by Bijou Hunter
I smile at the thought of Shelby and me living a long life together. The future looks real damn good from where I’m sitting.
THE WEIRDO
I still remember the day Cooper asked who wanted to claim Shasta for him and River stepped up. Nothing prepared me for his decision or what moving to this town would demand. I hated Shasta the first time I visited, and I took a long fucking time to learn to love this place.
In a lot of ways, I still loathe the town. The rendering plant stink gets strong some days, making me want to bail. The town feels lawless in a way Ellsberg never did. Of course, no place is perfectly safe. That’s why I have scars on my arm.
People are why I learned to love Shasta. In the beginning, I didn’t like the former Skullz turned Reapers or the locals. I stuck close to the Fearsome Foursome and Maverick. My Ellsberg crew was all I needed.
Then Ramona entered my life, becoming the little sister I always wanted. She brought with her the Band. My world got bigger. They introduced me to stuff I hadn’t known. My heart opened up to Shasta because of them.
This is the town where my brother fell in love, and my nephews were born. Shasta is where River begged Max to love him, and she finally relented. It’s where Taylor finally found someone worth trusting with her heart.
And Shasta is the town where Goliath grew up and where he came back to after prison. Angry at the people who moved on without him, he wasn’t easy to love. But I knew the day he walked into the Saloon how there was no one in the world like him. Goliath was special, even if he couldn’t see it. I didn’t care if he was rude or had man-stink or didn’t seem to want me like I wanted him. I felt I deserved a special man, and Goliath really is one in a million.
Now he’s mine, and I have trouble remembering what a dick he was to me in the beginning. I felt stupid back then, chasing a man who didn’t seem to want to be caught. But my heart felt something that my brain couldn’t override. I had a primal urge for only him. No one else would do. Maybe deep inside, Goliath felt the same about me, but he was raised like shit and used to accepting less. Not me. I grew up wanting it all.
And these days, I have it. Well, Kirby’s still rocking the womb rather than cuddled in my arms. Our house is barely more than a blueprint. Not all my dreams have come to fruition yet. They’re inching closer every day, though.
Violet’s become a mix of my little sister and a pseudo daughter. I admit she confuses me. She’s weird, I guess. Like her new mama in that way. Some days, she’s carefree like a little kid, playing with the dogs, Desi, and Iggy. Other days, she’s a ghost, moving around the house, going through the motions.
Even before we met, she attached herself to me. From that snarky article mocking the legend and my hobby, she felt hope. Someone was looking for the man that others treated as a fantasy. It was her idea to lick and touch the envelope. Throw clues at us and hope we found our way to her.
There are times when the Shasta Slasher’s death really hits me. I hadn’t known about him when I moved here. Probably wouldn’t have come if I did. Then he became my project. I felt stupid chasing him sometimes. But like with Goliath, I trusted my heart.
Life settles down in the period between Violet’s rescue and Kirby’s birth. Then one day, Maude signals me that something weird is happening. I find Violet and Maverick sharing a silent, staring match as she leaves a room, and he enters it. My preggo pal and I watch for nearly a minute. I consider saying something. Oh, boy, do I want to speak up. However, Maude holds my hand as a subtle signal to keep my trap shut.
Finally, Maverick steps back and shrugs. “Fine, you win.”
He stalks off in his usual way while Violet surprises me by starting to cry. No matter how much I hug her, she won’t explain why she’s upset. Maude whispers in my ear that Violet has a crush on Maverick, but I can’t imagine her wanting any man.
Only when Goliath shows up with popsicles does Violet stop crying. The two of them get along well. He treats her like a kid. She treats him the same way. When he hides in the back of a crowded room, wanting to be ignored, she’ll walk over to him, so he isn’t alone.
“People overwhelm him,” she tells me one day during a walk. “Even as big as he is, Dean doesn’t feel safe sometimes.”
Violet isn’t wrong. Though on edge in many situations, he’s getting better. Like the way he practices his daddy skills with Shane’s sons or River’s daughter. Or how he listens to Desi babble about the most mundane things. And when he helps Max get stuff from top shelves as she’s cooking. For the first time in his life, Goliath is part of a real family.
I insist on a party for his fortieth birthday. He doesn’t want the drama, but I blow off his bitching. This is a man who means everything to me and has helped people in various ways over his life. No one ever gave him nearly enough appreciation. A birthday party at the house is nothing compared to what he deserves. I know under his growling and dark frowns that he enjoys feeling valued.
Goliath spends half of his party being bossed around by Iggy and bored to death by Desi. Yet he loves every fucking second of it. His only worth with the Skullz came from his size and violent nature. Having small people think he’s harmless but also interesting is good for his ego.
He’s so protective of the kids, much like he is of the guys in the club. That’s his job as SGT-at-Arms. River thinks big picture, focused on people making money for the club. Shane watches River’s back. Maverick fucks up people. Goliath, though, watches out for the men. Are they happy in their position? Are they bored? Is money tight at home? Do they think the club is going in the right direction? He’s the one keeping them in line and making them feel heard by their president.
“You’re a smart man,” I say when he talks about moving guys around in their positions to keep them invested in the overall health of the club.
“I know.”
“Do you?” I push while straddling him on the couch at our rental house. “There are a lot of men in the club, but you’re one of the few that River listens to the most. Never forget your worth isn’t just about your size. He appreciates what’s in here too,” I say, kissing his forehead.
Goliath frowns at my coddling, but he fucking loves it. That’s why he stopped visiting his mom. He knows how loving should feel now, and her version wasn’t cutting it anymore.
“She’s wild tonight,” Goliath says as I sit on this lap, and he rubs my belly where Kirby kicks her daddy’s hands.
“It’s okay if you cry when you first see or hold her.”
“I ain’t crying,” he mutters, rolling his eyes.
“I know, but if you did, that would be okay. You’re going to share something special with Kirby.”
“How you figure?” he says, uneasy now.
“Well, I loved men before you. My dad, Shane, River, Maverick, plenty of other family-type men in Ellsberg. Though you’re my first romantic love, you weren’t my first love. But with Kirby, you will be the first man she ever loves. I know you have the other kiddies swooning over you. Iggy thinks you’re his private treehouse, but he loved Shane first. Desi jumps up and down when she sees you after a long day at school, but she loved her daddy first. With our baby girl, though, you’ll be the man she first falls head over heels over.”
Goliath’s gray eyes don’t hide any of his feelings. If he were a weaker man, he’d be bawling right now.
“So, if you get misty-eyed over seeing your daughter for the first time, no one can blame you.”
Unable to deal with feeling all gooey and soft inside, Goliath needs a good fuck to keep his head on straight. That’s okay. I’m so in love with this man that I’ll drop my drawers any time he wants. Hell, I think I’m crazy enough over him that I’ll one day get ditch my hang-ups about blowjobs. With Goliath, I want no barriers or secrets between us.
My sexy giant teddy bear deserves nothing less.
OH, BY THE WAY, FROM THE WEIRDO
On the evenings when the men and Taylor are at the club, the group in the Victorian breaks off into smaller clusters. M
ax and Ramona—besties forever—hang out in one room with their little ones. Kelsi often joins them.
Maude and I chill in another room, cooking our babies. Desi is usually too busy dealing with the many dog dramas to worry about what her mother and I are gossiping about. Violet pretends not to listen. She wants to be a kid most of the time, but I catch her eavesdropping when the gossip is good. Tonight, she reads a book from a tablet and hides in her head.
“Only a few more weeks,” I say and rub Maude’s belly as we sit with our feet up on a table and pretend to watch “Ralph Breaks the Internet.”
“Carina and Kirby will be best friends.”
“Or worst enemies,” I say, dramatically.
“Maybe they’ll fall in love.”
Gasping, I grab her hand. “We’ll be mothers-in-law together.”
Maude snickers at the thought as her gaze lingers on Desi sitting in her PJs. “I feel like I missed a lot of her childhood. Though I was there, I felt checked out. It makes me guilty to know I’ll be more involved with Carina’s childhood than I was with Desi’s.”
Hearing her name, the girl grins at her mother and shows off how the dogs are lined up. Once we applaud her efforts, Desi returns to telling the dogs a story they’ve probably heard before.
“I’ve been thinking about this baby’s father,” Maude says, and I try not to get too excited over her mentioning the mystery man. I must fail because she laughs at my expression. “I didn’t think I should tell him. He won’t want to be a part of the baby’s life, and I don’t want to share Carina with a stranger. Still, I see how much Shane and River love their kids. Then I saw the look on Goliath’s face when he was rubbing your belly the other day. I think maybe I’m stealing something from Carina’s father. That she’ll miss out, and he might too.”
“I thought you didn’t know him.”
Maude’s blue eyes flash with worry. “I don’t. He doesn’t live here. I think I could find him, though. You’re smart about tracking people down, but I don’t know if I should stir up trouble. Like what if my wanting to find him is just hormonal sentimentality. What if I regret contacting him? Once I open that door, I can’t close it.”
“What’s the worst that can happen if you contact him?”
“He’ll turn out to be a monster and also want to be in her life,” Maude says and then lowers her voice, “I already have to deal with her dad.”
I look at Desi and think of Kenny Tappan. What a useless twat! I still don’t get how he landed a hottie like Maude or didn’t fuck up Desi’s genetics.
“But if Carina’s daddy is an asshole, why can’t you ask your nice biker friends to get rid of him? At the very least, we can get him to back off. You know, if you feel like killing his ass is a step too far.”
Maude studies me while rubbing her belly. I fear she’s so worried that she’ll stop talking. Then she says, “But he’s a biker too. What if him knowing about the baby will cause trouble for the Reapers?”
Though nearly peeing myself with excitement over finding out who the baby daddy is, I pretend to be super calm. Again, Maude sees through my stone-cold exterior.
“I feel like telling you is a mistake.”
“Then keep your secrets, bitch,” I mutter, throwing a fit and even flipping a few pillows off the couch.
Maude laughs at my theatrics. Desi applauds, probably thinking I’m putting on a play about a psycho fapsock unable to control her emotions. Violet barely reacts, and I know she won’t sleep well tonight. I’ll need to bring her to my place where she can crash on the couch.
Still pouting, I tell Maude, “It’s okay if you keep it to yourself. However, telling me doesn’t mean he’ll find out. I mean, I can try to track him down, and we’ll investigate his situation. If he looks dicey, it’ll be easier for you to decide if you want him in your life.”
Maude looks at her belly and then at Desi. “I want them to be happy. My mom made bad decisions with men, and that fucked us all. But I have more options now than she did. I don’t want a bad man in my baby’s life, even if he is her father.”
Calm again, I whisper, “If you need more time to decide, there’s no rush. The baby isn’t here for a few weeks.”
Nodding, Maude rubs her belly again. “How about you try to find him, and then we’ll figure out if telling him makes sense?”
“I swear I won’t share your secret with anyone until you’re ready.”
Narrowing her eyes, Maude shakes her head. “You’re so full of shit.”
“Well, I’ll have to tell Goliath and Taylor. River and Shane will need to know too. They’ll probably tell their women. Oh, and Kelsi and Hugh will find out.”
“So, everyone?” she mutters.
I swallow hard and exhale deeply. “I swear I won’t tell anyone until after the baby is born. No hinting to anyone either. I’ll keep my mouth shut until you’re in labor, and then I’ll blurt it out to our friends and probably a few strangers. Still, you’ll have time to figure out your situation.”
Maude strokes her belly as if asking the baby what to do. I guess Carina is a risk taker because she encourages her mother—psychically, of course—to open the door to possible trouble.
“I don’t know his real name,” she says, gripping my hand in a panic. “We didn’t talk much. He was so handsome, and I got stupid.”
“I will never judge you, Maude. Remember how pathetic I was about Goliath? Following him around like a dipshit, begging for him to fuck me. When you’re horny, you’re horny.”
Relaxing her hand around mine, she smiles. “I never get impulsive, but I also never find men that attractive. Anyway, I don’t know his real name, but he lives in Elko. There’s a town in Ohio with that name, so maybe that’s where he’s from.”
I hold my breath, terrified she’ll stop talking.
“He was wearing a vest like the Reapers with the name Elko Executioners on the back.”
I think Maude might have heard that name before from our group. She hesitates as if she might be in trouble. Based on how she’s sharing the information, though, I doubt she knows anything about the old battles between the Skullz and Executioners.
“What name did he give you?” I say in the calmest voice I can manage and still end up sounding weird.
“Bronco.”
Fighting a gasp, I mumble, “Well, that happened.”
“Do you know him? Is he a bad man?”
“I do know him. Kinda. Not personally, but I’ll have no problem finding him.”
Eyes bright with fear, she asks, “Is he the enemy?”
I smile at Maude’s tone. “Not really, I guess. We’ll find out everything there is to know about him, and then you can decide. I do know he has a daughter, maybe two. Not sure about a wife. We’ll deal with that bridge when we reach it. Right now, we know where he lives, and that he seems to shoot predominantly girl sperm. We’ll find out the rest later.”
“And you won’t tell anyone until Carina’s born?”
“I swear. For real too. I won’t even tell Goliath, and I blurt shit out to him constantly.”
Maude exhales deeply as if relaxing, but she actually looks more worried now. I take her hand in mine.
“No matter what happens with Bronco, you won’t be alone. You’re family, and Reapers take care of their kin, okay?”
Maude gives me a little grin, always willing to bend to my charms. She trusts me to keep her secret, and my word is good. That doesn’t mean I won’t spend the next few weeks dying to blab over how the Reapers and the Executioners are about to get much closer.
A FINAL WORD FROM THE GOLIATH
Never in my life have I been as scared as when Shelby goes into labor. I’m convinced she’s gonna die. I don’t admit this fear out loud. But I know women can die in labor. The baby can die. What if Kirby’s too big and gets stuck? I made the mistake of looking up shit on the internet about large babies, and all those fucking horror stories fill my head when Shelby gets her first contraction.
“Ou
r baby is normal-sized, remember?” Shelby says when I stare at her and refuse to speak. She knows my head is in a bad place, but it’s not like I’m going to fucking cry about it. “She’s probably like eight pounds. No biggie. You pounded out a large opening for her.”
Despite her jokes, I can’t relax. Shelby’s going to die. The baby’s going to die. I’m going to blow my head off. We’re all going to fucking die!
After we’re barely checked into her room, Shelby announces she has to push.
“Can you wait?” asks the nurse.
Shelby answers with, “Do I need to kill a bitch?” Turning away from the nurse, she calls out, “Someone wash their hands and get ready to catch my baby. Kirby’s feeling impatient.”
Taylor grabs a doctor and yanks him down the hall to our room. Before he can complain about how Shelby isn’t his patient, he sees me and decides he’s a helpful fucking guy.
Shelby squeezes my hand while pushing. She holds Shane’s too. He looks like maybe he doesn’t want her to break his fingers. I don’t fucking care about the pain. If she doesn’t make it through delivery, I ain’t gonna need my fingers.
Then Shelby lets out a groan that sounds a lot like when she comes, and the doctor says it’s a girl. I still can’t think. I just see Shelby leaning forward to see our kid. Kirby’s too quiet. The baby’s dead. I didn’t do something right. Shelby should have squeezed my hand tighter. It’s all ruined.
Then Kirby lets out a scream that sounds like Shelby’s reaction to a mouse. Covered in goo just like Shelby warned, the baby seems wrong. Then they clean her up, putting on a little hat and wrapping her in a blanket. Once in Shelby’s arms, my kid looks wide-eyed at the face looking back at hers.
“I love everyone here,” Shelby murmurs and then frowns at the nurse. “Well, not everyone, but please get the fuck out of the room. I need a moment alone with my man and our baby girl.”
I can’t look away from that bundle in Shelby’s arms. The room gets quiet. I guess people leave. I can’t tell. I’m stuck in that horrible place where Shelby and Kirby are dead, and I’m ready to end shit. I feel like my heart ain’t caught up with the new reality.
