Never Say Never (Reapers MC: Shasta Chapter Book 3)

by Bijou Hunter

  Goliath does get it. He’s finally accepting how he can be himself with the Reapers. River and Shane don’t want bootlickers. They’re looking for men who can hold the fort when they’re out of town or busy with family. Goliath is exactly the kind of man to keep Shasta safe.

  I’m so proud of my man, but he only rolls his eyes when I compliment him. Goliath trusts the club more than he does me. That hurts sometimes, but I force myself to remember how he’s never been close to a good woman before. He still worries I’m fucking with him, and the real Shelby will show up to crush his heart.

  But I know he loves me. Not because he says it. We’re not there yet. But he wants me to be happy, and he knows my parents mean everything to me. That’s why before he formerly meets them at a Christmas bash with a bunch of Ellsberg people, Goliath gets a haircut. I have no idea about his planned makeover, but I assume he told the lady to give him the Shane haircut-and-beard combo.

  Holy hell, does Goliath clean up real nice! He was already a handsome man, but fucking shit! I can barely keep my hands off him once he loses the mountain-man vibe.

  “You’re so shallow,” he mutters when I want to ride his dick again after running my fingers through his thick, dark hair.

  “Shut up and enjoy my tits, Mister Deep Thinker.”

  Goliath just smiles. I think he worried I’d give him shit about changing his appearance. I can’t even imagine the amount of mental turmoil he went through.

  Why should I change? I don’t want her parents thinking I’m dirty hillfolk. What do I care what they think? Fuck those people. Let them hate me. Screw that shit. Why should I let them think I’m something I’m not? What if I get a haircut and then look like a bitch? What if Shelby doesn’t want to fuck me if I clean up my beard? Fuck her for not wanting me!

  Despite all his muttering about me being shallow, I know he wants the reassurance, and I give it to him four times that night.

  Goliath doesn’t really charm my parents. He’s agitated during the entire party thrown at the Saloon. My parents do the heavy lifting. Dad talks to Goliath about bikes, construction, sports, and my dogs. Mom decides to stick to food talk. Does he like stew? How about cheesy chicken casserole? Is he a fan of pot pies? What about potato skins? That goes on for a while before Dad gets back to sports talk.

  Overall, the night goes well. I’m sporting a tiny bump by this point, and people start teasing about how my baby’s going to be huge. Goliath, at first, gets grumpy when he thinks people are making fun of his kid. Then Cooper talks about how his grandson is big for his age because he comes from a family of giants. Goliath accepts the big-baby thing is normal and settles down. He even reaches down to rub my belly a few times when people aren’t looking. I spot some pride in his gray eyes.

  By Christmas, I need preggo pants for my growing baby bump. Maude isn’t nearly as big, but she’s done with stripping and hunkers down at home. Max is nearing the end of her pregnancy. Now on bedrest, she struggles with her inability to feed everyone. Cooking is her form of therapy. We stick her in the TV room during the day and take turns entertaining her. Her mom quits working at The Barnyard and moves into the Victorian to help out. River does a renovation on one of the sunrooms to allow his mother-in-law more privacy.

  The house is officially overstuffed.

  “You can move in with me,” Maverick suggests one day at The Barnyard as the whole group eats breakfast.

  I smile at his attempt to fuck with Goliath, which totally works.

  “Why would she move into your place and not mine?” grumbles the giant man.

  “You don’t have any room for a baby at yours. I have two spare rooms. I’m fucking flush with space, asshole.”

  Goliath opens his mouth to growl something at Maverick, but then catches Hugh shaking his head.

  “You’re screwing with me,” Goliath mutters to Maverick.

  “I was trying to. Thanks a lot, Hugh.”

  “You’re welcome,” he replies and returns to eating.

  Goliath might know Maverick is fucking with him, but he still gets a bug up his ass about our living situation.

  “You have no space at the house,” he says that night in bed.

  “I have a bedroom I don’t use. Besides, River and Max will move out next year. Shane and Ramona will follow. You know how it is.”

  “How long does it take to build a house?”

  “With the crew size we have in Shasta?” I say and think about River’s progress. “Probably a year, maybe more depending on logistics. Out here in the woods, it’ll be trickier to run electrical and plumbing from the road.”

  “Then, I’ll move into town.”

  “No fucking way,” I growl, hating how quick he is to piss away his needs sometimes. “You need a house for you.”

  “I need a house for my woman and kid.”

  Okay, crying might not be the best response. But I’m hormonal, dammit! Goliath rolls his eyes at my tears, but he’s quick to cuddle me against him.

  “What if we compromise?” I ask, wiping my tears on his shirt. “We could look for a temporary place while we build your big-man's house.”

  “I don’t need a big fucking house.”

  “Maybe not like square footage big, but imagine something with tall ceilings and wide doorways. I want you to feel comfortable, and you like the woods. Something with lots of windows would be nice.”

  “What about the monsters looking in?” he asks, smirking at my fears.

  “Thick curtains for nighttime. Weapons stashed around the house where the baby can’t get to them would be good too. Just in case we’re under siege from werewolves or some shit.”

  Goliath chuckles at the thought of us fighting off a Lycan army. No matter his humor, I know he likes the idea of being here in the woods. He grew up with no privacy. That’s what he craves. I prefer something more residential, but I already got so many things in life. I can suffer through a lack of neighbors while Goliath enjoys his big, manly house.

  That night we start playing around with design ideas. We sit on his bed, watching sports while I search for pictures online. He gives me a yomp or nomp for each one. I make a folder for the keepers. It’s just a start, but I can already imagine our dream house in the woods.

  THE GOLIATH

  On the day after Christmas, I visit my mom. Shelby sent a gift days ago. I know she doesn’t want me visiting my mother. Now that I’ve spent a little time around her parents, I get how Shelby sees family. She believes moms should act a certain way. I’m sure she’s right. I mean, shit, if my kid had to grow up with her parents or mine, there’s no doubt who’d be the better choice.

  Still, I come to see Mom because I got it in my head in prison that I needed to take care of her. After Fuse screwed me, and Jaymes ditched me, I thought she was the only person I had left to care about. I drilled that idea in my head, day after day. Swamp Thing and Grabby were going to be my way forward, and then they were gone. That just left my mom.

  After six months as a free man, I still struggle with the feeling that I oughta visit her. She don’t want me here. That’s clear every time she sees me on her porch. I don’t doubt she wouldn’t care if I disappeared altogether.

  “It’s cold, and I’m not coming out there,” Ursula mutters at me through the screen door.

  “I wanted to say that I know you did your best as a mother, raising me alone. But your best ain’t nothing to be proud of. You aren’t a victim of that man in Tennessee or me. You’re a bitter bitch.” She opens her mouth, but I wave off her complaining. “I love you, but you never loved me right. The good news is I won’t come around anymore. If you’re ever desperate enough for money, you can call the biker bar and leave a message. Otherwise, I’ll let you live your life without me thinking I need to be a part of it.”

  “Feeling good about yourself, huh? Come here to act like a big man?”

  “I gotta woman and a job and a kid on the way. My life is real nice now, and I gotta make smart decisions. No matter how hard I
try, I can’t imagine ever wanting to spend a weekend with you. So, I’m giving you what you’ve been wanting since I was born.”

  Stepping back, I feel a burden lift off my shoulders. This woman ain’t my problem. We don’t need to have a relationship. She got knocked up by a married man and held a grudge for forty years. Seeing her more clearly, I don’t know why she never hit up the guy for money to help out. It’s like she wanted to be poor and miserable to atone for getting laid.

  Don’t matter now. I walk away from her and erase any stupid ideas about needing my mom. She wouldn’t think different about me if I had another job. Her heart won’t warm once the baby is born. My future fancy house ain’t gonna make her respect me. The woman just don’t care about her son.

  I used to make excuses for her, but now I think like a parent. Last week, I heard my kid’s heartbeat. Shelby’s expression got so beautiful at the sound. She loves our kid already. I realize I do too.

  For a baby I’ve never met, I’m willing to suffer and sacrifice. Those feelings are primal. I don’t know if life broke my mom or if she was never whole. In the end, I guess it don’t matter. Weakness kept me from cutting her loose years ago. With Shelby and the baby, I’ve never felt stronger, and I’m done living in the past.

  THE CHAPTER WHERE SHASTA WON’T STAY THE SAME

  THE WEIRDO

  I feel as if I’m never at the Victorian anymore, which is bullshit. I’m here every day. I work in my office, often eat dinner here, and babysit my nephews and Desi. This is still my home in a lot of ways, but the trailer in the woods is where my heart lives.

  After I work all morning and have lunch with Max, Desi and I bundle up to take the three dogs on a walk around the neighborhood. She likes seeing how close her aunt Max’s house will be to the Victorian.

  “I’m going to be a cousin and a sister,” she tells me as we walk in the street since this part of Shasta doesn’t offer sidewalks. “I have my mom, aunt, and grandma living in the house.”

  Desi loves to talk. When she has nothing new to say, she just tells people stuff they already know. That’s what I get today, but I don’t mind. She reminds me of me. Just yesterday, I told Taylor that she was my best friend since elementary school. I don’t know why I felt the need to remind her of that information. Based on the nod she gave me, I probably tell her random, well-known shit all the time.

  With Desi, I hold my tongue and let her talk. She gets restless from shutting up at school all day. Why not let her wear herself out with me, so she’s more chill tonight for Maude? My preggo pal has hit a period of fatigue that I haven’t reached. I’ve felt pretty normal overall. No migraines so far either.

  “The baby is a girl,” Desi says, bounce-walking next to me. “I’m helping Mom pick the name. I want my baby sister to have a good one. She has to hear it all the time.”

  “Do you like your name?” I ask, despite knowing the answer since she’s told me a hundred and thirty-six times.

  “Yes. Desiree is the name Daddy gave me, and Desi is the name Mom gave me. I have two names.”

  Bouncing around next to me, she talks about how she has two friends at school, but they’re mean.

  “Want me to beat them up?” I ask, and she laughs.

  “You’re a grown-up.”

  “Yeah, that’s why beating them up will be so easy.”

  “If you beat them up, who will be my friends?”

  “Aren’t there any nice kids?”

  “No.”

  “That sucks, but don’t give up looking. I found the most awesome friend when I was your age, and she’s still the bestest. I hope you find a Taylor one day to be your best friend.”

  Desi smiles brightly, always looking for things to be happy about. When we get back to the house, she runs to tell her mom how she wants to find a Taylor of her own. I grin at her explaining it all to Maude and Max in the TV room.

  Going through the mail, I think about my upcoming ultrasound. I’ll know my baby’s sex soon. A part of me wants a boy that looks like Dean. Another part wants a girl, so my parents will have a granddaughter. I guess it doesn’t matter what I want, though. My baby is what it is, and I’ll soon know the answer.

  The mail is junk except for a handwritten letter addressed to me. I open the envelope and read the message twice before dropping it onto the front hall table.

  This must be a joke. No, I think it’s real.

  Breathless now, I feel sweat prickling at the back of my neck. I’m frozen in place until Hansel rubs against my leg. His touch startles me so badly that I nearly kick him. I break out of my fear long enough to lock the door.

  I hurry through the kitchen and lock the back door. Then I realize Desi is now in the yard and go outside to get her.

  “Am I in trouble?” she asks, her blue eyes wide.

  “No, it might be dangerous out here,” I say and corral her and Zathura into the house.

  “What’s wrong?” Lineke asks in the kitchen.

  “I can’t say.” Max’s mom starts to ask questions until she realizes I won’t answer in front of Desi. “I need the boys home. Taylor too. Don’t leave the house and make sure everything is locked.”

  Leaving Lineke to check on Max and Maude, I grab a freezer bag and return to the front table where I carefully slide the letter and envelope inside. If the letter is real, there could be DNA on it.

  I call the three other members of the Fearsome Foursome, who arrive quickly to the house. Contacting Dean feels right, but I’m afraid I’ll turn to mush in his arms. I need to stay sharp.

  “Would he really be stupid enough to leave evidence on the letter?” River asks after I explain the situation.

  “The BTK Killer got caught because he sent a floppy disk to the cops,” I whisper, feeling uneasy until Shane hugs me. “The law traced info from it back to him. Real serial killers aren’t smart like in the movies. They’re often just lucky.”

  “And our cops are stupid, and the state pigs don’t care,” Shane growls, enraged by the letter’s contents. “We need to find and slaughter this fucker.”

  I look around his shoulder and see the words again as River holds up the bag.

  To Shelby Cunt,

  You want to catch me? I see you flopping around like a fat pig all over town. I see you, but you don’t see me. I can kill you, cunt, any fucking time I want.

  You want to catch me? If you see me, it will be the last thing you ever see.

  “The article must have gotten under his skin,” Taylor says, taking over the hugging duty. “You scared him.”

  “He doesn’t sound scared.”

  “I’m going to rip his fucking arms off,” Shane snarls and then turns to me. I know my brother, and his current look screams, “Hug me!”

  I give my baby bruv more snuggles. He holds me so tight that I worry he can’t function with so much rage in him.

  “Listen,” River says, lowering his voice as we stand near the front door. I know he doesn’t want to freak out the rest of the house. “We do the buddy system from now on. No one goes anywhere alone.”

  “What if he just walks up and shoots me?” I ask, paranoid about every little thing now.

  “He’s a coward. If he shoots you in public, he’ll die or get caught.”

  “Okay,” I mumble, feeling nervous enough to run back to Ellsberg. “Can you test the letter for DNA?”

  “We’ll get it checked by a private lab.”

  “Good. One of the local cops is on my suspect list. Unfortunately, so are like seventy other fapsocks. And there are hundreds on the maybe list. I’ll never find him.”

  “A,” Taylor says, getting my brain organized, “we need to stay safe. We’ll all be on alert. This guy isn’t going to make a big move. He’s sneaky, not brave. B, we’ll see if the letter has anything on it that’ll ID the asshole. C, you keep narrowing down your list. If this guy felt safe, he wouldn’t have cared about you looking for him. He wants to scare you off. Don’t let him win.”

  Feeling calmer no
w, I exhale deeply. “I freaked when I saw that letter. Exposed like he was just outside the door. But you’re right that he wants to scare me. Maybe sending this will be his fatal mistake.”

  Taylor gives me another hug, lingering longer than usual. Her worry reawakens my fear. Taylor is the calm one. If she’s freaked out, then I should be running through the house, screaming in terror. Instead, I keep my crazy on the inside.

  After River and Shane go check on their women, Taylor holds back. I send a quick text to Dean, asking if he’ll drive with me to his place. I know he’ll figure out that I’m scared, and he won’t care why. He’ll just make sure I’m safe. I smile at how protective he can be.

  Taylor sits on a couch in the front room and hugs me to her. “I didn’t want to say this big and loud, what with you getting that letter. Still, I needed to tell you before everyone else finds out.”

  I stop daydreaming about Dean and focus on Taylor, who hesitates about spilling her news.

  “Kelsi took a test this morning, and it was positive,” she whispers. “We took three more just to be safe. All positive. Super early, but it looks like we’re having a baby.”

  Gulping down excitement, I warn her, “I’m going to pounce on you now. Prepare yourself.”

  “I’ve been ready since I arrived.”

  Wrapping Taylor in my arms, I snuggle her so close she can’t help but worry about her safety. “You’re going to be a wonderful mom. The best.”

  “She could still miscarry.”

  “Don’t be negative,” I say, just like she told me when I worried in the beginning.

  “My family’s trash. I might turn out like my dad,” Taylor mumbles as her usual calm breaks.

  “That’s not a real possibility, so let’s skip to your next fear.”

  “I’m afraid Kelsi and I rushed into this because we wanted to be like everyone else.”