Mountain Angel (Northstar Angels, Book One)

by Suzie O'Connell

  “You planning on leaving before Christmas or not?” Aelissm asked.

  He winced at the bitterness in her voice. It should have made it easier to get into his truck and drive off, but it didn’t. It made him want to hug her until that resentment had been replaced with the fire he loved so much. He leaned down to kiss her again, just a simple peck on the lips to say good-bye.

  “I have to go,” he murmured.

  “I know. Call me when you get there, huh?”

  “I will.”

  At last, he turned away from her, walked to his truck and got in.

  “Hey, Pat!”

  He leaned out the window.

  “The wildflowers are blooming on the way to Devyn,” she said. “I know I said you should go back through the Bitterroot Valley, so it’s out of your way, but you should stop and see them. Now, go, if you’re going to!”

  Through sheer willpower, he turned the key in the ignition. The rumble of the engine made his chest ache. This was only the second time he regretted leaving a woman, but for an entirely different reason than the first. He should have ended things with Sara a lot differently. Maybe she never would have come out here to find him. He wondered at his own cruelty for not feeling the least bit guilty or remorseful that she was dead. He was sorry the people of Northstar had been exposed to her. Especially Aelissm.

  “Quit thinking like that and just go,” he muttered.

  He glanced in the rearview mirror as he drove away. Just as he started down the hill and he lost sight of Aeli, he saw her sit down on the steps and drop her head in to her hands. It nearly broke him. But he had to leave and going back to try and soothe her would only make things worse. He’d already done a fine job of breaking her heart. He didn’t need to pour salt in it. So, he kept going even though his heart screamed at him to turn around.

  He drove more slowly down the mountain than he had since he’d first come here, intent on memorizing every detail about this place. He had more than twenty rolls of film he’d need to have developed, but photos only told part of the story. He’d have to rely entirely on his memory to relive the scents and sounds and the feel of the soft, warm air on his skin as he drove with his forearm resting on the windowsill.

  When he reached Northstar Road, he hesitated at the stop sign. He’d already said his good-byes to June and Luke last night and he knew dropping by the Ramshorn was a bad idea, but he couldn’t stop himself from turning right instead of left. As he pulled up in front of the lodge, they both came out onto the porch.

  “I thought you’d’ve been long gone by now,” June called.

  “So did I. I wanted to stop by and say good-bye one more time. And to thank you for everything you’ve done.”

  “Don’t know that I’ve done all that much, but if it makes you feel better, you’re welcome.”

  They came down the stairs and he got out to hug them both.

  “Are you sure you have to leave?” Luke asked. “Aunt Aeli’s going to be really lonely without you.”

  “I’m sure. Listen, Luke, do me a favor, will you?”

  “Sure,” the boy replied.

  “When you finally stop growing, give me a call. Your aunt and I have a little bet and I want to be the first to hear that I’ve won.”

  One eyebrow lifted in a golden arch. “Okay…” he said slowly. “Not sure how I got to be the subject of your bet, but I’ll call.”

  “You two take care of each other. And take care of Aeli, too.”

  “We will,” June said, wrapping an arm around her son and pulling him close. “Drive safe, Pat. And come back soon.”

  She might have meant for a visit, but he doubted it. When he met her eyes, her meaning was perfectly clear.

  “I will,” he replied without thinking. “I’ll keep in touch.”

  “You’d better,” she replied.

  Twenty minutes and twenty miles later, he was still pondering her unspoken request. She’d been right about him and Aelissm so far. She was probably right again, but he had to know for himself. He had to know that he loved Aelissm enough to sacrifice everything he’d once wanted.

  Remembering the last thing Aelissm had said to him, and against his better judgment, he took another detour and headed toward Devyn. It only took him a few minutes out of the way. He pulled off the highway onto one of the ranch access roads to park and walked the rest of the way.

  The guardrail had been repaired and the new steel glinted even beneath a rare overcast sky. The gravel around the new posts had been raked, leaving only the tire tracks on the highway to show where Sara’s car had gone off. Someone had added a little white cross to the one that had been there for years and he wondered if she would have appreciated the sentiment. Taking a deep breath, he walked farther and peered over the low embankment to the creek below. The willows on the east bank of the creek bore broken branches and there were a series of deep scars sprinkled with shattered glass in the soft earth just beyond that would take a long time to heal. He knew what had happened from Aaron’s official report, but he could see it more clearly here. The front of her car had dug into the marshy ground beside the creek and the velocity had pushed the rest over the top. She’s landed roof-side down and skidded into to the hillside not far beyond, where her rear bumper had bitten into the stony dirt and uprooted several sagebrush. If she was going as fast as Aaron had claimed—and he could see no reason to doubt it—there’d been no chance of survival. The one thing he couldn’t quite imagine was how the rebar from last year’s construction had embedded in her chest. And he’d seen the pictures, so he knew it had happened.

  Adam had said it was karma. Maybe he was right.

  He walked a little farther and plucked a few stems of periwinkle flax, a couple spears of lupine and two wild sunflowers and placed all but one stem of flax beside the new cross. The voice that argued she didn’t deserve it was so faint he barely registered it. Aelissm would appreciate the significance to him. He needed to do it, whether or not Sara deserved it. It was another step toward gaining closure and Aelissm understood that. Otherwise, why would she have told him to stop and see the wildflowers?

  “My sweet, beloved Aelissm,” he murmured.

  He stood there for a while, gazing at the landscape around him. He’d felt it almost since he’d first arrived. This was home. He looked down at the flax he still held and twisted the stem into a loop. He thought about what he was going back to and what he was leaving behind. As a uniformed officer and as a detective, he spent most of his time pondering the dark side of humanity. He’d seen just about every cruel, vicious and devious thing a person could do and at the end of many a day, he’d gone home wearied by it all. His time in Northstar had shown him a totally different side. The people of that valley lived and loved together, helped each other and protected each other. As much as he loved his job, he’d lived through enough of his own nightmares. Seeing what he’d lived through repeated over and over was no way to spend his life. Not when he could spend the rest of it in peace and enjoyment.

  All at once it hit him.

  “What the hell am I doing? I already know I love her.”

  He ran back to his truck, hopped in and gunned the engine to life. His tires squealed as he spun around and headed back toward Northstar. He raced back up the valley and up the mountain. Feeling light-headed and giddy and entirely childish, he parked his truck down at her grandparents and, with the blue-purple flax ring in hand, snuck up the hill to surprise her. The sound of angry singing and the determined thunk of an ax led him toward the back of the cabin where he found her swinging away with her flannel tied around her waist. It was so classically Aelissm and so embodied what he loved about her that he couldn’t speak for a moment.

  * * *

  Aelissm told herself she wouldn’t cry. Pat hadn’t even vanished from view before she realized she was a liar. She dropped her head into her hands and sobbed. She choked on the tears and cursed herself for giving in. She’d known all along that he wouldn’t stay and she’d gone pl
owing on ahead anyhow. It was her own fault. She hoped she’d get over him someday, but she doubted it. Not when the mere thought of his name reminded her of all the wonderful memories they’d made. She’d never forget that night by the lake, or the many times they’d made love since and remembering would always make her yearn for him. The best she could hope for was being able to recall him without crying every time. She’d become so entangled with him, so deeply in love, that she couldn’t think of what else his leaving meant.

  She’d longed for this day, when the nightmare of the last year was finally over and she could breathe freely again. But it wasn’t supposed to be like this. She wasn’t supposed to be fighting back tears. She was supposed to be rejoicing that Adam wouldn’t bother her anymore and that she was free to be herself and do whatever she wanted with her life. It was supposed to be a happy ending. Instead, she was sitting on the front steps of her parents’ cabin, chewing on her bottom lip to keep from breaking down again and nursing the worst pain she’d ever experienced. The memories that were at the moment her only company emphasized how alone she was. The gray sky above her seemed so mournful and empty.

  It wasn’t as if she’d never hear from him again. He promised he’d call. And he was Bill’s detective, so if she had to, she could reach him through her uncle. Besides, he hadn’t said he was leaving forever. But neither had he said he’d come back. He needed to find out if what they’d shared was the real thing and if he could give up his dream of being a detective for her. Bitterly, she hated herself for putting him in that position. No one should have to give up that much for love. Love was supposed to be some great thing that knew no bounds and healed all wounds. From what she knew of it, love was much more like an invasion force.

  Swearing, she pushed to her feet and sought something—anything—to distract her. She yanked open the door of the shed her father had dug into the side of the mountain out front of the cabin and rummaged around for a while. It took her a disappointingly short time to straighten all the shovels and miscellaneous tools her family stored in there. Frustrated by the tears that still burned her eyes, she marched out back to her woodpile. Now, there was some honest work and it would take her hours to chop it all. And, when she was done with that, it would take her hours more to stack it. Then she could ask Grandpa to come up and help her cut some more. She’d probably cut her winter’s worth before she was able to think about Pat without crying. Next year’s, too.

  She snatched her ax from the shed beside the back door and went to work. She started to sing as she chopped, mostly Christmas carols, as was tradition. Each time the ax fell, she emphasized whatever word, not caring how angry she sounded. Better angry than sad and depressed. Besides, there was no one up here to hear her anymore. June and Luke were down at the Ramshorn, her grandparents were down at their house and Pat was gone. Thought of him made her tear up again so she swung harder and faster and tried to think about anything but him. It was a useless endeavor.

  Damn him for doing this to her and damn her for so stupidly plunging in head-first. June had warned her, but in the same breath encouraged her. Damn her, too. And definitely damn Uncle Bill. This was all his fault. He’d sent Pat here on vacation and asked her to help Pat relax. Oh, she’d helped him relax all right. And ended up with a broken heart for her trouble.

  Why was it that the greatest joys so often came hand in hand with the bleakest sorrows? She had found the most incredible love in Pat’s arms and, yes she was glad to have known it and knew she would never truly regret it. But now, she understood what it was to be alone. She’d always had someone; her family, her friends, her colleagues. Right now, there was no one within five miles and she desperately needed some company.

  Thinking she heard a vehicle, she paused for a moment. When nothing other than the soft sighing of the morning breeze through the trees reached her ears, she brushed it off as wishful thinking and went back to her chore.

  The worst part was, knowing what she did, she’d do it all over again.

  “Maybe I’m just stupid.”

  “I doubt it. The next time I’m stupid enough to believe I have to leave you to realize how much I love you, promise me you’ll knock some sense into me.”

  Aelissm nearly screamed. She dropped her ax and spun on her heel, certain she was dreaming. There he was, standing not twenty feet away. “Pat…?”

  “I couldn’t leave,” he replied. “I love you too much.”

  Abandoning all pride and self-preservation, she ran to him and jumped into his open arms. She knew she was an idiot and behaving like a love-dumb teenager. She didn’t care. He’d only been gone an hour, but it felt so good to be back in his arms.

  “I couldn’t even get forty miles away from you.”

  “I love you, Pat.”

  “Then marry me.”

  She jerked back and stared at him in shock. “But, what about your career?”

  “My career can’t make me as happy as you do. I’ve known that for longer than I realized, but I wasn’t willing to admit it. So I ask you again,” he said as he dropped to one knee and presented her with the flower ring. “Will you marry me?”

  “I’d be a fool not to,” she replied.

  “You can’t give a straight answer, can you?”

  “Nope. But would you have me any other way?”

  “Not on your life. I’ll take you just the way you are.”

  Tears welled in her eyes again, but this time, she didn’t curse them or refuse to acknowledge them. “In answer to your question, you bet your sexy ass I’ll marry you. I just hope you aren’t going to change your mind when you realize what you’re giving up.”

  He slipped the ring on her finger, then took her in his arms and kissed her long and deeply. “I’d be giving up a lot more if I left you. I’m never going to change my mind, Aelissm. I love you. I want to marry you. And I want to grow old with you. I know it’s not too far away, but I thought it’d be nice to have a wedding under the aspen when they turn yellow.”

  “Last week of September, then. That only gives us a little under four months. Guess we’d better get busy. Where do we start?”

  “Well, I did promise Bill he’d be the first to know if there were wedding bells in our future.”

  She grinned and wiped her tears away. “You realize, don’t you, that we’ll have to invite most of Northstar?”

  “I’d be disappointed if they didn’t show up, invited or not.”

  They both laughed. Aelissm knew what she’d suspected for a long time now. Pat had found more than love. He’d found home. So had she. She understood now that she could have gone to Washington with him, but she also knew that something would always be wrong for them. They both belonged here, in Northstar, where their traumas had been faced and passed by. They could build the life that suited them here, surrounded by mountains, sapphire skies, emerald forests and hayfields and air so pure every breath was happiness. This was right.

  “Looks like your dream is going to come true, after all,” Pat said, his voice soft. “You know, the one about you and June raising your kids together up here on the mountain.”

  “But yours has to be broken in order for mine to come true,” she replied.

  “That’s not entirely true. I am—or was—a detective. I got to live my dream for a little while. Now I have a new one. And it involves a gorgeous blond with dark green eyes, a cabin in the middle of the Montana backcountry, and a kid or three we can raise to love everything we do.”

  “Pat, quit making me cry,” she muttered as she had to wipe her eyes again.

  “But these are good tears, right? To wash away the past.”

  She nodded. It seemed so unreal and yet so natural to be standing in the driveway of her parents’ cabin with Pat woven around her, discussing their future together. Recalling a conversation they’d had weeks ago, she couldn’t help but smile. Then, both of them had expressed a belief that marriage and children seemed out of reach for them. Now, they had taken the first step on the path that
led them straight toward those fairytale, happily-ever-after joys. And she could picture them chasing their squealing children all over the mountainside with a stunning clarity. There would be no more shadows in Pat’s eyes, only the glowing light of contentment.

  “A kid or three, huh?”

  “Sure.”

  “How ‘bout we start with one and go from there?”

  “Whatever you want, sweetheart.”

  “C’mon inside, my love. We need to break the devastating news to my uncle.”

  “Mmm. Yes, I’m sure he’ll be absolutely crushed.”

  Aelissm snorted. Everything was happening quite quickly. She wasn’t about to slow down long enough to question it. She was afraid if she did, she’d wake up and find out his proposal and this whole wonderful experience was no more than the most incredible dream. Standing on her toes to kiss him, she grabbed his hand and dragged him inside.

  Without hesitating, she grabbed her phone and dialed her uncle’s office number.

  “Aeli?” he asked, concerned. “Is everything all right?”

  “Yes and no. I have some good news and I have some bad news and you don’t get a choice which one to hear first.” She winked at Pat. “I’m sorry to have to tell you this, Unk, but you can’t have your detective back. I’m keeping him.”

  “Can you put him on speaker?” Pat asked. “I want to hear this.”

  Nodding, Aelissm led the way into the living room where the base sat and turned on the speaker phone. There was silence on the other end and for a moment, she was worried she’d accidentally disconnected the call. But then she heard sounds in the background.

  “Does that mean what I think it does?” her uncle finally asked.