Gavin's Song: A Last Rider's Trilogy (Road to Salvation Book 1)

by Jamie Begley

  It had to be all right….

  Chapter Thirty-Three

  It was shit. A five-year-old could take him out. He couldn’t even walk the short distance to the bathroom without breaking into a cold sweat. When an aide brought him a tray of food, he’d been excited, until he saw the plate. The soft foods were unappetizing and made the sandwiches that Ink gave him look like gourmet meals. It had been years since he’d had a hamburger and fries.

  His irritation vanished when he spent the next hour puking up the broth and Jell-O. Not only did he have the body of an eighty-year old man, it seemed he had the stomach of one too.

  The week dragged into two before he could keep down small amounts of food and was stabilized enough to be moved into the treatment center.

  Viper and Ton spent the four-hour ride to the facility trying to convince him into letting one of them stay. Remaining quiet, he stared out the window, letting his silence speak for him.

  Looking out the side mirror, he watched the four rows of Last Riders follow the car. Seeing the brothers sitting on their motorcycles in their cuts, their muscular bodies controlling the powerful machines with ease, was just another distinction between them. Their radiant power was visual proof how far he was from the man he used to be, and each mile they traveled only reinforced the contrast.

  With the shape he was in, he wouldn’t be given the opportunity to become a Last Rider. In order to gain entry into the club, a prospect had to fight three of the eight original members. If you managed to live, you became a member.

  As Viper parked his SUV in the parking lot, he wanted to beg him not to make him go inside. The only thing stopping him was knowing that neither his brother nor his father would make him. They would drive him to one of their homes in a heartbeat.

  Springing out of the car as soon as it came to a stop, afraid he would break if he stayed, he rushed to the front door before any of the riders behind the SUV could talk to him. He came to an abrupt and looked around wildly, his mind already searching for escape routes.

  The sound of the doors swishing open behind him had him jumping to face the oncoming threat with a heaving chest.

  “Son, I haven’t seen you move that fast since I walked in your bedroom to wake you up for school and caught you jerking off.”

  Reaper flushed at the memory, his racing heart slowing when he saw their troubled faces.

  Tight-lipped, he let Viper handle his check-in while he and Ton were escorted to his room. It was larger than he expected and didn’t feel as cold and impersonal as the hospital. Balcony doors gave a view of a walled-off, private garden and patio, giving it an atmosphere of a small apartment instead of an expensive room to monitor addicts like him.

  Before Viper returned to Treepoint, Reaper promised himself that he would talk to Viper about paying the bill for his stay. Viper hadn’t discussed Reaper’s money since his return, and each time he brought it up Viper and Ton told him they’d discuss it when he was better. He hadn’t argued with them, but if he was ever going to get back on his feet, he needed to find out where he sat financially.

  Viper told him that Bedford had stolen the money for the new factory’s equipment, and Reaper was sure—even if Viper hadn’t said it—that Bedford also stole the money from his personal accounts as well.

  The woman who had escorted him to his room introduced herself as his nurse and said she would give him time to settle in and that his doctor would be coming to discuss his medications and treatment.

  “The couch opens into a bed. I could stay ….”

  Opening the balcony door, Reaper walked out, not giving Ton the opportunity for him to change his mind. Taking a deep breath, he had to remind himself that, while he would be watched here, he wasn’t being held here. He was free. It was a mantra he had to keep reminding himself over and over to keep from going ballistic and no longer feeling trapped in the godforsaken Road Demons’ clubhouse.

  “How’s the room?” Viper asked, coming outside to stand next to him.

  “Fine.”

  Reaper looked at his brother when Viper closed the door.

  “Taylor called when I was filling out your paperwork.”

  “What’d she say?”

  “She wants to see you.”

  The joy at hearing that was muted by the awareness of his tenuous health, both mentally and physically. He wasn’t the same man she had said goodbye to.

  “Tell her that we should wait until I feel better.”

  Viper shook his head at him. “You can tell her yourself. I gave her your number. I told her to wait until tonight. I didn’t want to spring her on you without any warning.”

  “I’m not ready to talk to her,” he snapped, annoyed that Viper had given her his number without his say-so. Viper shrugged, unperturbed by his anger. “That’s your call to make. You don’t want to talk to her, it’s simple—just don’t answer.” He moved back to the sliding door. “Now, if you’re ready to come inside, there’s a couple of people waiting to meet you.”

  Reaper half-turned, then frowned seeing a man and woman talking to Ton. “Who are they?”

  “Calder is a friend of Killyama’s, and the woman is her mother.”

  “Why are they wanting to meet me? Is Killyama here?”

  “No. They offered to take turns staying with you.”

  His lips tightened. Reaper should have known that Viper had a backup plan when he hadn’t agreed to let him or Ton stay.

  “Before you say no, just meet them, okay? Neither of them were told about the Road Demons. You can tell them as much or as little as you want.”

  “What good would they do—”

  “They’re both recovering addicts.” Viper’s voice became gruffer as he spoke. “Give me and Ton a break. It’s hard for us to leave you, knowing that if it gets bad you won’t tell us. At least we’ll know that you have someone to turn to—”

  Reaper raised his hand to stop him. “I’m not making any promises, but one of them can stay a couple of days.”

  Viper gave a sigh of relief, then went to the door as he started to wrap his arm around Reaper’s shoulders, but Reaper hurried forward before Viper could complete the motion.

  Nodding at the introductions to Calder and Peyton while avoiding eye contact with his brother, he ended up making the meeting uncomfortable.

  “Ton and I will leave you to get settled in. I’ll see you in a couple of days.” Viper grinned, holding the door open for Ton.

  Reaper pinned him in place. “A couple of days?” He recognized the determined expression that filled Viper’s face all too well.

  “I’ll be by at least twice a week; one will be on the weekend so that Aisha and Winter can come. Ton has his own car, so expect a couple of visits from him. The brothers will give you a few days before they start stopping by to visit.”

  His father hurried through the door, seeing the battle about to erupt between him and Viper.

  “I don’t want visitors until I’m ready,” he growled out.

  “They aren’t visitors,” Viper said, going out the door. “They’re brothers.”

  Reaper stared at the door as it closed, then angerly jerked his head to the side at the laughter coming from the couch.

  Calder had his long legs sprawled over the coffee table and started fiddling with the television remote, while Peyton studied him for a moment before saying she was going to search for his nurse to get him something to eat. She left the room before could tell her he wasn’t hungry.

  “I have one of those myself.” Calder laughed harder at Reaper’s irritated expression.

  “What?” he snapped. “An overprotective big brother or a pain in the neck?”

  “Viper’s not that bad.” Amusement showed in Calder’s eyes.

  The amusement had Reaper losing control of his tongue like he hadn’t been able to with his brother. “Try living up to a brother who never screws up. I got mad at him and gave my cut back, lost our company thousands of dollars, got my ass kidnapped, and everyone tho
ught I was dead for over nine years. The woman I was supposed to marry is now married to another man and is going to have his kid, and I’m stuck here because, as much as I want to get on a bike, I don’t have enough strength to keep a full meal down much less walk out of here on my own steam.”

  Calder crossed his legs at the ankles. “Try living up to a big brother who had thousands of dollars on the line for endorsements, and he gave them up to try to get me clean after I started using after getting my father killed. Not only did the endorsements dry up, so did his marriage. My old lady dumped me when I was in prison, and when I got out, the only job I could get was working for my brother. Every day I go into work, I can tell he’s wondering if this is the day I’ll start using again.

  “This is your first attempt at rehab. I’ve had three. If I hadn’t been locked up long enough to get clean, I’d still be using. And despite all of the shit that he’s done for me, you know what bugs the fuck out of me about him?”

  Reaper felt the beginning of tremors shaking his legs as he unsteadily made his way to his bed to sit down. “No. What?”

  “His fucking nickname. Stud,” he snorted out enviously. “And you know what really puts the cherry on top of my shit sundae?” Calder rocked his head back and forth, prompting Reaper to ask the question he wanted.

  “No. What?” Reaper gave in, commiserating with him as only a younger brother could.

  “He married a woman nicknamed Sex Piston, and she’s hot as fuck.”

  “Damn, that would suck.” Reaper could feel his pain.

  Calder raised his hands in frustration. “Yeah, it does, right?” Dropping his hands, his face turned mournful. “I used to want to be him just for a single fucking day to see what it would be like.”

  Reaper raised a questioning brow. “You don’t anymore?”

  Calder shook his head sadly. “Hell no! I finally had to admit that I’d never be man enough to step into his shoes, not even for a fucking hour, much less a whole day.”

  “Why not?” he asked curiously, lying down sideways on the bed and stuffing a pillow under his head.

  Calder gave him a pained look of acceptance. “Did I mention he was married to Sex Piston? Brother, I’d never want to live up to that challenge.”

  Chapter Thirty-Four

  “You can block her number if you don’t want to answer,” Shade suggested from the other side of the table, laying his napkin on his empty plate.

  Reaper raised his eyes away from the cell phone laying on the patio table. “I know.”

  Shade’s gaze met his. Unlike Viper, Ton, and the other brothers who visited, Shade didn’t pull any punches.

  “You look like shit. You need to start eating more.”

  “I don’t have much of an appetite.”

  “Why? Because your stomach can’t tolerate food or you just don’t give a fuck?”

  Giving him a grim smile, Reaper braced himself. Shade was a brutally honest man and what allowances he had made for Reaper were rapidly evaporating each time he came for a visit.

  “Why are you here, Shade? Don’t feel like you have to just because the other brothers do. Don’t pretend you have an ounce of feeling for me. I know you too well.”

  Shade’s gaze turned steely. “I know you too well, too. Enough to know that, if you’re waiting to see Taylor because you want to look like you used to, then you’re twiddling your thumbs needlessly. You’re the one who bragged about her loving you regardless of how many medals you had. If she loves you as much as you think she did, she’s not going to give a fuck how you look now or what happened; she’ll just be happy you’re alive.”

  “If Taylor loved me, she would have come to see me at the hospital and not had to think about it. How long did she wait until she started dating?”

  “You really want to go there? I’m not going to sugar coat my answers to you.”

  “How long?” Reaper firmed his jaw.

  “A while. To tell the truth, I didn’t keep track. Train was the one who spent the most time with her. Razer and I were in Treepoint, trying to get the factory started when Viper called and told us she tried to kill herself right before Train left to come to Treepoint. He stayed with her until she was better. She started dating Burn before he joined us.”

  “She married Burn?” He met Burn a few times before leaving the club. He served in the Navy with Moon and had stopped by to visit him and stayed. That was pretty much how most of the members had joined.

  “Yes.”

  “He was a nice guy.” Becoming nauseated, Reaper shoved his still full plate of food away.

  “He still is.” Shade nodded. “He left the club before they married.”

  “Have they been happy?”

  “You’ll have to ask Taylor that question when you talk to her.”

  Reaper laid a hand on the phone, silencing it when it started ringing again. “I will later.”

  “Suit yourself.”

  “Who does Viper have watching the Road Demons’ clubhouse?”

  “Rider and Moon.”

  “Has Slate shown up?”

  “No.”

  Hatred for the man who had destroyed his life burned hotter each day that he spent fighting the addiction that still made days and nights a trial of endurance.

  Shade leaned forward in his chair, compelling Reaper to focus back on him instead of the tormenting memories. “Listen to me; I know you want payback. Slate isn’t going to catch you, and if you want to capture the son of bitch, you’re going to have to put what he did to you behind you—pretend the fuckers are dead if you have to. What you need to do is concentrate on getting better. Then, when you’re ready, you will be able to use that strategic shit you excel at to find him or anyone else you want.

  “Slate has a whole network of buddies to hide behind. I bet he’s blackmailed more than three or four to keep him safe so far, if not more. If I figured this shit out, you should have too. Not once did you go into a battle or a mission unprepared, so don’t start now when it means so much to you. Because, if you don’t and you keep letting your emotions lead the fucking way, you’ll be dead with no one to blame but yourself.”

  Shade pushed the plate that Reaper had shoved away back in front of him. “Now eat the fucking sandwich.”

  Reaper anxiously watched the door, waiting for Taylor to arrive. He was self-consciously aware that Calder and his girlfriend, Crazy Bitch, had left the room to wait on the patio, giving them privacy.

  Already heightened nerves had his breath catching in his throat when the door opened.

  She was just as beautiful as he had remembered. Her luminous eyes were already glinting with tears when she came through the door.

  Where was the pounding heartbeat that he’d thought would be trying to jump out of his chest?

  Confused at his reaction, he stood, still not sure if he should make the first move to hug her or wait for her to do it. In his fantasies, she had run into his arms. Instead, she just stood there, looking at him with sorrow in her gaze while twisting a wedding ring that he hadn’t been the one to place on her hand.

  “You’re still as beautiful as I remember.” Nervous, he took a small step forward, then stopped uncertainly.

  “When Viper told me you were alive, I couldn’t believe it. I still really can’t believe it’s true,” she whispered tearfully. “I missed you.”

  “I dreamed about you every day; it’s what kept me alive.”

  Taylor stared down at her hands as she continuously twisted her wedding ring. “I’m married. We’re having a baby.”

  “Are you happy?” Fear that she was or wasn’t clenched his stomach in indecision, not certain which answer he wanted to hear from her lips.

  “I was …” Her trembling voice became firmer. “We are.”

  “I never stopped loving you.” Had he? He inwardly searched for the feeling of love that he once felt for her, scraping blindly to find even a tendril to harness the agony of what he was feeling—the same disconnect with her as with
everyone else from his past.

  He had imagined reuniting with her so many times … It was what had kept him sane. Without her there would be nothing left of him. He had already known the old Gavin was gone, but he had held onto the hope that the part of him that belonged to Taylor would keep him grounded and wouldn’t let him give in to the despair of grieving for the life he was terrified was now permanently lost to him.

  “I won’t leave my husband for you. We built a life together. I might not love him the way I loved you, but it’s good. I was never going to be enough for you, and with Burn, I’m all he wants.”

  “Don’t say that. I’ll do anything you want,” he pled, feeling as if there was an invisible wall between them.

  Why aren’t I trying to scale the wall and taking her in my arms, he wailed internally to himself, knowing the answer even though it was the last thing he wanted to admit. She was married and carrying Burn’s child. Trying to get Taylor to break her vows had him going back and forth between wanting to succeed and being repulsed at himself.

  “I’m sorry, Gavin. I’m so sorry … I shouldn’t have come. I just needed to see you one last time and say our good-byes in person.” Turning she went to the door.

  “Don’t leave,” he begged, feeling as if she was sucking the air out of him the farther away she moved. “Please stay … I love you,” he again begged helplessly.

  “It’s the first time you’ve told me I love you, and I actually believe it,” she said with her back to him.

  “I do!” he cried out, frantically clinging to the reunion that he had imagined and not the one that was actually taking place.

  “If you had meant it before you left for Treepoint, we wouldn’t be in this position. I won’t leave Burn, because he did for me what you were never willing to do.”

  Reaper closed his eyes in agony. “Taylor ….”

  “Good-bye, Gavin.”

  “Please don’t leave … Stay and talk.”

  “I can’t.”

  His feet rooted to the floor, he made no attempt to stop her. He couldn’t. He yelled out her name for her to come back, while relieved she had done what he hadn’t been able to do for himself. She showed him that she was strong enough to walk away from him and find happiness without him. She didn’t need him. She never had. She would be happy with Burn in a way that she would have never been happy with him, because Burn was strong enough to survive without The Last Riders, and his one attempt of separating himself from the club had shown what a failure he had been.