Tuesday

by Lily Rose

  She flipped her hair over her shoulder before she sauntered off, moving her hips with an attitude.

  I shut the door and walked back into my empty apartment. I had no idea what I was doing, but it didn’t seem like I was in charge of my life anymore. Something else was making all the decision for me—my soul.

  I waited outside the bakery at five o’ clock. I knew Francesca got off work at that time, and I was hoping to run into her without making it seem like I planned it on purpose.

  I knew she felt the way I did. That much was obvious by the way she clung to me for dear life. She dumped a nice guy because he simply wasn’t me. But I remembered how much I hurt her. That wasn’t something someone could forgive so easily.

  Would she forgive me?

  At five o’ clock, she made her move. She walked out of the bakery in a black t-shirt covered with flour.

  I walked with my hands in my pockets and purposely headed her way. Right when I crossed paths with her, she spotted me. She stopped her in her tracks and looked up at me, that same look of fear and joy she always gave me. “Hey.”

  “Hi…” She immediately played with her hair, like she was self-conscious about the flour that was caked all over her.

  “Just got off work?”

  “Yeah. It was a long day. What about you?” The further into the conversation we went, the less tense she seemed. Sometimes, she was on edge around me, but I suspected it was because she was constantly guarding her heart.

  “A lot of paperwork. I’m not a big fan of it.”

  “Isn’t that all you do?”

  I shrugged. “In a nutshell, I guess. But there’s more to it than that.” Francesca never really discussed my company. We hadn’t had much time alone together so it never came up. She had no idea how wealthy I was or how hard I worked to open my business. I had more money than I could ever need, and I wanted to give it all to her.

  “I’ll take your word for it.” She adjusted the strap of her purse and shifted her weight.

  “Want to come over for dinner?” I hadn’t planned on asking her that, but now that she was in front of me, the words slipped out. I missed spending time with her, just she and I.

  Her green eyes lightened noticeably, giving her away. She wanted to stay away from me, but she didn’t have the strength to keep up her resistance.

  Neither did I.

  “I should shower.” She looked down at her dirty shirt.

  “You can shower at my place.” Ugh, my mouth was out of control.

  “And put on the same dirty clothes?” she asked with an awkward laugh.

  “You can wear some of my stuff.”

  She took a deep breath like the idea of being surrounded with my smell was the biggest comfort in the world. I understood the sensation. Anytime she was close to me, I was on crack. It felt so good at the time even though it felt awful later when the high was gone. “Okay.”

  I knew that would be her answer even though she didn’t want that to be her answer. “Then let’s go. I’m making salmon and greens.”

  “It’s nice to have someone cook for me for once.”

  And it was nice to have dinner with someone for once.

  I prepared dinner in the kitchen while I listened to the water run in the shower. I imagined the droplets sliding down her gorgeous figure. She was always self-conscious about her thighs. She said they were too big.

  But I thought they were perfect.

  I grilled the salmon on the stove and then prepared the greens in a separate pan. I ate like a health freak all the time. It was the only way I could retain my muscle and not gain fat.

  When she came out, dinner was ready.

  She wore one of my Yankees t-shirts along with a pair of running shorts that were rolled a dozen times at her waist. That was the only way she could get them to fit. Her hair was slightly damp and her face was free of makeup.

  I wanted her badly.

  “It smells really good.”

  “Thanks.” I sat down at the table and she sat across from me.

  She pulled her hair over one shoulder and ate quietly, her eyes glued to her food.

  I ate slowly and watched her the entire time.

  “Do you cook often?”

  “Every night. I don’t like eating out.”

  “That’s healthy.”

  “I’m not a fan of all the oil and grease they put into everything. At least at home, I know what I’m getting.”

  “I do the same thing.”

  I chewed a few pieces of broccoli. “Decorate a wedding cake today?”

  “Actually, no,” she said. “But I made a ton of bear claws.”

  “That sounds delicious.”

  “They were,” she said with a smile. “I sampled them. You know…to make sure they were good.”

  “I bet.”

  She finished her food before I did. “That was really good. I’m impressed.”

  “I’d like to take all the credit, but I think Google deserves some of it.” I took our empty plates and placed them in the sink.

  “You cooked so shouldn’t I clean?” It was a fallback to our old relationship. When she stayed at my place for the week while her floors were getting redone, she did all the cooking, and I did all the cleaning. Remembering the past made me sad. All I could think about was the way she fell to the floor when I walked out of that apartment for the last time.

  “No.” I didn’t give her an explanation why, and she was smart enough not to ask.

  “What’s for dessert?” She changed her tone to lighten the mood.

  You. “I don’t have a sweet tooth.”

  “I remember differently…”

  “I only have a sweet tooth when it comes to you.” I could invite her into the living room to watch TV but that’s not what I wanted to do. I had a feeling she didn’t either.

  I pulled her chair out then lifted her to my chest. One arm was cradled under her knees while the other supported her back. Her arm immediately circled my neck like she was expecting it.

  I carried her into my bedroom and set her on the mattress. Then I pulled off my shirt and jeans until I was just in my boxers.

  Francesca sat at the edge of the bed.

  I pulled the sheets back then got in, lying back on the pillow.

  She didn’t move.

  I sat up and watched her, trying to gauge her thoughts.

  She looked at the sheets then felt the fabric with her fingertips. Her eyes were half-lidded, somewhere faraway.

  Then it hit me. “They didn’t mean anything to me.”

  Francesca turned her eyes on me.

  I grabbed her arm and gently pulled her to me. “Don’t think about it. We both know you’re the only one who really matters. So don’t compare yourself.” When I lay on her bed, I thought about Kyle and the fact he probably had been with her on that mattress. But then I remembered she dumped him because he could never compete with me.

  And none of them could compete with her.

  I pulled her flush against my body and hooked her leg over my hip. It was 7:30 and neither one of us were planning on sleeping. But I wanted to lay with her and just look at her. I wanted to stare at those beautiful green eyes that sent chills down my spine. I wanted to feel the hum of our bodies as they lay so close to each other.

  This healed me.

  Francesca moved a hand to my chest, and her fingers grazed over the skin. Her lips were slightly parted, and her teeth were showing.

  I wanted her—badly. But I preferred this. She wasn’t just another woman to me. She was the woman. And just being with her was enough for me. I only thought about kissing her, massaging those lips with my mouth. I only thought about loving her in the way she deserved.

  “What are we doing?” she whispered.

  “I don’t know. But I like it.”

  “I like it too.”

  My hand moved into her hair and I pulled it from her face. The moment felt like a dream, a reality where she was mine. Sometimes, I wondered where
we would be if I hadn’t left. Would we be married? Would we have a child together? I never wanted to have kids, but it didn’t sound so bad with her.

  For the rest of the night, we just stared at each other. Sometimes, she would close her eyes and doze off, but even then I would continue staring. Her fingers would move across my chest, and eventually they lay over my heart. We spent the night falling in and out of consciousness. I wanted to sleep because she chased my nightmares away, but I also wanted to stay awake just so I could watch her.

  I wanted to treasure her.

  After an hour of playing basketball, we washed up and headed to the deli.

  “I’m surprised your wife gave you permission to go out.” I loved teasing him about this. Just a few years ago, I distinctly remember him telling me he would never get married. Now, he was whipped.

  “Shut up.” He grabbed his tray of food then took a seat at the table.

  I did the same.

  “And she’s not my wife—yet. But she will be soon.” An involuntary smile stretched his lips.

  I wanted to make another joke but I held it back.

  “You like The Plaza?”

  “Sure.” It was just another hotel to me.

  “That’s how I feel about it too. Not sure why Marie is so obsessed with it. I honestly think she just likes the idea of it more than the actual place. Personally, I’ve always pictured myself getting married outside somewhere.”

  “Why don’t you tell her that?”

  He shrugged. “It’s her day. She can whatever she wants.”

  “Pushover…”

  “Look, she’s my lady. If she wanted to get married at Funworks, I wouldn’t have said anything.”

  “Well, somebody should,” I said with a laugh.

  Axel ate half his sandwich in a few bites. “So, who’d you share your bed with last night?”

  It’d always been a little awkward talking about girls after Francesca and I split up. We never went into detail about it, but Axel asked me questions now and then. And he wasn’t stupid. He knew I went back to my old ways the second I moved here. “No one.” That was a lie. Francesca was in my bed, but I didn’t think that would be the best answer.

  “That’s odd.”

  I’d been going over my situation with Francesca endlessly. I went back and forth in my decision, but I knew what I really wanted. With every passing day, it would only become more difficult. And if I wanted this, I had to do this right. “Axel, we need to talk about something…”

  “Yeah?” He raised an eyebrow as he threw a chip in his mouth.

  “It’s about Frankie.”

  His entire expression changed. He went from laid-back to on edge. He watched me with a guarded look, his suspicion evident in the burn of his eyes and the fine line of his lips. “What about her?”

  “I’ve been doing a lot of thinking and…I want her back.”

  He leaned back in his chair, growing angrier with every passing second. “This better be a joke.”

  “It’s not.”

  He leaned over the table, getting close to me. “Let me get this straight. You dump her two years ago after you tell her you’re her soul mate, and now that you’re seeing her again, you want to give it another try?” Axel wasn’t particularly close with Francesca but he was incredibly protective of her. He claimed it was because she didn’t have a father, but I knew it was because he loved her, whether he would admit it or not.

  “It’s more complicated than that.”

  “No, you just want what you can’t have. Frankie gets a nice boyfriend and then you get jealous—”

  “She broke up with him weeks ago.”

  Axel’s jaw was still hanging. “Why are you telling me all of this, Hawke? I’m still mad at you for what you did to her. And I still don’t know why you did it.”

  “It’s not because I stopped loving her.”

  “Shut up, Romeo.”

  “And I’m telling you this for a reason.”

  The vein in his temple was starting to pulse. “I have a feeling I’m not going to like it.”

  “I just want your support in this. I’m going to tell her how I feel. And I know it would mean a lot to her if you were on board with it. She acts like your opinion doesn’t matter to her but I know it does.”

  “You didn’t care about my support last time. Why is this any different?”

  “Because I know I messed up. I admit that.”

  He watched me with scrutiny.

  “And I deserve to be doubted. I deserve your reservations.”

  He crossed his arms over his chest.

  “But I do love her, Axel. I always have.”

  “I think it’s a terrible idea…”

  “I’m not asking for your permission, Axel. I just wanted to give you a head’s up. I’m going to tell her how I feel, and I already know how she feels. But it would make things a lot easier if you supported both of us. Because this is what we want.”

  “You’re speaking for her, but you have no idea what she’ll say.”

  “I do know what she’ll say.”

  Axel shook his head slightly. “You weren’t there, Hawke. You didn’t see how bad she was.”

  I dropped my gaze because the pain burned a hole in my skin. I couldn’t meet his stare because I didn’t deserve to. “I know I hurt her. I had my reasons.”

  “Which you still won’t admit.”

  “Believe me, I thought I was doing the right thing.”

  “And what’s different now?”

  I couldn’t answer that without giving anything away. “Everything.”

  He sighed and rested his elbows on the table.

  “Axel, come on.”

  The angry look was still in his eyes. “Look, if she does take you back, I’ll support her decision. But I really, really hope she doesn’t. While I love you like a brother, I don’t think it’s right that you can drop her then pick her up again whenever you feel like. My sister deserves better than that.”

  I couldn’t agree more.

  “So, good luck. But I hope you crash and burn.”

  15

  Confessions

  Francesca

  “Getting nervous?” The wedding was only two months away. Maybe that seemed like a long time, but in reality it wasn’t.

  Marie sat beside me on the couch. Magazines covered my coffee table, and we were marking them up like a white board. She still hadn’t picked the flowers for the wedding, and we were trying to find the perfect centerpieces. Fortunately, everything else had been taken care of. This was the last thing remaining. “Why would I be nervous?”

  I tilted my head and gave her a fiery look.

  She turned away with guilt in her eyes.

  “I know Axel is my brother but you can tell me these things. I won’t think less of you. Remember, I like you more than him.”

  Marie chuckled. “Yeah, that’s true.”

  “So, spill it.”

  “I guess I’m a little nervous…” She closed the magazine and bent it in her hands.

  “What about, exactly?”

  “I don’t know… Sometimes, I wonder if this is the real him, you know? What if he goes back to his old ways when he gets bored with me?”

  “That’s never going to happen, Marie. Believe me, a man in love never gets bored.”

  “I hope you’re right.”

  I rested my hand on her wrist. “I am.”

  “It seems like he genuinely loves me—”

  “Seems like it?” I asked with a laugh. “That guy is a dog and you’re his bone. Even when he doesn’t want to play with you, he doesn’t want anyone else to play with you. You have absolutely nothing to worry about.”

  “I know…but I remember the way he hurt me.”

  “It’s in the past.”

  “I don’t usually think about it, but now that I’m marrying him, it comes into my mind every now and then.” She kept bending the magazine. “Will he be a good father? Will he cheat on me someday? Will he le
ave me for someone else right under my nose?”

  “Yes, no, and no.”

  “How can you be sure?”

  I released a deep sigh. “You can’t be sure, actually. No one is ever sure. But Axel is as close to a guarantee as you’re going to get. Every time you feel insecure, just remember who Axel is. He’s sweet, caring, and very loyal. Even if he didn’t feel the same way anymore, he wouldn’t have an affair. That’s just not him.”

  “You’re right…”

  “Do you feel better now?”

  She stopped bending the magazine and released a deep breath. “Yeah, I think so. Maid of honor to the rescue.”

  I flexed my bicep. “With super strength and super cooking abilities.”

  “What a fattening superpower.”

  I laughed then opened another magazine.

  “So…anything happen with Hawke?” She turned the pages and kept her eyes down. She tried to act like she wasn’t interested, but her tone of voice gave her away.

  “I spent the night a few days ago.”

  “What?” She dropped the magazine on the floor.

  “I didn’t sleep with him.” I had to make that clear. I didn’t want anyone to think we were just messing around.

  “But you slept with him? How many times has it been now? Three?”

  “Something like that…”

  “And you think this is normal?”

  “No…we’ll stop.”

  Marie gave me a look that said she didn’t believe that.

  “We just got carried away. Sometimes, it’s hard to resist each other. But I’m going to put an end to it. It makes me feel so good at the time, but I feel like crap afterward. I want him even more, but I can never have him.”

  “You guys are twisted,” she said. “Do you at least kiss?”

  “No.”

  She looked like an owl because her eyes were so big. “That’s the weirdest thing I’ve ever heard.”

  “You can be intimate without sex.”

  “But…I guess I just don’t get it.”

  Nobody does.

  Marie grabbed the magazine from the floor. “Anyway…the hydrangeas look nice. Maybe some white ones would look good.”

  “Yeah.” I eyed the picture in her hand but kept thinking about Hawke.