Imperfect: (McIntyre Security Bodyguard Series - Book 5)

by April Wilson

  Chapter 35

  Molly

  I don’t know what possessed me to say that, but knowing him as I do, I shouldn’t have been surprised when he drops his jeans, leaving himself standing there in nothing but a pair of black boxer briefs.

  Oh, my God. Magnificent doesn’t even begin to do him justice. He’s so far out of my league, but he doesn’t even realize it.

  “Want to join me?” he says, moving closer.

  I can smell his maleness, which is accentuated from his vigorous workout downstairs. He’s hot still, and he’s sweaty, and he’s sexy as hell.

  “Jamie, how did you do what you just did downstairs? I don’t understand how it’s possible.”

  His lips quirk up into a half-smile. “I told you my senses have sharpened to compensate for lack of sight. Hearing, touch, even smell – every sense is heightened. Even something as miniscule as a shift in air pressure, wind speed and direction… I can feel it. Plus, I know how Jake fights. He’s a brute. All brute strength and no finesse. Normally that works well for him, but I can anticipate his moves and I can tell where his strikes are coming from as they come.”

  Jamie pulls me into his arms. “Come shower with me.”

  His words are part invitation, part question, and part plea. I gaze into his face, scanning his profile. He’s still a little flushed from the physical activity. If he went hand-to-hand with Todd, Todd wouldn’t stand a chance – I realize that now.

  I have to say it gives me a little bit of comfort to know that Jamie can handle a physical attack. “I know why you did it,” I tell him.

  His lips flatten. “I wanted to demonstrate that you don’t have to worry about Todd hurting me. I can handle myself. Now, enough about Todd. Come shower with me.”

  “I can’t.”

  “Why not?”

  “You know why.” I don’t want to be naked in a shower with him. I don’t want him coming into contact with my chest.

  “Molly.” His voice is a mixture of censure and impatience. “You know I don’t care.”

  “Well, I do. I’m just not comfortable – ”

  Jamie turns me in his arms, standing behind me, and wraps his arms around me and pulls me close. I can feel his erection pressing against the fabric of his boxers. His hands come to rest just beneath my breast forms. “I dispelled your fears of Todd hurting me. Now I have to dispel your fear of me touching your chest.”

  I try half-heartedly to break away. “Jamie, let me go.”

  His lips press against the back of my hair. “It’s just a shower. I won’t touch your chest without your permission. I promise.” He dips his head and kisses the side of my neck, making me shiver. “Come on. I need help washing my back.”

  “Ha. If you can do the things I saw you do tonight, you can wash your own back.”

  “Well, technically I can, yes. But it would be a lot more enjoyable if you did it for me. If you wash mine, I’ll wash yours.”

  “Are we still talking about backs?”

  “Sure. If that’s what you want.”

  “You’re incorrigible.” The idea of taking a shower with him is very tantalizing. And if he keeps his promise and washes my back, and not my front, I think I can handle that. “If you promise… just my back.”

  Jamie holds up three fingers and gives her a Boy Scout salute. “Scout’s honor.”

  “Were you really a Boy Scout?”

  “Of course I was.” He kisses the back of my head, “Now, you’re overdressed. Let me help you.”

  Chapter 36

  Molly

  I know I’m playing with fire when Jamie lifts my shirt up over my head and tosses it onto his bed. I shiver, chilled by the sudden exposure. Thankfully, he bypasses my bra and reaches in front of me to unsnap my jeans.

  “I can’t believe I’m agreeing to this,” I mutter.

  He leans against my back, his big body warming me, and lowers my zipper. What are we doing here? I wonder, as he tugs my jeans past my hips. This slope keeps getting slipperier and slipperier.

  “Come on, it’ll feel good. I promise.”

  I step away from him and pull off my socks and shoes, then kick off my jeans.

  Jamie holds my hand and pulls me along with him into the bathroom. The room is dark when we step inside. Jamie flips on the light, then he grabs washcloths and towels from the linen closet and sets them out for us.

  When I think about how I left him on the dance floor, walking out of the room as my emotions were swamping me, I feel ashamed. I’m such a coward.

  His warm hands settle on my bare shoulders. “Ready?”

  I decide to leave my hair up, because I don’t want to deal with having to dry my hair right now. I remove my panties and bra, fold them, and put them on the counter where they’ll stay dry. My breast forms are not waterproof. “Yes.”

  We step into the warm spray and wet our bodies. Then Jamie sticks his head beneath the water and grabs a bottle of shampoo and quickly washes his hair.

  When he’s done, he squirts some body wash into his hand and creates a lather. “Turn around. I’ll wash your back.”

  I do what he says, and he starts massaging my shoulders and neck with soapy hands. Then he moves down my arms and back to my hips.

  “I think you should give us a chance,” he says. “I know what your concerns are, and I think I’m done a good job demonstrating that they’re unfounded. I think I deserve a chance.”

  I laugh. “You’ve laid out a very logical argument.”

  “Thank you. Does that mean yes?”

  He’s gone to so much effort. How can I say no? Especially when we want the same exact thing. I sigh.

  “Yes?” he says, interpreting my sigh. “Baby steps?”

  “All right. Baby steps.”

  “Excellent.” When I feel his lips on my neck, I shiver.

  He squirts more soap into his hands, creates a lather, then reaches around to wash my belly. His hands slowly migrate up toward my chest area, stopping just shy of my ribcage. He’s just inches from my scars.

  I tense. “What happened to baby steps?”

  “Sweetheart, you need to get used to me touching your body. All of it, including your chest. There’s nothing to be afraid of.”

  Very slowly, his fingers move up my body, rubbing slow soapy circles on my skin.

  “That’s easy for you to say.”

  “I take my glasses off for you because I trust you. I don’t do that for anyone else.”

  Now he’s not fighting fairly.

  “Molly.” His lips graze my ear, and his voice is low and warm. I just want to close my eyes and sink into him. “Please don’t be afraid. You can trust me not to hurt you.”

  He’s right. I can trust him. He’s one of the most trust-worthy people I’ve ever met. “Okay, fine!” I stand stiffly in his arms as his hands slide further up my torso to my scars.

  He runs his hands gently across my chest, tracing my scars, traveling the dips and rises of my body. I close my eyes and surrender to the inevitable. The only place I want to be is in his arms, and the only way to get there is to let him make it right for us.

  “Do you trust me?” he says.

  “Yes.” I trust him with my life. So why shouldn’t I trust him with my self-esteem?

  As I relax back against him, he draws me close. “Just relax. Close your eyes and relax.”

  As a blind man, he learns through touch. He’s very tactile, so it comes as no surprise that he wants to explore my scars. He skims the tips of his fingers along the path of each scar, measuring the distances. My heart is thundering painfully, and I really want this to be over. I keep reliving Todd’s censure of my decisions and choices. I keep feeling Todd’s dissatisfaction over and over.

  But as Jamie’s fingers gently explore my chest, it strikes me that Todd never once touched my chest. We did have sex a few times after my surgery, but he always requested that I keep my nightgown on the entire time. He didn’t want to be reminded of my imperfections, as he called them
. In the beginning, I didn’t see them as imperfections as much as evidence that I’d overcome a challenge life threw my way.

  Once I’m able to relax a bit, I melt against Jamie and allow myself to feel the pleasure of his touch. When his fingers drift south, I realize his inspection is over. It’s done. He discovered what he wanted to know, and now it’s over. I feel a sudden weight lifting off my shoulders, as if the one big thing I’ve been afraid of is suddenly not so scary anymore.

  Instead, his fingers are grazing the skin of my abdomen, past my belly, to my belly button. My belly clenches tightly at the sudden change in direction of his thoughts and fingers, and my body switches gears quickly from panic mode to arousal mode.

  I am fully aware of the heat of his erection pressing against my lower back. My thoughts focus on that firm pressure, and imagine what it would feel like to have all that strength and heat inside me. I’ll bet he makes love with the same hyper-awareness that he has for everything he does.

  Am I ready for this? I’m not a casual sex kind of person. If I share my body with someone, it’s because he’s already captured my heart and soul.

  Jamie’s fingers slip between my legs and touch my wetness. I gasp, arching my back in response. It’s been so long, it’s a shock to feel someone touching me there.

  “It’s okay,” he murmurs, as his lips skim along the sensitive skin of my neck and shoulder. He plies me with gentle, sucking kisses that heat up my skin and set my body on fire. I have only a second to wonder if his kisses will leave marks on my skin when his finger dips inside me.

  It’s been a long time for me, and it’s a tight fit, even for his finger. Jamie gently works his finger inside, and I begin squirming and mewling.

  “God, you’re so tight,” he says, dropping a heated kiss on my shoulder. “Tell me if I hurt you.”

  When his thumb presses on my clit, I see fireworks behind my eyelids. This is really going to happen! “Jamie, if you didn’t bring condoms, I’m going to kill you.”

  He laughs. “Not a problem. Everything’s taken care of.” He trails kisses up and down my sensitive neck as his thumb strokes my clitoris. His finger is deep inside me now, stroking a tender spot. I’m practically panting now as the pleasure swells deep inside me.

  I don’t realize how tense I am until he whispers in my ear, “Relax into me. I’ve got you.”

  I melt into him, allowing him to support me as my knees go weak. His finger keeps stroking, and his thumb keeps pressing delicious little circles into my clit, stealing my breath and my sanity.

  My body stiffens when pleasure detonates deep inside me. He wraps his arms around me, holding me beneath the warm water, until the pulses subside.

  “What do you say we dry off and move to my bed?”

  “I think that’s a good idea, before I fall down.”

  “Don’t worry, I won’t let you fall.”

  Jamie shuts off the showerhead, then grabs the towels and hands me one. We both dry off and wrap ourselves in the big towels, then step outside the shower stall.

  “Come to my bed?” he says, putting his arms around me.

  “Okay.”

  He smiles, then leads me by the hand out of the bathroom and to his big bed. As I climb beneath the bedding, he opens the top drawer of the bedside table and pulls out a brand-new box of XL condoms. He opens the box and pulls out a strip, then lays it on the nightstand.

  I think about making some sarcastic statement about the fact that he brought an entire box, but the thought of that XL gives me a moment’s pause.

  I catch a quick glimpse of his size just before he crawls into bed with me.

  My entire body is trembling. “Um, Jamie. It’s been a while for me.”

  He stills. “Me too.”

  His words sink in and I realize he’s just as nervous about this as I am. “Have you been with anyone since your accident?”

  “No. I’ve never trusted anyone enough.”

  Chapter 37

  Molly

  His confession guts me, and I realize this is just as big a milestone for him as it is for me. And while I’ve been self-absorbed with my own issues, I haven’t considered his. We’re both wading into new territory. We’re both going out on a limb and trusting someone else not to hurt us.

  I reach out and put my hands on his face, brushing my thumbs along his cheeks just above his beard. He lowers his eyelids and relaxes into my touch.

  “Jamie?”

  “Yes?”

  “Come here.”

  I guide his face toward mine with a gentle pull, and he follows. What starts out as a simple kiss quickly turns into something a little bit out of control. It’s like someone flipped a switch. Now that we’ve given each other the green light, there’s nothing standing in the way.

  Jamie looms closer, sliding his fingers into the hair at the base of my skull, tugging firmly, not enough to hurt, but definitely enough to get my attention. He pulls off my hair tie, and my hair falls to my shoulders. I draw in a nervous breath, and he takes advantage of my open mouth to slip his tongue inside.

  He lifts his mouth just enough to speak, his voice low and rough. “I won’t ask for anything more than you’re comfortable with. We don’t have to have sex if you’re not ready. We can just sleep together. But either way, I want you to stay the night with me. Please.”

  How can I say no? He’s saying all the right things, the things I need for him to say. He’s not pushing me. He’s not asking for more than I’m ready for. And I know I can trust him to keep his word.

  “All right,” I say, my voice barely more than a whisper. My heart’s beating triple time, thundering against my ribs. I feel like I’m stepping blindly off a great precipice. I can only hope that he’ll be there to catch me.

  I lie back, and Jamie hovers over me, kissing and licking his way into my mouth. His hands are holding my face, angling our mouths for the perfect fit. My arms slip around his torso and I stroke his back, feeling the taut lines of his muscles.

  We kiss until we’re breathless. He finally lifts his mouth to trail kisses down my neck to the sensitive pulse point at the base of my throat. I shiver, and he chuckles quietly. But when he keeps moving lower, I tense.

  He pauses and pulls back. “What’s wrong?”

  I just wish he’d bypass my chest altogether.

  When I don’t answer, he lies down beside me on his side, his head propped on his hand. “Hey, talk to me.”

  “I just – I’d prefer it if you didn’t touch my chest.”

  “Why?”

  “Because.”

  “Molly, your chest is part of your body, and right now, I want to explore every inch of it.” He lays his free hand in the center of my chest, his fingers splayed. “I want to be able to touch you, all of you. I don’t want areas that are off limits.”

  And then, to prove his point, he traces the path of one scar with the tip of his index finger. Then he skims past my sternum and traces the scar on the other side.

  Gently, he explores the dips and valleys on my chest, and I shudder from the onslaught of unfamiliar sensations. No one has touched my chest except for me, and the sensations are overwhelming.

  “Jamie – ”

  “Can you feel me touching you?”

  I shiver. “Yes.”

  “Does it hurt?”

  “No. It just feels… weird. Some parts are still numb. Others are overly sensitized.”

  I close my eyes when I feel the sting of tears forming and my throat tightening up. His touch is so gentle, so reverent as he explores every inch of my chest. Todd was repulsed by the way I look.

  I cry out when he gently kisses the center of one of the depressions. “I’m sorry I wasn’t there for you,” he says. “I wish I’d been there to help you through it.”

  My throat closes painfully, and I squeeze my burning eyes shut. I don’t even realize I’m crying until he croons, “Shh… don’t cry.” He brushes the tears from my cheek. “Everything’s okay. You’re okay.”
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br />   “I’m sorry.” My voice cracks. “I didn’t mean to spoil tonight.”

  “You didn’t spoil anything.”

  “It’s just…” I stop and take a deep, shaky breath. “I was so sure no one would ever want me again.”

  He grips my chin and turns my face toward his. “I guess you were wrong.” And then he kisses me, his lips steadying mine, our kiss flavored by the salt of my tears.

  Jamie shifts lower on the bed, kissing his way down my abdomen, past my quivering belly. He buries his nose in the cloud of curls between my legs, and his hot breath there is shocking.

  I reach down and nudge him back. “Jamie – ”

  He lifts his face. “What?”

  “What are you doing?”

  The expression on his face nearly reduces me to tears of laughter. “Really? You have to ask?”

  I laugh. “I know what you’re doing, silly. Just not why.”

  He slides between my legs and uses his broad shoulders to nudge my thighs apart.

  “Jamie….”

  “Relax.”

  “That’s easy for you to say. I can’t just rela – ”

  When his hot tongue flicks my clitoris, I screech and buck my hips off the mattress. I’m already sensitive and primed from the orgasm he gave me in the shower. He uses his hands to pull me back down, and then he traps my thighs open with his arms.

  He lifts his head to me, and I know he’s not actually looking at me, but still I feel the weight of his expression. “Lie still.”

  “You just love pushing my boundaries, don’t you?”

  He laughs. “Maybe just a little bit. But you push mine, too.” He raises his eyebrows, and I get the point.

  His glasses. Yeah, I guess I do push his boundaries too. So, I lie back down and close my eyes, resigning myself to this physical torture.

  When his tongue returns to my clit, I gasp, sucking in a deep breath. The sensation is too much! I’m not used to this. Todd never went down on me, and only one boy I dated briefly in college did. It makes me nervous. And the pleasure is so intense, it’s hard to relax.