First Loves: A Collection of Three YA Novels

by Jolene Perry

  She’s been quiet since we left her aunt’s house. I’m afraid to prod. I’m not in my element here. But… But I’m perfectly in my element with Sky, so I should probably focus on that instead.

  A small finger taps my shoulder, and I turn in my chair to see Summer. I lean back and Sky’s aunt waves at me from down the row behind me. I give her a nod so she knows it’s okay if Summer sits with me.

  She sidles onto my lap, grasps my hands, and pulls my arms around her. I’ve never spent much time around kids, so it takes me a minute to relax into the way she’s snuggled against me. But then I do, and it feels… It feels a little like it did when my parents split and I helped Mom. But it’s more than that, and not something I can put into words.

  The drumming and dancing continues, one song and story after another.

  Sky’s dad gives Summer a quick smile, and I jump because I almost forget he was sitting next to me. He has a way of almost disappearing into his surroundings.

  The drumming stops, the lights go out, and Summer starts clapping frantically as the lights come back on.

  I glance up at Sky’s dad and clear my throat. This was part of why I wanted to come. Marrying someone should be… I just felt like I should ask in person.

  The crowd starts to walk for the exits, but her father doesn't move. Summer is still on my lap and still clapping once in a while.

  “I…” I start to say but my mouth goes numb and freezes up. This should be easy. This is for Sky. For me and Sky and our future and everything… The words fly out of my mouth. “I want to marry your daughter, and I wanted to ask you before I asked her.”

  He doesn’t move, and for a second I think he didn’t hear me. I should have waited until it was quiet. I should have waited until we were at his house, maybe after breakfast. Or maybe at night while Sky takes her shower. It’s not like I’m going to join her in the shower at her dad’s house. I don’t think…

  A corner of his mouth tugs up. “You’ll need to run that one by my daughter,” he says. “She’s not the kind of girl to let her dad make decisions for her.”

  “It’s about…respect, I guess,” I say.

  He shakes his head. “Sky’s far too modern for that.”

  I nod in agreement. But where does that leave me with her dad?

  He pats my knee. “She loves you. You’re a good guy. I’m guessing that’s what you need from me. Good luck with her.”

  And then he stands. Even at just over six feet, he seems to blend into the crowd almost immediately.

  Sky’s aunt pauses and reaches her hand to Summer who shakes her head roughly.

  “I’ll see you tomorrow morning,” I tell her.

  Her wide brown eyes glance up at me. “Promise?”

  I nod once. “Promise.”

  Summer pushes out a huffy breath before taking her mom’s hand. I sit on the wooden bench and watch as people file out the main doors.

  The crowd is nearly gone and my mouth dries out waiting for Sky. She said she’d meet me here, and now I’m dying a little waiting for her.

  Maybe asking now is stupid. Maybe I should just relax into being here with her. Maybe I should wait until I’m graduated from college. I don’t know…

  “You are in a zone.” Sky laughs as she plops down next to me.

  “Yep.” Of course I am.

  “So?” she asks.

  I wrap her in my arms. “I got to watch you dance with Summer who joined me, and…” I don’t know how to tell her what I felt. “You were amazing. So many things I love about you.” And then my throat grows a ball I can’t talk around because I could ask her now. I could.

  My knee hits the floor as I slip off the bench. I wasn’t going to do it this way. I was going to walk with her in the woods or in the park she’s always talking about, but I’m on one knee and I’m pulling out the ring with shaky fingers and the words just come out of my mouth. “I love you, Sky. I want you forever. You make me the best version of myself just by being you, and I never want to lose that. I want to go through all the good things with you and the hard things, and… I love you. Marry me.”

  Her eyes widen as she stares at the ring and then she clasps her hand over mine, pressing the ring into my palm.

  Panic washes over me in a wave that makes me dizzy. Is she saying no?

  “I have to tell you something first.”

  Oh, no… The last time she told me something, she shocked me with the news that she had a daughter. Now… I trust her. I trust her. This is okay. What could she have kept from me for three years?

  Sky’s hand tightens over mine, and she stares at where our hands come together. “I’m going to take Summer back.”

  My jaw drops. “Take?”

  “That was the wrong word,” Sky says quietly. “My aunt is sick. Summer’s life here is going to be hard, and I know the adjustment to Vegas might be harder. And you…” Sky’s eyes find mine. “I love you, so you… I need you to help me know if this is the right thing.”

  The room spins. I’m no longer on one knee. I’m sitting on the floor. Summer? With us? I don’t know how to take care of a kid. I don’t know. We both have school and…

  Sky slips off the bench and sits on the floor facing me. “Jay?”

  I stare at her. Our hands are still clasped together. I take my free hand and touch her cheek, slide my fingers over her hair. She makes me feel invincible. With her I can do anything. Be anything. I wasn’t lying when I said she makes me the best version of myself. “I love you.”

  “I know.” She laughs a little. “But I need to know what you think. This isn’t adopting a puppy or getting a kitten, you know? And I have to think about Summer. Maybe she would be better off here even if my aunt is sick. Maybe I can take a few extra trips up, or…”

  I don’t realize I’m shaking my head until Sky’s silence makes me aware of my body again. I pull my hand from hers and hold the ring between us again. “I love you. We can do this together, whatever ‘this’ ends up being.”

  Her hand shakes as she holds it out between us as an invitation for me to slide on the ring. I’m not sure I’ve ever seen her like this. She blinks and tears fall down her cheeks. I slip the ring onto her finger and feel this swell of happiness and perfection and…joy.

  “I can’t believe I didn’t know you were going to do this,” she whispers.

  “I can’t believe it either.” I laugh a little because there are times when I swear she knows what I want before I do.

  “My life just got messier,” she whispers. “Because I really want Summer. I want my aunt to be her aunt. I miss her every day.”

  “I know.” I don’t know how we’ll work it yet, but whatever she wants… We’ll make it happen.

  Sky wraps her arms around my neck just before her lips touch mine. “I think I owe you a warm-up in the hot tub.”

  “For sure.” I kiss her back.

  Sky stands in one quick move and I follow. We clasp our fingers together, and I feel the ring against my finger—one I’ll always feel. “Holy shit.” I laugh. “You’re going to be my wife.”

  She laughs next to me and kisses my cheek.

  This is now my favorite moment with Sky. Me touching the ring on her finger, a night where we’re facing some very big decisions on a few different fronts, a night where I watched her dance, saw her town…and a night where we get to share a hot tub.

  Hopefully her dad is asleep.

  It’s petty but I can’t stop sliding the ring around on my finger. The band is thick and the diamond is inset so it won’t slow me down or snag on anything. Jay knows me well.

  He’s in the hot tub by the time I make it outside, but I’m not surprised.

  His eyes travel down my body like they always do. It makes me wonder if he’ll always look at me in this perfect way or if that’s something that will fade over time. I think maybe it won’t fade, it’ll just shift.

  I step down into the water, glad the surface of the hot tub is even with the porch.

  “A
bout Summer,” Jay starts.

  I shake my head. “We can make tomorrow about Summer. I think tonight should be more about us.”

  He quirks a brow and gives me his perfect smile.

  Instead of sitting next to him, I straddle him.

  Jay immediately leans to the side and stares back at the house.

  “Margie was probably asleep before the beginning of the performance. My dad wakes up at like four in the morning to fish. They’re asleep.”

  “You’re sure?” he asks, still watching.

  I scoot closer so our bare stomachs touch knowing it’ll completely distract him. “I’m sure.”

  With the way his hands suddenly grasp my sides, I’m not sure if Jay would care where my dad was, as long as he wasn’t on the porch.

  “You look amazing,” he whispers.

  The hot water moves and slides over my skin. Jay’s lips are hot as they trail across my collarbone. “You always say that.”

  “And I always mean it.”

  Already his fingers play with the strings on my bikini bottom. After three years, not every single time we have sex is earth-shattering, and that’s okay. For me it’s a sign that we’re around for each other. That we’re in a good place. But right now the heat from the water is nothing compared to what he’s doing to my body. He nips at my swimsuit top, and my legs involuntarily tighten around him as he sucks harder. My fingers thread through his hair as I hold his head close to me. I should have come out naked.

  He shoves up my swim top and this time takes my skin into his mouth. “So perfect…”

  Electricity is buzzing around inside me. Fiancée. I’m his fiancé. I grab his face and kiss him with everything I have. I can feel the hardness of him pressing between my legs and I push my hands down his sides and start shoving on his bottoms.

  I wait for him to tease me about being in a hurry, but his mouth barely leaves mine as he jerks off his shorts.

  We’re both grabbing at the strings on my swimsuit, and I’m about to just rip the thing off, or leave it on and take him anyway when the flimsy fabric finally breaks free. There’s no pausing or hesitation or asking if we want to change or shift. We’re pushing and pulling and his teeth graze my skin as I continue to straddle his lap.

  His arm tightens around my lower back and we shift positions. I’m now low in the water on the bench seat and he must be kneeling on the floor. I tighten my fingers on his back as his movements get more intense and instead of screaming into the quiet night, I bite down on his shoulder when my body jerks in release.

  He knows me. Knows my body. His hands cup my rear and he rocks into me a few more times before half collapsing on me. His forehead rests on the side of the hot tub and the water continues to whirl around us.

  I’m made of rubber. A perfect, wonderful, kind of rubber.

  “You. Are. Amazing,” he says in my ear. “Completely amazing.”

  “I think we should cover this tub, go upstairs and be amazing again in the shower and then maybe again in our bed…”

  “And again in the morning…”

  “And next year…”

  “And the year after that…”

  “And after that…” And forever after that. I said yes. I’m spending my life with Jameson.

  He scoots slightly away from me, grabbing his shorts and my bikini from where they’re floating in the water. “This is good. We’re going to be good.”

  I part my lips and kiss him. “So very good.”

  There really isn’t even a decision to be made where Summer is concerned. Of course we’re taking her. She’s Sky’s daughter. Her aunt has had legal guardianship, but not custody. Sky never signed over her parental rights. The whole culture is different from what I’m used to, but it makes no sense to keep Summer and Sky apart when it’s no longer necessary. It’s going to turn our lives upside-down, but I wouldn’t have asked Sky to marry me if I wasn’t ready to further shift my life for her.

  “You’re sure?” Sky asks as she leans against me on her dad’s couch. The windows look over the ocean, and the day is grey. Apparently most days are like this. I absently run my fingers up and down Sky’s arm. “For real sure, and not just saying you’re sure?”

  Her dad and his wife are on their fishing boat—something I’m not sure I want to experience. Them being gone ended up being sort of perfect, because we need the time alone.

  “Of course I’m sure,” I tell her. “It’s not going to be easy, and we’re going to have to adjust school schedules and work schedules, but… But I think we can do it.”

  “I know we can do it.” She lets out a long breath. “But I don’t want you to feel obligated, or—“

  “I want to marry you, Sky. Summer is part of you. I knew that from… Almost the beginning.”

  “But you didn’t know I might end up with her.”

  I shrug. “I guess I thought it was a maybe-possibility.”

  She peers up at me through thick lashes. “I’m so scared.”

  I can’t have Sky scared about this. “Scared?”

  “I don’t want her to come between us. I love you both so ferociously, you know? In such different ways, but… I’m just scared.” She turns and tucks herself more fully against me.

  “Ferociously, huh?” I ask with a smile.

  “Yes,” she says. “Where it grips you so you feel like you can’t breathe, but it goes deeper than the infatuation thing which grips at you on the surface.”

  She says the strangest things and then explains them so they make such perfect sense that I can’t imagine why I found the expression strange to begin with.

  “I’m not going into this blind.” My fingers stop running up and down her arm. Instead I hold her to me. “This is going to touch every aspect of our life, but… But we’d have our own at some point. Not everyone plans that. We’re getting a little girl who is almost ready for kindergarten. We’re getting a shot at being parents to a girl who you weren’t ready to be a parent to before. I’m terrified too,” I admit with a laugh. “But it’s going to be okay.”

  Sky studies me for a moment longer. I’m sure she’s watching for signs that I don’t really mean what I just said or signs that I’m lying. Or signs that I’m even more scared than I’m letting on. I am. A bit. But not a lot.

  She presses her lips together like she’s trying not to smile. “Okay.”

  “Smile, Sky. Enjoy this. I want you to be happy we’re getting married. “I slide the ring in a circle on her finger. “And I want you to be excited that you won’t be seeing Summer just on Facetime. It’ll be real time,” I tease.

  “You’re such a dork,” she teases back.

  I plant a kiss on her forehead. “Only the best for my girl.”

  But inside a little part of me is still thinking—holy shit…a kid… I’m going to be giving up a lot of naked time with Sky. Giving up free nights. Cheap dates because of babysitters… “We’ll be near my parents. My mom will be beyond thrilled even if she’s worried for us.”

  “And maybe that’ll work to our advantage?”

  She’s right. She knows my mom. We have support where we live now. We’ll be okay. “Yeah.” I swallow. “For sure.”

  I cross my legs as I sit on the massive piece of driftwood on the rocky beach. Jay is so far up the coastline, I can’t hear him and Summer anymore, but she won’t leave his side. He told me to stay so he could get to know her a little on his own. I’m staying, but I’m panicking a little—in between sneak peeks at my ring.

  Just the fact that he put on such a brave face last night means so much, but he’s an idiot if he thinks I didn’t feel the panic behind it. That’s okay. I’m panicking a little too. But if my aunt dies, I don’t want Summer to have to watch that. And I’ll also always wonder if the stress of having a very young kid in the house contributed to her weakness.

  But I’m about to take Summer to a place she’s never been and away from the only mom she’s known. That holds a whole different kind of weight.

 
Summer jumps onto another wave and Jay jumps back. I hear his laugh over the roar of the water and the distance. In one quick move, he has Summer on his shoulders, and he’s doing this weird galloping pace like a horse toward me. Pretty soon I can hear her squeals over the noise.

  Her stick straight hair clings to her face where it’s wet and her smile practically splits her cheeks. I glance down at my ring. I had to grow up fast when I found out I was pregnant with Summer, and then in Vegas, with Jay, I got to relapse. I got to goof around and go to water parks and go hiking and mess around in his pool… All the teenagery things that I missed out on the Alaskan version of.

  And now I’m engaged and probably heading home with my daughter. We’re both going to have to grow up fast again. Not that I think we’re irresponsible, but it’s going to be a huge change.

  Jay stops next to me with a grin and slips Summer off his shoulders.

  She laughs again and hops over and over toward the shallow waves.

  I stand up and study his face.

  “I’m terrified, Sky.”

  I laugh a little. “Me too.”

  “After lying awake all night last night thinking about what we’re doing and thinking about Summer… And then today, feeling like I’m getting to know her… It’s not going to be an easy transition, but I know we can do it. And I know I said we’d be okay this morning on the couch, but I was totally lying.”

  I laugh more, both in nerves and joy. “I know.”

  He takes my face in his hands. “Now I know we’ll be okay.”

  We both glance at Summer at the same time, still jumping on the edges of the waves and Jay wraps me into his arms, our raincoats squeaking together.

  “When I was little my mom used to tell me that our lives are like lines in the sand, in the dirt, in the leaves…doesn’t matter. Sometimes those lines are straight and focused, and sometimes they’re twisty and windy, and sometimes they spin in circles. The important thing is to look up once in a while to know if you’re straight or crooked, and I used to think to myself that I was on my own “Sky-line” you know? I was like eight or ten, and I’d walk to school and think, I’m on my own line, and then I’d call it my skyline.”