The Future of Our Past (The Remembrance Trilogy)

by Aymes, Kahlen

  “Yeah…sure they are, honey,” she said knowingly as she threw them all in the trash bin. I picked up a box to take to the U-Haul truck we’d rented for the week. “Where’s Julia? I expected to see her every minute of these last few days, but she hasn’t been here at all.”

  I set the box back down and resigned myself to the answer. I’d been doing my best to keep from thinking about Julia, but her absence was conspicuous.

  “Um, she’s going to San Francisco to visit Paul for a few days and then flying to Kansas City to see Marin. Then she and Ellie are going to move to Los Angeles, I guess,” I said derisively.

  “That still doesn’t explain why she hasn’t been here. What’s going on, baby? You two are inseparable.” Mom’s face was calm but concerned as she pried into my personal life. She didn’t realize what a touchy subject this had become; I couldn’t really blame her. Julia was always everywhere I was, and vice versa, so it was only natural that she’d wonder where she was.

  “Well…I should really help Dad and Aaron load up, Mom,” I said, trying to squirm out of the conversation.

  “Ryan Mitchell Matthews, you will sit down and talk to your mother. Now.”

  I knew better than to argue with her when she was sporting that tone. I’d never win anyway.

  The past couple of months hadn’t been easy. It seemed like the time spent with Julia became less and less frequent. Not because I wanted it that way, but she always seemed busy with other things or other people. Even when all of us went out as a group, more and more she made excuses not to join in, and then I didn’t want to go either.

  “We just haven’t been spending as much time together lately,” I murmured as I folded my arms around the back of the chair I was straddling. “She’s been working at the newspaper and doesn’t have much free time. She works a lot of nights.”

  She continued to wrap glasses in old newspaper and pack the remaining glasses in the open box in front of her.

  “But you’re leaving tomorrow, Ryan, surely…”

  I cut her off impatiently. “Look, Mom, the truth is that we’re struggling with the separation and thought it would be better to create a little distance so we could deal. After I got my acceptance letter, I almost changed my mind and she basically kicked me in the ass, as is her usual habit.”

  My mother nodded. “Julia is wise beyond her years, Ryan. I know how close you’ve been, and I’m sure you’ll keep in touch.”

  “Yeah, but it won’t be the same.”

  “Things change, Ryan. This is the beginning of both of your lives. What are Julia’s plans?” She put down the glasses and moved to pull out the chair next to me. After she sat down, she reached for my hand and squeezed it.

  “She has interviews with several magazines. She wants to work in editing and creative design. Ellie wants to design clothes and is looking for a job working as a junior designer at one of the big design firms. The only thing certain is that they hope to get jobs in the same city. Julia’s portfolio is impressive so I know it won’t be long. The question is where?”

  My voice was low and introspective, almost like I was talking to myself.

  “Where are they looking?”

  “Ellie’s boyfriend has a band in Los Angeles, but I was hoping they’d end up in New York. At least that’s only two hundred miles from Boston.” My mother reached out to touch my face. “Is that selfish?” I asked quietly.

  She shook her head sadly. “It’s normal, Ryan. I know how much Julia means to you.”

  “Do you?” The words were out before I could stop them.

  “Yes. It will work out, you’ll see,” she said softly as she patted my cheek, her eyes full of understanding.

  Aaron walked into the kitchen and scoffed at me. “Pfft! What the hell? I’m sweating my ass off hauling boxes and you’re sitting on yours…chatting the day away?” His voice was stern but he was smiling. “Get these boxes outside so we can eat. I’m starving! Jen is on her way over with pizza and Jules is bringing dessert!”

  I smiled at the prospect of seeing Julia for the first time in a week. “Wonder what she’s making me,” I said as I got up, picked up one box and stacked it with another.

  “Oh, it’s for you, is it?” Aaron called after me.

  “Oh, yeah. It’s for me and you know it.” My heart dropped a little, even though I had a smile in my voice. This would be the last time in a long while that Julia would be baking something just for me and I felt a sadness I couldn’t shake.

  Even though we’d seen each other less than normal, we still texted and called each other daily. Julia insisted that would continue after I was in Boston and this was getting us used to the coming change. I missed her, but realized tomorrow would have been devastating if we continued to spend all of our time together.

  I carried the boxes into the truck and stacked them on top of the others. The girls were pulling up just as I jumped down from the back and I went to help bring in the food.

  “Ellie and Harris are on their way. We’ll get this done fast if we all chip in!” Jen winked at me as she loaded my arms with pizza. “Then we have to take the truck to my place to get my boxes before we start loading furniture, right?” She smiled and flipped her hair as she turned toward the entrance to our building.

  “Yeah, that’s cool.” I answered, watching Julia get out of the car. She smiled and went to open the back door of Aaron’s Jeep. The shirt she was wearing was one of my favorites, a fitted button down in dark blue that brought out the pink tones in her porcelain skin and the warm breeze pushed her dark hair off of her face.

  I wondered if she wore that intentionally.

  Julia was getting the delectable dessert out of the back of the car. “Is it cheesecake or Black Forest?” I asked her with a smirk.

  “You think you’re so smart, don’t you, Matthews?” she laughed as she pulled out the cheesecake and showed it to me. I nudged her shoulder as we walked in together, both of us laden with the food.

  “Only where you’re concerned, Abbott.”

  “Julia!” My dad came around the truck to greet her. “I want to hug you, but Ryan would kill me if I ruin this great looking cheesecake!” He leaned over and kissed her cheek.

  “It’s great to see you, Gabe. Is Elyse here, too?” The excitement in her emerald eyes did funny things to my insides. I loved how she and my parents adored each other.

  My mother came running out and removed the cheesecake from Julia’s hands, handing it to my dad before folding her into a tight embrace.

  “I’m so happy to see you, honey! You look great! I want to hear all about your plans.”

  Julia hugged her back and my dad and I continued into the apartment to set the food on the counter.

  “That girl is beautiful, Ryan…and she cooks. I think I’d have to marry her, if I wasn’t already so happy with your mother,” Dad said and patted me on the shoulder.

  I took a deep breath. Yeah.

  I glanced outside, watching the two women go back to the car side by side. Julia reached in and emerged with the Black Forest cake I adored. Smiling, I rushed outside to take it from her.

  “Ah, Julia. I love you,” I said before I could stop myself. Her face flushed a bright red as I tried to cover. “Thank you, for this,” I said as my mother looked from Julia’s face to mine.

  “A promise is a promise, Ryan, remember?”

  Yeah, I remember. I remember every damn word you’ve ever said to me.

  Harris and Ellie arrived, honking the horn of Harris’s old conversion van as they pulled up and then we all went inside to eat. I wanted to skip the damn pizza and head straight for dessert, but Julia took the knife out of my hand as I started to cut into the cheesecake.

  “What do you think you’re doing?” She tried to sound annoyed, but I knew it caused her great pleasure that I loved her cooking so much that I couldn’t wait to get into it.

  “What’s it look like I’m doing? Eating,” I grinned at her as I took back the knife. “This,” I said a
s I pointed to the cake, “and not that.” I nodded toward the pizza.

  “No.” She said sternly, trying to keep a straight face. “Can’t you wait until the others are ready?”

  “Um…no. I can’t. What’s your point?” She laughed and shook her head as I dug into the creamy dessert I’d just placed on my plate. I took a big bite and the sweet creaminess melted on my tongue. “God…Julia. This is incredible.”

  She smiled, taking the knife from my hand, and turned toward the beautiful cake decorated with cherries, whipped cream and chocolate shavings.

  I shook my head at her as I realized her intentions. “No. That’s mine.” I teased her. “First and last piece, at least.”

  The corners of her mouth lifted in a smile that challenged me as she cut a slice from the cake and loaded it onto a plate.

  “You mean, this first piece?” she goaded me.

  “Yeah. That first piece.” I put down my half-eaten cheesecake, reaching for her plate.

  She pulled it back and raised her eyebrows, digging a fork into it and raised it to her mouth. “Mmmm…damn! I amaze even myself sometimes!” She giggled, her face alight with laughter.

  The others settled in the living room with their pizza while we bantered in the kitchen.

  “Julia. I’m warning you. Not one more bite, I mean it,” I growled at her, but with laughter in my voice.

  “Oh…you want some?” Laughing as she licked the fork clean. “Why didn’t you say so?” She set her fork down and dug her fingers into her cake and then smashed some of it into my face with a smirk.

  I opened my mouth to try to take most of it in, but she smeared a little on my face and then licked her fingers. I laughed with her as her eyes widened. “Good, yes?”

  I used my thumb to wipe some of the cake off my face and licked it off. More fell off my face onto the floor.

  “Um…very. Delicious, thank you,” My mouth was full and I had a big-ass grin on my face.

  She picked up her fork and proceeded to calmly resume eating the cake on her plate as I watched; acting as if nothing was out of sorts, while I stood in front of her with my face a complete mess. Her eyes were daring me, teasing and sparkling as she pulled the fork upside down from her mouth.

  Turnabout was fair play. Most of my cheesecake was gone, so I set my fork aside, picked up the remainder of it and smashed it in her face. “You really have to try this, too, Julia! Yummy…!”

  She pushed me away. We struggled and giggled with each other, until both of us burst out laughing.

  Mom’s voice called from the other room. “What on earth is going on in there?” she said with a laugh.

  “Oh…they’re just being…them.” Aaron shot out.

  “It’s good to hear Ryan laugh like that.” Dad said. “He’s been struggling. This is the first time I’ve heard him happy in months.”

  I turned to the sink after I got control of the laughing and began cleaning up my face with a damp paper towel. Julia had sobered too, watching me and standing still, her eyes burning into mine as I wiped the remnants of the cheesecake from the smooth skin of her cheeks and chin and then her lower lip. The tension between us was palpable.

  I wanted to lick the delicious stuff off of her face, mostly as an excuse to kiss her, but I knew that I shouldn’t. Ever since the almost kiss in the club, it was all I could think about.

  “Will you go for a ride with me?” I asked as I took her hand. The time had come. We had to talk before I left.

  “Um…what about helping?”

  “They’ll survive without us for an hour or so. I want to talk to you. Just us.” She dropped her gaze and I rubbed my thumb over the top of her hand. “Come on, Julia. I know we’ve avoided it, but we need this, okay?”

  She raised her eyes to mine and her face softened and she nodded. “Yeah.”

  I turned with her hand in mine and walked to the door.

  “Save me at least one more piece of each of these cakes, Aaron Matthews, or I’ll have your ass on a platter.” I threw over my shoulder as I pulled Julia behind me out the door. The six people in the other room watched us leave without saying a word.

  We drove silently until we reached the coffee shop where Julia and I spent every Sunday morning together. It was our thing to have breakfast, read the paper and talk without any of the others around. Even these past two months, we still spent Sunday morning together without fail.

  I walked around and opened her door and as it closed behind her, I took her hand again. It felt like she was my girlfriend; the electricity at the briefest of touches setting me on edge.

  I ordered our usual. “Double shot soy cappuccino, and iced coffee with sugar-free vanilla syrup and a splash of cream. Both large please.” I paid for the drinks and brought them back to the table, and sat down opposite Julia so I could look at her unabashed.

  She fiddled with her coffee, adding a packet of Splenda, and stirring it with her spoon. She was my Julia, no matter if she was dressed to kill or in cut-off jean shorts and that damned blue blouse.

  She bit her lip and looked at me finally. I touched her hand across the table, my fingers tracing over hers.

  “I know we’ve been trying to put some distance between us, but I’m going to miss you, Jules.”

  “I’ll miss you, too. I didn’t want distance necessarily, I just wanted to make it easier and it did help, didn’t it?” she asked quietly.

  “I won’t know the answer until I get to Boston and I can’t see you.”

  She swallowed and took a shaky breath, her green eyes liquid as she stared into my face. “You’ll be an amazing doctor, Ryan; and you’ll change so many lives.”

  “That’s just great, Julia. I mean, I appreciate your support, but can you be a little less fucking philosophical, please?” I let go of her hand as I sat back in my chair angrily running a hand through my hair in frustration. “I understand your motives for pushing me away, but frankly it pisses me off!”

  “What do you want me to say?” she asked quietly. “You’ve worked so hard, we both have, and I…”

  “I want you to tell me that you’ll be as miserable as I will! That you’re pissed at both of us for wasting so much time these past months when we could have been together…and…”

  Her eyes widened as she waited for me to continue. “And…what, Ryan?” she finally said, impatiently.

  “That you’ll come with me,” I said in a rush, not really meaning to say it out loud.

  Julia looked at me for a moment. “I suppose I could. I have the time off because I was going to go to San Francisco. I’ll have to tell my dad, but I don’t have any interviews lined up for a week.”

  She thought I was asking her to drive out to Boston with me until I got settled in, and that was all.

  “No, Julia. I mean, sure, I’d love to have you make the drive with me…” I leaned forward to take her hand in mine again, “but I mean move to Boston with me.”

  I’d finally said what I’d been fighting so hard against since the day I’d gotten my acceptance letter. All the voices in my head, telling me that it was unfair to ask this of her, could go straight to hell.

  She gasped and the shock showed on her face.

  “But…I’m applying at places like Glamour and Vogue magazines, Ryan. Ellie is trying to get a major fashion house and those are in New York and Los Angeles. Harris’s band is moving to L.A.” She stopped and sighed. “We talked about this so many times, why are you bringing this up now?”

  I took a deep breath and looked away, my jaw setting in protest.

  “Hell! I don’t know, Julia! I was trying not to be selfish, I guess.”

  “Ryan, Ellie is counting on me being with her and she wants L.A. so bad.”

  Anger welled inside of me and heat rushed under the surface of the skin on my face.

  “So you will move anywhere Ellie wants, but you won’t even consider being near me, is that it? Who the hell is your best friend, anyway?” My voice rose in volume and people at the next t
able looked at me. I wasn’t fighting fair, but I felt like I was fighting for my fucking life.

  “That isn’t how it is and you know it, you big ass! You know the damn answer to that! I’m going to move where I get the best job offer, regardless of who’s around, and you know it! Boston is not a city where I can land a gig at a major magazine.” She was seething, her breathing getting faster as she glared at me.

  My eyes met hers unflinchingly as I considered my next words carefully, my hand pulling on my lower lip.

  “Julia, I know, okay?” I said finally.

  “So what? If I were as selfish as you, I would’ve let you give up Harvard, but you mean more to me than that!”

  I sighed; my chest expanding until I thought it would burst. I wanted to kiss her and yell at her all at the same time. She infuriated the shit out of me, but I loved her so damn much.

  “So, can you at least say that you’ll be in New York instead of fucking L.A.?”

  Her eyes welled up with tears. “You’re asking a lot, Ryan. Ellie will be disappointed if I don’t try to get to L.A.”

  I put both fists over my eyes and rubbed them both furiously, before lifting my head and looking at her.

  “And I’ll be devastated to be 3000 miles away from you, so just…do what you have to do, then,” I said, defeated. She brushed a tear furiously from her cheek as her face crumpled. I instantly regretted putting her in this position. “Look, Julia, I’m sorry. Just forget it.”

  “No, it’s too late, Ryan,” her voice trembled and she took a long drink of her coffee. “You’re asking me to completely throw away all the resumes that I’ve sent out and start over, move to the largest city in the world alone, just so we can see each other maybe once a month on the weekend?!”

  “Yes.” I confirmed without flinching.

  “Who does that?” she shook her head and shrugged.

  I leaned toward her. “We do. We do, Julia.”

  She stared at me for a good two minutes as she struggled to control her emotions. Finally, she nodded.