“Wine okay?” She asked while taking two glasses from the cabinet.
“Perfect.” I smiled, trying to relieve some of her nervousness, but not being able to keep my eyes off her probably wasn’t helping much.
****
Oh my God I can’t believe he’s here! He seems so familiar but I can’t calm down enough to wonder why. As I grab the wine bottle, I noticed my hands were shaking. I hope he doesn’t notice. He keeps staring at me and it’s making me more uncomfortable. Come on Lana, pull yourself together! You’re a grown woman! I kept trying to talk myself in to being calm, but the truth is that I haven’t been on a date since I was seventeen years old.
“Carlana.” He was standing much closer to me now.
“Hmm?” That was all I could get out because he was entirely to close and his smell, it was so good it had me closing my eyes and inhaling. It was very faint and lucky for me it wasn’t one that made me cough.
“Let’s just get this out of the way, shall we?” What was he talking about? When I looked up at him, he put one arm around me while the other hand went under my chin. He kissed me the way I hadn’t been kissed in a very long time. His lips tasted like cinnamon and when his tongue sought out mine, I thought my knees would give out. The room felt like it was spinning, and my stomach had a thousand butterflies demanding to be let out. It was all consuming and it felt like it lasted forever, but actually, it was less than a minute. When it ended, I stood there speechless, trying to stand, trying to breathe. When I opened my eyes, he was staring at me, and smiling. “That’s much better. I’ve wanted to do that for two months now.” Taking one last deep breath, I smiled back.
Letting out a nervous giggle, I finally poured us each a glass of wine. Looking at him, I could only say one thing. “Wow.” He laughed at that.
“Wow, that’s one way to put it.” He accepted his glass and took a sip. Looking around, he noticed the baked potatoes and steaks sitting on the counter, along with rolls and salad. “That looks and smells delicious.”
“I almost forgot! Come, sit down. I just took the steaks off the grill and we need to eat them while they’re hot.” I took his hand and led him to a chair at the table. I then placed a plate in front of him and then I fixed my own. Grabbing the butter and sour cream from the refrigerator, I asked, “Can you think of anything else we need?”
“No, it looks perfect.” Taking a bite of his food, he moaned while he chewed. I watched, captivated. “Carlana, this is the best steak I’ve ever ate.”
“Thank you, and please call me Lana.” I took a bite of my own steak.
“I really like the name Carlana, besides that’s what I’m used to. Is that okay?”
“Yeah, that’s fine.” I said smiling and then we ate in a comfortable silence.
Finishing up, I gathered our plates and put them in the sink. Standing there with my back to him, I didn’t know he walked up behind me until he put his hands on my shoulders and started massaging them. “You’re so tense.” He said as he rubbed them. I let my head fall forward to give him better access. “I’m sorry if I made you this tense.”
“It’s okay. It feels so good.” I wasn’t kidding. I had to stop a moan that wanted to slip from between my lips. He swept my hair to the side, exposing my neck. Letting his hands slide down my arms, he bent his head to kiss the side of my neck. As unfamiliar feelings tumbled through my body, I let out a moan as cold chills crept up my arms. He then let his hands run down the side of my breast to my hips and I thought I’d cum right there. I was putty in his hands and he probably knew it. When his hands and mouth left my body, and he took a step back, I knew he was trying to control himself. I took a few calming breaths and then turning to him I said, “Let me pour us some wine and we can sit on the porch.”
“Sounds good.” By the sound of his voice, I could tell he was just as bothered as I was.
Five minutes later I asked, “Did you have any trouble finding me?”
“No, the GPS led me straight here”, I handed him is wine and then led him to the back porch. It had a swing, and little loveseat, and a chair.
As he sat on the loveseat, I took a seat on the swing. “So what do you think?”
“I think you’re beautiful!” I blushed, I couldn’t help it.
“I meant about the area.”
“It’s also beautiful. Very peaceful. Very isolated.” I laughed. Everyone thought I lived in the middle of nowhere.
“Yes, it is. Maybe later I’ll give you a tour.” I grinned as I took a sip of wine.
“I’d like that.”
“Do you mind if we go out for drinks tonight? Austin is playing for the first time at The Old Mill and I told him I’d try to catch his show. It’s his first one.” I was holding my breath, hoping he’d agree. I really wanted to see his first performance.
“I don’t mind at all. I’d love to watch it, watch him. I feel as if I know him already after the way you’ve talked about him.”
“Thanks.” I took a sip of wine while trying to collect my thoughts. “I’ve been patient the last two months, but now I need some answers.” I said in a gentle voice with a smile on my face. However, no was not an option right now.
He sighed, “I understand. What do you want to know?”
I thought about all the things I had wondered about the last two months, but one thing was on the forefront of my mind. “How did you get my name and number?”
“From the clinic. I know that they’re not supposed to give it out, but I persuaded them.”
Clinic? What clinic? I went over everything that had happened, if I had been sick and then it clicked. “Oh my God! The clinic from New York?” I moved closer looking at him. I saw it then, the faint scar from where the stitches had been, those deep blue eyes staring at me, even his hard chest when I placed my hand on him. I stumbled back to my seat. My hand covered my mouth as tears came to my eyes. “You’re him? You’re the guy that I took care of?” I couldn’t help but stare. His face was so swollen and bruised it’s no wonder I didn’t recognize him. But those eyes, I should have known him by his eyes.
“I am. I don’t think I ever thanked you for that so I’m thanking you now.”
Laughing, I said, “I remember you were an asshole after you woke up.”
“And I remember being called an asshole the first time I called you.”
“Well, if the shoe fits…” I laughed. “Seriously though, how long did it take you to get better? You were in really bad shape, especially in the beginning.”
“It took a while. So much has happened, but we have plenty of time to talk about that.”
“Do you remember what happened? I always wondered but finally just assumed you were mugged.”
“You are right. I had just came out of the bar after having a couple of drinks when three men jumped me a dragged me down the alley. They never asked for anything, they just beat the shit out of me and took everything.
“That’s awful!”
“How did you find me, and how on earth did you move me? I don’t remember much.”
“I was walking down the street when I heard you moan. I could tell you were hurt by the sound of your voice. I couldn’t not help, but I’ll admit, walking down the alley scared the shit out of me. I’ve never been so scared in my life. You were still somewhat awake and I convinced you to stand and walk. I took a lot of your weight, but I couldn’t lift you. You should have seen the cabbie’s face as I tried to convince him to let us in.” I laughed. “After the clinic, I didn’t have a clue where to take you or who to call, and once they gave you pain medicine, you were out. I barely managed to get you to my hotel room before the pain med started working.”
“Thank you.” He said with such sincerity, I blushed.
“You’re welcome.”
Chapter 16
Can We Try?
I sat on the back porch sipping my wine. It felt so different here, so quite. The trees surrounded us and there was a birdfeeder near the edge of the yard. It had a cons
tant flow of red and yellow birds eating from it. There was a red feeder hanging from the porch and the tiny birds zipped in and out and even fought with each other nearly hitting us. “I hate to admit this, but what kind of birds are those?” I nodded to the red feeder.
“Oh, those are hummingbirds. They provide a lot of entertainment. If you watch, you’ll notice there is one that is dominant and tries to keep all the other birds off the feeder. She’ll set and watch and if one lands, she’ll swoop down and try to fight the other. The other birds are nervous and are always on the lookout. Watch.”
I sat there watching, completely fascinated with the tiny little things. Carlana was right, I could tell which one was dominant, and which ones were nervous. Looking back at her, I caught her staring at me and I needed to be near her. Standing up, I moved over to the swing. I felt her tense up when I sat down beside her, shoulders touching shoulders. “Do I make you nervous?” I whispered in her ear.
“Yes.” I barely heard her speak.
“Why do I make you nervous?” She just shrugged. “Carlana, I like you a lot. For the last two months, I’ve looked forward to talking to you. You are always on my mind.” Turning toward her, I took her hand in mine. “I would like us to date.”
“But you live in New York.” I could tell she was extremely uncomfortable but I didn’t know why. Sometimes she was an open book and sometimes, like now, she was a total mystery.
“I do. It’ll be tricky at first, but it’s nothing we can’t work out.”
“I don’t date. I mean, I don’t know how to date.” Stuttering, “Ah, I mean..ah” She let out a deep breath. My heart was pounding, thinking she was saying no.
“Please, can we try?” I don’t think I’ve ever said please in my life, but she was different, this was different. She didn’t know how important she had become to me already.
“What I’m trying to say is that I don’t know how to date.” There, she said it. As embarrassing as she felt about it, he needed to know.
“What do you mean?” What is she talking about? She’s thirty-five and gorgeous. Surely, she has dated before.
“In high school.” I had to really listen to hear her. “Graysen was the first and only boy I dated. I ended up pregnant, and then later married and I have never dated anyone since. That’s what I mean by I don’t know how.” She sat there with her eyes downcast and her face red. I thought my heart would explode with happiness. This beautiful, honest, funny woman has somehow remained untouched from the lies and games that most women… and men play.
Cupping my hands on her cheeks, making her look at me, my heart almost stopped at the vulnerability I saw shining back in her glistening eyes. I knew I had to be open and honest with her if I was to ever have a chance. “Carlana, I have not been a good person.” As her eyes widened, I hurried on. “But just talking to you the last couple of months have made me a better person. Even Matt has said so.” She smiled at me and I felt a little relief. “You know how my parents are, and I’ve never really cared about anyone… until now.” Good, she’s listening. “I know there is still a lot we don’t know about each other, but can we try? We can take it slow if that’s what you want to do.”
I sat there holding my breath as I searched her eyes for some clue as to what she was thinking. “Yes.” She whispered and everything that had stood still in me started working double time. I leaned in as my mouth sought hers, my tongue tracing her lips until they parted. When my tongue found hers, their mating dance began. With my arms wrapped around her, I pulled her in tight and deepened the kiss. We kissed until our breathing became rugged and we had to come up for air. Sex with random women didn’t feel as good as one kiss with Carlana. I would never have thought that emotions would make things so much better.
“We can try.” She said a little more confident. “I need you to know that it will not be easy for me Colin.” What was she talking about? “I like you a lot, but you might have to be patient with me. The first week when you were calling, I felt so guilty that I almost told you not to call anymore. Megan told me it was normal to feel that way and made me understand that it was okay, but I still sometimes feel guilty.”
“I don’t understand, what do you feel guilty about?”
“I feel like I’m betraying Graysen.” She closed her eyes as a tear slipped out. I never even considered this as a problem. What would it be like to have someone love you so much? I was a selfish bastard most of the time, well all of the time except with her and as crazy as it sounds, that made me want her more. I wanted what Graysen had, still has.
“We’ll go slow.” I said as I gave her another hug.
****
Oh my God! Oh my God! I’m freaking out! Calm down Lana, come on. He’s just a man. A tall muscular sexy man that makes my core wet just talking to him. Oh God! Trying to slow my breathing and my pounding heart just so I can talk to him, I finally tell him how hard it is for me. I’ve never dated, not really. In high school, there are rules. My mom and dad would let me go out or not, I had to have permission. This was different and it was scary and exciting. The things his voice alone could do to me. I told him I would try, because I want to try.
Thinking of him, I started laughing. “If we are going to date, I need to know something.”
He smiled, “Anything.”
“What’s your last name? I don’t think I can tell people I’m dating Colin and no I don’t know his last name, but we’re dating.” I laughed again, until I saw the hesitation in his eyes, and then all the humor left me.
“Withers.” He said and I frowned. Why didn’t he want to tell me? “It’s Colin Withers.”
“Well, it’s nice to meet you Colin Withers.” I said smiling at him. “Shall we head to The Old Mill now?” He looked confused until his eyes cleared with some type of understanding and a huge smile broke out.
“Let’s go.” He said as he took my hand.
Grabbing my purse and keys, hand and hand we made our way outside. “A jaguar, really? I bet you cringed when you drove that thing up the graveled drive.” He just looked at me from the corner of his eye and grinned.
The Old Mill was packed tonight as we weaved our way through the crowd and found a corner booth with a great view of the stage. I slid in and Colin followed so we sat side by side. Within minutes, the guys took the stage again and as Austin started to sing, pride swelled within me. He was a great singer and a great guitarist. “He’s good.” Colin said as he nodded to the stage.
“Thank you. That’s my Austin singing.” Austin commanded the stage like it was his, and for tonight, it was.
“Really, that’s Austin?” He asked surprised.
“Yep, that’s my son.” About that time, Austin’s eyes swept across us, and then immediately returned as recognition registered. They focused on Colin as he scrutinized him from the stage. I watched Austin and Colin have some sort of weird conversation with only their eyes until Austin focused on the crowd once again.
“I’m not sure he likes me being here with you.” Colin said as he took my hand and smiled at me.
“He’s very protective. When Graysen passed away, Austin always felt the need to take care of me.”
Colin put his arm around me and pulled me close as we watched the rest of the set. I tried to concentrate on Austin, but sitting here with Colin, I couldn’t think. How did he do this to me? Before I could clear the fog of desire from my head and body, Austin slid in the booth on the opposite side.
****
I never thought her son would look so much like a man. I knew he was eighteen, but I pictured a gangly teenager, not a tall muscular man that looked like he worked out regularly. A man that looked as if he could hold his own in a fight. As he slid in opposite us, his eyes narrowed on me. I took it for what it was, a warning. A warning not to hurt his mother.
“That was great honey!” Carlana said with pride beaming in her voice. I noticed when he turned his eyes away from me to look at her; I could see them turn soft with love.
&nbs
p; “Thank’s mom. I was nervous at first, but after the first song it just felt great to be up there.” He turned his gaze back to me.
“Austin, this is Colin, Colin this is Austin.” I offered him a handshake, and he answered it with a firm, almost painful grip. I just smiled.
“Nice to meet you Austin, your mother has told me so much about you.”
“Really? Because I don’t hardly know anything about you.” His voice was hard.
“Austin! Don’t be rude!” Carlana said with a chastised voice.
“Sorry mom, but I don’t.” His apology didn’t sound sincere at all.
“He’s here visiting for a while, so we can both get to know him better and he can get to know us.” She smiled, but he didn’t return it.
“Can I talk to you in private?” She nodded, I moved to let her out, and they walked away. I could still see them and it looked as if they were having a spirited discussion. Austin walked away as she turned back toward me and smiled, but I could see the sadness in her eyes.
“Everything alright?” I felt bad for causing problems between them.
“Yep.” I could tell her mood had definitely changed. “Let’s get out of here.” We walked hand and hand with our fingers intertwined as we headed to the car. On the drive back to her place, she just stared out the window.
****
I can’t believe how rude Austin was or that he talked to me the way he did. When he asked if he could talk to me in private, I could only nod. I didn’t want Colin to hear what he had to say. It was already obvious that Austin didn’t like him being here. I kept replaying the conversation over and over in my head. “Do you have to be so rude?” I asked him in my mother voice.
“I don’t like him being here. You don’t know anything about him, hell you don’t even know his last name unless he’s told you today. He could be a murderer, a thief… anything! Maybe he’s a scam artist, ever think of that?” I knew he’s just trying to protect me but I’m his mother dammit and I can take care of myself.
Trying to Survive (The Kiser #1) Page 12
