First Loves: A Collection of Three YA Novels

by Jolene Perry

  Mom lets the fridge close and heads for her room.

  “Everything okay?” Sky’s voice is quieter than a whisper.

  “Let me grab a couple of sodas and we can sit by the pool?” I offer in a normal voice. Okay, I’m doing better than I thought.

  “I’ll skip the soda, but the pool sounds nice.” Her deep brown eyes meet mine before she follows me out the back door.

  I pull out a chair for her at our table in the backyard.

  “Well, aren’t you a gentleman.” She gives me a half-smile as she sits.

  “I…” It’s just something I’ve always done.

  She sets her book down. “So, do you want to talk about it and get it out of the way? Or would you like for me to ignore it?”

  “What?” What’s she going to call me on now?

  “The mood in the room when I walked in.” She leans toward me. I breathe in. I can’t help it. She smells like vanilla.

  “Well, my day went about as expected,” I say.

  “The girl.” She gives me a brief sympathetic frowny face.

  “Yeah, it’s all anyone could talk about today.” I really don’t want to re-live all that. “And then my parents were arguing when I got home.”

  “Hence the closet cleaning.” She has dimples under her cheekbones when she smiles. I didn’t notice them before. And even on her bronze skin, I can see light freckles across her nose and cheeks.

  “Yep.” I breathe in again.

  She leans back and angles her body toward me. “Okay, I’ll let you get away with one, but I’m calling you on the second.”

  “The second what?” My chest sinks. Please say she didn’t hear me.

  “The second time you breathed in next to me like that. Do I smell good?” A corner of her mouth pulls up in a smirk that wrinkles around her eyes.

  Honesty, right? “Very.”

  She glances at the table. It’s the first time I’ve seen anything like modesty or embarrassment from her. “I can’t believe how I am around you.”

  I open my mouth to ask her what she means, but she interrupts.

  “Math?” she asks.

  “Matrices. No problem.” I’m glad the topic is changing, but at the same time, I want to be close to her and math doesn’t seem like the best way to do it, but we’re sitting at the same table, so maybe it is the best way to be close to her.

  “Well, I’m glad it’s not a problem for one of us.”

  Sky and I start the first problem, sorting columns and rows for matrices. It’s hard to concentrate on math and not on her. The lights come on in the backyard as the sun goes down and the breeze carries with it a chill. She catches on fast as I walk her through problem after problem. I feel smart and useful, and hopefully she doesn’t think I’m too much of a nerd for knowing this stuff.

  “You’re a good tutor.” She slides her homework into her notebook.

  “Thanks.” I’m staring at her lips again.

  “Walk me home?” She stands up.

  I nearly knock my chair over trying to keep up with her.

  We make it to the front door when I hear Mom’s voice.

  “Nice to meet you, Sky. You’re welcome anytime.” Mom’s leaning out of her room at the end of the hall.

  “Thanks.” Sky waves as she and I step out the door.

  I ignore the wide eyes Mom gives me on our way out.

  “It was nice seeing you today.” What a lame thing to say, but I really can’t think of anything else.

  “You still are seeing me.” She bumps my leg with her hip.

  I realize, just now, how tall she is. She’s taller than Mom, taller than probably most girls I know. “Guess I am.” I stare at the sidewalk. “You’re tall.”

  “You’re just now noticing?”

  “I…” once again don’t know what to say.

  “My mom is native. My dad was a tall, skinny white guy.” She chuckles. “I’ve met him, spent a little time with him, but don’t know him.”

  “And you’re staying with his parents.” It seems bizarre. Or maybe just hard.

  “I’ve met them before, but we’re still getting used to each other.” Her voice is quiet and smooth. Maybe she’s resigned, or maybe she does glide through life the way she glides down the street.

  “Oh.” I remember I held her hand last time we walked together. I reach for it again.

  “Still working toward a kiss?” She doesn’t laugh, but there’s laughter on the edges of her words.

  Honesty, honesty, honesty. “Yep.”

  Her hand tightens in mine. “I’m glad.”

  Two simple words hit me like something warm and soft, slowly spreading through me.

  “If you’re still working toward that, maybe you could take me out Friday.” Her face is relaxed, but she isn’t looking at me making me wonder if that bit of shyness or uncertainty is creeping in again.

  “Take you out?” Crap. Why did I have to repeat that? And why am I staring?

  “Yeah, Jay. Take me out.” Her voice oozes sarcasm as she glances my way. “It’s my birthday.”

  “Wow, no pressure.” I chuckle.

  “I’m turning nineteen.” She bumps my arm with her shoulder. She’s warm. I’m relieved at her age, I figured her for older.

  I bump her arm back, just to feel it again. “I’ll pick you up at like, six?”

  “What should I wear?”

  How the hell do I answer that question?

  She laughs. “Tell you what. I’m going to wear something comfortable on my feet, probably a skirt, and I’ll bring a hoodie since it’s still cold in the evenings. I’ve only been here since January, so I want you to show me Vegas.”

  “That I can do.” I’m already running through my head where I want to take her. “Are you opposed to being out all night?”

  “Wow, Jay. That’s forward.”

  I’m sure I redden. Hopefully the darkness of my skin helps a bit. “What I meant was, I’m up for most of the night on the weekends and things don’t really slow down on the strip until like three or four.”

  “Okay.”

  We’re in her driveway now. We stop, but I don’t move away.

  “Are you still thinking you might get that kiss tonight?” She folds her arms.

  “Maybe.” Definitely.

  “You need to heal up from that girl first.” Her deep brown eyes watch mine carefully. “And I need to figure out why I’m so forward around you.”

  I push the air out of my lungs. Healing from Sarah feels impossible, even though Sky’s standing in front of me, making me feel warm, and like I really, really want to kiss her again. And I’m thrilled she’s forward around me, because otherwise we might not be getting anywhere. At least not for a while. I’ve loved Sarah long enough to prove that.

  “It’ll happen. You just rub really hard, right here.” She laughs and puts both her hands on my chest. She rubs them up and down in short spurts and the warmth from her spreads. She’s becoming addictive. Fast.

  I rest my hands on hers and she stops. Her irises have these dark ridges in them that I stare at and take in.

  She leans away from me. Am I leaning in?

  “Smooth, but the answer is still no.” She breaks our eye contact and starts to move away.

  “I’d like a hug.” I let my head rest off to the side as I watch her reaction.

  “A hug?” She bites her bottom lip. “Actually, a hug would be nice but…” She puts a finger up between us. “Don’t try anything.”

  I step into her and wrap my arms around her before I chicken out. She already knows I like the way she smells, so I breathe in deeply. Her arms tighten around me and I really have zero motivation to move.

  “How you don’t have three girlfriends calling you at all hours is beyond me.” She steps away and walks to her front door. The loss of her warmth makes me break out in goose bumps.

  “How do you know I don’t?” I tease.

  “You don’t.”

  “Night, Sky.” And I realize how c
ool that sounds, like the end of a poem, or maybe the beginning. I’m sure it says something very strange about me that this is where my mind goes.

  Sky pauses in her doorway and something passes across her face. Sorrow? Thoughtfulness? Something. And it’s significant. The warmth of her spreads through my chest again.

  “Night, Jay.”

  SIX

  “Hey, Jameson?” Sarah pulls behind me in the driveway.

  “Yeah?” Why does this feel awkward? Just talking to her? Did she follow me from swim practice?

  “How you been?” she asks.

  “Good, you?” I answer. This sucks. It doesn’t feel like I can relax and just talk to her anymore. Is it because of Eric? Or because of how I feel about her and Eric? I grab my bag out of the back. We didn’t speak at swim practice at all. Not that we needed to—the girls have a different coach, and are kind of separate. Kind of.

  “Can I come in for a few?” Her brow is wrinkled in worry, like I’d say no. Have I ever told her no?

  Now, this shouldn’t be weird at all. Sarah spends as much waking time at my house as she does at hers, or she used to. “Yeah, Sure.”

  She follows me through the side gate into the backyard and steps into my room behind me. “Wow, Jamesy, I can see the floor.”

  “Mom and Dad were arguing yesterday.” I shrug.

  “Cleaning.” She nods.

  “Yep.” My pack drops to the bare floor.

  “That seems to be happening more.”

  “Does it?” Only I know it happens more, but this is what Sarah and I do. We walk around the facts, the important stuff, acknowledging its existence but otherwise leaving it alone. Honesty. Trust. Is it here? Between Sarah and I? I guess it is. Just in a different form.

  “It’s nice to be here.” She sits on my bed and crosses her legs, like always. Her blue eyes look right into me, like every time she looks at me.

  “It’s been a while,” I agree. I take one of the two chairs by my computer and swing around to look at her.

  “It feels weird because usually I’m here almost every day.” She pulls her legs up. “I don’t think Eric likes that we’re friends.”

  “He knew we were friends…” when you got together. But I can’t get that last part out. Why should it matter? He already has Sarah in the way I want Sarah, and now he wants to take away our friendship?

  “Yeah, but…” She’s not sure what to say.

  I don’t know if she’ll continue. Instead of urging her on, I wait to see if she will.

  “Did you know that like, everyone thought you and I would get together?” Her brow wrinkles up again. Guess we’re on to something different now. A topic I’m not sure I want to touch.

  “Because we spend a lot of time together.” But now my chest is tight, and I’m not sure if I’ll be able to breathe. I lean back in my chair, trying to look relaxed.

  “Kaylee said you like me.”

  Wow. Honesty. Out in the open. Between Sarah and I.

  “When did she say that?” I can’t believe how normal and relaxed my voice sounds. And honesty gone, just like that. I’m avoiding. I stare at my legs.

  “On Monday, you know, when Eric and I…”

  Eric and I. Eric and I. “We” that’s what’s next, right? Because Eric and Sarah, Sarah and Eric. An entity. Am I ready to let go of the idea that Sarah and Jameson could be that same kind of entity? I’m not sure.

  “You okay?”

  “Just surprised, that’s all.” I look up and chuckle even though part of me wants to scream that, Yes! They’re right! We should be together! We’re perfect!

  “Oh, good.” She breathes out. “It’s been bothering me since the group got together Sunday afternoon.”

  A group got together on Sunday? But I don’t ask. I don’t say anything. Is this how things between us are going to be? I laugh once. There’s always been things between us because I’ve liked her as more than a friend for way too long. So, yes, this is how things between us are going to be.

  “You’re being weird, Jameson.” Sarah scoots back until she’s resting against my headboard.

  “Sorry.” I use my legs to swing my office chair back and forth. “It’s just different, now that you’re with…Eric.” I really have to push that last one out.

  “We were fine when you were dating Jen,” she points out.

  I nod.

  “And Miranda.” She folds her arms.

  “Both short-lived things.” Because I knew they wouldn’t last. Not when I couldn’t have the girl I actually wanted. Girls don’t stick around when they feel like they’re not the most important thing in a guy’s world. And they weren’t. Neither relationship lasted long.

  “I don’t want Eric and I to be a short thing.” Sarah smiles as she leans her arms on her legs.

  “I know.” I know! I want to scream but don’t.

  Her phone beeps and a grin spreads across her face. “I gotta run.”

  “What’s up?” Although, I’m not sure why I ask.

  “Eric’s done with his stuff. We’re gonna hang out.” Her face and her eyes light up.

  I swallow. Her excitement burns in my chest. I should be happy for her or something. Instead I feel mostly sorry for myself. “I’ll walk you out.” I stand.

  She stands up and makes a face. “How long has it been since you felt the need to walk me out?”

  “Whatever, Sarah.” I reach over to ruff up her hair.

  “Hey!” She carefully smoothes it out. Something she would’ve never done a year ago. She wouldn’t have done it a few months ago. She would have tackled me back.

  We step out onto the driveway and I walk her to her car.

  “So, I guess I’ll see you at school tomorrow.” She opens the driver’s side door.

  I start to answer, but catch Sky out of the corner of my eye, just off the edge of my driveway. She’s in my sweatshirt. I love it.

  “Hey.” I wave and smile.

  “Hey.” She waves back. “Nana wanted her dog out.” She rolls her eyes.

  “I don’t know if that qualifies as a dog.” She’s walking something that looks like a brown pompom on short legs.

  She laughs.

  I glance at Sarah, realizing that I’ve been watching Sky very carefully in her presence.

  “Gonna introduce me?” Sarah’s staring. Hard.

  “Oh, sorry.” I wave for Sky to come over. Now that they’re both in view, the problem is clear:

  Girl I’ve loved, girl I’m falling for. Let’s meet in my driveway and see if we can give Jameson his first heart attack.

  I clear my throat twice before I find my voice. “Sarah, this is Sky. Sky, this is Sarah.”

  They’re opposites. Sky is all tall, dark and angles. Sarah is all smooth, short and soft curves. And now I know I’m a prick because I’ve just checked them both out in less than ten seconds.

  What’s ironic here is that Sky knows who Sarah is, and I’ve known her for days. Sarah doesn’t know who Sky is, and I’ve known her for years. How did that happen? The s’s get tangled around in my head and on my tongue. I’m in deep shit.

  I look at Sarah who’s still staring hard at Sky. Why do girls do this?

  “Sky’s going to UNLV. She lives just over there with the Harpers.” But I can’t force an arm up to gesture.

  “Oh.” Sarah’s eyes don’t leave Sky’s face.

  “And you’re Sarah, the best friend.” Sky smiles this sweet, soft smile devoid of the edge of smirk or mischievous grin that normally plays on her lips.

  I’m staring at her lips.

  “Yeah.” Sarah smiles her warm smile at me. “We’ve been close for years. Me and Jamesy.”

  Sky’s lips press together, and I know her just well enough to know she’s holding in a laugh. I’ll hear about that one.

  “Well, wouldn’t want to keep Eric waiting for too long.” I may not be smart about girls, but I do know that this feels awkward as hell and I’m ready for the situation to be over.

 
“Right.” Sarah’s eyes catch mine one last time before she jumps in her car and pulls out.

  “She’s pretty.” Sky watches her drive away.

  “Yep. But I miss her frizzy hair.” Why did I just say that to Sky?

  “Story there?” Sky wraps the leash around her hand another time.

  “She, uh…” I look down. Sarah isn’t really something I want to talk about with Sky.

  “Walk with me.” She starts up the street.

  “Okay.” Moving my legs would probably be good.

  We walk at that pace that’s so slow it’s barely walking. Shuffling our shoes on the sidewalk.

  “Tell me about hair,” she says.

  I stuff my hands in the pocket of my jeans. “It’s not just the hair.” I shake my head. “She’s on the swim team so her hair was always frizzy at the edges because there’s curl in there. Then one day, the frizz was gone.”

  “And she got highlights to match the rest of your graduating class.”

  I laugh. “Yeah. Like that.”

  “Sorry Jamesy.” She giggles. Something I’d never expect from Sky. I did expect to be teased about Jamesy.

  I shake my head. “It’s what she’s always called me.”

  “She was trying to show me that she knows you better than I do.” Her voice is now smooth and serious.

  “What?” That doesn’t make any sense.

  “She feels protective of you. Probably because she likes you.” Sky lets out a sigh. “Girls are stupid and don’t know what they want until they think they can’t have it anymore.”

  “She doesn’t feel that way.” I can say that easily after watching her with Eric.

  “How do you know? Ever ask her?” I know Sky’s eyes are on me, but I don’t look up at her.

  “No, Sarah and I aren’t like that.” I motion between Sky and I. “Not like us.” Us. Is there an us? A Sky and me? A Jameson and Sky?

  “You didn’t ask to hold my hand.” Her voice is quiet. We stop at her driveway. She’s staring at her shoes and the pom-pom dog by her feet.

  “I…” I didn’t think of it. What a wasted opportunity.

  “You wanna push our night out back a bit?” Her eyes finally come up to my face.

  “Why would I want to do that?” I start to panic. My week has sort of revolved around the fact I get to take out Sky on Friday.