Becoming Lola

by Harriet Steel

  Chapter 11

  It was a grey, February day when, at long last, they docked at Portsmouth. Eliza evaded Mrs Sturgis and strolled down the gangplank on Lennox’s arm, ignoring the stares of the other passengers. Her stepfather had made arrangements for her to go to Montrose, but she and Lennox were gone before Catherine Rae and her husband could find them in the disembarking crowd. They spent the night at an inn then travelled on to London the next day and rented rooms at the Imperial Hotel in Covent Garden.

  ‘I must take the coach to Chichester today,’ Lennox announced the following morning. ‘It won’t be long before my parents hear our ship is in, and I’ll have a hard time explaining myself if I don’t go to see them straight away. I’ll be back as soon as I can.’

  While he was gone, Eliza found lodgings for them in Great Ryder Street. She unpacked her luggage and draped some of the Indian shawls she had brought with her over the chairs in the small drawing room, and over the bed she and Lennox would share.

  ‘There, that’s better,’ she murmured, standing back to survey the effect. The rich colours glowed like stained glass, banishing the drabness of the landlord’s furnishings.

  That evening, she paid for extra logs and candles. She sat by the fire in their buttery light and thought of Lennox. What would his family be saying to his news? Surely they would want to meet her very soon? She pictured a fine old house built of mellow stone, with beautiful gardens and a long drive lined with daffodils in spring. She imagined the carriage bringing the two of them up to the grand entrance, where an elderly, distinguished-looking couple waited with smiles of welcome.

  She hugged herself, thinking of the day when she and Lennox would marry. In some vague way, she was sure Thomas could be persuaded to set her free. A match to a man with aristocratic connections would show her mother how wrong she was to despise her.

  Lennox returned within the week. ‘I decided not to tell my family about us just yet,’ he said when she asked. He lifted her chin and smiled into her eyes. ‘Don’t look at me like that, Eliza. I’ll tell them soon, I promise. You must understand they are old and need time to get used to things. Let them get over having me home for a little while before we visit them together.’

  He pulled her into his arms and kissed her. ‘You look very pretty,’ he said, ‘even when you’re cross with me. I saw a magnificent ring in one of the jewellers’ windows in Bond Street the other day. It was set with a circle of diamond chips around a fine sapphire as blue as your eyes. Shall I buy it for you?’ He stroked her cheek. ‘Darling Eliza, don’t be angry. You know how much I love you.’

  He felt her body soften against his. ‘There, that’s better,’ he whispered. ‘I’ve missed you so much. It was all I could do to stay away for as long as I did.’ His arms tightened around her. ‘Come to bed, my love. Everything will be all right, I promise.’

  *

  The weeks passed pleasantly. They attended the theatres and drove in Hyde Park in Lennox’s smart, canary-yellow brougham. At the opera one evening, Eliza noticed a dark, statuesque woman whose ivory satin dress was so tailored to her magnificent figure that she looked as if she had been sewn into it. Every inch of the fabric was embroidered with delicate seed pearls, and diamonds blazed at her wrists and neck.

  ‘Who is she?’ she whispered to Lennox, but he was too much occupied scanning the audience with his opera glasses to hear her.

  His friend, Arthur, who often joined them on their outings now, leant towards her, so close that his moustache almost brushed her cheek.

  ‘La Pavia,’ he whispered. ‘She’s one of what the Parisians call les grandes horizontales. People say her mother was a Jewish merchant’s daughter ruined by a cousin of the Russian czar. In revenge, the child eats men for breakfast.’

  He grinned. ‘Not a sweet little piece like you, my dear.’ He ran a finger down her cheek. ‘Y’know I’m very fond of you, don’t you Eliza? When you and old George are tired of each other, promise you won’t forget that?’

  Eliza coloured. ‘That will never happen.’

  Arthur grinned. ‘What an innocent you are, my dear.’

  *

  In April, Lennox went to visit his family again. Left alone, Eliza came back from a drive one morning to find a visitor waiting for her. With a jolt, she recognised her sister-in-law, Sarah Watson.

  Sarah stood up from her chair, clasping and unclasping her gloved hands. ‘Eliza, thank the Lord I’ve found you, we’ve all been so worried. There’s no point in your trying to hide the truth. After Catherine couldn’t find you at Portsmouth, she spoke to Mrs Sturgis who told her everything. My dear, you will ruin yourself if you go on like this. Come home with me.’

  Eliza shook her head. ‘I shall stay exactly where I am. George Lennox and I are in love. One day we hope to marry.’

  Sarah frowned. ‘But Eliza, you are married to Thomas.’

  ‘Then I’ll get a divorce.’

  ‘It’s not as simple as that. My poor girl, do you think this man loves you enough to endure the shame such a state of affairs would bring?’

  Eliza flushed. ‘I do.’ She held out her left hand so that the diamond and sapphire ring caught the light. ‘He bought me this. It is to show that we are bound to each other for the rest of our lives.’

  Sarah looked at the jewel, her eyes full of concern.

  ‘Eliza, this can only bring misery. I understand his family are wealthy and influential. They are sure to resist such a marriage. They might even cut him off. And then there’s his career. The army doesn’t countenance scandal, especially when a man has taken up with the wife of a brother officer. Faced with all that, do you really believe he will be loyal to you?’

  ‘I told you. We’re in love.’

  Sarah shook her head. ‘They say love flies out of the window when adversity comes in at the door, Eliza. Please, I beg you to reconsider. It’s not too late. If you go to Scotland, we may be able to keep what has happened from becoming too widely known.’

  Eliza turned away.

  ‘I’ll leave you for tonight,’ Sarah said sadly. ‘May I come again tomorrow? Your Aunt Catherine would like to see you too.’

  Eliza raised an eyebrow. ‘So she can scold me as well?’

  ‘Oh my dear, I don’t want to scold you, and neither does she. We only want what is best for you. If you are not happy to go to Scotland, you would be very welcome to live with me in Ireland.’

  Eliza gave her a watery smile. ‘You’re very kind, Sarah, and I’d be glad to see Aunt Catherine, but I promise you both, I won’t change my mind. If you met George, you would understand why. We are so happy and I belong here in London with him. I don’t want to be anywhere else.’

  *

  Summer followed spring and Eliza and Lennox left Great Ryder Street and moved to more fashionable lodgings in Mayfair. Eliza had resisted all Catherine’s and Sarah’s attempts to change her mind and they had returned to their respective homes.

  ‘What are you thinking about?’ she asked one morning as they lay late in bed. The sun shone through the sash windows making oblique patterns on the blue and yellow bedspread.

  He stroked her cheek. ‘Nothing much.’

  She propped herself up on her elbow. ‘Georgie, when will you tell your family about us?’

  He looked down and picked at the hem of the sheet. ‘Last time I went, you know Father had an attack of gout. It wouldn’t have been a good moment to talk about serious things.’

  She grimaced. ‘And the time before his favourite hunter was lame. Why do you always make some excuse?’

  He frowned. ‘Don’t nag me, Eliza. You don’t understand how careful I have to be. The old man can be dashed difficult. I must find the right time or I shall ruin everything. As it is, he had a few things to say about this month’s bills. We’ll have to draw in our horns a bit.’

  ‘I’m beginning to wonder if you’ll ever talk to him. I don’t think you really want us to be married at all.’

  Lennox flushed. He got out of
bed, pulled on a pair of breeches and went over to the window. He picked up the small, wooden elephant with ruby chips for eyes that stood on the sill and weighed it in his hand. He remembered seeing many like it in India. How he wished his life was as simple now as it had been then.

  ‘Of course I do, but there’s a lot more to it than that: your divorce for a start. It might take years and your husband hasn’t even agreed to it yet.’

  Tears sprang to her eyes.

  He swallowed. ‘I’m sorry, please don’t cry. I’ll go back soon and try again.’

  *

  Summer drew to a close. Within a few weeks, the leaves on the trees in the parks fell in great drifts of red and gold. When Lennox returned from his latest visit to his family, Eliza was determined she would wait no longer.

  ‘More lies,’ she said scornfully when he trotted out his string of excuses.

  Her tone cut him. ‘Don’t call me a liar,’ he snapped.

  ‘What should I call you then? I can hardly call you a man who honours his word.’

  He took her by the shoulders. ‘You don’t understand how the world works, Eliza.’

  She tore herself away. ‘I understand very well,’ she blazed.

  Her slap caught him off guard. He winced and rubbed the place as a red patch flared up. ‘It’s lucky for you I’m a gentleman, or I’d strike you back for that.’

  ‘You’re no gentleman. Hit me if you dare. I think you’ll find I’m a match for you.’

  His eyes widened as she came towards him, her hands reaching for his throat. He grabbed her wrists and shoved her away. With a scream, she fell, but straight away scrambled to her feet to lunge again. White with rage, Lennox backed towards the door. His voice was harsh with the effort of controlling his temper. ‘I’m going to my club, Eliza. I hope you’ll have come to your senses by the time I return.’

  She flashed him a glance of pure loathing. ‘Go then,’ she spat. ‘And don’t come back.’

  But a moment after the door slammed behind him, her face crumpled and she gave way to tears.

  *

  ‘Lovers’ tiff, eh?’ his friend Arthur grinned, finding Lennox slumped in one of the club’s high-backed, leather chairs, staring gloomily into his brandy.

  ‘Sometimes I think I should never have started this.’

  Arthur settled himself in the chair opposite and took a sip of his own brandy. Ironic, he thought, that his chance seemed to have come at last when he had just taken up with a very spicy little dancer from Covent Garden. Such was life.

  ‘It’s always difficult finishing these things,’ he said when Lennox had unburdened himself.

  ‘You think I should? Finish with her, I mean.’

  ‘Why of course. Even if the husband lets her go, Mrs James ain’t the kind a man marries. You know your family would never accept it. I’m surprised you’ve managed to keep it from them for so long. They’re sure to find out some day and then where will you be? Your commission will be at risk too if the regiment finds out you’ve taken up with a runaway like her, especially when her husband is a brother officer.’

  He looked at Lennox’s glum face. ‘Do it, my friend, or you’ll have as much chance of getting on as a cock in a convent. Plenty more fish in the sea.’

  ‘But what can I tell her?’

  ‘Oh, you’ll think of something. You could go back to India. You’d be at a safe distance then. Find yourself an heiress instead. Your family would approve of that, I’ll be bound.’

  ‘Thank you for the advice.’

  ‘My pleasure.’

  Lennox groaned and banged a fist down on the arm of his chair. ‘Damn! You’re right, I know. I just have to find the courage to tell her.’

  ‘Yes, you do.’

  On the way back to their lodgings, Lennox bought tickets for a play that he knew Eliza wanted to see, as well as a bunch of chrysanthemums from a stall at the corner of Grosvenor Square. Heart thumping, he mounted the short flight of stone steps to his front door and let himself in. Night had fallen outside, but no candles were lit and in the drawing room, the fire was almost out. Eliza crouched by the cooling remains of the logs in the grate. He saw that she had been crying. He put down the flowers and went to her.

  She jumped up and clung to him. ‘I’m sorry,’ she gulped.

  He kissed her hair. ‘It’s I who should be sorry. I’ve behaved badly. I know it.’

  She raised her head with a tremulous smile. ‘Then I forgive you. Let’s pretend it never happened and be happy again.’ She looked at him anxiously. ‘We are happy, aren’t we, Georgie?’

  His mouth was dry. ‘Of course we are, my love. Of course we are.’

  The play that night drew uproarious applause from the audience, but Lennox did not join in the laughter. His silence distracted Eliza. She wished they had not come and was glad when the curtain went down for the last time.

  Back at home, Lennox threw down his top hat and cane and went straight to the sideboard. She heard the brandy decanter clink against a glass as he poured a full measure. He took a swig, then another one.

  ‘I’m afraid the play bored you,’ she observed.

  ‘Not at all, I was simply tired.’

  She put her arms around his neck and reached up to kiss him. ‘Shall we go to bed then?’

  He flinched. ‘Mind my brandy.’

  She frowned. ‘What’s the matter? Don’t you want to?’ She noticed how the brandy shivered in his glass. There were beads of perspiration on his brow.

  ‘I’m sorry,’ he faltered. ‘I have a lot on my mind just now.’

  ‘Can’t I help?’

  He drew a deep breath. ‘Eliza, I have to go back to India.’

  ‘India? Why, we can go together.’

  He hesitated.

  ‘Don’t you want me to come?’

  ‘Of course I do, but it’s not for me to decide.’

  She heard the catch in his voice and saw him moisten his lips with his tongue.

  ‘That’s not true, is it?’

  ‘Of course it’s - oh, it’s no use. I can’t lie to you. I haven’t been ordered back to the regiment yet. I don’t know when I will be, but we have to part. If we stay together it will be the ruin of us both.’

  ‘But you said you loved me. I thought we would be married.’

  Dismayed, she saw he avoided her eyes. ‘It would never work,’ he mumbled. ‘We’d only end up hating each other.’

  ‘No, that’s impossible.’

  He shook his head. ‘It’s better this way. Maybe your husband will have you back, or you could go to your stepfather’s family. I’ll give you all the money I can spare and the rent is paid here until the end of the month.’

  She got up and went across to the mantelpiece. Her knuckles were white against the dark surface of the wood. ‘So you just want to be rid of me. How dare you. Do you think I’m some little whore to be thrown aside when you’re bored?’

  ‘Eliza, don’t be like this.’

  She seized a brass candlestick from the mantelpiece and hurled it at him. It caught him on one ear and he gave a howl of pain.

  ‘Stop that!’

  He ducked as she grabbed a second one. It flew through the air, narrowly missing him, and smacked into a windowpane, shattering the glass. Lennox lunged and pinioned her arms. His strength was greater than hers and suddenly, she felt exhausted. She went limp in his grasp and tears pricked her eyes.

  ‘You’ve deceived me,’ she said miserably. ‘How can you be so weak, so faithless?’

  ‘Eliza, please . . .’

  She shook her head ‘I don’t want to hear any more. Go. I don’t want anything from you.’

  Lennox rubbed his throbbing head. ‘Very well,’ he said in a tight voice. ‘I’ll send a man for my things.’

  She heard him pick up his cane and hat and walk to the door. When it shut behind him, she sank to the floor and wept.

  Chapter 12

  As the weeks went by, Eliza often regretted her pride had prevented her from
accepting the help Lennox had offered. She still received Thomas’s allowance - obviously, the news of her affair had not reached him - but she had never needed to manage her own finances before. Even though she moved to a cheaper part of town, the rate at which money slipped through her fingers alarmed her. The freezing winter weather did not help. Logs for the fire, food and warm clothes seemed to cost a great deal.

  She hated her rooms. To escape them, she spent hours walking. And even in this weather, she thought wryly, it makes me much warmer than I would have been if I’d stayed inside.

  Sometimes she rode one of the horse-drawn trams to the West End and looked in the shop windows, but there was nothing in them she could afford to buy. Sadly, she remembered her shopping trips with George and the stacks of prettily wrapped parcels that had followed them home.

  Coming back to her lodgings one icy afternoon, she met her landlady in the hall. A sour woman with a bulldog face, she had a bundle of Eliza’s underclothes in her arms. ‘I suppose you want the maid to wash these,’ she sniffed. ‘Soap costs money you know. In future, I expect you to provide your own.’ She stomped off through the door to the washroom leaving Eliza scowling at her retreating back.

  ‘Stupid woman,’ Eliza muttered. ‘So what if I was late with the rent last week? You should be grateful that anyone will take your poky rooms.’

  Upstairs, she looked at the paltry fire the maid had prepared while she was out. It wouldn’t last more than an hour or two but she doubted the landlady would let her have extra logs on account. Not after the exchange they had just had. Perhaps it was time to leave London. But where would she go? Not to Ireland, that was for sure.

  Later that night, she thought of Catherine Rae. She had always been so kind. Perhaps she might be prepared to help. In the morning, she wrote her aunt a long letter, then went out to spend some of her precious money on sending it to Edinburgh to where Catherine had moved some years ago.