First Lover

by David O. Sullivan

  Jordan asked, “I’d like to hold your hand as the sun sets. Is that okay, that we do it in public?”

  Ian sucked a breath in. He wanted to. “I’m afraid to do that. I don’t know why, but I’m afraid.”

  Jordan drank from his rum and Coke, and Ian drank from his same drink. Jordan said, “I wonder if your upbringing is to blame for those guilt feelings.” He lifted his brows.

  “Maybe. Likely. My parents were so demanding and controlling. My sister and brother each left at eighteen. They’re older. My parents convinced me to stay until I was out of college. I never had a boyfriend and forced myself to have girlfriends time to time to please my parents.” He finished his drink in one gulp. “May I get another?”

  Jordan said, “Ian, you’re twenty-three years old. You don’t need permission to have another drink.”

  Ian smiled. “Yes, I do, at least with my parents.” Jordan got the attention of their server. Ian asked, “May I have another rum and Coke?”

  “Yes, sir, right away.”

  “See, that was easy, right?”

  Ian reached for Jordan’s hand and held it. “I like being with you. Everything seems so easy when I’m with you. I feel empowered, and I like that feeling. There’s zero stress.”

  “Do you feel free and unencumbered?”

  Ian’s eyes went wide. “Wow, you’re reading my mind again.”

  “I should confess to you, I’m not from this planet. I have special skills, I can read minds.” They laughed. “So, speaking of empowerment, I’m one of the black belts in the Jujitsu school in north San Jose.” Ian nodded. “It’s not that far from where you work and live. I think it would be stellar if you took lessons there. We’re about to start a new class for beginners. There are no contracts to be a student, and we are non-profit. No black belt gets paid. We don’t pay monthly dues anymore, but we get no pay to teach. That keeps things honest and sincere.”

  “Aww, Jordan, I’m a wuss. I’ve always been the smallest in my classes at school. I’m always the victim of bullying. Look what happened with that asshole at the business seminar.”

  He squeezed Ian’s hand and lifted his chin as Ian looked down. “That all happened because you didn’t know different. You need to learn how to defend yourself, and we can teach you that in Jujitsu. Simple. Easy. Jujitsu is excellent for women, children, and small people. Many police tactics come from Jujitsu. It is a most excellent art, and dare I say, the best martial art there is. We teach you to fight at a distance but also up close. We teach you to fight standing or on the ground because so many fights end up in close or on the ground.”

  “I’m sort of scared.” Ian took another sip or two from the drink the server brought. “This is good. I could get used to drinking these. I never had a rum and Coke until now. You’ve taught me a lot in a short time.”

  Jordan pecked Ian’s cheek. “And I want to teach you a lot more. I have a gift for you.” He handed him a wrapped box.

  “It’s not my birthday or anything.”

  “Who says you only get gifts on your birthday? That’s old thinking.”

  “That’s what my parents taught me.”

  Their meals came, and they began to eat.

  Jordan said, “I’d like to meet your parents sometime.”

  Ian shook his head violently. “No, no, no. They don’t like black people.”

  Jordan chuckled. “Oh, really. Then we won’t tell them I’m black. I can act white.” He laughed, making others look at him. He waved to them and smiled.

  Ian opened the box. “Wow, it’s a book.” His eyes went wide, and he quickly covered it as the server approached.

  “Is there anything else I can bring for you gentlemen?”

  Jordan lifted the book and said, “I hope you like it. It’s the Joy of Gay Sex.”

  Ian tried to cover it.

  Jordan told the server, “No, thank you. We’re fine for now. Say, you don’t mind that we’re gay, do you? Or that I’ve just given my boyfriend a book about gay sex?”

  The server shook his head. “No, sir. It’s your life, and I’m here to serve you. As long as you don’t hit on me, I’m okay with whatever you are.” He smiled professionally.

  Ian said, “That was embarrassing.”

  “Why, Ian, why?”

  He bit his lip. “I don’t know. Now he knows we’re gay.”

  “Why does that matter? Because gay isn’t normal?”

  Ian slowly nodded. “Yes.”

  “We have to reprogram your brain. A certain percentage of the human population has always, and I mean over thousands of years, been gay or half gay. I have a book at home about bisexuality in the ancient world. It’s excellent reading. No server should care what the customers are, and we’ll likely never see that server again. Why should we be concerned about what he thinks?”

  Ian tasted his lasagna. “You’re right, but I’ve got years of programming I have to overcome. Thank you for being patient with me.”

  “I like you a lot, Ian. We all have issues. Yours are your parents.”

  Ian swallowed. “When I was twenty, my father walked into my room without knocking. They often did that. I had a gay DVD on my computer. I never dared go to those websites because I was afraid of getting viruses, and my father monitored the sites I went to. He spanked me. I was twenty, and he sat on my bed and yanked me over his lap and spanked the shit out of me. Then he took the DVD and destroyed it.”

  Jordan slowly shook his head. “I’m sorry your parents are so uptight. Do they know you’re, well, whatever you are?”

  “I don’t know what I am, whether gay or half gay or bisexual or even a lesbian.” He smiled.

  “Good sense of humor.” Jordan kissed Ian’s lips.

  Ian smiled. “I like you doing that. I’m not used to it happening in a restaurant, but I like it.”

  They finished their meals, and Ian followed Jordan to his apartment.

  Once inside, Jordan asked, “Ian, do you want to spend the night? It’s Friday. No work tomorrow.”

  “I don’t want to impose. And you paid for dinner again. I’ve not yet paid for anything or a meal for us.”

  “I make a lot more than you do, I have zero debt, and I like to spoil you. You’re so sexy, handsome, and a great guy. To tell the truth, I like spoiling you.”

  The corners of Ian’s mouth pulled back. “I don’t think I’m a great guy.”

  “You will think that one day, and you are a great guy. Trust me, I’m older and wiser. I’m proud to know you. So, will you spend the night? If I didn’t want it, I wouldn’t have asked. I want you to stay, please.”

  “You’re too good to me. Yes, I’ll stay.”

  “Great. I assume you’ll sleep in my bed?”

  Ian’s face and neck heated.

  “Why does that embarrass you? Why are you blushing?”

  “I’m still not used to being so open. I’ve never had a boyfriend. You’re so open about everything.”

  They hugged.

  “This building has a workout room and hot tub. We have to wear swim trunks, but do you want to use the hot tub?”

  “Yes, please. That would be awesome.”

  They used the hot tub, and when they returned to Jordan’s apartment, Jordan squatted and lifted Ian into his arms, making Ian giggle. He kissed Jordan’s cheek.

  “I like when you carry me. It makes me feel special and loved.” He hugged Jordan. “Thank you for being so wonderful to me.”

  “I want to make love to you.”

  Ian nodded, and Jordan carried him to the bed.

  Jordan’s apartment had two bedrooms, and it felt like a home. It had a light-yellow living room and kitchen combo and a light lavender master bedroom and a king-sized bed with drawers underneath and a pillar for storage on each side. There was a picture of the ocean and a wood-masted sailboat on one wall, and another picture of two Renaissance knights kissing.

  Ian stared at the last one. “Two knights kissing.”

  “Yes, there wa
s a lot of that back then. It was accepted as normal. In fact, one of the duties of a squire was to supply sex for the knight when they were on assignments away from the castle.”

  “Wow.”

  Jordan put soft music on and said, “These are boy bands from the sixties.”

  “They’re awesome. I’ve never heard them.”

  “I like them.” He slowly undressed Ian, and Ian stood naked with a throbbing boner. He put his hands over it. “Don’t be embarrassed.”

  “I can’t help it.”

  Jordan lifted him onto the bed, striped himself naked, and knelt between Ian’s legs, sucking his dick.

  “Your mouth is so hot.”

  “Thank you, Ian. You haven’t fucked me yet. Do you want to?”

  “Is it okay?”

  Jordan smiled. “Of course, it is. Would you like to do that?”

  “I think so. I’m thinking of my parents. They wouldn’t approve.”

  “Ian, you’re an adult. You are your own man. Do what you approve of.” Jordan slid up and licked and bit Ian’s nipples.

  “Oh. My. God, that feels so wonderful.” Ian sighed. “I’m a basket case. My parents control my life.”

  “No, they used to, but now you control your life.”

  Ian grabbed Jordan’s head and kissed him hard on the lips. “Thank you. You’re empowering me. Yes, I’d like to fuck you. Can we do it face down? I often think of that position.”

  “Yes, we can. And to assure you, I had another blood test. I am totally clean of any diseases, and since you were a virgin when we met, is it okay with you if we go bareback?”

  “Bareback?”

  “No condoms. It’s a big decision, so only say yes if you really mean it. Don’t say it to be polite or because you think that’s what I want.”

  Ian thought for a moment and said, “Yes. That would be fine. I’ve read that you can feel the hot cum in your backside.”

  “Some can, and some can’t. Since I usually shoot a large load, bigger than average, you might feel it.”

  “So, after I fuck your ass, you’ll do the same to me?”

  “Yes, if that’s what you want.”

  “Yes, Jordan. I want that.”

  Jordan lubed his ass and Ian’s cock. He licked the copious pre-come off Ian’s cock. Jordan got face down with a pillow under his hips, and Ian got between his legs.

  “It’s my first time to do this.”

  “You’ll do fine. Don’t worry about how fast or slow you come.”

  Ian confessed, “I’m so excited, I might come fast. I always did when I did it with women. Maybe I was excited or maybe I just wanted it to be over.”

  “You didn’t like having sex with women?”

  He shook his head. “No. I didn’t. I only kept hard-ons by thinking of men. That’s sick, huh?”

  “No, it’s not sick and rather normal. Many gay men did that. Many gay men only kept erections with women by thinking of men. Fifty to a hundred years ago, it was common for gays, men and women, to marry just to carry on the façade. So sad.”

  Ian slipped his cock into Jordan’s ass, and Jordan moaned. Ian said, “I don’t care if I ever make it with a woman again.” He pumped, positioned on his hands and toes. Jordan looked back over his shoulder, smiling.

  After two minutes or so, Ian grunted and stopped. He pulled out.

  “Did you come, Ian?”

  Biting his lip, he nodded.

  “Don’t be embarrassed.” Jordan pulled him back down next to him and kissed. “I feel your hot cum in my ass. It’s wonderful.”

  He put Ian on his back, lubed them, and rested on top of Ian. Jordan kissed him and worked his tongue over Ian’s nipples. He bit lightly.

  “Yes, I love that. It’s making me feel, like, well, I don’t know, but my cock is hard again.”

  Jordan rested Ian’s legs on Jordan’s shoulders and slowly entered Ian’s tight ass, making Ian moan. “Yes, your ass is tight.”

  “My ass feels so full. I love it. It seems so natural to have a cock in my ass. Oh, yes, I do love it.”

  Jordan fucked Ian with slow but full strokes. He kissed Ian as he did that. Ian wore a grand smile. After a while, Ian wrapped his legs around Jordan’s hips, and Jordan kept fucking Ian’s ass. They smiled and kissed, and after twenty minutes or so, Jordan shifted to high gear. He let his dick slip out just to ram it back in.

  “Yes, I love that. Love that you do that. Do it more.”

  He did. Ian smiled, showing his teeth. Jordan grinned back and pumped hard, the sound of their bodies colliding, echoing around the room.

  “I’m close, Ian. Gonna fire a load up your ass.”

  Ian played with Jordan’s nipples.

  Jordan exclaimed, “Yes, oh, yes, yes, yes.” He grunted and drove harder until he collapsed on top of Ian. They kissed.

  “You make a lot of noise when you come.”

  “You just noticed?”

  Ian giggled. “Nooooo. It surprised me the first time and each time. I always thought we had to be quiet.”

  “More old programming. It’s okay to make noise, and I like it. It’s part of coming.”

  Jordan carried Ian to the fancy shower with two shower heads. They washed each other and kissed. They dried off, and Jordan carried Ian back to the bedroom. They chatted for over an hour in bed with music playing.

  “Jordan, thank you for the book on gay sex. I’m enjoying it.”

  “I’m sure you’ll enjoy it.”

  Ian rested his head in the crook of Jordan’s shoulder. “Thank you for being so patient and nice to me.” He kissed Jordan’s face. “I would like you to meet my parents. I’m so terribly afraid of that. I need to tell them I’m gay. They’ll hate me, but I want this monkey off my back.”

  “Are you sure? There’s no going back. You can’t un-ring a bell.”

  Ian squeezed Jordan. “Yes, I’m sure. I think it’s really an elephant on my back, not a monkey. I want to face the music. Will you go with me? I want to introduce you as my boyfriend.”

  Jordan nodded.

  * * * *

  It took two weeks for Ian to be able to get his parents to have time to see him. They both had professional careers with a lot of overtime. Ian stressed the two weeks. His mother wanted him to tell her whatever it was on the phone, but Ian wouldn’t do it, making his mom upset. For once, he held his ground, but it stressed him.

  Jordan was extra attentive to Ian, and Ian spent several nights at Jordan’s place.

  When the date came, it was a Friday evening. Jordan drove Ian to his parents’ house. “Take a lot of deep breaths and keep your mind clear. Worry solves nothing.”

  “Easy for you to say.”

  Jordan grinned. “Why, yes, it is easy for me to say, although if you recall my past and that I was a professional football player, I know that advice works.”

  “I appreciate your being here.”

  They parked in front and walked up to Ian’s parents’ home in the expensive Almaden Valley region of San Jose. Ian rang the bell, and it seemed his mom took forever to answer it. She stood in the doorway and stared at Jordan, who smiled at her.

  “Who is this man, and why is he here?”

  “Mom, he’s a very close friend, and I want him here.”

  “Why are you friends with a black man?”

  Jordan laughed. “Oh!” He extended his hand. “I’m Jordan. Ian’s friend. Are you going to be polite and invite your son in or what?”

  Scowling, she stepped aside.

  Jordan whispered, “Relax and breath. It’s all okay.”

  Mom led them to the living room with the sterile atmosphere. It was a house and not a home. It never felt like a home. Ian was shocked to see his older brother and sister there. They sat with Dad.

  Ian said, “Hi, why are you two here?”

  “Just visiting. Mom said you had something important to tell the family.”

  Ian swallowed. “This is my friend Jordan. This is my dad, Jack, my mom, Mary, older br
other, Jim, and older sister, Sue. This is Jordan, my good and close friend.”

  Mom asked, “How much of a friend are you, and how old are you? Why are you friends with my son?”

  Jordan sat on the couch, uninvited, and pulled Ian down with him. “We met, we hit it off, we became friends, and I’m thirty-eight. How old are you, Mary?”

  “How dare you!”

  Jordan grinned. “You asked me how old I was. Why can’t I ask the same of you?”

  She ignored it and faced Ian. “So, what is so important you can’t tell me on the phone?”

  “Why can’t I ask to see my parents in person?”

  Dad cut in. “All this is making me feel nervous. Why are you here now, and why is this man with you?”

  Ian shook in fear and looked at Jordan, who let out a soothing and gentle smile.

  “Mom, Dad, everyone, I need to tell all of you that I’m gay. I’ve known it for a long time. No, it’s not a phase, and Jordan is my boyfriend. He’s kind and loving and is good to me. He’s accepting of me as I am. He doesn’t judge or criticize me.”

  Mom shook her head. “No, no, no, you are not gay. We went through this with you as a teen and when you were twenty. You’re just insecure and never learned to relate with women, but I assure you that you are not gay.”

  Ian fell silent. His siblings shook their heads.

  Jordan said, “Just out of curiosity, Mary, how can you assure him he’s not gay? He and I are lovers. That means we have sex, and he doesn’t have to pretend with me. He doesn’t have to think of girls to maintain an erection when he’s with me. When he was with women, he had to think of men, so, ergo, he is gay.”

  “Rubbish. You’re older and have led him astray. You’ve corrupted him, but regardless, Ian, our church has a program for this. You’re going to it.”

  Ian found his voice. “Noooo, I am not going to it. You don’t control my life anymore. I am an adult and know what I want, and I am gay and I choose to be with Jordan. He cares for me and is loving and patient, far from what I’ve ever gotten from this family.”