“I like him Austin. I want to get to know him. Please try to be nice.” I saw the color drain from his face and he just turned and walked away. He just walked away without saying a word and it hurt. Really hurt. In that moment, I felt defeated. I wanted to go home. I wanted to cover up from head to toe in my bed, and I wanted Graysen.
A stray tear slipped down my face and I angrily swiped it away. I did not want Colin to see me cry. I could feel my chest tightening up and I started to cough which made me even angrier. Life was not fair!
“Are you okay?” He asked and all I could think was No, I’m not! My husband was killed by a fucking drunk driver, my son is mad at me for trying to move on and now I’m coughing because I have a fucking lung disease. I. AM. NOT. ALRIGHT!
“Yeah, I’m fine. I’m just tired.” Pulling in to the driveway, I turned to him. “Thank you for this evening.” I needed to be alone tonight. “How long are you staying in town?”
“I’m not really sure.” He gave me a sad smile then pulled me to him. “I’m sorry about what happened with Austin. Are you sure you’re alright?” I sobbed in to his shoulder. I hated myself for doing it, but I couldn’t hold it in any longer. I’ve never been good with hiding my emotions.
“No I’m not, but I will be.” I pulled back so I could look into his eyes. “I just need to be alone tonight. I’m sorry. Please understand.”
He leaned forward and gave me a gentle, loving kiss before embracing me again. It felt wonderful to lean on someone again. I may have just met him today, but he’s been the one I’ve talked to for the last two months. “I understand. I’m staying at a hotel twenty minutes down the road. How about I come by at 10am and help you get things ready for the graduation party?”
“I’d like that.” I gave him a half smile before getting out.
Walking into the dark house, I could feel the emptiness surround me. Is this what I had to look forward to when Austin left for college? That’s an easy one to answer. I pulled out my nebulizer so I could start my nightly regimen and get it over with.
Two hours and three glasses of wine later I had taken a hot bath, dressed for bed, and was sitting here waiting on Austin to come home. Midnight came, then 1 am and Austin still wasn’t here. I kept calling his phone but he never would answer. I paced, I cried and I kept calling. By 2:30 I felt defeated… again. I laid down on the couch and cried like I did right after Graysen died, all the while praying that Austin was okay. Eventually I must have fallen asleep.
“Mom, are you alright?” When Austin touched my shoulder, I opened my swollen eyes. He was still dressed in the same clothes he wore the night before. The sun was shining through the window so it was morning.
“What time is it?” I asked while sitting up.
“It’s 8.” I looked at him and as relieved as I was to see him, anger filled me. How could he have done this to me? I would never, and I mean never let him worry like that. I stood up, stretching my aching muscles and headed for the coffee pot. “Are you okay?” He asked again, but I ignored him. I was too angry to talk right now. I had just spent one of the worse nights I’d ever had on the couch, but he didn’t give a shit! If he did, he would have called, or answered my calls.
“Mom, talk to me.” He followed along behind me. When I didn’t answer, he tried again. “Mom please talk to me. I’m sorry I was out all night.” I made my coffee, when I turned around my eyes met his, and the tears, the ones I thought had all came out last night, flowed freely down my face. His face fell and he looked devastated. Walking past him, I went to my bedroom and shut the door. After Graysen died, I always had Austin. But right now, I felt truly and utterly alone.
Once again, I repeated my morning regimen and then hopped in the shower. With the hot water running over my head and down my face and back, I felt better. I didn’t have long before Colin showed up. Last night I was excited about trying to see if it would work between us, but this morning I didn’t know what to do. I didn’t want to live the rest of my life by myself, but I also didn’t want this to come between me and Austin.
****
I didn’t want to leave her last night. I could tell she was struggling with something and dammit, I wanted to be there for her. Lying in bed, I pulled out my cell and called the one person I knew could help me. “Hey, what’s up? How’s Virginia?”
“Hey Matt. It’s okay. It’s very country.” Matt was the one person I could count on for almost anything, even relationship advice since I didn’t have any experience.
“I’ll bet. You been there what… a few hours. Something wrong already?” I heard the humor in is voice.
“I don’t know.” I sighed. “I don’t know what to do. I kissed her tonight and I swear Matt, that one kiss was better than any chick I’ve ever fucked.” He laughed.
“What’s the problem, just tell her your last name and she’ll be all over you.”
“I did tell her my last name and she has no idea who I am. The problem is her son. He’s not happy I’m here, and I’m afraid she’s going to tell me it can’t work and I should go home. I don’t know what to do. She cried last night and told me she needed to be alone.”
“What did you do?”
“I did what she asked. I told her I’d see her tomorrow.”
“Hmm, normally I’d say that was the wrong move. Women want you to be there for them without actually asking. If she does it again, don’t leave her. You have to get the son on your side. If you can’t, that may be a deal breaker for her.”
“Thanks Matt. Everything alright with you?”
“Yeah, except your mother won’t stop calling me. I haven’t answered so I have no idea what she wants.”
“Huh, that’s typical. She probably just wants information like always.”
“Probably.”
“Okay man, thanks for the advice. Talk to you later.”
“See ya. Good luck.” I almost drove back to her house but then decided against it. I’d see her at 10 in the morning.
****
I felt better after showering and getting ready. Walking back to the kitchen to fix some breakfast, I saw Austin sitting at the bar with his head in his hands. Walking over to the cabinet, I grabbed a bowl and a box of cereal. After adding the milk, I carried it to the table and began to eat. Austin’s head popped up as he watched me walk to the table instead of sitting at the bar with him. I knew I was being childish, but he put me through hell last night.
“I’m sorry mom.” Austin said as he sat down in front of me.
“You’re sorry? Do you have a good reason why you wouldn’t call, wouldn’t answer your phone and would let me spend half the night thinking that something had happened to you? You could have been laying in a ditch somewhere dead or dying but that wasn’t it was it? You were mad so I guess you thought you’d get back at me. Congratulations, it worked.”
He came around the table and pulled me in for a hug but I was still to mad, or maybe hurt was the better word for it. When he leaned back, his eyes glistened with unshed tears of his own. “I’m so sorry; you have no idea how sorry I am. When I left, I was so mad I threw my phone and broke it. I drove around half the night before I decided to just pull over and sleep in the jeep. I didn’t want to see you with him. I’m sorry I made you worry. Please believe me.” He hugged me again, and this time I did wrap my arms around him.
After a few minutes of hugging, crying, and apologizing, I knew I had to talk to him about Colin. I refilled my coffee and grabbed his as well. Sitting at the table, I tried to delicately broach the subject. “I need to talk to you, and before you say anything I want you to hear me out.” He nodded. “Colin is coming over this morning.” I saw the anger flash in his eyes. “I have talked to him almost every day for two months. I like him Austin. At first, I felt guilty, like I was betraying Graysen. Megan helped me to understand that if the situation were reversed, and I had passed away, I wouldn’t want Graysen to be alone forever. Last night while sitting here, not knowing where you were, if you were aliv
e or dead, I felt utterly alone. I realized that when you go to college, I will be alone and I don’t want to be. I know this will be very hard for you, but please try to get to know him, try for me. Please.”
I watched him struggle with the information I just gave him. I waited silently for him to go over everything and to say something. “Okay. I don’t like it but I understand. I thought at one point it would be better for you to go out because you’re so young, but seeing the two of you together last night caught me off guard and I didn’t handle it well. I don’t want you to be alone; it’s just hard seeing you with someone other than dad.”
“I know honey. I struggled with the decision just to talk on the phone with him. It’ll get easier, I promise.” He smiled a little and the weight I carried on my shoulders lifted.
Hearing a car pull up, I started to jump up but Austin beat me to it. “Stay mom, I’ll get the door.”
****
Pulling in to the drive, I’ll admit, I was nervous. I knew that today was pivotal if our relationship would have a chance. Before I could ring the bell, the door swung open and there stood Austin. We stared at each other, neither one speaking. Then Austin stepped outside, shutting the door behind him. He motioned to the chairs on the porch, so I walked over and took a seat.
“I’m sorry for the way I acted last night.” I tried to keep the surprise to myself. “Seeing you with her… let’s just say that I didn’t handle it very well. I’ve never seen her with anyone but my dad. I know he’s gone but it’s still hard. For her sake, I will try to get to know you, but know this; if you hurt her I’ll kill you.”
I laughed, I couldn’t help it. He looked at me and I could tell he was getting a little pissed. “I’m sorry. I’ve talked to Carlana a lot on the phone and you sound just like her, very honest and somewhat blunt.” Austin laughed and for a moment, the tension was gone.
“I do have some questions for you. You’ve been very vague with mom, but I need answers before I can start to trust you. I want tell her if she doesn’t ask, but I need to know.”
“Ask away.”
“Name?”
“Colin Withers.”
“Where are you from?” I smiled knowing he didn’t recognize my name either, and to be honest, I don’t think he would’ve cared even if he had.
“Manhattan.”
“How did you get mom’s name and number?” He cocked his head to the side. This wasn’t questions, it was more like an interrogation. So be it.
“I was the man she took care of, the one that was badly hurt. I got her name and number from the clinic she took me to.” He was looking at me now and I could tell he was thinking I was some sort of con artist.
“What do you do for a living?” His voice was a little harder.
“I own and run an investment company in Manhattan.”
“How big of a company?” He was good, this one.
“I have 5000 employees, give or take a few.” His eyes grew wide.
“So you’re rich?” I gritted my teeth thinking this was it, this was when he would turn all nice and want something just like everyone else.
“Yes.” He just stared for a few minutes, measuring the truth of my words.
“Being rich, I’m sure women throw themselves at you all the time. If you hurt my mother because you think you can have her and any other chick you want, I’ll still kill you.”
I’m rarely surprised anymore, but here I sat… speechless. Having money just meant I was more of a risk to this kid and all he worried about was his mother. My respect for him just grew tremendously. “Okay.”
Following him inside, I found Carlana sitting at the table sipping coffee. I could see the worry in her puffy eyes, and I wanted to make it better. I should’ve stayed last night, she looked as though she cried a lot. Walking over to her, I winked as I took a seat, Austin stood at the other chair. “It’s all good. We just had a chat.”
Austin grabbed his coffee cup. “Want more mom?” She handed him her cup and then he looked at me. “Coffee?” He asked as if we were old friends. Carlana raised her eyebrows as she watched the very normal exchange.
“Yes, please. Black.” He headed toward the coffee pot and Carlana had the happiest look on her face, and I knew then just how important Austin was to her. This was nothing like my own family.
****
I ran to answer my phone, a few minutes later I returned and took a seat at the table again.
“Who was that?” Austin asked.
“Megan. She said she’s been throwing up all morning and she won’t be here tonight. I have so much to do and she was supposed to help me.” I frowned.
“I’ll help mom.”
“No. It’s your party. I’ll get it done somehow.” I gave Austin a worried look.
“I don’t care if it’s my party, I’m helping. You can’t do it all by yourself.” He gave me a look that said you can’t do all that, you’ll get to tired. I wrinkled my nose at the idea.
“I’ll help. What can I do?” Colin asked and it warmed my heart.
“The biggest thing I have to do is cook, and set up tables, get ice, put out decorations, oh God; I’ll never get it all finished in time.” I groaned.
Indecision must have showed on my face because Carlana quickly said, “It’s okay, I’ll take care of it. You don’t need to help.” He didn’t know how to tell her that he was rich and could just have someone come in a do it for her. However, he didn’t want her burdened down all day.
“I tell you what, you took care of me when you were in New York so let me take care of all of this?”
“What do you mean? How?” I had no idea what he was talking about, or what he was planning to do.
“Do you trust me Carlana?” Did I? I might have just met him but I felt like I had known him for a while now.
Taking a chance, I said “Yes.” He smiled and then left the room with his cell in his hand.
“Are you okay honey?” Austin sat there sipping his coffee. He had been quite and I worried about him.
“I’m okay. I’m trying.” He smiled a little.
“Thank you.” I grabbed his hand and gave it a squeeze.
“If I can get past the idea of you and him together, I think I could like him.” My heart warmed at the thought. I knew the more Colin was around, the more comfortable Austin would become.
Colin walked back in to the room. “All set.” He smiled as he sat down. What did he mean by that?
Chapter 17
The Party!
Wow, everything looked amazing. There were fifteen tables set up with white tablecloths, each with different colored carnation arrangements for centerpieces. He had it catered by the Fire Grill Barbeque house. It made me happy that he remembered us talking about how good the food was there, and it was one of my favorite places to eat. There was a stage set up for entertainment, and although there was a band, I knew that Austin and his band would be performing later. Everything was perfect.
When arms wrapped around me from behind, I knew it was him by the tingles that ran up my spine. He put his chin on my shoulder and whispered, “What do you think?”
Turning around in his arms I said, “I think it’s perfect. Thank you, but how did you manage to do all this and in such a short amount of time?”
“I had my secretary do it for me.”
“Janice did all this?” I knew he ran a company and he always said he depended on Janice for everything, but this was just too much.
“You told me a little about what you do.” Looking around my transformed yard “But I think you’ve left a few things out.” He laughed as he pulled me close. I looked into his beautiful blue eyes and then without thinking I reached up and kissed his lips. After the initial shock, he wrapped his arms fully around me and deepened the kiss. Our bodies were so close; I could feel his erection through his pants. My heart once again demanded to be set free with the beating of my chest, and my core creamed. I hadn’t had sex in along time, and as scared as I was, I was also e
xcited. My hands started roaming his entire back, and just when I was about to let them drop to his ass, I heard someone clearing their throat. Embarrassed, I jumped back.
“There you are. I wondered where you had gotten off to.” My face flushed when I realized we were standing just inside the house, but in view of everyone.
“Hi mom, when did you get here?” I asked, wondering where dad was and praying he hadn’t witnessed that.
“Just a few minutes ago.” She kept looking at Colin.
“Mom, this is Colin, Colin this is my mother Clara.” He stuck his hand out but mom pulled him in for a hug. I almost laughed at the surprised look on his face.
“It’s nice to meet you Colin. Lana has told us nothing about you.” Turning to me she said, “Seriously Lana, you couldn’t have told me you were dating someone?”
“I thought I’d surprise you.” I smiled, “Surprise!” Colin laughed, mom scowled and I felt relief that this topic had ended.
Dad walked up behind mom and pulled her to him. “Who’s this?” Dad nodded to Colin.
“Dad this is Colin, Colin this is my dad, James.”
He stepped forward extending his hand. “Nice to meet you James.”
Dad eyed him for a moment then took his hand, “Same here.”
Mom stared at him, then me for a little bit before saying, “You’ve got a lot to tell me young lady.” She then smiled and winked.
The party was great, we danced until I was too tired to dance anymore. I knew it was getting time for my medicine when I started to cough. It was almost like clockwork, when it was time to use my nebulizer my lungs would tighten up.
“Are you okay?” Colin asked with concern in his voice.
“I am. I have a touch of asthma.” My mom heard me and glanced my way. I tried to tell her to keep him occupied with my eyes. She must have understood. As she walked over I said, “I’m going to go take some medicine for my cough and get a drink of water. I’ll be right back.” I gave him my best smile to show him I was fine.
Trying to Survive (The Kiser #1) Page 13
