The Ocean

by Mia Castile

  I do want to get to know you. So I have some questions for you, in our quest of acquainting (I know it’s a big word). (1) what is your favorite color?

  (2) what is your favorite kind of music? (2b) who is your favorite band? (2c) what is your favorite song? (3) what is your favorite movie? (4) what is one of your favorite childhood memories? (5) Where is your favorite place to be?

  It’s just five little questions. You can ask me anything too I will tell you the truth even if it’s the brutal truth. I promise. But I think that will keep you occupied for your next note. See you soon.

  -Gia

  Chapter 6

  A Simple Letter, the Possible Window to My Soul

  Gianna

  I sat in my free period, trying to start an outline for a paper analyzing one of Edgar Al en Poe’s poems. I stared at the blank piece of paper. I wondered if I was foolish for tel ing Travis about the fight I’d had with my mom. I hadn’t even told Alex about it. We were school shopping, and the tantrum I threw after she calmly refused to purchase them was awful. I was going to be a freshman, and I wanted to succeed social y as Alex had.

  She’d told me not even to try them on. I’d insisted. As soon as I blurted those hurtful words I’d clamped my hands over my mouth. It was the only time she’d ever raised her voice to me. She told me to change and that we were leaving. We didn’t buy anything. The next day when I got home from my piano lessons, they were lying on my bed. They were the only thing I got for my school clothes that year instead of the two hundred dol ars worth of outfits. The lesson was learned. I didn’t pursue my popularity any further than that. Today was the first time I’d worn them since trying them on.

  I made it to Art Comp and set my books down. Abby came in with a confused look on her face as she sat down on her stool.

  “Mason just asked me if he could help me wash my hair Friday.” She looked at me.

  “Maybe he likes you?” I giggled.

  “Wel , yeah, look at me! What’s not to like?” She shook her head no in disbelief. A few boys turned their heads and looked at her nodding their approval, which made us giggle more.

  “Seriously, do you like him?” I asked.

  “It’s Mason, I mean, come on. It’s Mason. He and Travis are high on the crush list for girls and he can have his pick of whoever he wants. He’s Mason,” she repeated, as if that explained everything. She looked off in the distance as if she were stil trying to wrap her mind around it.

  “Yes, we’ve established that it’s Mason we’re talking about.” I went over to retrieve the projects we were working on. I set them down and began shading. Our teacher walked around the class, keeping her eyes on us. Still on her radar, I thought.

  “It’s not unbelievable that he would like you. Do you like him?” I asked again.

  “I’ve never been liked. Wel , I mean as a friend I have, but never liked.” She looked nervous as if this were uncharted territory.

  “Wel , then, give him your number and see if he cal s.” I smiled encouragingly.

  “He has my number.” She began chewing on her fingernail. I looked at her questioningly. “I tutor a lot of the footbal team.” She shrugged.

  “Then maybe you should give him the nudge that it’s OK to cal you even if it’s not just for tutoring.” I winked at her. She stil looked unsure.

  I didn’t know how I made it through my final class, but I managed. I went to my locker and got the books I needed for homework. A note fel to the floor. I picked it up and put it in my bag. I was off to The Green Monster. That truck real y scared me; it was so big. I real y hated driving it, but it was better than walking. I made it home and went inside and put my bag down at the table.

  “Oliver?” I cal ed out, as I climbed the stairs to get my laptop. There was no answer. I brought it down and turned it on. While I waited for it to load, I grabbed myself some ice water and returned. It was up and connected to the Wi-Fi. Poor Alex had to go the first week with no internet. It had taken Oliver a week to get it instal ed. I was sure he hadn’t thought this whole thing through. There were expenses to raising children and the lifestyle we’d become accustomed to. I didn’t feel sorry for him in the slightest. I opened my email. I had three new messages: one from Gracie, another from Melissa, and the third from Mitchel . I opened his first.

  Gia,

  Thank you for the email. You haven’t called yet. I hope to hear from you soon. Are you getting settled in? Alex told me his first game is Friday. I wish I could be there. Just know that I will be there in spirit and hope to get all the details.

  It’s hard being in this house without all of you here. I expect to come home and find your mother making her jambalaya. But she isn’t here; neither are you and your brother. This house feels so big and empty. That is why I’ve decided to put it up for sale. It will be on the market by the end of the week. I felt that I should let you know before I did it. I miss you two. Call me.

  Love

  Mitchell

  It made me sad to know that he missed us so much. We missed him, too. I could have written him that a hundred times. But I didn’t like the idea of him putting my mother’s house up for sale. She was barely gone a month, yet he was so ready to move on. Those were our memories that he was walking away from. I knew Alex wouldn’t be happy either.

  I read Gracie’s anecdotal email about the first day of school. Then I read Melissa’s actual account of their first day. I wrote them both back one email. I told them about my new school. I had to tel them about Chiz; I had a feeling Gracie would have thought he was cute. And I told them about Travis a little. I knew there would be more questions. I told them about Abby’s hair because they had liked her a lot when she’d visited me in summers past. Then I wrote Mitchel .

  Mitchell,

  School is going well. I’m sorry I haven’t called. We are getting settled in. The first thing we did was paint our bedrooms. We’ve been driving Oliver’s old truck around. They call it Bessie, but I call it The Green Monster. Alex is really excited about the game. I will tell him you’ll be rooting for him.

  I hope that you will reconsider selling the house if only for just a little bit. We have a lot of memories there. I know I speak for Alex, too, when I say that we were hoping to have it to come home to when we visit. I understand how hard it is though. I miss my mom so much, and being here has dredged up so many memories that I’m having trouble dealing with. We miss you too, and I promise I will call soon.

  Love

  -Gia

  My arrow hovered over the SEND button. I wondered if I should talk to Alex first. I was pretty sure he’d feel the same way that I did. I hit the SEND

  button anyway. Then I typed up an outline for my paper. I saw the note poking out of my bag. I wanted to read it, but I decided to reward myself with it after homework. Final y, I attacked my math homework. It was a surprise attack and I defeated my enemy. I figured I made some mistakes though; algebra wasn’t my strongest subject. I was on my last problem, also contemplating dinner, when my phone rang. It was Alex.

  “Do you need me to come get you today?” Of course, I didn’t say hel o first.

  “No, we’re going through a drive through. What do you want?”

  “You know me, cheeseburger and fries.” I smiled because he didn’t need to ask and was probably just giving me warning.

  “Sounds good. See you in fifteen.” I hung up the phone and began to clear my books, put them in my bag, and carry it and my laptop upstairs. I put my laptop on my dresser and surveyed myself. My hair stil hung pretty much in place. I had to put a curling mousse in it to get it to stay in loose curls every day. But if I didn’t bother it, it pretty much stayed there the whole day and was stil soft to the touch. My face was shiny though. I went to the bathroom and washed it with cleanser. I came back and lightly applied eye shadow and mascara. I looked at my jeans again and sighed.

  “I’m sorry, Mom,” I whispered. Suddenly my heart felt warm, and I felt that she had forgiven me and understood. I hear
d the front door bang as they came in.

  “Gia must be upstairs,” Alex said.

  “I’l get her,” Travis replied.

  “I bet you wil ,” Alex cal ed after him, and Travis came stomping up the stairs. I came to the door as he rounded the corner, and we were face to face. He stepped back as I reached for the doorknob.

  “Is that your room?” He looked around me as I pul ed the door shut.

  “Yes, is the food here?” I stepped past him to descend the stairs. He fol owed.

  “Yes.” We came down to Alex separating the food among us. I got condiments, and we al sat down to eat. They fil ed me in on the latest prank that Chiz and Brandon had played on the freshmen. They didn’t real y laugh about it, but agreed that it was the right of passage to be part of the team.

  “I’m just glad that I’m not part of the team. I don’t think I’d be very happy,” I said. Travis looked confused.

  “Gia doesn’t do wel with surprises. Last year, her best friends back in Indy threw her a surprise birthday party. She pouted al night,” Alex told Travis.

  “I just don’t see the point. I can help plan it and know what’s going on.”

  “She’s sort of a control freak about stuff like that,” he told him, ignoring me. Travis laughed. “Just warning you about what you’re getting yourself into,” Alex added. I stiffened.

  Alex cleaned up his wrappers and threw them away. He climbed the stairs and told Travis, “Later.” Travis finished and cleared his wrappers. He sat back down and waited on me to finish.

  “Two nights in a row; I could get used to this.” He smiled.

  “It’s been nice having you here.” I took my final bite.

  “I’m glad to hear that.” I was, too.

  “Does Mason like Abby?” I asked.

  “I’m not sure. It seemed like it at lunch, didn’t it?” He leaned forward on the table.

  “I just don’t want my friend to get hurt,” I sighed as I cleared the wrappers and got the washcloth to wipe down the table. He looked nervously at the clock that hung above the bay window.

  “Do you need to go home now?” I asked, hoping that he didn’t.

  “I do have a little homework to do.” He paused.

  “I didn’t get a chance to read your letter, so I don’t have one for you yet.” I hoped that I wasn’t disappointing him.

  “That’s OK.” He smiled and stood and stretched. “I’l see you tomorrow.” He began heading toward the door. I trailed behind him. He opened the door and turned to give me a bril iant smile. My heart skipped. It was almost like he had a secret from me. He opened the storm door, and he was gone. I closed the door as he pul ed away. I went upstairs to my bedroom. I found the note in the bottom of my bag. I sat on my bed, put in my ear buds, and turned on my music.

  Gia,

  I have a confession. I’ve never written any one person in my life as much as I’ve written you in the past two days. I really like it though. I feel a special connection with you. I’m sure your mother has forgiven you for the things you said. You were young, and believe it or not, we all say things we regret. Whether we tell someone that we love them when we don’t, that an outfit looks OK, or say something because we’re mad. I bet your mom knew you regretted it. I have a feeling that you learned your lesson, and it was reinforced when she went ahead and got you the jeans.

  Am I right?

  Answers to your questions:

  (1) What is your favorite color? If I say green, you will think I’m smart right? Well, it is one of my favorite colors, but also orange. Don’t ask me why. I guess it’s because it’s a cross between yellow and red and reminds me of the sunrise and being in the ocean surfing.

  (2) What is your favorite kind of music? I like classic rock and rock mostly, but I’m getting turned on to classic rap.

  (2b) Who is your favorite band? I like the Beastie Boys, Foo Fighters, Nirvana, Lynyrd Skynyrd, Seger, and the Eagles.

  (2c) What is your favorite song? I don’t really have a favorite song. In the classic rock genre, I’d have to say “Simple Man,” and by the way, just because you put an a, b, and c on it doesn’t mean that it’s one question. It was seven simple questions, Sweetie.

  (3) What is your favorite movie? I really like Russell Crowe. Gladiator was a good movie.

  (4) What is one of your favorite childhood memories? Despite the challenge of being raised by a single mom, I had a really good childhood. I was involved in all kinds of sports. I also had a lot of freedom, so probably running around the neighborhood with flashlights playing tag with my friends, and playing football in the street. I was able to be a kid. I think it’s important for all kids to be able to just be kids. You know?

  (5) Where is your favorite place to be? This is a hard question to answer because it changes. If I were being honest, my favorite place to be is anywhere that you are. It’s still scary to me to feel this strongly about you when I met you four days ago. And maybe the only reason I can tell you this is simply because I’m writing it in a letter. I’d never be able to admit this to your face.

  So I give you these seven questions back and add (6) Tell me about you in Indiana. What were you like? (6b) Where did you and your friends hang out? (6c) What music did you study?

  I can’t wait to read your next letter.

  Travis

  I lay in my bed and read the words over again and again. “If I were being honest, my favorite place to be is anywhere that you are.” And, “I’d never be able to admit this to your face.” What was happening here? I didn’t understand it. I grabbed my phone.

  Just read ur letter. I texted.

  Really? Did u like it?

  Very much.

  Then I took out my notebook. I wanted to write him when it was stil fresh in my mind.

  Travis,

  I definitely agree with a few of your points. It’s easier to tell you things this way. I can say what I’m feeling right now. I can only imagine what your reactions will be, but it’s OK. You seem to confirm the way I feel with every letter you give me. It makes me happy that we are on the same page, so to speak. I have two favorite colors: grey and green. I really like that combination. My mom painted my bedroom those colors when we first bought our house, and since then they’ve been my favorite colors. You know what my favorite kinds of music are. You went through my phone that night on the beach, remember? I’d have to say my favorite song is “Dangerously in Love with You” by Beyoncé. It has such a beautiful melody and the words take my breath away. My favorite movies would be ones about action heroes: Spiderman, Ironman, and Transformers. I went through a comic book stage from the time I was ten ‘til I was thirteen. My favorite childhood memory was probably when we moved to Indy.

  That was when we actually got new furniture for our house. I remember my mom telling Alex and me to go play outside, and we asked if she wanted us to do our chores first. She said “No, go play.” And we did. You really touched my heart when you told me your favorite place to be was with me. I find myself anxiously counting the minutes until I can see you again. You wanted to know what I was like in Indiana; well for the most part I was happy. I played the piano and guitar. I haven’t played in a long time, but then music was my life. The day my mom told me and Alex that she had cancer, we argued that the doctors were wrong. She assured us that they had been testing for weeks. Her annual visit with the doctor had revealed an abnormal test result. Then she’d had a biopsy. They had tried to remove it, but it seemed to be too late. Watching her go through chemo was really tough. I stopped playing; I just didn’t have the heart for it. Instead I escaped into my play lists and tried to understand why this had to happen to us. She was so strong though. She really fought even until the end. I grew up really fast in the last six months. It’s not like I didn’t have to grow up before, but I think every time I relaxed, boom, catastrophe.

  I have two best friends still in Indiana, Gracie and Melissa. I showed you pictures of them. Do you remember? Gracie is crazy and says inappropria
te things all the time. Melissa is reserved and smart. I think I’m a combination of the two of them. We usually hung out in our bedrooms and listened to music and read magazines.

  I must sound really depressed. I’m not; I’m just trying to deal with the loss of the only person who cared enough about Alex and me to make a difference. I worry about him too. He seems to be adjusting well, but it’s only the surface. I just hope that he doesn’t lose it and I can’t get to him to help him. He refuses to talk about her, even about his memories of good times. Anything at all.

  I understand if after this letter you think that I’ve got too much baggage for you to deal with. I sometimes don’t want to deal with it, but I have to.

  But if you can hang in there with me, I might be worth a shot.

  -Gia

  The next morning I performed my usual routine, sneaking into the bathroom so as not to bother Oliver. Picking out three outfits and final y deciding on one. I’d never put this much thought into what I would wear. Today I wore a black short A-line skirt and a lavender scooped neck cotton shirt. I put on my strappy sandals. I did my make-up and put a couple of skinny headbands in my hair and was down the stairs. Alex was tying his shoes and gave me a low whistle as he surveyed me.

  “You’re real y going al out for this guy, huh?” He grabbed his bag as we went out the kitchen.

  “I always try to look my best you know that,” I said, as I grabbed two Pop Tarts out of the box and fol owed him.