Never Say Never (Reapers MC: Shasta Chapter Book 3)

by Bijou Hunter

  “Dean,” Shelby says softly, “sit on the edge of the bed next to me. I want you to hold your daughter.”

  I ain’t ever admitting to tears. There might be some. I can’t be sure. No shame if there are. I just know this tiny person in my arms is mine. I made Kirby Winona Midkiff. All my old baggage seems stupid now. The rejected kid, the convict, the man incapable of finding a woman worth loving, the cold motherfucker, none of it matters now that I’m this kid’s dad.

  “You did good,” is the first thing I can finally say.

  “For nine months, I worried about the pain so much, but she popped right out,” Shelby murmurs while running her finger over our daughter’s cheek. “You really did pound out an easy exit.”

  I start to laugh. Chuckling at first, then some crazy fucking laughter like a drunk man telling a joke that only he knows the punchline to. Shelby doesn’t mind. She probably knows me better than I know myself. Despite my pigheaded bullshit, I finally found a good woman. She’ll love me more than I deserve, be patient when I’m infuriating, and give me shit when I can’t be reasoned with.

  And she gave me this jewel I’m holding now.

  “I want another one,” I blurt out, not even an hour after Shelby gives birth.

  Rather than tell me to shut the fuck up or ask if I’m insane, she just shrugs. “That is up to the rendering plant gods.”

  “It’s just she’s perfect,” I mumble, not wanting to return the baby to Shelby.

  When I relent and give her Kirby, Shelby bursts into tears. “I’m so happy, you know? It’s surreal how happy I feel.”

  Kissing her, I hope she knows I feel the same. I can’t say the words. If I speak too much, I might just blurt out more stupid shit like wanting another baby. I need to be her rock, but I’m shaky right now. No way I’ve ever felt so unsteady. Maybe as a little boy. Got close when I realized I was going to prison, and the Skullz likely sent me there. There’ve been moments when I felt the floor drop out from under me, but those were bad times. Today, I’m wrecked from how a man like me can create someone so perfect with a woman as fucking beautiful as Shelby Campbell.

  Even today, I forget how I’m not alone. I ain’t the only one around to help Shelby. We’re not two people lost in a void. We have a ton of people waiting outside the room. I pull my head out of my ass long enough to invite them back in.

  River and Shane congratulate me. Dylan thanks me for giving him his first granddaughter. Arriving a half hour later, Hugh brings me a beer. Taylor starts to speak a few times, but I swear she’s more emotional than I am. Winnie gives me a hug and says she’s proud of her daughter for never giving up on me.

  “You were worth the patience,” she adds, hugging me again.

  Shelby watches it all, and I gotta wonder if she told them to be extra nice to me. Seems like something she’d plan for, but maybe they just thought of it on their own.

  All I know is I feel calmer once I’m reminded that I’m not alone. I got a family now. Friends who have my back. A club that won’t sell me out. A baby girl that makes the world a million fucking times more beautiful.

  And a wonderfully weird woman who latched on to me and wouldn’t let go no matter how much I pushed her away.

  A FINAL WORD FROM THE WEIRDO

  I might be a weirdo, but there’s nothing odd about how much I love the sight of Goliath holding our daughter. He has a way with mini-humans, and Kirby is no different. She thinks he’s the sun. As soon as she’s old enough to recognize faces, she goes crazy for his. Kirby knows she got lucky with her dad.

  I got lucky with mine too. Dad and Mom move to Shasta soon after Kirby’s birth when they find a house that clicks for them. Shane and I are like stupid kids those first few weeks, always visiting and wanting to sleep over. I swear we’d crawl in our parents’ bed if we were drunk enough.

  “You love deep,” Goliath says when I mention how excited I am to go grocery shopping with my mom again. “Shasta wasn’t ever gonna be your real home until your parents called it home too.”

  He’s right, of course. My family is everything to me. It’s the same for my parents. My mom’s moods improve when she can see her kids and grandkids every day. She’s also there for Taylor when Kelsi gives birth to their son, Lars. My best friend’s own mother is a deadbeat piece of shit. Since Taylor deserves a great mom, I’m always willing to share mine. Hugh also adopts Mom, claiming he’d spend a weekend away with her anytime.

  By Halloween of that year, each member of the Fearsome Foursome and the Band have created the next generation of cool kids—the Magnificent Minions. As Christmas approaches, we’ve all settled into our long-term homes.

  The day after we officially move into our new house, Goliath walks around each room, showing Kirby different things. The six-month-old claps regularly, more interested in him than what he’s pointing at. Through it all, I follow them around, enjoying the sight of Goliath in the home he deserves.

  “You did this,” he often says those first few weeks. “I just had some stupid shit in my head. You turned it into a house.”

  Goliath is overwhelmed that entire year. There’s no denying he shuts down at times. I find him sitting outside alone, thinking about the man he was, who he’s become, and the man he wants to be.

  I don’t push him when it comes to his feelings. Thirty-nine years is a long time to feel one way, only to have things change so suddenly. He deserves, at least, a year or two to get his bearings.

  After Kirby’s born, Goliath asks for another baby. Like literally as soon as he holds her, he has his mind set on a second child. I don’t use birth control, but the rendering plant gods wait more than six months before knocking me up again. By then, Kirby’s threatening to crawl. She’s a big kid for her age and sports thick brown hair that I’ve always got pinned into adorable pigtails. She barks at the dogs, who are terrified of her. Whenever they run away, she looks for her dad to check if he noticed how she scared the puppies.

  Goliath and I decide if our second kid is a boy that we’ll stop. I tell him I want our own little Shelby and Shane combo. In reality, I know we’re not built for a large brood. Goliath loves Kirby so much, and he’ll spend hours playing with her. There’s no denying he has a big enough heart to love a dozen kids. But I worry about him focusing so much on his children that he forgets to pay attention to himself. I want him to have time to play cards and drink at the Saloon with Hugh or go riding with the guys or fishing with my dad. And from a purely selfish viewpoint, I want time for Goliath to focus all his love on me too.

  Maybe I’m just competitive, but I decide if our second is a girl that we should try for one more. I want Goliath to have a son since Shane, River, and Hugh got one.

  “My man needs what other people have,” I tell my mom, who nods as if I’m not nuts.

  Baby number two is a boy, and he’s a big one. The doctor doesn’t think even an extra pounding from Goliath will create enough of an exit path for our son. Since a C-section is on the menu, I decide to get my tubes tied too.

  We use an old-fashioned technique to choose our boy’s name. Basically, we foist the decision onto little Kirby. I put the two possible names in envelopes and leave them with her toys. Whichever one she picks up will be the name of her baby brother.

  “Caen means warrior,” I tell Shane.

  “Why must you spell it that way?”

  “Cane is too candylike. Kane is a wrestler’s name. Cain feels too biblical and murder-y.”

  “Well, as long as you have a good reason.”

  “He’ll be as loved as my baby bruv,” I tell Shane, who stops frowning and just basks in his big sister’s adoration.

  I expect Goliath to be calmer over the birth of his second child, but he’s nervous about my surgery. He can’t sleep the night before and barely speaks as we get prepped.

  “Do you remember how it felt when you held Kirby the first time?” I whisper as he sits hunched over in the operating room.

  “I remember the first time I really he
ld you. I also remember the first time I knew I loved you. And the first time I realized how my life wouldn’t mean shit without you.”

  “Do you remember the first night I slept over?” I ask, ignoring the darkness behind his words. “We watched those shows about the end of the world, and you rested your head in my lap. I was so excited to spend the night with you, even if I was scared to sleep in the woods.”

  “You didn’t seem scared,” he mutters, seeming as pissy now as he did during those first few booty calls. “You slept like a fucking log.”

  “Knowing you were nearby made me feel safe,” I whisper, and his gray eyes hold my gaze. “Just like it does now.”

  Goliath leans closer. His large build blocks the bright operating room light, shading my face until I only see him. There’s no denying how terrified he feels. There’s nothing rational about that kind of fear. Then he hides the emotion behind a sulky frown.

  “I love you,” he mumbles in his growly voice. “I should have loved you better right from the beginning, but I didn’t know how. But I did love you.”

  “I know, baby,” I say, getting teary-eyed. “You just needed to feel safe, and I hope you always will with me.”

  Goliath doesn’t look away until our baby lets out a slightly bored-sounding cry. My man seems torn between wanting to keep an eye on Caen and needing to be sure I’m okay.

  “He’ll be fine,” I murmur and lure his gaze back to mine. “I’ll have to share you soon. For right now, just see me.”

  Goliath gives me a little grin. His rough fingers feel so soft against my cheek. I’m not afraid of anything right now. No monsters exist in the world. Life is an endless rainbow with pots full of gold along the way.

  With this man looking at me full of love, I swear nothing ugly will ever touch us again.

  YOMP, ONE LAST WORD FROM THE GOLIATH

  Five years felt like an eternity in prison. Time wasted sitting in a cage, around men I didn’t want to know. Five years with Shelby flies by, though. Too fast, almost, and I wish I could hold on tighter to our days together. But that’s not how life works.

  Our house in the woods never stops impressing me. I still find myself ducking on occasion or flinching when I stretch. I forget how roomy everything is in our cabin-style home. I gotta work real hard to knock into anything.

  Shelby even organized the furniture in a way that keeps me from having to squeeze past chairs or couches. She wants me to feel comfortable like I do when I’m outside. My happiness is her priority. Feels kinda weird sometimes when I realize how much my woman loves me. I oughta expect that by now. Nomp, I’ll need more than five years to get used to loving like Shelby loves.

  We make two seriously beautiful kids. Kirby looks like Shelby. I don’t see any of me in the girl. She’s tall, sure, but Shelby ain’t tiny either. My firstborn child bosses me around like her mama too. She always wants to be picked up, so she can look at the world from up high.

  Kirby never wants me feeling sad, just like her mama. If she thinks my face is unhappy, she climbs into my lap and offers me a toy or sings a song to lift my spirits. Unlike her mama, Kirby loves the woods. I’m always taking her and Caen on walks, where they give silly names to the trees and search for interesting rocks.

  Caen reminds me of me, though I think he looks more like his mama. He’s big, though, and always banging into things. He’s got a goofy smile and a wild laugh. Shelby swears he’s a little version of me, but I just can’t see it.

  Kirby and Caen get along well, though they split up whenever the “Magnificent Minions” get together. Dark-haired Caen and super-blond Lars will play with cars for hours. They’ve got a natural connection like their mothers. Kirby both loves and fears Greer. River and Max’s firstborn is a hellion when life pisses her off. I’m relieved my daughter’s drama tends to be for show.

  “I’m not afraid of anyone,” she says whenever she gets scared. “I have the biggest daddy, and he can stomp on monsters.”

  “Yeah!” Caen will always yell in response because he’s a follower.

  Kirby is super friendly, bouncing around between the kid groups. She isn’t as territorial as her mama. She’ll laugh with easygoing Eamon or dress up with her princess pal, Carina. I see her roughhousing with Greer and singing in a pretend band with Iggy and Ozzy. Sometimes, she’ll plop down and tell stories to River’s shy, youngest girl, Reese.

  “She might not be as bossy as Greer,” Shelby says one day when we watch the kids run around the backyard, “but she’s the leader. Our baby is going to rule the world.”

  Shelby’s a great mom, of course. I worried more about me. Kids are small and easy to break. There were times when I’d hear them wailing, and the dogs barking, and I felt myself in retreat. What the hell could a man like me do against tiny people and animals?

  “Figure it out,” Shelby says one day and walks out of the bedroom. “Pretend this is the club, and they’re your men. Go SGT-at-Arms on them.”

  I admit to cussing a little at Shelby when she leaves me with that crying baby and screaming toddler. The dogs lose their shit every time the kids freak out at the same time. I don’t know where to start, but I figure it out. Just like Shelby knew I would.

  “I watched you on the security cam,” she murmurs afterward as we lounge on our dark leather living room couch. “You’re never sexier than when on daddy duty.”

  “You ditched me,” I mutter, not giving in right away. Sometimes, I gotta make Shelby work for those good fucks she craves so much.

  “You’re right. I should be punished with no sex for a week.”

  “You couldn’t just let me have the win, could you?” I grumble while she laughs her ass off.

  After settling down, she strokes my jaw and whispers, “How about I reward you with double sex to make up for the no sex I’m getting?”

  “That seems fair,” I say while inhaling her watermelon scent.

  Marriage and fatherhood feel so easy sometimes that I don’t know why I ever worried. Then I’ll find myself thinking like I used to. How the world is shit. People are assholes. No one is worth nothing, especially me.

  Those feelings don’t last long. I got too much good stuff in my life now. Shelby loves me more than herself. My kids always want me close to them. Our family is like how Shelby and Shane are with their parents. That’s a good kind of loving. How can the world be shit when my family lives in it?

  Every year, when it’s time for the Reapers Ride, I consider faking an illness to get out of going. Of course, I love the road. We take different routes each year, stopping at famous dives and having a good time. The reason I still don’t wanna go is that my little girl will look at me and say, “I come too, Daddy?” How can I say no to that perfect little person?

  Shelby never lets me weasel out, though. She knows Kirby and Caen will be fine without me for a few days. They even survive when she comes along a few times. Their grandma bunks at the house, keeping them company while we’re gone.

  After Winnie and Dylan move to Shasta full-time, he joins the local club. The in-laws settle real nice into their new town. Both of them need their family like I do. Dylan’s a good man, and we get along well. Winnie treats me like one of her kids. My mom knew me since I was an innocent baby, but she never got around to loving me half as good as Winnie does. Some people don’t have good hearts. I used to think I was one of them, but Shelby showed me different.

  Apparently, the Ellsberg people go on yearly RVing trips. Joining their caravan seems like a hassle, so we start our own. Dylan, Shane, and I ride on our Harleys while Shelby, Winnie, and Ramona follow in an RV. The kids fucking love those trips. Sometimes, it’s just the Campbells. Other times, everyone in the “Fearsome Band” comes along. With Shasta stable, we can leave for a week or two without the town turning to shit.

  I never traveled as a kid. Didn’t go sightseeing. Never tried different foods. Only knew my one little part of Kentucky. Before Shelby, I would have said I didn’t want to live any other way.

>   Traveling with people used to these trips takes the pressure off me. I can stand back and let them run the show. I’m like one of the kids, relaxing while Shelby organizes everything.

  There are moments when it really hits me how much I missed out on in life before Shelby. Then I get scared shitless over losing all the good stuff I have now. But those moments don’t last. If Shelby sees a little bad feeling in me, she wraps her body against mine. I don’t even know I’m sinking into an ugly place before she’s pulling me right back out.

  Shelby Campbell never gave up on me. I didn’t always treat her right. But she refused to give up on me. I thought she was crazy or weird. But the reality is her heart was made just for me, and I’m sure as fuck that mine was made just for her.

  THE END

  GENTLE ON MY MIND SNEAK PEEK

  Reapers MC: Pema Chapter Book 1

  Coming Autumn 2020

  Maverick Majors is an enforcer for the Reapers Motorcycle Club in the Shasta Chapter run by his older brother. All his life, he’s stayed in the shadows. Fiercely loyal to the club and his family, Maverick has finally found a woman worthy of joining the Majors clan. Except she’s a traumatized survivor only months out of hell.

  Violet Navarro endured years with a monster. Her childhood ended too quickly when he ripped her away from her life. Free now, she spends most days embracing her inner kid. But the raw desire she feels for Maverick Majors isn’t childlike.

  When Shasta puts the squeeze on Violet’s safety, Maverick is willing to give up everything to make a safe home for the woman who’s claimed his heart.

  BRONCO SNEAK PEEK

  Elko Executioners RPG MC Series Book 1

  Coming Autumn 2020

  One hot moment between strangers changes everything.