First Loves: A Collection of Three YA Novels

by Jolene Perry

  I choke as she walks away and into the backyard. What does she mean by that? I find my legs to follow.

  “Is your mom here? Do I need to be quiet?” She opens my door.

  “No, not 'til late, or early…” My heart’s beating hard enough that it’s affecting my speech. Something is definitely different. Something in the way she’s moving, or her voice or something.

  “Can I change in your bathroom?” She walks in with her bag over her shoulder.

  “Yeah.” As soon as the door closes, I rip off my clothes and throw on a pair of shorts.

  The door to my bathroom opens and she steps out in the smallest black bikini I’ve ever seen in my life. I’m sure my jaw drops or I do something equally embarrassing. She doesn’t make eye contact, just walks past me and into the warm night air. The smallest little strings are keeping that thing on her, one little pull and…

  “You coming, Jay?”

  Definitely. But I’m afraid to use my voice. She walks right up to the edge and jumps in without pause, just like always. I slide into the water more slowly. Right now I’m just trying to figure out how I’m going to keep my hands off her. Knowing her past, gives me something to think about, something to be careful of. It’d kill me to make her uncomfortable, but she can’t wear something like that and think it’ll have no effect.

  “What are you doing?” She laughs when she comes up for air and I’m still standing next to the edge of the pool, arms crossed in front of me.

  “Wondering how long I’m going to last with your no touching rule.”

  She laughs again. “Come on out here. I want to try something.”

  “Okay.” I take a deep breath and swim toward her. Maybe if I don’t look at her.

  “Stand there, and spread your legs out.” She looks down into the water.

  “Are you serious?” My heart’s beating a bit frantically. What does she want?

  “Yes,” she insists. “I haven’t done this since I was little.”

  I let out a slow breath.

  She wants to swim through.

  I do as asked, but my body’s sort of numb with the anticipation of her swimming between my legs.

  She disappears under the water and swims around behind me. She dives deeper, and begins to swim underneath me. Now, I’ve done this plenty of times with friends and girls, but never, ever, has it felt like this. The tension starts in my chest but quickly moves down to my gut.

  Both her hands touch my calves and then run up my thighs. Her fingers slide into the top of my shorts as she pulls herself slowly back to the surface. Her face pauses for a moment, even with my stomach, and then her body rubs against mine until she’s standing too close for a breath between us. My skin, against her skin, our stomachs together, our chests together and her arms slide around my sides.

  “So, does this mean the no touching rule is lifted?”

  Her lips meet mine. She’s wet and tastes like chlorine and I never want this to stop. But then she drops back into the water and swims away. In my book, the no-touch rule is gone. I follow, catch her easily and kiss her again. Her skin is hot, even in the water.

  “What do you do out here that makes you relax?”

  “Kiss you.” I chuckle and put our lips together.

  Her hand touches my chest. “I’m being serious.”

  “So, am I.” I smile and kiss her again.

  She laughs and slides under the water, her hair follows her like a black cape, keeping her shrouded and mysterious.

  I slide down in front of her and make eye contact under the water. I take her hand to swim to the deepest part of the pool, a pathetic five feet. We both come up for air.

  “I sit,” I tell her.

  “Sit?” A brow comes up.

  I don’t say anything else, just nod, take a breath and drop to the bottom of the pool. I run my finger down the length of her body as I go. Seriously, she had to know there’d be no keeping my hands off her wearing almost nothing.

  Her face appears a moment later. I’m used to having chlorine burning my eyes. She isn’t. But in just a few seconds her eyes find me. I pull her down and we sit, facing one another on the bottom of the pool. The lights reflect in dancing patterns around us, across her skin and across mine. The silence is touched only by the whooshing noise of my heart, and I know it’s all she hears too. And it’s like she knows what I’m thinking because her hand reaches out and touches the center of my chest. I follow her movement and rest my fingers in the center of her chest. It’s distracting because there’s so much skin.

  Being down here by myself will never, ever be the same.

  She pushes off the bottom of the pool for air, and I follow.

  “You do this often?” Her hand wipes the water off her face and she rubs her eyes. I take in every movement, every feature.

  “Yeah.”

  “I can see why. Too bad you can’t stay down longer.”

  “I can stay down longer than you,” I tease. “And anyway, I usually come up for air a few times. Sometimes I wish I had a snorkel or something long enough so I could stay sitting.” Will she think I’m crazy? Mom’s really the only one who knows how much I love to do that. It feels personal. But that’s ridiculous. It’s just me, sitting on the bottom of the pool. But even Sarah doesn’t know I do that.

  “Thank you.” She steps closer and as soon as I feel the heat from her skin I lose my head again.

  My mouth is on hers. It feels like I’ll never get enough of this—feeling her against me, my hands on her back, our lips together.

  She pulls away. “I float.”

  “What?” I’m totally lost.

  She giggles. “To relax. I float.”

  Now really, I’d like to stand here and watch her float, but I know she wants me to do it with her. We both lie back in the water.

  “It’s too bad the city lights are so bright.” She lets the water carry her. I do the same.

  I reach out and touch her fingers as we lie on our backs looking at the faded sky. Once you get away from the city, the stars are incredible, but here, they can’t compete with Las Vegas.

  I stand up and cradle her body in my arms, like I’m carrying her, only she’s still floating. It makes me feel strong, like I can carry her and hold her and move with her. Her arms go around my neck and I feel her lips on me again. Right now all I can think is once again, I’m having my best night ever with Sky.

  “The water feels cold tonight.” She’s breathes in deeply.

  “Wanna get out?” Because I don’t. I want to float around in the pool all night with our lips together.

  “Can I take a shower?”

  In my bathroom? “Sure.” Again, I half-choke on the words.

  “You’re funny, Jay.” She stands up, walks through the pool in front of me, and the water slides off her nearly naked body as she climbs out.

  I’m a little self-conscious climbing out of the pool in my state, but there’s not much to be done about it. Not without staying in the pool for a ridiculous amount of time to let things settle back into place. I wrap a towel around my waist and follow her inside.

  “Go, ahead, I’ll…” just stand out here and wish I was with you.

  “I just want the chlorine off, and I don’t want to go home.” Her brown eyes meet mine before she steps toward me and puts our lips together.

  I feel like I might go insane for how much I want her and kiss her back. I keep kissing her and she keeps pulling away, but I can feel the smile on her lips.

  “I’ll be out in a sec.” She backs away and closes the door between us.

  I stare at the closed door like an idiot. My brain’s not working right. Now what?

  I run outside and rinse off with the garden hose. I have no idea what she has in mind for tonight, but I should be ready for anything, right? And probably if she’s rinsing the chlorine off, I should too. Following Sky into the shower, as awesome as it sounds, probably wouldn’t be the best move. I step back inside when I’m done.

 
The shower in my bathroom is still on. I should change. Jeans? Pajamas? Okay. I’m now officially crazy. I pull off my shorts, and slide on pajama pants and a T-shirt. That’s good.

  I grab the extra clothes on my bed, a couple dirty shirts and shorts and throw them in my hamper. She’s been in my room a few times, it’s just… She doesn’t need to think I’m a slob.

  Sky’s probably naked in my bathroom right now and the thought kind of makes me weak. I’m pathetic. She’s naked under the clothes she wears every day. The barrier’s still there. The shower stops. I need to look relaxed or something. I jump onto my bed and lean against the wall. This is me, totally cool about Sky using my shower, and just relaxed. Only I’m not relaxed because my whole body’s tense wondering what she’ll want from me.

  Sky steps out of the bathroom in her yoga shorts and the tank she wore on our date tonight, minus the bra. “Do you think your mom will be upset if I stay here tonight?”

  I’m lying on my bed feeling pretty smug and awesome that she wants to. “I don’t know.” Mom and I have never talked about that before. And curse my need to be honest with her.

  “Maybe if we left the door wide open? As a show that we’re being good?” She steps next to the bed. I’m trying to decide how much I care about being good, but the look on her face is so soft, trusting. Guess we’ll be “good.”

  I reach my hand out and run my fingers up the outside of her leg. “I’d love that.”

  Her whole body lightens up when I smile. “Me, too.” She grabs the knob on my bedroom door and opens it all the way. She turns around and jumps over me onto my bed. She wiggles until her head is settled on the pillow next to mine. Her smile is wide and makes me remember all the reasons I like just being with her. We stare at one another for a moment. “Thanks, Jay.” Her smile disappears and is replaced with something that looks apologetic. “I can’t, I mean, I’m not ready for more than what we’re doing.”

  “I’m happy you’re here.” And for all the experience she gives off the aura of having, we’re really still on the same level. Even if I might be a little more ready than she is to move forward. Or, maybe it’s just my body that thinks I’m more ready. Or maybe there isn’t a difference.

  “I’ve been having bad dreams more nights than not. Just wake me up, if I—”

  It hits me again. One of the many reasons that just lying next to her is a big deal. I reach over and touch her face. “I think you’re the bravest, most amazing girl ever.”

  She looks down.

  “I mean it.” I sit up and pull the blankets down for her to climb in.

  “Is this okay? I mean, are you sure this is okay?” Her legs move in next to mine.

  “This is so, so good.” I slide over and she slides over. I lift my arm in invitation for her to rest her head on my chest. She takes it. Now I feel like I’m doing something for her. Like I’m taking care of her. The weight and warmth of her head on me is filling and satisfying in a completely different way than kissing her, but also kind of the same. I know it doesn’t make sense, but this feels more like trust and getting closer than anything else. And I really, really want it.

  Her fingers trace imaginary patterns on my stomach relaxing me, pulling us closer. I slide my hand up and down her side, and then more on her stomach and up and over her chest. She’s so warm, and soft. I expect a protest, but don’t get one, so I let my hand rest there for a moment. She feels so good. I swear I could do this all night. My hand reluctantly slides off her chest and back down her stomach. Now I’m pulling us closer, because I want as much of her, pressed against as much of me, as possible.

  “Night, Jay.”

  “Night, Sky.” And I turn out the light wondering if having her here will put me to sleep or keep me awake thinking about how awesome it is that she’s here. I’m okay with either.

  SIXTEEN

  When I roll over in the morning, it hits me that Sky is here next to me. I stretch out my arm but the bed is empty. Instead of feeling the softness of her skin or the softness of her chest, I hear the crinkle of paper. Very disappointing.

  Sorry, Jay. Nana needed my help and I love you sleeping so I couldn’t wake you. Sky.

  My chest sinks. I wanted to see her face this morning.

  “Knock, knock.” Mom’s voice is louder than her knocking—as always.

  “Yeah?” I roll onto my back.

  “We need to talk.” I can tell with four little words that I probably won’t like what she’s about to say.

  Incredibly, I hold in my groan. “Come on in.”

  She walks slowly into my room and sits on the edge of my bed. Her hands fold in her lap and she has yet to speak. She’s in her jeans and her brown hair is pulled into a ponytail. No makeup. It’s nice to see her like this. A little more like she was when Dad was here. She chews on her lower lip, another sure sign I’m not going to like what I hear when she speaks. “I… We haven’t really talked about you having girls over. To stay the night.”

  “Right.” I sit up, very glad I have on a t-shirt and pajama pants. It’s just one more thing to keep her from getting the wrong idea. “We left the door open.”

  “I know. It’s just. It’s a lot Jameson. It’s a lot to get involved in.” She lets out a breath.

  “Mom. We’re not having sex. I know that’s what you want to ask, and I know that’s what you’re worried about.” I wonder if that’s all she’ll want.

  I can see her shoulders relax in relief. “That’s part of it, but there’s something about that late night time, or the closeness. I just.” She takes another breath. “It wasn’t that long ago you had all your hopes on Sarah.”

  Sarah. Sarah feels like a million miles away. “Sky is like…” Is there a good way to describe Sky? “Sky is like no one I’ve ever met before.”

  “Okay.” She smiles. “I really like her. It was just a bit of a shock to see her here when I came home last night.”

  I realize that my parents have always given me the freedom of an adult, but it probably has more to do with me always doing the responsible thing. I’ve never put Mom in a position to be uncomfortable with what I’m doing. I open my mouth to ask if I can do it again but stop. I don’t want her to tell me no. And I definitely plan on doing it again.

  “Plans for today?” she asks.

  “Trying to keep up with homework.”

  “Your father and I are going to meet later on.” Her voice has this soft, sad quality that she hasn’t shaken since he walked out.

  It reminds me of the other part of my life—the one that’s a mess. “I…” But how do I ask what they’re going to talk about? I have no idea.

  “He asked if we could talk.” Mom looks out my back door to the pool, her eyes are filled with liquid and it’s the first time I’ve seen real heartbreak on her face. Sadness, yes, frustration, yes, but this is something different.

  “Hey, Mom?”

  “Yeah.” She turns toward me.

  “I’m sorry I stressed you out last night.”

  She takes a deep breath in and moves her shoulders around, like she’s warming up. “It’s okay. And it didn’t stress me out. It just surprised me. I want to make sure that your feelings are genuine. No girl wants to think they come in second.”

  Like Mom probably does right now. “Sky’s amazing, Mom.”

  “You’re falling fast, aren’t you?” Her eyes look clear again and a smile starts on the edges of her mouth.

  “Yeah.” It sorta takes my breath away. Sky takes my breath away.

  “You swimming this afternoon?”

  “Always.”

  “Well, I’ll let you know how it goes.” She rubs her hand on my knee a few times, stands up and walks out.

  I’m about to ask her if she can pass on that I called and he hasn’t called me back, but at this point, it’s probably not a good idea. They have enough to hash over without bringing me into the mix.

  - - -

  I don’t know how long I’ve been swimming, but my legs are burning, my
arms are burning, and I’m about to call it quits. I slow down and let myself sink to the bottom. That’s when I notice slim bronze calves under the water. Sky’s here, resting her feet in the pool.

  Part of me wants to rush up to her, but I sit and stare at her legs instead. Mom’s right. I’m falling fast. It’s a completely different way and feeling than how I fell for Sarah. And I really need to stop thinking about Sky and Sarah in the same thought. It’s just that they’re the only two girls I’ve ever loved. My heart starts in loud purposeful knocks. Do I love Sky? I need air.

  “Hey.” Her smile is wide as our eyes meet.

  “Hey.” I’m in love with Sky. I walk over to her. My face is about level with her stomach. I rest an arm on either side of her legs. Tiny shorts today.

  “You’re wet.” Her smile is wide as she puts a warm hand on either cheek.

  “The pool does that.” I smirk.

  “Funny.”

  “Wanna join me?” I grab her waist like I’m going to pull her in.

  “Not today.” Her voice is relaxed so I loosen my grip.

  “I missed you this morning.”

  “Well, it was barely morning when I left.” She giggles in her soft voice.

  “I looked forward to waking up next to you.”

  “Well, if you’d woken up in the morning, you could have.” She rubs her hands across the top of my head.

  “Maybe we could try it again sometime.” I’m not breathing waiting for her answer.

  “I’d love that. I slept better last night than I have in a long time.” Her face comes down until it’s resting on my head. Her hair falls around me nearly touching the water.

  “Good.” I squeeze her waist again. “Maybe next time I could help you in the shower.”

  She pulls away shaking her head, but she’s smiling. “It wouldn’t be spontaneous.”

  “I don’t think I’d care if it was spontaneous or not.” I let myself grin as wide as I want.

  “You’re shameless, Jay.” She bends forward to kiss the top of my head.

  I hear the door of the house open and close. I look around Sky to see Mom through the glass. She pauses when she sees us, and then heads for her room.