Chase

by Sidney Bristol

  “You don’t know that.”

  “Yes, I do.”

  “Yeah, how?”

  “Because look at me. Well, not me now, but me. I’m an agent. I was born into this. My choices were,” she held up a finger, “become someone’s trophy wife with the understanding they would protect me from my father’s enemies,” she held up a second finger, “or become an agent. That’s it. If I didn’t want to live in a glass bowl my whole life as someone’s possession or direct line to my dad, the only option for me was to be an agent. I learned that about the time I figured out what boys were good for. My mother sat me down and told me there were standards, and I figured out right then that I didn’t want to be her. I wanted to do something. Help people.”

  Nikki pushed a hand through her hair. Growing up in DC around politics and law enforcement had given her a different perspective, but also a good grasp of her worth. To the man she might marry, it wasn’t about love. It was power. And connection. To the people she worked with, she was the boss’s daughter. Neither situation was perfect, but she’d made her choice.

  “So, what?” Roni prompted.

  “Even if he’d wanted me to leave with him—which he didn’t—I couldn’t. I can’t leave like he did. I have to stay where I’m at. And he doesn’t want back in. To be honest? This gig isn’t for him. He was good at it. Really good. But it was killing him. I don’t want him like that. We’ll never work.” It wasn’t true, but it was more honest than laying out her pipe dream of how to make it happen. Either way, someone would give up a chunk of themselves, and Nikki wouldn’t ask that of Gabe, not now, not ever. He’d left. He’d gotten out and moved on. She wouldn’t haul him back.

  “Man, I wish I didn’t get it—but I do.” Roni propped her elbow on the open window.

  “Roni, join us?” Aiden had one arm around Madison, outfitted in a skirt and pink tank top, modest in comparison to her teammates.

  Nikki’s gaze skipped to Gabriel—who stared straight at her. The smile was gone, he wasn’t laughing or talking. Did he hate her for coming back into his life? She was starting to hate herself for walking back into it.

  “In a minute,” Roni yelled back and punched the button to raise the window. “I wish I didn’t get it, but I do. This job sucks sometimes, ya know? The only people you can be honest with are the people who know you’re living a lie. If you make friends outside of that circle or, God forbid, date, you’re never honest with them. Makes it tough to . . .”

  “What’s going on with you?” Nikki wasn’t blind. Something was going on with Roni, but she hadn’t thought the other woman would talk to her about it. Oh what a difference twenty-four hours and a little blood splatter made.

  “Nothing really, it’s just weird not having Tori around. Don’t get me wrong, I’m happy for her, it just sucks to be me right now.” Roni shrugged.

  “I’m not an expert on siblings, never had one, but I think it’s okay to miss her.”

  “I do and I don’t. We’ve been each other’s shadows our whole life. In a way it’s freeing to be apart, but it isn’t. And I get where you’re at. I really do.” Roni relaxed against the seat and leaned her head back.

  “What’s his name?” Was that where Roni went last night in a sequin dress that fit like a second skin?

  “Doesn’t matter.”

  “Sure it does. You spend time with him.”

  “It’s a mistake, is what it is.” Roni grabbed her blinking phone and stared at the screen. Her expression was hard, unreadable. “Speak of my devil.”

  “A bit of bad advice?” Nikki watched Gabriel from out of the corner of her eye. She didn’t dare look at him again.

  “Yeah?” Roni tapped the screen with both thumbs.

  “Enjoy him while you can. Even if it can’t go anywhere.”

  “You aren’t making this any easier.” Roni groaned.

  “Why?”

  “He wants to meet up for a bit.”

  “Honestly? I really don’t want to be here.”

  “Are you sure?” Roni’s tone perked up a bit. Whoever it was she wanted to see, he had his hooks in her. Nikki could point them out, or she could let the woman enjoy herself for a little bit.

  “Positive. I could do with some breathing room.” Nikki leaned back and let her head rest against the seat. There was only one way to be with Gabriel, and she had a one-in-a-million chance of making that happen.

  Chapter Ten

  Gabriel stared at the cherry red door to Roni’s rental. The lights were on and the girls were home. He should still be at the fund-raiser. He’d signed up to help bus the side lot so the girls wouldn’t have to skate over the busted-ass concrete, but that was before he knew what would happen this week. He’d lost any ability to focus when Nikki left without saying good-bye. They hadn’t spoken since those few, halted words after the ill-advised kiss.

  The kiss he couldn’t stop thinking about.

  Ever since that moment behind the car wash, when he’d looked at her and realized she wasn’t hurt, he’d lost control. His need for her had overwhelmed the good sense to keep his hands to himself. He didn’t regret kissing her. He’d do it again if she’d let him, but he doubted she would. Once Nikki made up her mind, there was no going back. To her, they were over a long time ago. After their last two discussions, he could understand why it was so easy to walk out on him. All this time, he had no idea how much more difficult he’d made things for her. How he’d pushed her away with best intentions.

  Which brought him back to why he was sitting in his car on a dark city street staring at the only thing keeping him away from Nikki. He shouldn’t be there, yet he couldn’t get away from her. For twenty-four hours his mind hadn’t stopped circling her. This moment was inevitable for him. It was the truth. And it wasn’t pretty.

  He still wanted her. He wanted her so badly that nothing else mattered. Today he’d made a go at working with her, but the truth was that their history was going to fuck everything up. While the rest of the crew was focused on their objective, he only had eyes for her. In a pinch, he’d put her above nabbing Wilson.

  The crew would meet up at their secondary, covert location later. He’d see Nikki there, but he couldn’t make himself turn the car around and leave. That was the reasonable thing to do. It was what Nikki would do. Hell, if their roles were switched, Nikki wouldn’t be here by choice, which made his situation suck that much worse.

  He was still in love with a woman who didn’t give two fucks about him.

  This was the moment where he should leave.

  Instead he got out, the fragrant scent of Florida flowers assaulting his nose. The palm trees rustled in a strong breeze overhead. He put one foot in front of the other and made the slow trek up the walk to the door. He might as well be dragging tires behind him for all the speed he put on.

  This was going to suck, but the good thing about leaving the FBI behind was his ability to say no. To set his own boundaries, and he was sure as hell going to do that tonight. Tomorrow he might take it all back, but he owed it to himself to at least say it. To get it out there.

  He pounded out the stupid rhythm Roni insisted on using and braced his hands on either side of the door.

  “Who is it?” Roni asked, her voice muffled.

  “Open the door, Roni.” He wasn’t in the mood for her shit.

  The locks scraped as she freed the door and pulled it open. Roni studied him, skipping the typical banter. Something was up with her lately, but she wasn’t talking to him about it, and he couldn’t dredge up enough energy to ask.

  “I’m headed out. Make sure to lock up when you leave.” Roni grabbed a small purse and stepped over the threshold. She jabbed her finger at his chest and leaned in close, pitching her voice low. “Don’t do anything stupid.”

  Stupid covered a lot of territory.

  He didn’t agree, or even nod, to her terms. What he was about to do was probably stupid, but oh well.

  Gabriel stepped into the condo and shut the door, fl
ipping the locks to at least slow Roni down if she decided to come back. He stood on the welcome mat, absorbing the feel of the place. It was different now that Nikki was here. Even her presence changed things. Look at Roni. She usually bristled whenever an FBI agent came near them, and now she was defending one. To him, of all people.

  “Who was at the door?” Nikki walked out of the hall, towel-drying her still-damp hair. She stopped abruptly when she saw him, swaying on her feet, her eyes widening.

  Yeah, he was just as surprised he was there as she was. What he wouldn’t give to be able to move on like a normal person. Instead he was stuck on this crazy-ass merry-go-round of obsession. It’d been four years. Shouldn’t he have been able to let her go by now?

  “Roni went out.” He thumbed over his shoulder.

  “Oh.” Nikki dropped her hands and the corner of the towel touched the floor.

  The seconds stretched on. He knew he should say something, but he was committing this moment to memory.

  Was . . . was she wearing his old training days T-shirt? The one he’d kept at her place so he had something to change into in an emergency? Or was this a new shirt that just looked like his? It was a standard-issue FBI item. Deep down, he hoped it was his, that she sometimes thought about him when she wore it.

  Was she wearing a bra? It was hard to tell with the dark navy fabric.

  One of them needed to say something.

  “Roni pissed about the shirt?” he asked.

  “No.”

  “Oh. That’s good.”

  She gathered the towel into her hands and clutched it to her chest. The fabric draped more intimately over her curves.

  No bra.

  Shit. The memories of the time he’d spent between those breasts. Good times.

  “Did you take something for . . . ?” He gestured to his face. Her jaw was a little swollen, but the bruising wasn’t any worse.

  “Yeah. I did at the garage.”

  “Good. Good.”

  He shoved his hands into his back pockets and dropped his gaze to the carpet. They had literally nothing to say to each other, yet these were the best moments he’d had in months. Years, maybe.

  “Gabriel—”

  “Look—”

  They both paused.

  He gestured for her to go first.

  “About earlier . . .” She hesitated. Uncertainty wasn’t like her.

  “Which part?” The part where he’d left her? Or the part where he’d kissed her?

  She pushed her shoulders back, dropping into agent mode. “Did you come here for a reason?”

  “I wanted to check on you.” He shrugged. If she was clinging to that act, then they really were over. The kiss, none of it, had touched her.

  “Okay.”

  What should he say? Was there a way to salvage this? To slap a Band-Aid on it and move on? Which was better? Professional courtesy? Or owning up to the one-sided attraction?

  “I shouldn’t have kissed you earlier. It’s fucked everything up again, hasn’t it?” he asked.

  Nikki glanced away and his gut tied in knots. It was over. It was really over.

  He didn’t take pleasure in this response from her. He liked her angry, passionate, laughing. This uncomfortable shift, the avoidance, it grated. Once, they’d been better than this, but he’d ruined that.

  “Sit, please?” Nikki gestured to the sofa.

  He let her pick a spot first. She perched on the sofa, almost hugging the armrest. He settled halfway between her and the other side of the couch. Close enough, but not.

  He didn’t regret the kiss, even if he shouldn’t have done it.

  “We were in a tense situation. A lot happened.” She folded the towel and draped it over the end of the sofa.

  Gabriel knew what he should say, but it would be a lie. Wasn’t the point of leaving the FBI shaking off the lies?

  “I can’t do this.” He set his hands on his knees and stared at Nikki. Admitting that out loud was liberating. It didn’t make the sense of dread any better, but the weight clinging to his shoulders lifted.

  “Do what?” Nikki asked. Was it his imagination, or were her eyes a little bigger?

  “I can’t work with you,” he said.

  She flinched, blinking rapidly.

  “I still have some kind of feelings for you. And I can’t sit back and act like you being in danger is okay with me. I just can’t do this. I don’t want to get in the way or bail, but this isn’t working for me.” He knew exactly how he felt, but there was only so much he was going to share with her. No need to lay his heart out there just to get broken even more.

  Nikki continued to stare at him. Problems, tangible issues, she could deal with, but he’d just lobbed a touchy-feely thing at her, and it would take her a while to figure that out. For a girl, she was really bad at the emotional stuff.

  “I’ll stay out of the way. You won’t even know I’m here. I just . . . I can’t do this with you.” Of course, he’d be right around the corner, keeping an eye on her. She didn’t need to know that, though.

  “No,” Nikki blurted.

  “Babe—”

  “No, you can’t bail on me now.” She stood up. “Gabe, I can’t do this without you.”

  Those words elated him, but only until he considered the context. She didn’t need him like he needed her. He needed her, not just now, but for all time. She only needed him for this job.

  “The others are behind you. You don’t need me,” he said, though it killed him.

  “Yes, I do. I feel things. You might not believe me, and I know I’m not good about expressing myself, but I do feel. I needed you out there today, and I’ll need you tomorrow.” She closed her eyes. “I can’t do this op without you.”

  “The way I am right now, I’m going to get someone hurt. And what if it’s you?”

  “What are you trying to say?”

  “Don’t you get it? I still feel things for you.”

  “I need you, Gabe.” Her voice was so small, so lost. She sat down again, their knees almost touching, and reached for his hand, wrapping hers around his.

  She could have said anything else and he could walk out of there just fine, but not that.

  He stared at the top of her bent head, muddling through the last few moments. She felt things, but what was that supposed to mean? If she needed him, he’d be there for her, but at some point this had to stop. Unless . . . unless there was more. He didn’t dare hope for it.

  “I screwed up my last case and—”

  “And you’ll be fine. The crew here will get the job done.”

  “Will you stop talking over me?” she snapped, bringing her head up.

  His jaw clicked together, he shut it so fast.

  Nikki pulled her hands from his and shoved her hair back.

  “It’s not about my screwup. I’m trying to . . . You know what I realized when I screwed up? That a lot of what I’m good at, I learned working with you. When we were good, it was really good, and I miss it. I miss you, Gabe.” She wiped at her eyes, her voice breaking. He didn’t even dare to breathe. “Even the way you talk over me and try to protect me and when you pick a fight just because.”

  She glared at him.

  Missing him wasn’t the same as still being in love with him, but right now he’d take it. There was something there. It wasn’t just him. She felt it, too.

  Gabriel tugged on her hand, pulling her in closer. She leaned toward him, but her glare wasn’t as fierce. Maybe the whole ice queen thing was an act, a way of protecting herself, and he hadn’t seen through it. Why not? She’d had years to improve on it.

  He cupped the back of her head and tipped her chin up. She stared at him, her stormy gaze so intense he had to pause and soak up the moment. He could change. He could show her. She meant that much to him.

  Gabriel bent his head and licked her lips. She hissed, but this time there was no startled jolt. He set his lips against hers in an open-mouthed kiss. She shook off his hand and gripped the
front of his shirt so hard he heard a seam snap. Blood rushed to his head and groin.

  Nikki slanted her head to the side and nipped at his lip. It was so out of character for her, and he liked it. Arousal made everything except her hazy. He pushed her back onto the armrest, reveling in the way she clung to his shoulders, dug her nails into his skin, and arched her back. Whatever dam she’d hidden behind was broken, and the woman in his arms was another creature entirely.

  It was . . . better than he remembered.

  Once Nikki had opened up to him and they’d become intimate, watching her grow comfortable with her sexuality was his favorite pastime. This time, she didn’t appear to need the same coaxing. Which was good because he needed her now.

  Nikki shoved hard at his shoulders.

  No, no, no.

  He sat up, blinking back the haze of lust to really see her.

  Had he read her wrong?

  “Nik?”

  If she was about to take all of those words back . . .

  She sat up and dove at him. There was no other word for it. He caught her and rolled onto his back while she straddled his thighs. She didn’t even try to brace herself, just gripped his shoulders and pulled herself up his body. The shoulder seam of his T-shirt gave way, but neither of them paid it any mind. She could rip every thread of clothing off him for all he cared.

  He remained still, more out of fascination than fear she’d lock this creature back up inside her. He had a feeling once out, this was a facet of herself that couldn’t be hidden. At least not from him.

  Her hair hung over one shoulder. Her cheeks and shoulders were pink from too much sun, which gave the rest of her skin a glow. She was perfect. And right now, she was his.

  She dipped her head and kissed him again. He wrapped his arms around her, hungry for more. He’d spent the better part of four years seeing her around every corner, failing to replace her because no one measured up.

  He shoved his hands up under her shirt and splayed them on her bare skin. Moisture and lotion still clung to her shower-fresh body. She thrust her tongue into his mouth and he nearly lost his load. He pulled her closer, mashing their bodies together. Her hips shifted, rubbing his cock through his jeans.