Trying to Survive (The Kiser #1)

by Hannah Davenport

  “What’s the meeting about?” I heard him take a deep breath. I’m sure he was trying to decide if he can tell me, a complete stranger.

  “I need to give you a little history first. My family is not like most. Everything they do is for show and that’s one reason why we’ve never got along. Remember that I told you my mother was trying to set me up with a girl?”

  “Yes.”

  “Well, they are trying to force me to see her. My father has a lot of influence in the city, and my mother has threatened to have him ruin my business with just a word.”

  “That’s awful!”

  “Well yes, but that’s my mother. The man I have a meeting with tomorrow has never got along with my parents. I need his help to keep my business running if my father decides to ruin me. I keep thinking about it, but I’m not sure what to tell him, how to obtain his help.”

  “Families should not be like that. I’m sorry I teased you the other night about your mother. I don’t know where you live or what kind of business you run, but I know for a fact that honesty is the best policy. Most people can tell if they’re being deceived, so just tell him the truth. Explain what your parents are doing, that you need help, and then tell him how helping you will benefit him. It’s that simple. He’ll either help or he won’t. Sorry, you probably didn’t want any advice.”

  “No! I mean, no don’t be sorry. That’s good advice, I had thought about doing that, and then I’d change my mind and come up with a different plan. I think I’ll try it your way. Thank you.” I could hear that he really meant it so I relaxed a little. “What have you been up to this week?”

  “Not much. I’ve went grocery shopping, and this weekend Megan and I are going shopping again. She needs to get something to wear for her cousins wedding. The rest of the time, I’ve just stayed here with Austin and watched movies. What about you?”

  “I went out with Matt and had drinks one night. His girlfriend broke up with him and he wanted company. Austin, that’s your son right?”

  “Yep. His eighteen and will soon graduate high school. How’s Matt doing? Was he with his girlfriend for a long time?”

  “They were together for two years. I think he’s doing okay. I really haven’t talked to him since the day after we went out. Is Austin planning on going to college?”

  “He is. He’s has several to choose from. Are you and Matt close friends?”

  “We are. He’s been my best friend since as long as I can remember. What does Austin want to major in?”

  “What! He’s your best friend and you haven’t called to check on him?”

  “No, I’ve been working. He understands.”

  “Maybe it’s a guy thing, but you need to call him. After Graysen passed away, I wouldn’t call anyone and if it wasn’t for Megan constantly checking on me, well I don’t know what I would have done. I know breaking up is not the same thing, but calling him lets him know that he matters.”

  “Okay, I’ll give him a call tomorrow.” He laughed. “How long were you married? If you don’t mind me asking?”

  “It’s okay. I was married for sixteen years.” I took a slow deep breath. “Talking about him is still hard for me, but I’m doing better. Have you ever been married?”

  “Wow, sixteen years is a long time, and no, I’ve never been married. I never wanted what my parents had.” Laughing humorlessly, “They’re not exactly the best example.”

  “How long have they been together?”

  “They’ve been married forty-two years.”

  “Wow, and why is it bad?” I could hear the deep breath he slowly let out, and I knew he once again was trying to get his thoughts together. Probably deciding how much he wanted to tell me.

  “Their marriage is more for social standing and was probably arranged by their parents. I know that my father has had many lovers over the years and my mother accepts it. When I told her that I wouldn’t date or marry the woman she chose, she pretty much told me to get over it, that I could have all the women I wanted on the side, but I needed to marry this woman to improve our family connections.”

  “Wow, what a bitch!” He laughed a deep belly laugh at that.

  “Yes, she is.” He still chuckled. “Matt’s mother Maggie helped raise me, and even though I wasn’t close to her, I could always see the love she had for her husband. I never once thought I’d marry or have kids, but if I did, I want what she had.”

  “If she raised you, then why wasn’t you close to her?” Curiosity rang in my voice.

  “Mother got rid of every nanny that I got close to. I like Maggie, but I loved playing with her son, so I kept my distance.”

  “I see. Well marrying for love is always best. I couldn’t imagine having to live with someone every day and not loving them, maybe not even liking them. Talk about a miserable life.” I couldn’t imagine what his parents were like. Mine were loving and supportive, the way they’re supposed to be, the way I want to be with Austin.

  “I agree. It’s never a comfortable feeling to visit with them. They feel almost like strangers.” I could tell it was hard for him to admit this to me. Every kid seeks their parents approval, well almost every kid.

  “I’m sorry it was like that growing up, but look at the bright side.”

  “There’s a bright side?” Amusement clear in his voice.

  “Yes. If they weren’t like they are, then you wouldn’t be you. Maggie wouldn’t have influenced your life and Matt wouldn’t be your best friend.”

  “Huh, I never thought of it that way before.”

  Making my way to the kitchen the next morning, Austin was sitting there eating breakfast. At least he had the coffee ready. Exhausted! That was the only word that would describe me right now. I stayed on the phone with Colin for 2 hours last night and I’m paying for it this morning. “You look like shit. Bad night?” After pouring my coffee, I turned to see Austin looking at me while eating toast and drinking his own.

  “Thanks.” I muttered. “I slept fine, just not enough.” I placed two pieces of toast in the toaster, and then grabbed a knife and strawberry jelly from the fridge.

  “Why not? You went to bed before me.” I didn’t like his accessing gaze.

  Gathering my toast and jelly, I made my way to the chair next to his. “Colin called last night and woke me up. I was on the phone for too long.” I glanced at Austin from the corner of my eye, but he seemed… not as affected this time.

  “How long did you talk to him?” He took a sip of coffee.

  “Over two hours.”

  “Wow. I don’t know what else to say.”

  “Yeah, I know. I enjoyed talking to him, however, I’m exhausted and after I eat I think I’ll go lay back down for a while.”

  “Good idea. I gotta go or I’m gonna be late for school. See ya later mom. Love you.” He kissed my cheek and headed out the door.

  Chapter 13

  He Called Again!

  What is that noise again? Finding my way out of dream world, I realized that my phone is ringing yet again. Glancing at the clock, I had only been asleep for an hour. It was 11:30 am. “Hello?” I answered, already knowing it was Colin. His number was now familiar to me.

  “Carlana, did I wake you again?” He sounded puzzled. Probably wondering why I sleep all the damn time. I chuckled to myself at that thought.

  “Well I have to sleep sometime. If you’re not gonna let me sleep at night, I figured I might as well sleep of morning.”

  “Sorry about that. I’ll try to be more mindful of the time. Anyway, I was calling to tell you that I had my meeting with Ellis today and you were right! I just told him what my parents were up too, and he was more than happy to help. It will take me about a month to get things changed and set up before I can let them know, but I feel like I’ve won a huge battle.”

  “That’s wonderful news Colin!”

  “It is, and I just wanted to call and let you know. I have to get back to work; I have a meeting in thirty minutes. Is it okay to call you tonight?�
��

  My heart pounded against my ribcage as though it was trying to escape. My ears felt hot and my breathing increased. “Yes, you can call me. I really enjoyed talking to you last night.”

  “Good. I’ll call you sometime after nine. Bye Carlana.”

  “Bye Colin.”

  I stumbled out of bed knowing there was no way I could sleep now. My heart still pounded and my mind was racing. I really liked talking to him, at least after that first conversation we had. His voice alone made my core wet almost instantly. I have never felt desire like this, even when I was with Graysen, and that just opened up a whole new can of emotions. The biggest one, gilt! How can I feel this overwhelming need for a man I’ve never met, when I never felt that for my husband. Oh, don’t get me wrong, I love and loved Graysen with all my heart but Colin’s voice makes me feel desire. It’s been two years since I have had sex or used a vibrator and now I was paying for it. I needed to make a decision. Did I want to keep talking to Colin knowing how his voice alone makes me feel, or was I betraying Graysen. He will probably reject me anyway if he knew I had a chronic illness, which I have yet to tell him. I need to think. I needed to talk to Megan!

  “Girl, it’s been a long week. I’m glad we can go out again. Austin have a date tonight?” I met Megan at a park and ride so we could go dress shopping again.

  “No, he said he was jamming with the guys. You should hear him play the guitar now; he’s amazing on that thing. I catch him singing sometimes and I know he has a real talent. Can we pull over at the gas station so I can buy some gum? It always helps me not to cough for some reason.”

  “Sure,” She pulled in to the parking lot and went inside.

  “Thanks.” I grabbed a pack and went to pay.

  “No problem.” She picked up the magazine at the checkout counter. “I swear that is the sexiest man I have ever seen. Mm! I could just eat him up.”

  “What are you talking about?” She turned the magazine around so I could see the cover and I was shocked in to silence. His gaze felt like he could actually see me, and he looked familiar, as if I had met him before. His deep blue eyes were striking. Shaking the feeling off, “He is handsome. She’s a lucky girl.”

  Megan snorted, “Yeah right. He has a different girl on every cover. I’ve never seen him with the same girl. It says here that he was seen leaving Club Jade with her last Saturday night. I bet they had fun.” She wiggled her eyebrows and I couldn’t help but laugh.

  “Put that trash back, it’s probably not even true.” I said while paying for my gum.

  “Whatever.” She put the magazine back in the rack.

  Climbing into the passenger’s seat, I couldn’t wait to talk to her about Colin. I needed her advice. Taking a deep breath, I casually said, “You know that guy that texted me last week?”

  “Yeah, what about him? Wait! Is he still texting you?” She asked excitedly.

  “No,” I laughed, “He’s calling me.”

  “Shut Up!” I started belly laughing at her. I couldn’t help it. She was like a kid in a candy store. “How often?”

  “He called last Friday Night, and then again Wednesday, and every night since.”

  “Wow. What do you think of him?” My laughter faded and a worried expression took its place.

  “I kind of wanted to talk to you about it. I really don’t know what to do.” I started fidgeting, knowing that this would be hard. How can you say that he does things with his voice alone, that your husband never did in sixteen years?

  “What do you mean?” I could hear the concern in her voice.

  “At first he was an asshole, but when we got past that, he seems nice. Hearing his voice just does something to me on the inside and when he calls it’s like I’m giddy or something. I get excited when I see his number show up on the ID, but then later I feel guilty. After I feel guilty for a while, I tell myself that I need to end this phone relationship before I get hurt.” Letting out the breath I was unintentionally holding, I waited for her to tell me to end it, or get over it, heck I didn’t know what she’d say.

  “There is so much wrong with what you just said, but I’m going to start with the guilty part first. Why do you feel that way?”

  Huffing out a breath, “Because I feel like I’m betraying Graysen somehow. If he was the love of my life, then how can just hearing someone’s voice make me feel such desire? I don’t ever remember feeling this way before and I feel… guilty. Oh God! Please don’t tell anyone I admitted this to you!” Tears came to my eyes, but I quickly hid them from her. I did NOT want her to feel sorry for me, and my tears would definitely make her feel that way.

  She gave me the death glare. “Do I ever tell any of your secrets?” I shook my head no. “Let me ask you something. If you had of died two years ago and Graysen was alive, would you want him to be single and alone the rest of his life? You’re only thirty-five and that’s a long time.”

  “Of course not, I’d want him to be happy!” How could she even think I’d want Graysen to live alone!!

  “And he would want you to be happy. Maybe you didn’t feel that heart pounding love for Graysen because the two of you were just kids, and maybe you did feel it and over time you just don’t remember. Now for the other part, why do you automatically think he’ll reject you?”

  “Because of my lungs. Nobody would want someone that was sick a lot. I have just always known that I would be alone for the rest of my life so I was never looking for anyone, and besides, it was too soon.”

  “I call bullshit!” I couldn’t help but look at her with a question on my face.

  “What are you talking about?”

  “Bullshit! We are both thirty-five years old, and as a divorced woman let me tell you that if I found a guy that made my heart pound with just the sound of his voice, I wouldn’t care if he had some type of illness, one leg, anything. Do you know how rare it is to find someone like that? Of course you don’t, you’ve never really dated. I would take a handsome, nice man that made my heart pound and treated me like a princess no matter what was wrong with him over a healthy asshole any day. You have to let this play out, not chicken out. Give him a chance.”

  I started giggling, I couldn’t help it. “Feel better now?” I asked and she just grinned at me.

  “Sorry, that was a bit of a rant wasn’t it.” Megan married Thomas, a guy she met in college. It only lasted five years before she finally kicked him out. He cheated on her multiple times and until recently, she always took him back. She was a one-woman man and preferred being in a relationship over playing the field. She’s dated off and on but she hadn’t found anyone she cared for since.

  “That’s okay. Thanks for listening, and the advice.”

  “Anytime.” She said as we pulled into the mall parking lot.

  Megan really helped me put things in to perspective. I did want to get to know Collin. He sounded like he had a hard life, at least where his parents were concerned. I was bothered by the fact that he wouldn’t tell me anything about himself but I guess he has his reasons, at least I hope so. I”ll admit, at least to myself, that thoughts of him took up most of my time and I looked forward to his calls at night.

  Chapter 14

  Trying to be Better!

  “Hello?” Matt answered with reluctance in his voice.

  “Hey Matt what’s up?”

  “Colin? Everything okay?” That was a strange thing to say.

  “Yes, why do you ask?” I didn’t understand why he sounded so… concerned.

  “You never call me, like never!” He said in disbelief.

  “Of course I do.” Don’t I? Thinking back, the only time I can ever remember calling him was when Carlana called him for me. Shaking my head at the thought, I really did need to change a few things.

  “No, you really don’t. Anyway, what do I owe the pleasure?”

  “I wanted to see if you would have lunch with me today?” I realized that I never really ask him to have lunch or dinner with me. Matt always called m
e. I really was a shitty friend.

  “Sure, where do you want to go?”

  “How about we meet at Tony’s Pizzeria down on 5th?”

  “Sounds good. I’ll see you in 15.”

  Sliding in to the booth, I ordered us a Ham and Pineapple pizza along with two beers. Five minutes later, Matt slid in on the other side. Taking a swig from the bottle, “So what’s up?” He asked.

  “I just wanted to see how you were doing since Carly left?” Matt stared at me with some unknown emotion in his eyes, before taking another swig.

  “I’m okay. After the other night, when the booze wore off and the women were gone, I realized that I didn’t want random sex. I like having someone to come home to. Things hadn’t been good between Carly and I for a long time, I just didn’t want to admit it.”

  “You’ll find someone, the right one.” Leaning forward, he stared at me.

  “Who are you and what have you done with my friend? Seriously, this isn’t like you and I’m a little worried.” The waitress brought the pizza and placed it between us. We both grabbed a slice.

  “I’m sorry I’ve been a terrible friend.” His eyes widened, but he remained silent. “I’ve been talking to Carlana every night. I told her that we had gone to have drinks because Carly had left. She then asked how you were, and I didn’t know what to tell her. She gave me a verbal lesson on friendship.” I laughed just remembering the conversation.

  “So did you also tell her about the woman you fucked that night?” I accidently spit out my beer.

  “Hell no!” Matt started laughing. “Why would I do that?” He just laughed harder and then took another slice.

  “What about Cruella?”

  “I have a date with her Saturday. I did have a meeting with Ellis the other day.”