Roadside Assistance

by Marie Harte

  “I don’t know. That’s what she says. My aunt committed suicide when I was a kid. Out of depression, I think. But my mother attributed her depression to her size, not to a chemical imbalance.”

  “I’m so sorry.” Eileen grabbed Cyn’s hand across the table and squeezed. “That’s got to be tough.”

  “Yeah, but it happened over twenty years ago. I know it bothered my mother. Heck, it’s not an easy thing to think about, let alone deal with. But my mom uses it as an excuse to belittle me.” Saying it out loud resurrected her bitterness.

  “She never makes fun of me around my family. Only when we’re alone together. She makes digs, and whenever I’m with her, I feel like a loser.” Cyn was startled to realize she was on the verge of tears. “It’s stupid, but just once I’d like to feel like my mom is proud of me, no matter what I look like. You love Foley. He’s got so much ink and looks so mean sometimes. He swears like a truck driver, and he’s been in trouble with the law. But you don’t tear him down. You love and accept him, and he loves you like crazy.”

  “I love who he is, not who I want him to be.” Eileen sighed. “Being a mother is difficult. You fear for your child. You want the best for him.” She paused. “I don’t mean to sound judgmental, but honestly, what your mother does to you doesn’t sound right. Have you told her she hurts you?”

  “I have. She doesn’t listen. She says she only wants me to be happy. Heck, I’ve told my dad and brother about her, but they don’t believe me. It’s like she has two faces. The perfect mom, and the passive-aggressive, nasty mom.” Cyn dropped her fork, her appetite gone. “Then I feel terrible, like I do now, for questioning that she loves me. She’s done a lot for me over the years. Sacrificed everything for her family.”

  “And never let you forget it, hmm?”

  Startled, she glanced into Eileen’s eyes. “Yes.”

  “You never asked her to give up what she’s given up for you. You love and accept her decision to stay at home and raise her family, don’t you?”

  “I do. I know being a stay-at-home mom is a job all by itself.”

  “Yes. So why should she get to poke at you, in private or otherwise? Because she’s your mother? Because you owe her something?”

  Cyn nodded. “That’s it exactly. I’ve always felt like I owed her something.”

  “Have you ever talked to anyone about your feelings?”

  “No. I thought about it. Trust me, I did. But when I moved away, I could put Mom on the back burner. She didn’t bother me as much. Now I’m back home, to stay, and anytime she can get me alone, I’m a fat, ugly teenager going nowhere unless a boy likes me. It’s crazy.”

  “It is.” Eileen looked her in the eye. “Let me tell you something. If I had a daughter as amazing as you are, I’d be smiling all the time. Real love is accepting someone’s good and bad habits. And, honey, there’s no law that says you have to like your family.” Eileen snorted. “Hell, I haven’t spoken to my brother since I married the ‘wrong man’ thirty years ago.” She smiled. “I loved Foley’s dad something fierce. He was a rough-and-tumble mechanic, a lot like my son. And I’ve never been loved so well. Until Jacob.” She let out a wobbly breath. “Oh damn. Now I’m going to cry.” She blinked to dry her eyes. “Let’s be real, Cyn.”

  “Let’s.” God, Cyn liked this woman.

  “Your mother has issues. So do you. You can either deal with them yourself, get counseling to deal with them, or be miserable for the rest of your life. And this has nothing to do with Foley. Your relationship with him is apart from how you feel about yourself. Get a grip, girl. If everyone else can see how great you are, don’t you think maybe the ones who can’t are the assholes?”

  “Oh wow. Can I quote you on that?”

  “Feel free.” Eileen nodded. “Now stop with the salads and let’s get some real food. How about dessert? Something with a lot of unnecessary calories and carbs?”

  Cyn felt her heart open again, loving this woman and her unquestioned acceptance. “Sounds perfect.”

  * * *

  Foley couldn’t take it anymore. He hadn’t seen Sam all week, not since their fight Monday evening. The asshole had been home when Foley wasn’t, because Foley had noticed things moved around in Sam’s room. The pet carrier had disappeared too.

  Sam didn’t answer his voice mails, his texts, or show up to work. He hadn’t talked to the guys or Eileen either, and Foley had grown beyond worried into thinking about contacting Louise Hamilton, which he’d sworn years ago never, ever to do again.

  He finished stowing his crap and prepared to leave work for the day, not looking forward to another lonely night without Cyn or his best friend.

  “Yo, Foley. Can you come in here?” Liam called from the office.

  “Ooh. Someone’s in trouble,” Johnny teased.

  Lou chuckled. “No shit. What did you do now, big man? Fight some other guy for his air ratchet?”

  Foley flipped him the bird.

  “Pathetic. That’s all you got?” Lou frowned. “How about a darts rematch?”

  “Since he can’t beat me, he’s going for third best,” Johnny explained.

  “You two are hilarious.” Foley thought about it. “Yeah, sure.” Been a while since he’d been to Ray’s.

  He entered the office. Liam was the only one present.

  “Sit down.”

  Foley couldn’t stop staring. “Who died?”

  “Shut up.” Liam flushed and tugged at his dress shirt and tie. The big guy was wearing a suit, minus the jacket slung over the back of the chair. “Sophie and me are going to the theater tonight.” He groaned and sat. “She threatened to burn my favorite T-shirt if I wore it with jeans.”

  Foley laughed, feeling better than he had all day. “She’s good for you. But I can’t see her burning anything. She’s so nice.”

  “Not all the time.” Liam tugged at his tie again, looking pitiful, and Foley chuckled some more. “Like I said before, shut up. Del talked to Sam yesterday.”

  Foley straightened in his chair. “Is he okay?”

  “He’s better. Boy is seriously fucked-up lately. Like his head’s on wrong.” Liam stared at Foley. “He needs you, son.”

  “I know.” Foley felt terrible. Looking back on it, he had spent more time with Cyn than he probably should have. He—

  “Just stop. I can see the guilt on your face, and it doesn’t belong there.” Liam shook his head. “This is Sam’s mess. The guy has to realize you’re both gonna grow up someday. What? You both going to marry women and live in the same house forever? Or maybe you never get married and bring all your dates home to your bachelor buddy. Whatever. Point is, are you always going to be the same, living the same lives, stuck in the same rut?”

  “I’m not in a rut.”

  “Please. You going out with Cyn has put a bounce in your step, boy.”

  “I hate when you call me boy,” Foley growled.

  “I know.” Liam chuckled. “But it’s true. Girl is good for you. She’ll put you through your paces. But if you stick, you’ll find she’s worth it.” Liam paused. “I like her. She’s perfect for you.”

  “How so?” Finally, someone who agreed with him.

  “She doesn’t take your shit. And you can’t charm her out of a bad mood, apparently.”

  “So you admit I’m charming.”

  “Nah. But the women around here—even Del—think you are.”

  Foley grinned. “So you’re saying I could take Del away from McCauley?” As if he’d conjured the man, Mike McCauley poked his head in the door after a perfunctory knock.

  “Come on, Liam. We’re going to be late.” McCauley wore dress pants and a dinner jacket, but unlike Liam, he seemed more comfortable in his clothes. “Hey, Foley. How’s it going?”

  Foley glanced from McCauley to Liam and grinned. “I’ll give you twenty bucks if y
ou take pictures tonight. Del’s all dressed up too, yeah?”

  Mike chuckled. “I like my head where it is, thank you. But if Liam happened to snap a group pic, I’m sure I could post it somewhere online. Anonymously, of course.”

  “Awesome.” Foley couldn’t wait to tell Sam—“So, ah, Liam. Can you tell me where Sam is?”

  “He’s at your place, I gather. I think he wants to talk to you.”

  “Great. See you Monday.” He left before he could rethink it. Time to talk to Sam and put things right. And to consider what Liam had said. At some point he and Sam would have to realize their futures might split them apart. Not forever, but finding love and starting a family would change them.

  Foley wanted, with everything in him, to start that family with Cyn. But even if she didn’t agree—and it would kill him if she didn’t—he and Sam had to acknowledge change was inevitable.

  He drove home carefully, wanting to go faster but dealing with an unexpected snowfall that made the roads treacherous. After parking, he entered the house to find Sam waiting for him.

  Foley looked him up and down. “You look like hell.”

  “Thanks. Back at ya.”

  Foley tucked his hands in his pockets, and Sam did the same. “So.”

  “So.” Sam blew out a breath.

  “I’m sorry,” they said at the same time.

  Sam gave a ghost of a smile. “You first.”

  “Asshole.” Foley’s relief at that smile made the world a brighter place. Granted, he and Sam would have to deal with change, but he couldn’t see his future without Sam somewhere in it. “I’m sorry I was leaving you out of things because I was with Cyn. It’s just—”

  “You love her. I know.” Sam made a face. “Still not sure how I feel about that, but I had no cause to belt you. Sorry I beat on you.”

  “Sorry I beat you back, jackass.” Foley frowned, annoyed to see Sam smirking at him.

  “I beat you up. Admit it.”

  “Look, you—”

  “Kidding. Sorry, man. This is weird.” Sam took a deep breath before letting it out. “I fucked up. I was all jealous of you and Cyn, and I took it out on you. It was my fault. I’m sorry.”

  Foley just blinked at him. “Come again?”

  Sam scowled and stared down at his feet. “I said I’m sorry. I acted like a horse’s ass.”

  “Yeah, you did.” Foley remembered what he’d said. “And Cyn heard you too. We’re on a break.”

  Sam glanced up in shock. “You are?”

  “Don’t look all hopeful.”

  Sam had the grace to blush. “I’m not. I’m really not.”

  “Looks like it to me.”

  “Damn it. I’m sorry, okay?” Sam threaded his fingers in his hair and walked away, then came back to face Foley. He had the saddest eyes Foley had ever seen.

  “Shit, Sam. What’s wrong, man?”

  Sam shocked him by grabbing him in a bear hug and holding on for dear life.

  Not sure what had happened, Foley hugged him back, giving his buddy all the reassurance he wanted.

  Sam finally pulled back and surreptitiously wiped his eyes. Foley pretended not to notice.

  “Fuck. I’m such a pussy.” Sam swore again.

  Foley normally would have teased him, but not today.

  “I got scared, okay? Eileen’s getting married to that dental dick, then you get Cyn, and she’s all your type and hot and—”

  “Everyone has this fixation on my type,” Foley growled. “What the hell?”

  “Can I finish?” Sam glared at him, and Foley shut up fast. “It’s just, I’m losing Eileen. Then I’m losing you too. And, man, you’re all I got. I’m so pathetic.”

  “You’re an asshole,” Foley said bluntly.

  “That’s what Del said.” Sam sighed.

  “Sam, I love you. Mom loves you. Just because she’s getting married doesn’t mean she’ll stop.”

  “But she’ll have Jacob.”

  “So? It’s not like we live with her or even see her all that much now. You think she’ll stop with the breakfast invites just because she’s marrying Jacob? He’s not a total douche, by the way.”

  “I know. I had dinner with them last night,” Sam mumbled.

  “I’m sorry I took Cyn to meet him with Mom and not you. I’ll be honest. I wanted Mom’s opinion of Cyn, and it was a good excuse to get them all together. Plus Cyn told me what she thought about Jacob. She’s not biased against him like you and me.”

  “Oh.”

  “Yeah. She liked the guy. And Mom seemed to like her.” Which made it odd Eileen hadn’t been on his ass to see how things were going with Cyn. Did she know they’d broken off for a bit? Or didn’t she care now that she had Jacob? “Fuck. Now you have me doing it. Mom loves us, Sam. No matter what. Hell, she waited thirty years to marry a guy because she wanted us to be all settled and shit before she did.”

  “Not us. You.”

  Sam looked so lost. It tore at Foley. “You are so clueless. Us. Mom is going to marry him. Great. She still loves us. I might or might not be going with Cyn. That doesn’t change the fact that you’re my best friend and always will be. You’re so fucking stupid. How could I get along with anyone but you? Don’t you remember?”

  Sam knew exactly to what he was referring. Their dark days in prison, protecting each other from the abuses so many younger, innocent men suffered in those places. Beatings, rapes, knifings. They’d protected each other from the worst of it, and they’d come out stronger because of it.

  “I know. I didn’t think you thought about it anymore though.” Sam looked surprised.

  “How could I forget us fending off Leroy and his gang? Or you getting knifed and me scared as shit you wouldn’t make it?”

  “It was a scratch.”

  “That bled a lot.” Foley glared. “Shit, Sam. We protected each other. Brothers, remember?”

  “Of course I do. But we were only in that hellhole because of me.”

  “Because you left her a note in her house. Okay, dumb thing to do, yeah. But we were eighteen and stupid. Her fuckhead father was the reason we went to prison.”

  Sam sighed. “Yeah.” He brightened. “You know what? I heard the guy was indicted last week on embezzlement charges. Made the papers.”

  Foley smiled. “Guess karma really is a bitch.”

  Sam laughed then sobered. “So are you and Cyn really over? Because of me?”

  “Nah. We’re on a break. Because of her.” Foley rubbed his eyes. “Woman is such a pain in my ass. And I love her. Ain’t that some shit?” Sam blinked, but before he could get weird again, Foley cut him off. “So, yeah. Cyn’s taking a break from me, and I love her.”

  “You told her, and she dumped you?”

  “I’m not stupid. I didn’t tell her.” Foley huffed. “She said we needed to take some time because she has a mountain of issues she needs to deal with. I’m just hoping she comes to her senses, or she’s missing out on some prime stud potential.” He gestured to himself.

  Sam grunted. “Yeah, all that ass. Imagine that.”

  Foley knocked him in the arm. “You done sulking yet? Coming back to work?”

  He blushed. “I wasn’t sulking. Del ordered me back. Said the shop was a wreck without me.” He puffed up a bit.

  Del was awesome. No doubt. “She was lying, obviously.”

  “Please. She told me Lou was starting to act like he was the number-one man around the place.”

  “That’s me.” Foley gave a mock frown.

  “Nah. You’re number two, behind me.”

  “You’re wrong, but we both know Johnny’s a solid four.”

  “True.” Sam smiled, and Foley knew things would be all right, come what may between him and Cyn.

  “So now that you’re no longer acting like a gir
l, all emotional and shit”—he ignored Sam’s middle finger—“how about darts at Ray’s? Lou challenged me.”

  “Oh, it’s on.” Sam smiled.

  They left in Foley’s SUV, which was better able to handle the snow than Sam’s car. “So, Sam, I have to ask you something.”

  “Yeah? What?”

  “What’s with the pet carrier?”

  “You know, we’re back to getting along. Let’s save that answer for tomorrow, okay?”

  Foley groaned. “Hell. I’m not going to like this, am I?”

  “Sure you will. We’re best friends and all, remember? But you know I’m sensitive. You have to be nice to me.”

  “Ass.”

  Sam laughed, and it was the best sound Foley had heard all week.

  * * *

  Cyn couldn’t believe the weather continued to be so bad. Last Friday a storm had hit, and it continued to snow like crazy a week later. She also couldn’t believe Foley hadn’t called her once during their “breakup.” She’d talked to Eileen a few more times though, and they’d met for coffee twice.

  Nina sat next to Cyn as they waited for Ella to finish cooking supper. Her mother had gathered the Nichols brood for a Friday fun night. What she didn’t know yet was that Cyn had another gathering in mind.

  With Alex and Vinnie spending time with Nina’s parents in Portland for the weekend, Cyn wouldn’t get a better opportunity to finally deal with her mother and family all at once.

  Cyn had taken Eileen’s advice. Since she’d been unable to handle her mother on her own for the past thirty-four years, she’d found a therapist to consult. The woman had happened to come into the coffee shop by chance while getting her car fixed. Apparently she had some connection to the McCauleys, who had a connection to the Websters. Spotting fate at hand, Cyn had decided to do something about her lacking self-worth.

  Two sessions later, she found herself ready to talk to her family about her issues, to get them out into the open. No more feeling shame about anything. She intended to, nicely, let her mother have it between the eyes. It hadn’t surprised her that everything Eileen had said, Dr. Rosenthal, her therapist, had seconded.