Trading Christmas

by Debbie Macomber

  “Me?” Cait asked in a feeble, mouselike squeak.

  “Exactly. She didn’t want to betray your friendship. Then one afternoon—I think it was the day you first recognized Joe—we, Lindy and I, were in my office and— Oh, hell, I don’t know how it happened, but Lindy was looking something up for me and she stumbled over one of the cords the construction crew was using. Fortunately I was able to catch her before she fell to the floor. I know it wasn’t her fault, but I was so angry, afraid she might have been hurt. Lindy was just as angry with me for being angry with her, and it seemed the only way to shut her up was to kiss her. That was the beginning and I swear to you everything exploded in our faces at that moment.”

  Cait swallowed, fascinated by the story. “Go on.”

  “I tried for days to get her to agree to go out with me. But she kept refusing until I demanded to know why.”

  “She told you…how I felt about you?” The thought was mortifying.

  “Of course not. Lindy’s too good a friend to divulge your confidence. Besides, she didn’t need to tell me. I’ve known all along. Good grief, Cait, what did I have to do to discourage you? Hire a skywriter?”

  “I don’t think anything that drastic was necessary,” she muttered, humiliated to her very bones.

  “I repeatedly told Lindy I wasn’t attracted to you, but she wouldn’t listen. Finally she told me if I’d talk to you, explain everything myself, she’d agree to go out with me.”

  “The phone call,” Cait said with sudden comprehension. “That was the reason you called me, wasn’t it? You wanted to talk about Lindy, not that business article.”

  “Yes.” He looked deeply grateful for her insight, late though it was.

  “Well, for heaven’s sake, why didn’t you?”

  “Believe me, I’ve kicked myself a dozen times since. I wish I knew. I suppose it seemed heartless to have such a frank discussion over the phone. Again and again, I promised myself I’d say something. Lord knows I dropped enough hints, but you weren’t exactly receptive.”

  She winced. “But why is Lindy resigning?”

  “Isn’t it obvious?” Paul asked. “It was becoming increasingly difficult for us to work together. She didn’t want to betray her best friend, but at the same time…”

  “But at the same time you two were falling in love.”

  “Exactly. I can’t lose her, Cait. I don’t want to hurt your feelings, and believe me, it’s nothing personal—you’re a trust worthy employee and a decent person—but I’m simply not attracted to you.”

  Paul didn’t seem to be the only one. Other than treating their relationship like one big joke, Joe hadn’t ever claimed any romantic feelings for her, either.

  “I had to do something before I lost Lindy.”

  “I agree completely.”

  “You’re not angry with her, are you?”

  “Good heavens, no,” Cait said, offering him a brave smile.

  “We both thought something was developing between you and Joe Rockwell. Like I said, you seemed to be seeing quite a bit of each other, and then at the Christmas party—”

  “Don’t remind me,” Cait said with a low groan.

  Paul’s face creased in a spontaneous smile. “Joe certainly has a wit about him, doesn’t he?”

  Cait gave a resigned nod.

  Now that Paul had cleared the air, he seemed to develop an appetite. He reached for his dinner and ate heartily. By contrast, Cait’s salmon had lost its appeal. She stared down at her plate, wondering how she could possibly make it through the rest of the evening.

  She did, though, quite nicely. Paul didn’t even seem to notice that anything was amiss. It wasn’t that Cait was distressed by his confession. If anything, she was relieved at this turn of events and delighted that Lindy had fallen in love. Paul was obviously crazy about her; she’d never seen him more animated than when he was discussing Lindy. It still shocked Cait that she’d been so unperceptive about Lindy’s real feelings. Not to mention Paul’s…

  Paul dropped her off at her building and saw her to the front door. “I can’t thank you enough for understanding,” he said, his voice warm. Impulsively he hugged her, then hurried back to his sports car.

  Although she was certainly guilty of being obtuse, Cait knew exactly where Paul was headed. No doubt Lindy would be waiting for him, eager to hear the details of their conversation. Cait planned to talk to her friend herself, first thing in the morning.

  Cait’s apartment was dark and lonely. So lonely the silence seemed to echo off the walls. She hung up her coat before turning on the lights, her thoughts as dark as the room had been.

  She made herself a cup of tea. Then she sat on the sofa, tucking her feet beneath her as she stared unseeing at the walls, assessing her options. They seemed terribly limited.

  Paul was in love with Lindy. And Joe…Cait had no idea where she stood with him. For all she knew—

  Her thoughts were interrupted by the phone. She answered on the second ring.

  “Cait?” It was Joe and he seemed surprised to find her back so early. “When did you get in?”

  “A few minutes ago.”

  “You don’t sound like yourself. Is anything wrong?”

  “No,” she said, breaking into sobs. “What could possibly be wrong?”

  TEN

  The flow of emotion took Cait by storm. She’d had no intention of crying; in fact, the thought hadn’t even entered her mind. One moment she was sitting there, contemplating the evening’s revelations, and the next she was sobbing hysterically into the phone.

  “Cait?”

  “Oh,” she wailed. “This is all your fault in the first place.” Cait didn’t know what made her say that. The words had slipped out before she’d realized it.

  “What happened?”

  “Nothing. I…I can’t talk to you now. I’m going to bed.” With that, she gently replaced the receiver. Part of her hoped Joe would call back, but the telephone remained stubbornly silent. She stared at it for several minutes. Apparently Joe didn’t care if he talked to her or not.

  The tears continued to flow. They remained a mystery to Cait. She wasn’t a woman given to bouts of crying, but now that she’d started she couldn’t seem to stop.

  She changed out of her dress and into a pair of sweats, pausing halfway through to wash her face.

  Sniffling and hiccuping, she sat on the end of her bed and dragged a shuddering breath through her lungs. Crying like this made no sense whatsoever.

  Paul was in love with Lindy. At one time, the news would have devastated her, but not now. Cait felt a tingling happiness that her best friend had found a man to love. And the infatuation she’d held for Paul couldn’t compare with the strength of her love for Joe.

  Love.

  There, she’d admitted it. She was in love with Joe. The man who told restaurant employees that she was suffering from amnesia. The man who walked into elevators and announced to total strangers that they were married. Yet this was the same man who hadn’t revealed a minute’s concern about her dating Paul Jamison.

  Joe was also the man who’d gently held her hand through a children’s movie. The man who made a practice of kissing her senseless. The man who’d held her in his arms Christmas night as though he never intended to let her go.

  Joseph Rockwell was a fun-loving jokester who took delight in teasing her. He was also tender and thoughtful and loving—the man who’d captured her heart only to drop it so carelessly.

  Her doorbell chimed and she didn’t need to look in the peephole to know it was Joe. But she felt panicky all of a sudden, too confused and vulnerable to see him now.

  She walked slowly to the door and opened it a crack.

  “What the hell is going on?” Joe demanded, not waiting for an invitation to march inside.

  Cait wiped her eyes on her sleeve and shut the door. “Nothing.”

  “Did Paul try anything?”

  She rolled her eyes. “Of course not.”

  �
�Then why are you crying?” He stood in the middle of her living room, fists planted on his hips as if he’d welcome the opportunity to punch out her boss.

  If Cait knew why she was crying nonstop like this, she would have answered him. She opened her mouth, hoping some intelligent reason would emerge, but the only thing that came out was a low-pitched moan. Joe was gazing at her in complete confusion. “I…Paul’s in love.”

  “With you?” His voice rose half an octave with disbelief.

  “Don’t make it sound like such an impossibility,” she said crossly. “I’m reasonably attractive, you know.” If she was expecting Joe to list her myriad charms, Cait was disappointed.

  Instead, his frown darkened. “So what’s Paul being in love got to do with anything?”

  “Absolutely nothing. I wished him and Lindy the very best.”

  “So it is Lindy?” Joe murmured as though he’d known it all along.

  “You didn’t honestly think it was me, did you?”

  “Hell, how was I supposed to know? I thought it was Lindy, but it was you he was taking to dinner. Frankly it didn’t make a whole lot of sense to me.”

  “Which is something else,” Cait grumbled, standing so close to him, their faces were only inches apart. Her hands were on her hips, her pose mirroring his. It occurred to Cait that they resembled a pair of gunslingers ready for a shootout. “I want to know one thing. Every time I turn around, you’re telling anyone and everyone who’ll listen that we’re married. But when it really matters you—”

  “When did it really matter?”

  Cait ignored the question, thinking the answer was obvious. “You casually turn me over to Paul as if you can’t wait to be rid of me. Obviously you couldn’t have cared less.”

  “I cared,” he shouted.

  “Oh, right,” she shouted back, “but if that was the case, you certainly didn’t bother to show it!”

  “What was I supposed to do, challenge him to a duel?”

  He was being ridiculous, Cait decided, and she refused to take the bait. The more they talked, the more unreasonable they were both becoming.

  “I thought dating Paul was what you wanted,” he complained. “You talked about it long enough. Paul this and Paul that. He’d walk past and you’d all but swoon.”

  “That’s not the least bit true.” Maybe it had been at one time, but not now and not for weeks. “If you’d taken the trouble to ask me, you might have learned the truth.”

  “You mean you don’t love Paul?”

  Cait rolled her eyes again. “Bingo.”

  “It isn’t like you to be so sarcastic.”

  “It isn’t like you to be so…awful.”

  He seemed to mull that over for a moment. “If we’re going to be throwing out accusations,” he said tightly, “then maybe you should take a look at yourself.”

  “What exactly do you mean by that?” As usual, no one could get a reaction out of Cait more effectively than Joe. “Never mind,” she answered, walking to the door. “This discussion isn’t getting us anywhere. All we seem capable of doing is hurling insults at each other.”

  “I disagree,” Joe answered calmly. “I think it’s time we cleared the air.”

  She took a deep breath, feeling physically and emotionally deflated.

  “Joe, it’ll have to wait. I’m in no condition to be rational right now and I don’t want either of us saying things we’ll regret.” She held open her door for him. “Please?”

  He seemed about to argue with her, then he sighed and dropped a quick kiss on her mouth. Wide-eyed, she watched him leave.

  Lindy was waiting in Cait’s office early the next morning, holding two cups of freshly brewed coffee. Her eyes were vulnerable as Cait entered the office. They stared at each other for a long moment.

  “Are you angry with me?” Lindy whispered. She handed Cait one of the cups as an apparent peace offering.

  “Of course not,” Cait murmured. She put down her briefcase and accepted the cup, which she placed carefully on her desk. Then she gave Lindy a reassuring hug, and the two of them sat down for their much-postponed talk.

  “Why didn’t you tell me?” Cait burst out.

  “I wanted to,” Lindy said earnestly. “I had to stop myself a hundred times. The worst part of it was the guilt—knowing you were in love with Paul, and loving him myself.”

  Cait wasn’t sure how she would have reacted to the truth, but she preferred to think she would’ve understood, and wished Lindy well. It wasn’t as though Lindy had stolen Paul away from her.

  “I don’t think I realized how I felt,” Lindy continued, “until one afternoon when I tripped over a stupid cord and fell into Paul’s arms. From there, everything sort of snowballed.”

  “Paul told me.”

  “He…told you about that afternoon?”

  Cait grinned and nodded. “I found the story wildly romantic.”

  “You don’t mind?” Lindy watched her closely as if half-afraid of Cait’s reaction even now.

  “I think it’s wonderful.”

  Lindy’s smile was filled with warmth and excitement. “I never knew being in love could be so exciting, but at the same time cause so much pain.”

  “Amen to that,” Cait stated emphatically.

  Her words shot like live bullets into the room. If Cait could have reached out and pulled them back, she would have.

  “Is it Joe Rockwell?” Lindy asked softly.

  Cait nodded, then shook her head. “See how much he’s confused me?” She made a sound that was half sob, half giggle. “Sometimes that man infuriates me so much I want to scream. Or cry.” Cait had always thought of herself as a sane and sensible person. She lived a quiet life, worked hard at her job, enjoyed traveling and crossword puzzles. Then she’d bumped into Joe. Suddenly she found herself demanding piggyback rides, talking to strangers in elevators and seeking out phantom women at Christmas parties while downing spiked punch like it was soda pop.

  “But then at other times?” Lindy prompted.

  “At other times I love him so much I hurt all the way through. I love everything about him. Even those loony stunts of his. In fact, I usually laugh as hard as everyone else. Even if I don’t always want him to know it.”

  “So what’s going to happen with you two?” Lindy asked. She took a sip of coffee and as she did, Cait caught a flash of diamond.

  “Lindy?” Cait demanded, jumping out of her seat. “What’s that on your finger?”

  Lindy’s face broke into a smile so bright Cait was nearly blinded. “You noticed.”

  “Of course I did.”

  “It’s from Paul. After he had dinner with you, he came over to my apartment. We talked for hours and then…he asked me to marry him. At first I didn’t know what to say. It seems so soon. We…we hardly know each other.”

  “Good grief, you’ve worked together for ages.”

  “I know,” Lindy said with a shy smile. “That’s what Paul told me. It didn’t take him long to convince me. He had the ring all picked out. Isn’t it beautiful?”

  “Oh, Lindy.” The diamond was a lovely solitaire set in a wide band of gold. The style and shape were perfect for Lindy’s long, elegant finger.

  “I didn’t know if I should wear it until you and I had talked, but I couldn’t make myself take it off this morning.”

  “Of course you should wear it!” The fact that Paul had been carrying it around when he’d had dinner with her didn’t exactly flatter Cait’s ego, but she was so thrilled for Lindy that seemed a minor concern.

  Lindy splayed her fingers out in front of her to better show off the ring. “When he slipped it on my finger, I swear it was the most romantic moment of my life. Before I knew it, tears were streaming down my face. I still don’t understand why I started crying. I think Paul was as surprised as I was.”

  There must have been something in the air that reduced susceptible females to tears, Cait decided. Whatever it was had certainly affected her.

  “Now
you’ve sidetracked me,” Lindy said, looking up from her diamond, her gaze dreamy. “You were telling me about you and Joe.”

  “I was?”

  “Yes, you were,” Lindy insisted.

  “There’s nothing to tell. If there was, you’d be the first person to hear. I know,” she admitted before her friend could bring up the point, “we have seen a lot of each other recently, but I don’t think it meant anything to Joe. When he found out Paul had invited me to dinner, he seemed downright delighted.”

  “I’m sure it was all an act.”

  Cait shrugged. She wished she could believe that. Oh, how she wished it.

  “You’re sure you’re in love with him?” Lindy asked hesitantly.

  Cait nodded and lowered her eyes. It hurt to think about Joe. Everything was a game to him—a big joke. Lindy had been right about one thing, though. Love was the most wonderful experience of her life. And the most painful.

  The New York Stock Exchange had closed and Cait was punching some figures into her computer when Joe strode into her office and closed the door.

  “Feel free to come in,” she muttered, continuing her work. Her heart was pounding but she dared not let him know the effect he had on her.

  “I will make myself at home, thank you,” he answered cheerfully, ignoring her sarcasm. He pulled out a chair and sat down expansively, resting one ankle on the opposite knee and relaxing as if he was in a movie theater, waiting for the main feature to begin.

  “If you’re here to discuss business, might I suggest investing in blue-chip stocks? They’re always a safe bet.” Cait went on typing, doing her best to ignore Joe—which was nearly impossible, although she gave an Oscar-winning performance, if she did say so herself.

  “I’m here to talk business, all right,” Joe said, “but it has nothing to do with the stock market.”

  “What business could the two of us possibly have?” she asked, her voice deliberately ironic.

  “I want to resume the discussion we were having last night.”