The Life and Second Life of Charlie Brackwood (The Brackwood Series Book 2)

by Field, Stacey

  “I’m a friend.”

  She looked alarmed. “Then I can’t tell you anymore...” The doctor brushed past me and stepped into Jamie’s room.

  When I returned with the coffee the doctor was gone. I handed a container to Lucy. She seemed calm, controlled, emotionless. I assumed she wasn’t aware of Jamie’s poor prognosis.

  “How long have you two been together?” I asked in a sympathetic tone.

  “A year.”

  “In total?”

  She nodded.

  “Oh,” I said, a note of surprise in my voice.

  “What?” she asked, picking up on my disapproval.

  “Nothing… just that it seems a bit soon for marriage.”

  She looked down at Jamie’s expressionless face.

  “It was really, but he wouldn’t wait.”

  Neither could I, I remembered.

  “I’m not usually the type to rush into things, I have a cautious personality, but he needed me and I needed him.”

  I started to wonder whether she’d rushed into a relationship because I was no longer there for her. I saw the way her eyes were fixed on Jamie’s sleeping face. Guilt prevented me from looking at her when I said, “I’m sorry, Luce.”

  The words were important. I was sorry for her, not just for the situation she was currently in, but for what I’d put her through: the tears, the heartbreak, the loneliness. I needed to say those words to her.

  She shrugged as if it was nothing. “If there’s one thing I’ve learned, it’s to accept your fate. It’s human nature to think we have control over our own lives but I was once given the only piece of advice that has any value for me.” She looked up at me.

  “Go on,” I said.

  “You must surrender to the unpredictability that comes with a beating heart and remember that your life is only yours once.”

  “In other words?”

  “In other words, life is unpredictable, but that is something we all have to accept, as part of being alive. Life is sometimes unfair but it’s also short.”

  “It’s a very romantic way of putting it. Who was the wise soul who gave you this piece of advice?”

  She looked down at the bed. “Jamie.”

  I looked at him then and remembered the image of him on his wedding day: the healthy glow to his tanned skin, his wide smile. He’d been so alive, so happy and spirited, with a sense of carefree arrogance about him. How I’d envied him then. Now, in a bitter twist of fate, the words he had said to Lucy were being used to help her accept the tragedy that had befallen him..

  I watched Lucy as she continued to stare at her husband’s vacant face. “Is there anything I can do?” I asked.

  She thought for a long moment and then said pleadingly: “Take me away from this place. Show me that life can be good, if only for a few hours.”

  I nodded and together we walked out of the hospital in silence.

  Chapter Eight

  Lucy was looking for adventure, a reminder of the fun she’d lost track of in the midst of recent events. I’d remembered a place, not far away, where I hoped she’d be able to shrug off her worries for a short time.

  We stopped in Skipton on the way to my chosen destination and I made a swift trip around a nearby supermarket while Lucy visited the post office. The town was bustling and heaving with people, all enjoying a day’s shopping in the sun. Skipton was the closest town to the surrounding villages. It was a busy place that managed to maintain a sense of history and tradition while also offering a lively atmosphere for the younger folk. In our early years, Russ I would visit this place often; me looking for a change of scene and Russ looking for a change of female company.

  When we drove through Grassington village I pointed out Adam’s cottage to Lucy; she smiled at me and said it looked cosy. After we drove away from Grassington the scenery became a patchwork of cultivated fields and sweeping fells.

  It wasn’t long before we were deep in the countryside that brought swarms of hikers and tourists to the Dales each year. When we were close to the destination I had in mind, I politely instructed Lucy to park in a layby. The heat was unrelenting and I wished I could take off my T-shirt, which was now sticking to me with sweat. Once out of the car I looked up to see a clear blue sky and a dazzling, hot sun. I squinted in the bright light and realised there was not even a hint of a breeze to give us relief.

  We walked through woodland that seemed to be deserted. A red kite could be seen soaring against the blue above us, no doubt in search of carrion. I pointed to the creature above and Lucy gazed at the bird in silence.

  We walked in shade at every opportunity to protect Lucy’s delicate skin. We were both silent as we walked. Lucy didn’t question me about our destination but followed me trustingly. I was once again reminded of the old days, when we could walk for miles over the moors without saying a word, comfortable enough in each other’s company not to need endless chatter.

  As we drew closer to the secret spot I remembered from my childhood, the sound of rushing water could be heard between the high, indented banks that the river had carved out for itself over centuries.

  The sound was deafening and I found it hard to focus on anything else. Without warning, my legs began to tremble and my heartrate increased. I listened to the rasping sound of my breath. A feeling of panic overwhelmed me. I stopped walking and closed my eyes. A sense of dizziness and disorientation increased and eventually overpowered me. I thought of the admission in Adam’s diary and the withdrawal symptoms I had been experiencing since I had occupied his body.

  A memory overcame me then and it was so overwhelming it was as if I was living it again...

  At first all I could hear was the rush of an oncoming tide. I opened my eyes to see the crumbling banks of the river as they flashed past. I reached out to get a handhold but missed by inches. Something dragged me down and all I could see was the murky river water. Suddenly my head bobbed up again and I imagined it resembling a cork, borne away on the waves. So easily manipulated by the strong current. So fragile. So easily broken.

  “Adam?”

  The voice belonged to Lucy and it sounded frantic. When I opened my eyes I found myself propped up against her side, one of her arms around my shoulders. We were sitting on a fallen log, though I’d no idea how we’d got there.

  Lucy looked into my eyes. “Jesus,” she whispered.

  I gulped at the air frantically, trying hard to concentrate on my breathing and not the arm that Lucy had yet to remove from around my shoulders. Eventually the dizziness subsided and my heartrate decreased.

  “What was that?” Lucy asked, her voice full of concern. “It looked like you were having some sort of panic attack.”

  She was right, but I had no idea whether it was caused by my addiction or the roaring sound of the fast-flowing river that had taken my life five years earlier. I avoided Lucy’s concerned gaze and suggested we continue to our destination.

  As we followed the dusty path I questioned my reaction. I had swum in many rivers with Timmy in the afterlife and never felt this way before. Why would the circumstances of my death only affect me now? Were my withdrawal symptoms getting worse?

  At intervals Lucy would throw worried glances my way and it was only when a gap in the undergrowth revealed a glistening pool of water beneath a thundering waterfall that her attention became fully focused on her surroundings.

  “What the… Why didn’t I know about this?” She seemed astonished by the scene in front of her. “It’s like a postcard,” she added.

  Lucy took off her sandals and approached the clear waters of the pool, choosing to stay where it was shallow. The water came to her ankles and she gathered some up in her hands to splash on her face and neck.

  She smiled at me over her shoulder. “It’s warm.”

  I looked towards the water and found a ledge that was slightly elevated from the ground, with a view of the falls. I thought it would be a good place for us to eat the food I had bought earlier. I climbed up t
he rockface with ease, thankful that Adam kept himself in shape, then called over to Lucy who was by now submerged up to her thighs. The bottom of her dress was completely soaked but her face was beaming. She immediately made her way towards the ledge where I was sitting.

  “I didn’t know you’d bought a picnic,” she said, eyeballing the cheese, olives and crusty rolls I was laying out on the ledge. “Cambozola is my favourite, you must be psychic.”

  I chose to stay silent.

  “How do you know about this place?”

  “My dad used to bring me here. We’d often go on weekend fishing trips, just the two of us, always to the same place, but we stumbled across this waterfall one year and kept coming back. I’ve never found anywhere prettier than this.”

  The story was true, my dad and I had come here on our fishing trips. I had never told anyone about it before because I’d wanted it to be just mine and his.

  “Like a secret paradise?”

  “Yeah, one hour here and you’ll be right again.”

  “I bet,” she said, stretching her legs in front of her and turning her face to the sun.

  “Like a day at the spa after a stressful week,” I joked.

  Lucy squinted at me in the sunlight. “Thank you for bringing me. I feel happy to be just sitting here doing nothing.”

  I nodded. “Why do I get the feeling you’ve experienced a lot of anxiety in your life?”

  She sighed. “Because I have. Sometimes I wonder if my future has already been planned out and all I have to look forward to is more heartache.”

  I took a bite out of a roll and popped an olive into my mouth. “Start from the beginning.”

  Against the roar of the waterfall in the background, Lucy opened up about her past drug problem and her troubles at university. She told me that a childhood friend had helped her get through some of the roughest times of her life. That in time she fell in love with him and that, unknown to her then, he was to become the greatest love of her life. She explained that she drew strength from him and he always seemed to have a way of making her feel valued and important. She smiled as she remembered the man I’d once been. She told me that her confidence grew, she got a job in her chosen profession, she was happy. Then the bottom fell out of the world. One warm Saturday evening in the summer of 2003 the man she had loved and trusted drowned in the River Wharfe. She partly blamed the accident on alcohol but also mentioned the many years of bitterness she’d felt towards Russ for not following me that night.

  Hearing the story in her own words made me realise the true effect my death had had on Lucy. I felt shame, guilt and regret, but I was also proud of the way she had dealt with the challenges that resulted from her bereavement.

  “Charlie had a large bruise on his back. The police couldn’t tell whether it had been inflicted in the river or if his injuries were suspicious.”

  I was surprised, this was new information to me. Nobody had mentioned an injury before.

  “I’d hate to think there were any suspicious circumstances. Charlie was so lovable, he had no enemies.”

  I thought about my turbulent relationship with Ross after he’d found out about Lucy and me. On the night of my death I had just proposed to her and had spent the evening with him.

  “Like you say, he was drunk, he wasn’t thinking straight. There’s nothing to suggest foul play.”

  “You’re right.” She glanced at my profile as I stared at the impressive scene in front of us. “You’re a good listener, Adam. Just like Charlie.” She hesitated. “You actually remind me of him a little.”

  “Yeah?”

  “At first I thought I’d met you before, but now I think the familiarity I feel around you is to do with how alike the two of you are.”

  I smiled back at her. “I’ll take that as a compliment, he sounds like a good guy.”

  She nodded silently, her gaze fixed on the pool in front of us.

  “Well,” she said, getting up, “this conversation has turned a bit dark. I feel like doing something crazy to even the balance.”

  Before I could reply, she jumped off the ledge and into the deep water beneath. I leaped up from my sitting position to make sure she came up for air. It felt like minutes, but could only have been seconds. I sighed in relief when I saw the top of her wet head shine in the sun.

  “Come on in, it’s so refreshing,” Lucy shouted up at me.

  After my previous panic I decided to play it safe. “I’ll just come down and paddle at the edge,” I pointed, “down there.”

  “Wuss!” she shouted back up.

  I climbed down and took off my trainers and socks. I made my way to the water and dipped in a toe cautiously. Lucy was right, the water was warm. I paddled in the shallow end and watched as she swam towards me. I rolled my jeans above my knees so I could paddle deeper.

  “That’s no good, you need to swim,” she said as she approached me.

  When her feet could touch the bottom she stopped swimming and continued her approach on foot. As the water became shallow, more of her sodden dress was revealed. I couldn’t help but notice how it clung to her body, accentuating the curves of her figure. She reached for my hands and began to walk backwards, dragging me deeper into the dark water.

  As soon as it began to rise above my knees my heartrate increased and my breathing became shallow. I could feel panic start within me and had a sudden urge to freeze. The change in me didn’t go unnoticed. Lucy stopped moving.

  She looked concerned. “You’re afraid of water, aren’t you?”

  “So it would seem,” I said, between laboured breaths.

  “Look at me,” she ordered.

  I did as I was told.

  “Don’t be afraid,” she said softly, “trust me.”

  I let her guide me into the water, gently and patiently. Occasionally I would have to stop but she waited for me without saying a word. She had always understood when I needed space. It wasn’t long before my feet abandoned the bottom of the river and I was swimming with Lucy by my side. My breathing had returned to normal and the feeling of panic eased.

  “Let’s see what’s behind the waterfall,” she said with a mischievous expression on her face.

  I let her lead the way. A long as she was in sight my panic could be controlled. I knew I wouldn’t die here but my fear was an irrational one that couldn’t be extinguished with logic.

  I watched as Lucy pulled herself out of the water and disappeared along the ledge behind the vast sheet of falling water. Not wanting to lose sight of her, I quickened my pace. I pulled myself out at the same spot.

  The spray from the waterfall felt refreshing on my face but I had no time to appreciate it. As I made my way along the narrow ledge I slipped on a clump of moss and nearly lost my footing. I swore loudly, but hardly heard the curse over the roar of the water above me. I found Lucy waiting for me behind the waterfall. Her face was turned up to mine and her arms were outstretched. In her animation she looked free.

  “Isn’t it amazing?” she asked excitedly.

  “Nature’s finest,” I agreed, but resumed my position of safety just outside the entrance to the waterfall

  She laughed. “You sound just like Charlie, that’s something he would have said.”

  She moved closer to me and pulled me by the hand so that I too stood on the secret ledge beneath the waterfall. All the colours of the rainbow danced in front of our eyes as sunlight glanced off the water droplets that sprayed us from all directions. We watched them in silence for a while.

  “Are you seeing this? All those colours?” Lucy asked.

  “Yes, it’s almost hypnotic.”

  She nodded and moved closer to me. I felt the cold, wet skin of her arm. We both stared straight ahead, mesmerised by the scene. I felt Lucy’s hand in search of my own and clasped it tight, intertwining our fingers. We both avoided eye contact, almost as if we were ignoring what was happening. We stood there in silence. The sound of the water was the only noise to be heard. I shivered as a li
ght, refreshing breeze touched my face and chest. With no hint of any other human presence, it was easy to believe that Lucy and I were the only two people in existence.

  She suddenly dropped my hand and I stared after her as she calmly walked to the edge of the rockface and dived through the large sheet of water into the deep pool beyond. I could see her head bob in and out of the water as she came up for air, her arms outstretched as she swiftly made her way to the shallow end in the distance. I carefully lowered myself down the rocks and into the water, breathing heavily. I knew that without Lucy’s calming presence the swim to the edge of the pool would be difficult for me.

  Before I could talk myself out of it I began to strike out slowly, keeping Lucy in my line of sight at all times. By the time I’d reached the middle of the pool she was already climbing out. Droplets of water glistened on her long legs. I watched as she returned to the ledge where we had enjoyed our lunch. I saw her retrieve the sandals that had been left lying at odd angles, an indication of the eagerness with which they’d been abandoned earlier in the day.

  As I swam I felt the pull of the undercurrent beneath me and would often feel as though I was being dragged backwards towards the waterfall. Lucy had tackled the pull of the water with ease; she had always been a strong swimmer, unlike myself. When I finally reached the shallow water I was breathing heavily.

  Lucy ran to meet me. “Are you OK? You’re not asthmatic, are you?”

  “I don’t know.”

  She looked confused for a second and then pulled me on to to a nearby rock to rest. As my breathing slowed and became normal again I noticed that Lucy’s body language had changed. Her arms were crossed tightly over her chest once more and she had positioned herself as far away from me as possible. She had shut herself down. When she spoke next her voice was full of regret.

  “I want to apologise for earlier, behind the waterfall. I shouldn’t have been so forward.” Her voice was so quiet I could barely hear her over the thunder of the water. “It seems I have a bad habit of leading men on.”

  “You didn’t lead me on. I didn’t think anything of it. I saw nothing but friendship in your actions.”