, and I fit real comfortable inside.

  I got my mind on her a lot that night. Shelby’s always hiding behind my regular thoughts. I often see Shasta through her eyes and wonder why she lives there. Mostly, I think she stays for her brother. They’re closer than I’ve seen brothers and sisters be. Of course, I didn’t have any siblings I could get to know. My father was married and had a family, meaning I got brothers and/or sisters in the world. Not that it matters anymore.

  The club’s always been my family. Even when Fuse was running shit, and not always well, I felt like I finally belonged somewhere. The asshole stole that shit from me. Whenever my temper demands vengeance I’ll never find, I fantasize about him dying in various ways.

  The second day of our ride feels like the old days. I revert to my habit of watching out for my club brothers, especially the newer members and the older guys. The greener men like Hugh and Pom-Pom have never been on their hogs for more than an hour. They’re exhausted from riding all day. On the other end, the older guys like Sexy Roy and Steel end up dealing with stomach issues after lunch.

  To prevent them from holding up the entire club, River asks Utah and me to stay back with the guys that need more rest. He and Shane will ride on and get us set up at the hotel.

  “A storm turned toward our planned camp spot,” River says before heading out. “We got Shelby to find us a hotel near where we planned to hold up tonight. They didn’t have enough single rooms with king beds, so some people will need to double up.”

  I immediately picture having to share a room with a guy I barely know. Hugh would be ideal, but then again, he might want a chance to try out those humming balls with Utah.

  “Shelby demanded you get a king,” Shane tells me. “Apparently, you’re very tall or some shit. Anyway, you don’t have to share, but we do need you to hold back with the second group.”

  “What if the pigs sniff around? I’m the only felon in the group.”

  “If you get hassled, call Shelby, and we’ll send a lawyer to handle the problem. I doubt it’ll come to that. The pigs prefer to hassle smaller groups. That’s why River wants to leave almost half behind. But if anyone else causes trouble, we figured you and Utah have the experience to fuck them up.”

  “What kind of anyone else?”

  “Biker clubs maybe,” Shane says and shrugs. “Militias too. We are looping through Michigan.”

  I get the message that I’m big and rough enough to scare off people wanting easy prey. Taking the compliment, I hang back and wait out Steel and Sexy Roy as they deal with the shits from eating too much crap the night before.

  “Are you psyched yet about being a father?” Chase asks.

  We sit in the McDonald’s connected to the rest stop, where several men crap out their entire stomach’s contents.

  “Me?”

  “No one else is expecting a kid, are they?”

  “I might be soon,” Hugh says and dips a fry in mustard. “Kelsi and Taylor want me to help them have a kid.”

  “How’s that going to work?” Chase mutters.

  “Easiest way would be to fuck Kelsi, but I think Taylor might have a problem with that. Those Ellsberg types get real possessive of their women. Anyway, I guess I jizz in a cup, and then a turkey baster does the rest of the work.”

  “Are you okay with that?” Chase asks Utah.

  The bald fucker shrugs. “What do I care if they have a kid? I’m not Hugh’s mom.”

  “Well, I don’t know.”

  “Why?” I growl at Chase.

  The smaller man seems to have forgotten I was even sitting nearby. He shrugs awkwardly. “Seems weird.”

  “What’s normal about your marriage? Think most women would be okay with their man getting sucked off by other women whenever he goes out? Nomp. Normal women don’t sit for that shit. You got an old lady cool with you fucking other chicks. That’s weird too.”

  “Be cool, Goliath.”

  His words just rile me up more. “I ain’t got time for people with their heads up their asses about what’s right or wrong. I got enough of that shit growing up.”

  “I didn’t mean it that way.”

  “Maybe not, but you talk too fast. Never thinking about what you say. Never worrying if you’ll piss off anyone. That comes from having people fear you.”

  Scolded, Chase closes his trap and finishes his soda. He’s always been a weak bitch. I don’t mind him, but Chase isn’t someone that oughta be putting down anyone else.

  “If shit works out,” Hugh says, ignoring Chase’s pouting, “our kids would grow up playing together.”

  Shaking my head, I admit, “I can’t picture that.”

  “It’s early yet. Wait until you can feel it squirming around in her stomach,” Hugh says and grins at me. “With Iggy, I didn’t want to touch Ramona’s belly. I couldn’t imagine someone living inside her. By the time Ozzy was about to burst free, I loved having my hand on her stomach. It’s wild how hard those babies kick. Can’t imagine how big your kid’s feet will be.”

  Utah surprises me by chuckling. Even Chase grins at the idea of my giant baby kicking the shit out of Shelby’s belly.

  “I was an ugly kid,” I say, killing their amusement. “Can’t imagine how my head would work on a girl’s body. Better hope it’s a boy.”

  “Don’t forget it’ll look like its ma too,” Utah says, getting chatty. “Shelby comes from a nice-looking family. Iggy and Ozzy are cute kids. And I ain’t just saying that. Lots of kids are ugly to me. Not those two. I bet your kid will be fine.”

  Hugh nods while finishing his fries. “Shane’s genes destroyed Ramona’s. The boys have almost nothing of her in them. I guess that’s good since they’re boys, but I look a lot like my mom. Strong genetics win, and the Campbells might have champion-level genes.”

  I look at my hands and try to imagine them holding a kid. How does that even work? I have never picked up a child. I don’t know what they eat. Milk, I guess, but at some point, they eat real food. I probably need to read up on that, but there’s time. Babies stay inside for nine months. At least, I know that
much.

  Frowning at nothing in particular, I grumble, “I don’t know when the kid is supposed to be born.”

  “June,” Hugh says.

  I wait for him to ask why Shelby didn’t give me the details. Then again, Hugh probably already knows. He’s in tight with Shelby. I wouldn’t mind getting closer to her too. Except that means trusting Shelby, and there’s no fucking way that’s happening.

  How can I handle her when I’ve been conned by weaker, dumber women over the years?

  THE WEIRDO

  On the last evening without Shane and River, Ramona and Max distract themselves by playing video games with Kelsi. I sit on the floor, building towers with Iggy and Desi. Maude left for work a half hour earlier with Vaughn acting as her escort. Raven and Mom sit in the kitchen, talking about babies. Dad reclines in a chair and enjoys the action as Max, Ramona, and Kelsi shoot each other and the game’s pretend people.

  After Desi wants to watch too, she sits next to my dad. I eventually join them when Iggy decides his mom’s thing is more fun. She holds him in her lap and helps him push buttons. Of course, they instantly start dying, but Ramona is too proud of her boy to care.

  “Back when you were sleeping in your car outside Mom’s house,” I whisper to Dad as Desi claps at something Kelsi did onscreen, “did you ever feel like a loser?”

  “Sure.”

  “But you kept going back.”

  “I had to be close to her. It seems crazy, but knowing she was just inside the house was better than knowing she was miles away.”

  “What if she never loved you back? How long would you have waited?”

  “I’d still be stalking her,” he says and gives me a wink.

  Grinning, I rest my head on his shoulder and soak in the strength my father always has in spades. As a kid, I felt invincible because the monsters under my bed were scared of him. I miss the reassurance of knowing my dad can fix any problem.

  “I’m not ready to give up on Goliath.”

  “Then don’t, baby,” he says, taking my hand. “You aren’t a flighty woman that chases every man. If you think he’s worth waiting for, then you wait.”